Monster Hunt NYC: A Fantasy Harem Adventure

by Harmon Cooper

“That’s totally not happening.”

  “We have to stop you from molesting Iris,” Lady C. said with an innocuous look on her face.

  “I’m not going to molest Iris!”

  Iris raised an eyebrow at me, but she didn’t move away.

  “They’re giving me shit,” I said, remembering at that instant that she couldn’t hear or see them. “Sorry.”

  “I see…”

  “No, really.”

  “We can just lay on the bed,” said Lady C. “I’m sure we can fit in the space between you and her. We can make a little sandwich.”

  “It’s a futon, and no, you can’t.”

  Iris rolled her eyes. “Just tell them to go away,” she whispered.

  “Okay, both of you, back to the Dojo.”

  “No!” Aya genuinely looked hurt. “I mean,” she cleared her throat, “let us stay here. We’ll behave. I think I have a sleeping bag in my inventory list. Ah!” She pulled out a cape stained with blood. “Nope, not that one.”

  I started to laugh.

  The Thulean tossed the bloodied cape over her shoulder and it disappeared. “Don’t make us beg. It is beneath you,” she said with a growl.

  “I have a quilt, Lady Aya.” Lady C. equipped a large quilt with a floral pattern on one side.

  “That will work. We can sleep on this, and let you lovebirds be.” The Thulean offered me another wolfish grin.

  “Just ...behave,” I told them as I returned my attention to Iris. “You sure it's okay if I sleep up here?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be?” she asked. “You have before.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.”

  I couldn’t help but think about her hooking up with Thad. Of all fucking people, why do the douchebags so often get the girl?

  Lying on my side now, I stared at Iris for a moment as her eyes flickered.

  “Lots of messages.”

  She frowned. “Yeah, from Thad.”

  “He ready to pay us back for the gear he thrashed?” I asked. “And another thing, I was totally out at the time – yeah, he sucker punched me – but why didn’t you call the cops? You could have, you know. We could still call the cops. He broke our gear, my Rickenbacker. He smashed your Juno 60. That thing is priceless. Hell, the mods you had on it were worth a couple thousand. We have it on video,” I reminded her, touching the side of my forehead.

  She hesitated. “I can still repair it.”

  “Why are you defending him?”

  “I’m not, I’m just saying we have another way to make money now, and you know me, I’m not one to stir up drama. Sure, Thad should pay for all that shit, I don’t disagree with you there, but how are we supposed to get the money from him? Besides, he’s become ...increasingly unstable.”

  “Because of the pollutes,” I said with a grunt. “He’s on some of that crazy stuff. He was a dick before…”

  “Why did we start a band with him then?” she asked. “We could have formed Linens with someone else.”

  “I mean, look, neither of us are the front man type, whatever that means,” I told her. “Stupid to say now, really. Look what having a front man did to us. We should have just been a duo.”

  A look of realization flashed across her eyes. “We could still be a duo.”

  Not quite sure of what she meant by that, or at the very least, hoping she meant more, I returned to the topic at hand. “Our gear, that should be our number one priority. It will take me forever to save for new stuff, even if I can get a discount on the repair of my bass stack. My bass ...damn.”

  I recalled Thad stomping on the neck of the guitar and breaking it. That snap, the sound that followed, fuck him.

  Iris waved my concern away. She was so hopeful, even if our situation seemed increasingly stressful and stupid. “We’ll get money at the tournament, I promise.”

  “So, you really think we’ll win?”

  “Of course you’re going to win. Aya is a badass, as is Lady C.,” Iris whispered.

  “She’s right,” Aya said from her sleeping bag.

  “And look, you’re just starting out, but there’s a reason these codes are so rare. Once you get used to the mechanics, you can make a crapton of cash. Just trust me on that. Or look it up. You can look this stuff up, you know.”

  “I just wish you hadn’t given the other code to Thad.”

  “Chase…”

  “Don’t give me that look, I’m not trying to dig a knife in or anything, I’m just saying: I wish you and I were doing this together.”

