The Lonely Hearts Club

by Radclyffe

  Bren smothered a smile.

  “Talking. I don’t believe you,” Candace said, planting both hands on her hips. “You know why? Because you have that ‘I’m a satisfied woman’ look in your eyes. Just like Bren. Just like everyone, except me.”

  Liz raised an eyebrow at Bren. “Something you’d like to tell me, Brenda?”

  “You first.”

  “We talked and we made out a little bit. That’s all.”

  Candace snorted. “Making out is something teenagers do. What really happened?”

  “We necked in the back seat of a car for three hours.” Laughing at her friends’ expressions of disbelief, Liz explained about the fire escape.

  “You know,” Bren said, “that is really sexy.”

  “It was,” Liz agreed.

  “She didn’t try to get you into bed?” Candace asked skeptically.

  Liz glanced over to the infield where Reilly and her teammates were already warming up. Just at that moment, Reilly scanned the sidelines, waving when she saw Liz. Liz smiled and waved back. If you come to the game tomorrow, I’ll be happy. When Reilly had said that the night before, Liz had been too busy worrying that she wasn’t at a place in her life where she could offer Reilly anything beyond the here and now to think about her own feelings. Now, seeing Reilly’s smile, she was aware of being happy too. Watching Reilly dive for a ball and come up to her knees with it in her glove, flushed and triumphant, made Liz happy. The memory of the way Reilly had touched her, with such gentle certainty, stirred her, and she wanted nothing more than to be back on that fire escape in Reilly’s arms.

  “Liz?”

  Liz jumped. “I’m sorry? What?”

  “You spent hours kissing and she didn’t try to get you into bed?”

  “No. I wanted her to, but she said no.”

  Candace appeared at a loss for words. Bren regarded her curiously.

  “Why?”

  “Why did I want her to, or why did she say no?”

  Bren shot Reilly an appraising look. “I get the part where you’d want to go to bed with her. She’s really really sexy.”

  “Agreed,” Liz said, unable to hide her contented smile.

  “So why do you think she said no?”

  “Maybe because Liz is pregnant, and Reilly has better sense than to take advantage of her screwed up hormones,” Candace muttered.

  “You’ve never objected to me having sex before,” Liz pointed out, regarding Candace sharply.

  “You weren’t pregnant then. Things are different now. Besides, you were never one to sleep around.”

  “If I slept with Reilly,” Liz said gently, “it wouldn’t be sleeping around. She’s special, and I care about her.”

  Candace searched Liz’s face and nodded slowly. “Okay. You really like her.”

  “Yes.”

  “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

  Liz smiled. “I know. But we all have to respect each other’s choices, right?”

  When Candace rolled her eyes, Bren poked her in the side and said, “We’re not who we were when we met, and we aren’t likely to stay the same forever. But we’ll always be friends, right?”

  “Right,” Candace and Liz said immediately.

  “So I vote that we trust each other to make the right choices, and if we screw up, we don’t say I told you so.”

  “Agreed,” Liz said.

  “Deal,” Candace added. Then she looked at Liz. “So? Why didn’t Saint Reilly want to go to bed with you?”

  “Because she knew I wasn’t ready.”

  Candace frowned. “But you said you wanted to.”

  Liz wrapped her arm around Candace’s waist. “Wanting something doesn’t mean it’s the right time to do it.”

  “I’ve always figured if I did what I wanted, when I wanted to, at least I wouldn’t have any regrets about what I’d missed.”

  “That works for some people.”

  Candace watched Parker settle onto the bench on the opposite side of the field. A busty blonde in a sports bra and short shorts plastered herself to Parker’s back and began to massage Parker’s shoulders. “It hasn’t been working for me lately.”

  Liz followed her gaze. “Why her, do you think?”

  “Why her what?”

  “Why can’t you forget her?”

  “Because, God damn it,” Candace said in a low, tortured voice, “I can still hear her saying my name when she comes.”

  “That sounds serious.”

  “You have no idea.”

  *

  Reilly ran up to Liz at the sidelines just before the first inning was about to begin. She had to stop herself from catching Liz in her arms and kissing her hello. Instead, she made do with grasping her hand.

  “Hi. I’m glad you could make it.”

  “I said I would, didn’t I.”

  Reilly grinned. “You did. Sleep okay?”

  Liz glanced around. Bren leaned against the corner of the backstop, a distant expression on her face as she scanned the groups of women gathered about or passing by on their way to the other fields. Candace slouched on the Angels’ bench, her hands braced on either side of her body, her legs slightly parted. In her halter top and skintight shorts, blond hair tangled around her shoulders, and her body an open invitation, she looked like a young Marilyn Monroe—ripe and luscious and ready. Satisfied that no one could overhear, Liz said, “I had a little trouble getting to sleep.”

  “Oh?”

  “I kept thinking about kissing you.”

  “Oh.”

  “How did you sleep?” Liz asked after a moment of silence.

  Reilly glanced away.

