by Atul Todi
Khushi looked at him puzzled, but she was glad that he was still alive.
Smiling at her, he said that he tried calling Tia that day. She did not pick up his phone call. The call kept going to her voice-box:
“Hey you have reached Tia. Sorry, I missed you call. Please leave a message and I will get back to you.”
He left many messages, but did not hear back from her.
With no response from her, he had lost all hope. Giving up, just when he was finally letting go of the metal bar, he heard a strange voice: "If you are planning to jump off, I won't stop you. But would you like to have a cigarette before you do it. I have heard it helps in the afterlife."
Abhay could not believe his ears; that was the most bizarre thing he had heard. Who stops someone from committing suicide, just to offer him a cigarette? It was clearly not a voice in his head, so he turned around to see who it was.
There was an old man behind him, smoking and stroking his peppered beard. His skin was shriveled, but there was a bright aura around him. Resting against the train compartment wall, he looked straight at Abhay. His eyes did not question Abhay's intent, but the smirk on his face as he puffed his cigarette, made him look evil; he was mocking Abhay.
With his naked upper body covered with nothing but a saffron scarf and strings of brown beads around his neck, he looked like a phony saint. Barefoot and draped in a tattered white ‘dhoti', he could have also been a lunatic, who clearly was not doing too well economically. Still he looked content with life.
His fair skin and facial features made it apparent that he was not from India. He must have been roaming around for years because his dreadlocks were long and dried by overexposure to the heat and dust of the journey he had been on. There was white ash on his body and his feet were covered with dry soil. He must have not showered in years because he carried an obnoxious stench around him.
Abhay did not want anything to do with the old man and wanted to be left alone. There was nothing he could have told Abhay that would have made him change his mind. Still, the old man held out a cigarette and tried convincing him to delay his plans by a few moments.
Looking straight back at Abhay, the old freak shook his head, trying to persuade Abhay to listen to him. He said that it was just one cigarette; a few puffs of tobacco and a little nicotine in his blood would carry him straight to heaven.
Irritated, he said to the old man, "No thanks, I don't think I want to smoke right now. Leave me alone."
He turned back to look at the river, which they had already crossed by then. Having gone past the soft-welcoming water, the train was quickly moving past the rocky banks below and closing in on some hilly territory.
"That's going to hurt real bad, wait till the next river. Here take this, smoke it till then. The next river should not be too far." The old man said with a serious look on his face.
Imagining how much more the hard rocky surface would hurt made Abhay curse the old man behind him. Turning back towards him, he accepted his offer for a cigarette. Lighting it up, he stood next to the old man and quietly watched it burn. Blowing out the smoke, he watched it disappear into thin air.
Blowing a thick cloud of smoke, the old man said in broken Hindi, a language he seemed to have picked up over the years: "Our life is like this cigarette, we light it and let it burn. And, like this smoke we slowly slip away in the air. But the point is to enjoy the journey because eventually no one would remember anything and nothingness would take over everything. So instead of wasting your life by jumping off, let death come and take you away. Until then, your job is not done."
Annoyed by all the nonsensical things he was saying, Abhay asked him to stop and said, "My job is done, there is nothing more left. Please can you just leave me alone? I don't need your sermon, not right now."
"There is always more. There is always a reason for us to live. I too thought my life was pointless after my family died in an air crash. So I came here searching for Buddha, searching for a reason to live. I looked everywhere to find true enlightenment and inner peace. I wanted answers to my questions; I wanted to know why there was so much pain in this world. I looked for a reason to live."
There was silence as Abhay looked at the old man with annoyance.
"After years of wandering around, what I found was more profound and powerful than finding enlightenment."
Joking around, Abhay asked him, "So you found what you were looking for? Did you also see Buddha while you were at it?"
"Well, I did not see him, but I realised that Buddha is not someone sitting under a tree, having given up all worldly needs. He is a symbol, a symbol of letting go of your ego and accepting life. It's all about finding Buddha inside yourself, to appreciate what we have and stop chasing what we don't. And until you have done that you would not understand the true meaning of life. You can never truly be happy until then."
Not sure about what he was trying to tell him, Abhay excused himself and went back to looking outside the train.
The old man continued, "True meaning of finding Buddha is to let go of your ego and to realise that the universe has a greater purpose for you."
Abhay ignored him and his righteous talk. To distract his mind from the old man's pointless speech, he tried to focus on the churning sound the speeding wheels were making on the metallic rails. Screeching and screaming, the train continued to go past the thick jungles of Kerala.
Finally, after a few minutes, the train started to slow down as they approached a small deserted station.
Wondering what reason the old man had found for living after his family died and what ego was he referring to, Abhay turned around to talk to him. To his surprise the old man had vanished. Getting curious, Abhay went looking for him in the entire compartment. Asking people if they had seen an old saint, who was walking barefoot, he wanted to meet him once more.