  “It was a mistake,” she admitted. “I was caught up in the moment.”

  “When did it happen?” I asked. “When did you give him the code?”

  “A few nights back. We were having an argument and I received the email that I’d won during the argument. I was ecstatic. He said he wanted a code, there were two, I gave him one.”

  “And what were you originally going to do with the other?”

  “Use it, but I never got around to it because of this damn test I was studying for. As soon as all that shit went down at practice, I knew I needed to give the code to you. It was just clear to me.”

  “But you’d be way better at this than me. I mean, I’m just figuring out how to train them.”

  “You’ll get better, and if we’re lucky, another code will come along. And then we can really join forces,” she said with a smile. “Until then, I’ll help you. I can be in the tournaments on the sidelines with you, and I can help you in the field and the Dojo.”

  I yawned. “You are great.”

  “You are too, Chase.”

  “Both of you are awesome,” Lady Cassandra said from the floor.

  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  I awoke to the sound of Iris lightly singing a song I hadn’t heard before.

  I decided to play like I was asleep and listen for a moment.

  “I’m so lost, when you’re around. I’m so off, when you’re around.”

  I listened for just a little bit longer as she sung what sounded like a verse.

  “I finally have the strength to tell you that I feel alone when you’re around. I hope you’re not offended but the statement stands, I’m in you’re out. I’m so lost, when you’re around. I’m so off, when you’re around.”

  I knew instantly who it was about, and rather than say something about it, I made a show of waking up, starting with a great big yawn. “Hey, Iris,” I said, “top of the fucking morning to you.”

  “Top of the fucking morning to you as well,” she said with a smile. “I’m glad you’re up; I have to get to class and …”

  “I can’t stay here.”

  “Well, no, you can, but I don’t have an extra key, so you’d have to stay until I came back, which will be this afternoon. I figured you have some hunting to do.”

  “I do.”

  “Why won’t she sing happy birthday?” Aya sat up, straight as a board. She had the figure of someone who does yoga a lot, and as she stretched her hands over her head, Lady Cassandra sat up next to her, her brown hair a mess.

  They had slept head to foot, and Lady C. still had her night mask on to block the light. For that matter, Aya still had her clay mask on, the corners of which had started to crack.

  “Tell her to sing that last one again,” Lady C. said. “That was a good song. I woke up to singing. Very nice.”

  “I’d prefer happy birthday.”

  “Chase,” Iris said, “are you paying attention to me?”

  “Sorry.” I stood and ran my hand through my hair. “They were talking about singing. Aya wants to hear happy birthday.”

  “Fine, fine, but I’m not going to sing this every day.” Iris placed her hand on the kitchen counter and arched her body in a provocative way. She started singing happy birthday in a sultry Marilyn Monroe style.

  “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, Mr. President, happy birthday to you.”

  Aya clapped. “I am not a mister, nor am I a president, but that was good.” />
  “I’m going back to bed.” Lady C. fell backwards with a thump that sounded painful.

  “Sorry, you two, we have to go. Iris is kicking us out.”

  Iris laughed. “Not true, everyone. Look, we’ll meet up later. I have to go to school for now, and by the way, I already found a tournament for you to enter. I’ll send you the link. Just accept it and you’ll be registered.” She said as she grabbed her backpack. “If you don’t have a final Fighting Party member by then, well, you’ll have to forfeit your spot.”

  “No, we’ll get a final member, the bearadillo. Isn’t that right, ladies?”

  Aya stood, and with a quick spin, she was decked out in her battle regalia, buster sword across her back. “We will kick the ass of that mama bearadillo. I will make armor out of the baby.”

  “No, we will capture her,” I reminded Aya. “We’re in the capturing business, not the ass-kicking business.”

  Iris laughed. “Watching you have conversations with people I can’t see is the new highlight of my day. Let’s go.”

  “I don’t want to go anywhere,” Lady C. moaned. “It’s too early.”