  “What?” Liz asked, suddenly anxious that Reilly regretted what had happened between them. She should have expected that Reilly would begin to analyze the situation and realize that a woman with a baby on the way was more than she wanted to take on, even casually. And she must be thinking about Annie. She’d said she hadn’t wanted a baby with Annie, and she’d loved Annie. “Last night doesn’t have to mean anything, Reilly. You’re not obligated to me in any way. You—”

  “Liz,” Reilly said quietly. “Last night meant something to me. It meant a lot.”

  Liz stared. “It would probably be better if I didn’t try to read your mind, wouldn’t it?”

  Reilly smiled. “My mind’s not very complicated.”

  Liz touched her face. “That is so not true.”

  “I couldn’t sleep because I missed holding you,” Reilly said. “I haven’t wanted to hold a woman all night long for years.”

  “You say the most beautiful things.”

  “I—”

  “Hey, Reilly,” Sean called. “Are you planning to play ball sometime tonight?”

  Reilly glanced over her shoulder. Her team was at bat and she needed to get her head in the game. She shrugged apologetically. “I need to go.”

  “I know. Big game, right?”

  Reilly grinned. “If we beat Parker’s team tonight, they’re out of the playoffs.”

  “Oh, this is serious then.” Liz looked over Reilly’s shoulder and frowned. Candace had disappeared. When she checked for Parker, she was gone too.

  Reilly released Liz’s hand. “Will you stay? Meet me later?”

  “I wouldn’t dream of leaving,” Liz answered. “And yes, I want to see you later.”

  “There was another reason I couldn’t sleep last night,” Reilly said as she backed away.

  “What?” Liz said, following her to the bench.

  Reilly grabbed her bat. Then she kissed Liz quickly. “I wanted you so much I couldn’t settle down enough to sleep.”

  Before Liz could catch her breath to reply, Reilly ran to join her team. Suddenly weak-kneed, she sank down onto the bench. A minute later, Bren sat beside her.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes. Fine.”

  “It’s really hot. Do you need something to drink?”

  Liz rested her hand on Bren’s thigh. “I’m reall
y fine. To tell you the truth, Reilly takes my breath away.”

  Bren smiled. “That’s wonderful news. I like the way she looks at you.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Like you’re precious.”

  Liz bit her lip, mortified to feel tears welling in her eyes. “You can’t imagine how tender she is.”

  “Good. You deserve it.”

  “How about you? Are you all right?”

  Bren frowned. “Of course. Why?”

  “You never finished saying what you did last night.”

  “We went back to the Blue Diamond.”

  “And?”

  “I had sex with Jae.”

  “Well. That’s news.” Liz leaned closer. “At the bar?”

  Bren nodded. “Lap dance.”

  “Oh my God. Bren. You amaze me.”

  “What surprised me,” Bren said, “is that it felt completely right.”

  “And is that it? One time and it’s over, or will you see her again?”

  “I don’t know. I’m used to compartmentalizing my life. I’m not sure that I want to change that.”

  Liz gave that some thought. “How is it for you to be sharing all these things with Candace and me that you’ve kept secret for so long? Is it okay?”

  “I realized that part of the reason I kept things a secret from you is because I was keeping things from myself, too. I told myself that I didn’t tell you about my writing because it was a special secret, like a private place I kept my dreams and…fantasies. My secret garden.”

  “I understand that.”

  “But that wasn’t the real reason,” Bren confessed. “I didn’t tell you because there were parts of my life I wasn’t ready to examine. I kept them separate and only let them come out in my writing. Melanie Richards wrote those books and she had those feelings, not me. I felt safer when Melanie and everything Melanie wanted only existed in one corner of my world.”

  “But now, Melanie has come out?”

  Bren laughed. “Exploded out, is more like it. I still don’t quite understand everything that’s happening, but I feel excited about my life for the first time in a long time.”

  Liz took Bren’s hand. “It seems all three of us are headed for adventure.”

  *

  “You’re not playing tonight are you?” Candace asked, intercepting Parker as she sauntered back to the bench from the adjoining field.

  “I’m going to pitch the second half, or sooner if Reilly’s team gets lucky and scores off Jill.”

  Candace checked the field and saw the Daisy Mae character who’d been hanging all over Parker head to the pitcher’s mound. “You can’t be serious. She plays softball?”

  “She’s a barracuda on the mound.” Parker laughed. “And elsewhere.”

  Automatically checking Parker’s neck, Candace was relieved to see no telltale signs of a passionate night. “Your eye is still so swollen you can barely keep it open. If you can’t see out there, you can’t protect yourself.”

  “Worried about me?” Parker asked.

  “I don’t want to spend another Sunday night in the emergency room.”

  Parker frowned. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t expect you to.”

  When Parker started to turn away, Candace gripped her arm. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  Parker bent her head close to Candace’s, kissing close. “Are you saying you care about me?”

  Candace panicked. Part of the reason she didn’t do relationships was for exactly this reason. It got complicated. Women wanted to make more out of sex than it was. Why couldn’t two people just have a nice, simple, physical relationship that was exciting and satisfying? Why couldn’t that be enough? Why did it have to be about feelings. She backed up a step.

  “Don’t get carried away,” Candace said. “If you get hit in the face again, you’ll be worthless in bed, and I wouldn’t mind a repeat. It worked out the last time.”