No one had seen anyone like the person Abhay described. It felt strange, but Abhay wondered where could the old man have gone.
The train finally stopped at an old platform. There was not a soul on that station; it seemed strange why the train halted there. With the station buildings windows broken and dense weed growing all along its walls, the place looked abandoned. Engulfed in the red evening sunlight, the platform looked haunted. No one got down from the train, and no one got on the train at that station.
Giving up on his search for the old man, Abhay went back and sat down on his seat.
Looking outside the window, he tried to rethink what the old man was trying to tell him. Wondering why was he telling him to give up his ego, he struggled to make any sense of the old man's reflection on life.
When the train finally started moving, out of nowhere he saw the old man walking towards the station building. Taken aback, he could not believe himself. He ran to the gate to shout out to him, but the train was quickly gaining pace. As he waved in the air, the old man looked straight back at him with a smile, as if telling to hang in there.
It was a very spooky experience; Abhay wondered if anyone else saw that old man.
Going back on his seat, he quietly sat there. It was a scary feeling, as if he had seen a ghost. Not too superstitious, Abhay knew that it was a divine intervention. It was a sign telling him that there was a reason to live and go on until he found the true purpose to his life.
That moment, Abhay knew that he had to let go of his past and start fresh.
At that point of time, he had nothing to lose. He had no money in his pocket, no job that he had to finish and no friends waiting on him. The one he loved was gone; even his parents had given up on him. Having nothing did not feel all that bad to him for the first-time. He had no worries, he had no responsibilities, and he had no expectations. Suddenly, he felt free, like someone had uncaged him and given his soul wings.
He had a chance to start fresh and do something completely different, something completely outrageous; it was his chance to completely disconnect from the society he grew up in and rediscover himself. So in the s
pur of the moment, without thinking about it, he just picked up his belongings: a laptop and a small suitcase and got off at the next station.
A big yellow sign at the station had the name of the town written in big black bold letter: SANGLI. Abhay had never heard about it, but he knew that he was in the state of Maharashtra in India.
Vendors ran around the platform selling tea and coffee to weary travellers in the train. Small shops sold ‘idli' and ‘vada', popular snacks in South India, for a meager ten rupees. Holy men sat on the cemented floor, chanting hymns; beggars crawled around asking for alms. Stray dogs roamed around on the platform, looking for leftover food and black-faced ‘langurs' (Indian monkey) sat on metal bars, looking for an opportunity to grab food from unsuspecting travellers.
Standing at the platform, he did not know what he was going to do there. But, breathing the fresh air, he knew life had a plan for him. Surrounded by green rolling mountains and the calls of migratory birds, the place felt like it had been waiting for him for ages.
With hope in his heart, he wanted to shed the burden of his past and live for the moment. Not worried about what would happen the next day, he had nothing to lose. It was a start to a new journey.
Walking outside the station, he asked a rickshaw puller what was the town known for. The fragile rickshaw puller, wearing a torn uniform and ‘hawai chappals' (a rubber slipper), told him that everyone grew grapes in that town.
Abhay was informed that there was a big plantation on the outskirts of the town and they were hiring people. The scrawny rickshaw puller told him that at the grape plantation, they were making an intoxicating fruit juice.
Abhay knew that the rickshaw puller was talking about wine. Predominantly a whiskey and beer drinking country, wine was not popular in India back then. People had not taken onto the taste of wine, and most people in villages did not even know what it was. They just assumed it was a type of grape juice that got people drunk and often sold cheaply in local stores.
Wandering around the vineyard, looking at the grapes, Abhay completely looked out of place. He had no clue what he was doing there. Luckily he had taken a wine class back in college and had a sense about growing grapes. Talking to the farmers there, he soon realised that he knew more about grapes than anyone in the entire town.
The plantation manager, a man in his early forties saw Abhay and asked him if he was looking for a job. The manager told him that there was going to be a boom in the wine business, and he just could not find good people who understood the essence of good grapes and the art of making wine.
Smiling at him, Abhay told the manager that he knew a little about wine, but was willing to learn if the manager promised to let him drink for free. With a simple handshake and a smile, the manager agreed to teach him, and that was how Abhay's journey as a winemaker started.
The plantation manager hired him; he gave him a place to stay, food to eat and a small stipend to stay there and work. He had nothing to lose and nowhere to go; so he gladly took the offer.
Thinking about that life-changing moment and the old man's few lines of advice on the train, Abhay smiled and told Khushi that they should head back home before it got too late.
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As the evening descended upon them, they drove back towards Cumbum Valley. Cheering Abhay up, Khushi showed him some funny doodles she had been making from her secret sketchbook.