  Aya dropped to her knees and patted Lady Cassandra on the shoulder. “Come on,” she said, helping her up. “We can sleep in tomorrow.”

  Her sleep mask still over her eyes, Lady C. turned to me and grinned. “You’ll let us sleep in tomorrow, right? In your bed, and not on the floor.”

  “If we do well in the tournament tonight, sure.”

  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  Iris now on her way to college, I took the train back to Bushwick. This time, I sent the two Huntresses to the Dojo rather than deal with them on the train.

  It was the first breather I’d had in a while, and even though the subway station was busy and there wasn’t a seat available on the train, I felt a small amount of peace. The sound of the train moving soothed me, the New Yorkers talking loudly, eating, arguing – not quite white noise, but there was a rhythm to it, and I’d gotten used to the sounds long ago.

  I activated the Monster Hunt app as soon as I arrived at the station. I wasn’t even past the platform when I decided to pull the trigger, and as they had done before, Lady Cassandra and Aya appeared as if they’d been there the entire time.

  “Thank god we’re back,” Lady C. said, as we took a short flight of stairs, “it was starting to get boring in there.”

  “Haven’t you two picked rooms yet in the quarters?”

  Aya scoffed at this suggestion. “You have promised us cabins. Once we have these cabins, we will have our quarters. We will not stay with the mythcrea. We are not like them,” she said, coldly.

  “So you just sit in the field then?”

  “I do,” Lady C. said. “I sit and read while she works out.”

  “Got it, cabins for my two favorite Huntresses are next on my list,” I told them as we left the subway. “We just need to get some funds.”

  Aya stepped in front of me and narrowed her orange eyes. “You’d better not lie to us.”

  “Hey, relax,” I started to say. She turned and looked at me over her shoulder, her orange hair beating in the wind. “Just playing with you.”

  “Yeah, okay, let’s just focus on the catch.”

  I’d met women like the Thulean before, especially after late night gigs. They were flirty, sure, but they also had a sense of danger to them, and I could never tell if their flirt was as strong as their bite.

  Alcohol fueled most of my previous encounters, as the miracle brew let people act in ways they wouldn’t normally act. I had no idea what fueled Aya, but as she walked ahead of me, looking once again over her shoulder at me to make sure I was still focused on her, I came to the realization that maybe she just wanted attention.

  Maybe that’s what everyone wanted.

  Lady C. hooked her hand around my arm. “She’s a little too devious for you,” the Metican warrior said under her breath. “Trust me, I can tell.”

  “And you’re not?”

  She laughed. “Me? Hardly. I’m the girl next door, the girl in the cabin next door.”

  “The girl in the cabin next door with two swords and the ability to cast magic.”

  Lady C. shrugged. “Yeah, like I said, the girl next door. Ooo! That’s the playground, right?”

  I saw the entrance to the bearadillo’s playground across the street and turned to it.

  A couple on bicycles zipped past us, the woman wearing a long trench coat that was inches away from getting caught in the spokes of her bike.

  Anything for fashion, right? I thought as we entered the playground.

  Aya lifted into the air as if she were floating. I realized very quickly that she was using her ghost limbs to carry her body, which if I could actually see her mysterious appendages, would look as if she were walking on stilts.

  A woman pushing a stroller passed under Aya and I almost told the woman to be careful.

  Keep your cool, I reminded myself.

  That thought needed to always be at the back of my mind: these things you are seeing can’t been seen by others.

  “Nothing from up here,” Aya said as she lowered herself back down. “The other day, the bearadillo mama was over there.” She pointed to a patch of woods near a water fountain.

  “And the baby was here,” said Lady C. “Shoot. I really wanted a bearadillo cub.”

  “They aren’t ours to want,” I reminded her. “I mean, they aren’t pets. That’s what I mean. If we can get the bearadillo mama, we’ll add somewhat of a defensive line to our Fighting Party.”

