Leila knew the two women were both nurses from Vancouver, on the west coast of Canada, here for a three week holiday. “You bet it is. Maybe it’s the sea air, but I’m hungry just thinking about it.”
“Have one of these.” Marlene offered her a plate of pastries, and Leila took an almond glazed bun. “It’s too bad you missed yesterday and all the great dives,” Karen said. “We had breakfast in one place and time to explore the reefs, and then sailed to another for more diving and lunch.” She set down her coffee to give an in-depth report on the various fish they’d seen. “The butterfly and the angelfish were all over the place. You should see the gorgeous colors and how graceful they are.” Her round face glowed. “And the clownfish are orange and white striped, and so dainty. Almost playful. You’ve got to see them.”
Leila smiled at the women’s enthusiasm. If she weren’t here on a life or death mission, perhaps she’d be as enthusiastic as the others. It clearly was one of the most spectacular vacation spots she’d ever come across, with the rainforest on one side and the largest coral reef in the world on the other. But she wasn’t here for the sightseeing.
“Ryan took me snorkeling last night. It was amazing, I’ll give you that.” She took a big gulp of her coffee, ignoring the look the two women exchanged. “I’ve never scuba dived, so I’ll probably just watch the rest of you.”
“No way,” Marlene said. “You can’t sit on deck when you have the most spectacular marine life in the world all around you.” Her hands gestured wildly with her excitement. “The coral reefs are simply amazing, and there are thousands of species of fish. You’ll probably never get another opportunity in your lifetime to see anything like this again.”
Karen grinned. “And I’m sure Ryan will be happy to give you his undivided attention.”
“It’s not like that,” she said hastily. As luck would have it, Ryan came up from the galley just then, and seeing him unexpectedly made heat rise in her face.
He wasn’t wearing a shirt, only a pair of khaki shorts, and he looked so wild and young with his blonde hair blowing in the breeze, and so damn sexy, her blush deepened and spread.
He glanced at her, smiled, and winked.
Flustered, she turned away awkwardly and knocked her coffee into her lap. She jumped up, brushing the hot liquid from her bare legs.
“Like hell it’s not like that,” Karen said, with a knowing laugh.
CHAPTER SIX
“You all right?” Ryan was at her side instantly. “Let me look. You could have a nasty burn.”
She didn’t want him looking at the top of her thighs, or anyplace remotely close to them. She was slim but that didn’t mean she didn’t have a little cellulite going on. Besides, it was in a delicate spot, too near the rest of her, and she hadn’t shaved that morning. “Forget it. It doesn’t hurt. Much.”
“If you won’t let me take care of you, I’ll have Jamie come to your cabin.” He called Jamie over and asked her to get the burn ointment out of the medicine kit. She ran off, and Ryan turned his charm on the Canadian gals.
“Good morning, Marlene, Karen. I hope you both slept well?”
“Sure did. The gentle sway of the boat was better than a cradle,” Marlene said with a pleased grin. “We’re looking forward to breakfast and another full day on the reefs.”
Karen’s eyes twinkled. “I hear you were out late last night, snorkeling in the dark.”
He ran a hand through his sun-bleached hair, grinning a boyish smile. “Can’t deny it. It was a beautiful night for a dive.”
Leila, still sopping up coffee with a paper napkin, glanced up and caught his grin. Instead of being charmed, his smile and lighthearted banter made him less appealing than before.
Her spirits took a nosedive.
What in the world could he possibly smirk about when he had an important decision to make that would affect not only her, but her child? Why couldn’t he pull her aside and say the words she desperately wanted to hear?
“You okay, Leila?” His eyes held hers. Perhaps he was not totally obtuse, because his face lost its jovial-aren’t-we-all-having-a-good-time look, and turned serious.
Am I okay? Am I okay? No, I’m not frickin’ okay, mister, and I haven’t been for quite some time. She lowered her head, embarrassed, as tears filled her eyes.
Damn. She didn’t cry. She couldn’t afford the luxury of giving into her feelings. She would have a complete meltdown when Callie was well again, and not a minute before.
To save face, she pretended the coffee burn had brought on the tears. “Maybe I’ll put that ointment on after all. It’s stinging a little.”
“Do that.” He turned his head, looking for Jamie. She was laughing and chatting with some of the guests. “Did you get the cream?” he snapped at her.
She rolled her eyes, released a long breath as if she were hard done-by, and sauntered over. “It’s right here.” She dug it out of her pocket and handed it to Ryan.
“About time. Leila got a nasty burn and needs a little medical attention.”
Leila shook her head, now thoroughly embarrassed, afraid she’d be caught in a lie. Her skin was pink, but not seriously burned. “You know, come to think of it, applying ointment when I’m in the heat and the sun would be a stupid waste of time.”