Creating little caricatures of Bugsy, she had drawn him jumping off a bridge with a heart in his hand. In one doodle, he was riding a horse and drinking wine straight from a bottle; in another doodle, he was writing a book while smoking a cigarette. She called it the metamorphosis: Abhay becoming Bugsy in three steps: broken heart, drinking wine and writing.
Khushi had a quirky style of sketching. It was innocent and straight to the point.
During the drive back, to keep Abhay entertained and to take his mind off the past, Khushi decided to tell him about her mother. Like a typical Indian parent, her mother was strict and always worried about what her daughter was doing: she had to know who Khushi was meeting, what she was eating and how she was feeling. But like a father, she was her best friend. She spoilt her, encouraged her to give wings to her dreams. She always told her that it was better to take risks than to never try at all.
Abhay asked Khushi about her father; she just told him that he left when she was little.
Khushi told Abhay that her mother had a bucket-list of things she wanted to do before she grew old. One of the things on the list was to travel the world. So, they both went on vacations to different destinations and had already travelled to twenty-one countries. Still they had many more places to cover and Khushi couldn't wait to bring her mother to India and show her all the wonderful things.
Abhay thought about how he too had a bucket-list when he was in college and travelling the world was part of it. That list got lost, and the idea faded away since he left America. Left with no one to go travel and experience the world with, Abhay had given up on that idea. The girl he had planned to explore the mountains, lakes and forests with, was somewhere out there living out someone else's Bucket List.
Abhay promised Khushi that when her mother came to India, he would personally take her all around. He would show her everything he wanted to show Tia; drive her all the way down from Kashmir in the north to Kanyakumari in the south of India. He was going to take her from the Rann of Kutch of Gujarat in the west to the Sunderbans of Bengal in the east.
Abhay asked Khushi to tell him more about her mother.
Besides being adventurous, Khushi told Abhay that her mother had a great sense of humour and was even prettier than her: She had big eyes, long silky hair, and a cute smile. Her mother loved reading Bugsy's books and was a romantic at heart. Like the characters from Bugsy’s books, her mother was mysterious and full of surprises.
Summing up everything, Khushi was convinced that Abhay and her mother were highly compatible, and they had to meet. Even though her mother was engaged to a man, she was very much single, as she did not love him and Khushi did not like him much.
Teasing Khushi, Abhay asked her if she was trying to set him up with her mom.
With nothing to hide, she said that they would make a perfect couple. Her mother was crazy like him; she loved wine to death and was extremely patient; she could easily deal with his idiosyncrasies. According to Khushi, Bugsy and her mother were perfectly matched like Oreos and hot milk; they could be wonderful together.
Abhay could not stop smiling at Khushi's comparison and asked her if he was supposed to be the Oreo and her mother the hot milk.
She did not answer his question. Instead, she said that if Abhay liked her mother, she would get to spend more time on his vineyard and learn how to grow wine.
Khushi clearly had strange thoughts going through her mind, and Abhay asked her to stop cooking up impossible plans. He told her that he was not interested, and there was no way he was going to hook-up with her mom. However, he said that he wouldn't mind adopting her if her mother was willing to let go of her. In that case, Khushi could move in with him, and he would teach her how to make good wine.
Khushi smiled and said that she would consider his offer.
They reached home late that evening as they stopped to have supper at a resort on their way to Cumbum Valley. On the way back, they talked about random things and life in general.
Khushi was way smarter than she looked and was a very good company. Even though a teenager, her emotional intelligence was at par with an adult. She was very intuitive and sensible.
Later that night, putting her off to sleep, Abhay sat with his loneliness and his old companion, Johnnie Walker (bottle of scotch). Mr. Walker had been with him when the world did not seem like a good place to be. They sat together by the lake and danced to the howling animals in the middle of the night. Together they took long walks to nowhere and sat in the vineyard from sunrise to sunset. If Mr. Walker was not there, he wouldn't know what to do with life.
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Next morning, by the time Khushi woke up, Anna was back at the vineyard.
Sitting in the living room, she was having breakfast with Abhay, who looked happy. Inviting Khushi to come join them, she said, "How have you been Khushi? Did he take good care of you while I was gone? He is the most careless man I have ever known. Still, he is my man!"
Her French accent cracked as she could hardly control her excitement. Khushi, on the other hand, did not like the sound of it. She was confused about what Anna meant by ‘my man’.
Not sure why Anna was so happy, Khushi just shook her head, telling her that Abhay was very nice to her. Anna asked Khushi to sit down for breakfast, and she put out a plate for her with omelet, toasts and milk.
Khushi clearly did not look too pleased to see Anna. For the last few days, she was enjoying having Abhay all to herself. But with Anna around, that was not possible.