  I could picture it in my head, two swordswomen, the Fext with his sword, the Lich with her fire magic, the Skin-Walker with her shapeshifting ability, Fujin with his wind powers, and a big bad bear with armadillo-like protective capabilities ready to maul at a moment’s notice.

  It was cool to picture.

  “Come out, little bear!” Lady C. shouted, her hands cupped around her cheeks.

  “Oh little, little bear, come out and get some free food!” Aya said.

  I watched for a few minutes as the two tried a variety of calls, none of which worked. Eventually, I found a bench and sat on it, waiting for a dad with his toddler son to walk past.

  “What should we do?” Lady C. asked as she looked over to me. “We can try to find something else.”

  “Stupid bearadillo.” Aya drew her sword and swung it into a tree. Splinters sailed into the air as she brought her sword back to swing it again.

  “You will draw attention to us,” Lady C. called over to her.

  “The bearadillos are long gone. It is hibernating season.”

  How to lure out a bearadillo? I thought. An idea came to me, and I figured it would work better than hacking at trees with Aya. “You guys like hearing our music, right?”

  They both looked at me.

  “Okay, then, I kind of want to try something, we just need to wait until everyone in the vicinity is gone.”

  I looked over at the dad and his son, both of whom were nearing the exit of the park.

  “Ooo, you know a bear call?” Lady C. asked, excitement on her face. “There’s a book about bear calls I haven’t read. Did you read it?”

  I laughed. “No, nothing like that. I’m going to try to sing and lure them out.”

  “What song will you sing?” Aya asked as she lowered her buster sword, her shoulders heaving up and down as she caught her breath.

  “I don’t know. Something about bears. Maybe I’ll just make one up on the spot. I want you two to get behind something. Aya, you get behind that tree over there, and Lady C., you crouch near that fountain.”

  “I hope this works,” Aya said as she brandished her sword.

  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  I approached the spot where we last saw the baby bearadillo a few days ago. A wind from the east skipped past, carrying with it a few leaves and the earthy smell of fall.

  Here goes nothing, I thought as I placed my hands behind my back. I checked to make sure Aya was
in place, and looked to see Lady C. crouched behind the fountain, her swords slightly visible. I waved my hand at her to indicate that she should hide better and she got the hint.

  “Little little bear.” I cleared my throat and glanced to Aya, who gave me the ‘wrap it up’ followed by the ‘I’m going to cut your throat’ gesture.

  “Little, little bear, little, little bear, ohhh, come out, little, little bear.”

  It was an incredibly stupid song, something that would be in a preschooler’s cartoon, but it was the first thing that came to me and I went for it again, this time with a little more gusto.

  “Little, little bear, little, little bear, ohhh, come out, little, little bear.”

  The baby bearadillo appeared behind the playscape. As I sang the verse again, it peeked over at me from behind the slide.

  It’s working, I thought as I took a very slow step towards it.

  “Little, little bear, little, little bear, ohhh, come out, little, little bear.”

  It sneezed, and I took this to mean that it wanted some type of verse.

  “Um…”

  I had the chorus down, but I needed a little more to seal the deal. I figured, like I had many times before, that I’d just let the music take over and speak through me, simply being a vessel for the sound to channel. I sang the chorus again and let the words flow:

  “Little little bear, little little bear, ohhh, come out, little little bear. Do you want to join my party? Do you want to be my best bear? Do you want to get some honey? Do you want to win some money?”

  Aya chortled and the cub, who had started to approach me, looked in her direction. It caught a glimpse of her, and as it did, I started singing more rapidly.

  “Do you want to have some honey? Do you want to win some money? Do you want to…”

  The bearadillo cub rolled onto its side and showed me its belly.

  I approached it carefully, still humming the dumb bear song, and once I was directly over it, I lifted the cub into my arms.

  The bearadillo cub licked my face and smiled at me with its big black eyes.

  “We got you, little guy.” As soon as I stopped singing, the little bearadillo let out a loud shriek and began clawing at me. “Shit!”

  The cub’s cry for help triggered mama bearadillo, who came charging out of the wooded area, right past Aya.