  Parker’s eyes narrowed and her jaw tightened. “So what, I’m just a good fuck?”

  “Oh no,” Candace said, dropping her eyes down Parker’s body and back up to her face in a slow, appreciative appraisal. “You’re a great fuck.”

  Parker kissed her lightly on the mouth. “So’s Jill, and a couple dozen other girls hanging around here. Take your pick.”

  “What? You’re suddenly going to play hard to get?” Candace was angry, and she had no idea why.

  “Nope. The only game I’m playing from now on is softball.” She kissed Candace again, slowly this time, and ran her fingers through Candace’s hair. Then she brushed her mouth over Candace’s ear. “Next time, ask me out on a date.”

  Candace watched her walk away and wanted to call after her that that would be the day when she chased after a woman. But she didn’t, because she wasn’t so sure that was true any longer.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “Strike three!” the ump shouted, and Reilly’s team swarmed the pitcher’s mound. Liz lost sight of Reilly in the melee and just clapped along with everyone else. She wasn’t happy to see Parker’s team lose, but she was delighted that Reilly’s won.

  “Are you going to wait around for the victorious hordes to get done celebrating?” Candace asked, scanning the field. She couldn’t see Parker, and she suspected that Bimbo Barbie or one of the other blondes had already dragged her off somewhere.

  “I told Reilly I’d wait for her,” Liz said.

  “Like a date?”

  “Well, more or less, yes.” Liz smiled shyly. “I wouldn’t mind spending some time alone with her.”

  “Understatement,” Bren muttered.

  “What about you?” Candace inquired of Bren. “Got plans?”

  “Not really. I have early meetings at the library tomorrow, and I have some writing to finish tonight.”

  Candace gave her the eye. “All these years I thought you were home reading, and you were really home writing.”

  “I’ve really been home doing both.”

  “I guess you’re not going to let me read it before it’s done, huh?” Candace asked hopefully.

  “I’m going to post an excerpt on the website this week.” Bren paused, and Candace leaned forward expectantly. “I’ll email it to you the day before so you can have a sneak preview.”

  “I think I’m over being mad at you now,” Candace said. “Melanie.”

  “Good.” Bren collected her empty soda can and waved goodbye to Liz and Candace. “I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch?”

  “I’ll be there,” Liz said.

  “Hurry up and finish the book,” Candace called.

  “Where’s Parker?” Liz asked, searching the field. Reilly was slapping Sean on the back just as a gorgeous androgynous blonde joined them and put her arm around Sean.

  “Probably deep-throating the pitcher in a car somewhere.”

  “Who? Oh…the blonde with the, uh, breasts who pitched the first half of the game?”

  “That’s the one.” Candace frowned. “Parker seems to have a never ending supply of them.”

  “You sound jealous.” Liz gave Candace a quick hug. “And believe me, you have nothing to worry about. Parker’s just playing with them.”

  “That’s all she’s been doing with me, too.”

  “I don’t think so. When she showed up at the Blue Diamond the other night, the only thing she wanted was to be with you. Of course she was a little too incapacitated to make that clear.”

  “She seems to have gotten over that.”

  “Candace, sweetie, you went home with someone else that night, remember?”

  Candace sighed and looked away. “All right, not one of my better decisions.”

  “Why don’t you just tell Parker that you’re interested in her?”

  “I did.”

  “Let me guess,” Liz said. “I bet you told her you wanted to go to bed with her, didn’t you?”

  “Well, yes. What’s your point?”

  Liz shook her head. “You know what
the point is. When it really matters, it’s about more than sex.”

  “Excuse me, but weren’t you the one who was just talking about wanting to get it on with Reilly last night?”

  “Damn right. And I still do.” Liz checked on Reilly’s progress. The two teams had lined up and were passing side by side, shaking hands and congratulating each other. Reilly was flushed and exuberant. Happiness looked good on her. “But I want a lot of other things too. I want to know what makes her smile, and what she dreams about, and what she likes to do on rainy afternoons. For starters.”

  Candace regarded her without expression. “You’re falling for her.”

  “Maybe. Yes.”

  “You know I love you, right?”

  “I know.”

  “Do you think it’s smart,” Candace said, “considering everything?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not certain that thinking about it is going to give me any answers. When I’m with her, things seem clearer.”

  Candace took a deep breath and tipped her chin toward the players. “Then you should go get her.”

  “Thanks. I think I will.” Liz squeezed Candace’s hand. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “I’ll be fine. I’ve got a desk full of work at home. The only thing I like as much as women is money. I think I’ll go make some.”

  Liz knew that wasn’t true, but she respected Candace’s defenses. She had plenty of her own. She kissed her cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Have fun. I mean that.”

  “Hey,” Liz said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  “I’ll be fine. All I need is a woman to take my mind off my troubles. I’d look for one tonight, but I think I’m going to swear off softball players for the rest of the summer.” Candace smiled wryly. “Night, darlin.’”

  “Night.” Liz watched Candace stride down the slope, lithe and graceful and effortlessly seductive. She might wish she’d sworn off softball players, but Liz doubted it was true.

  *