“Why don’t you put some ice on it?” Marlene said. “That should take the sting out.”
“Get her an ice bag, Jamie.” Ryan frowned. “Don’t just stand there.”
“Don’t snap at me, Ryan. What’s wrong with you today?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me. I just need a little help once in awhile.”
While he and Jamie glared at each other, Marlene and Karen disagreed on the correct ways to treat a burn, and the little German children threw food at each other, while their mother tried to subdue them. The children’s father barely raised his voice, ordering them to sit down and behave, and they quickly obeyed.
Leila was about to lose it. She wanted to scream at everybody, because everybody had minor problems, laughable, ordinary stuff, while she was carrying the weight of the world on her back.
It wasn’t fair. Biting her lip, she started to walk away. Ryan took her hand and stopped her.
“Leila. Once again, are you okay?”
“No!” she shouted. Everyone stared, and she lowered her voice. “We need to talk, Ryan.”
He scratched his head, looking around at the guests. “After breakfast I’ll be out on another dive. Then we set sail for another site, and I’ll be busy with lunch, followed by another dive before we head back to shore.” He grinned and shrugged his bare shoulders. “It’s a tough life, but somebody’s got to do it.”
“Ryan—
“Later, Leila. I’ll let you know what I decide before we get back to Cairns.” His eyes met hers briefly, and she couldn’t read what he was thinking. “Fair enough?”
Nothing was fair when it came to her daughter. What could be fair about a twelve-year-old battling kidney disease, and having to go through dialysis every few days? But she knew it wasn’t his problem. It was hers. And she didn’t want to risk alienating him. She needed him on her side.
“Yes. I suppose so.” She gave him one pleading look with her eyes, and watched him walk away.
Karen walked over to her. “Is there anything we can help you with?”
“No, but thanks.” She couldn’t very well ask them for a kidney, could she? At least not before breakfast.
“Here comes the food,” Marlene said, joining them. I think I see a pancake with my name on it. Let’s go eat, girls.”
* * *
Leila no longer had much of an appetite, but she enjoyed the fruit—generous slices of cantaloupe, mango, pineapple, and kiwi—and watched her new friends pile through their plates of pancakes swimming in syrup. How they were going to dive after that, she had no idea. But at least they might sink to the bottom of the reefs without adding weights, she thought with a small smile.
She was glad to have the women�
�s company, and because both of them were nurses she thought about confiding her troubles. But it was their vacation and she didn’t want to be a downer. Her problems were hers and Ryan’s concerns and no one else’s. She told the inquisitive women that she was Ryan’s sister-in-law, and she had come to give him some unhappy news regarding his family, and left it at that.
She watched the eager group of divers suit up into their scuba gear, and was greatly relieved that she would not be expected to participate. Since she had no diving experience and no time to learn, she would be restricted to snorkeling while the others explored the reefs at a depth of thirty to sixty feet. No one needed to know that the very thought of being in one of those suits, underwater, put her in panic mode. She’d keep that secret to herself.
Once everyone was in the water, she returned to her cabin. Lying on the bed, she tried to sleep. She was still exhausted from the marathon flight coming over and had to face another one going back.
The door opened and Jamie stood there. “Oops, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were down here. Thought you might be snorkeling with the others.”
“No. I wasn’t up to it.” She sat up. “Did you want something?”
“Uh-yeah. Look, this is a little awkward, but I can’t find my bikini top and thought I might have left it here.”
“Oh.”
The two women looked at each other, and Jamie shrugged. “You don’t mind if I look around, do you?”
“No. Help yourself.” Leila jumped off the bed and whipped the sheets back, half dreading the thought of actually finding it there. Luckily, she didn’t.
So Ryan was sleeping with Jamie. No big surprise there. Was he in love with her? she wondered. If so, how could he explain that kiss they’d shared? Why the hell had he kissed her anyway? He was her brother-in-law and should respect the fact that she was off limits. He could play around with his pretty young guests or his little hostess, but not his dead brother’s wife.
Bastard.
Jamie was poking in and around the bed, and it was grating on Leila’s nerves. “No luck?” she said sweetly.
“Not yet. Maybe it’s in with his laundry.” She found a duffle bag with a handful of dirty clothes, and came out with a yellow flowered bikini top. “Yup. Here it is.”
She turned around, slid off her T-shirt, and snapped on the bikini top. “Sorry. I’ll get out of your way now.”
“Where have you been sleeping since I’m occupying the cabin?” Leila asked her, curious to know a little more about their relationship. Was the girl sleeping with him on deck?
“Oh, I have a bunk for myself. We just, you know, hook up once in awhile.”
“Oh.” Leila didn’t really know. She’d never hooked up with anyone in her life. She’d had boyfriends, yes. She’d been married for eight years too. But she’d never had casual sex with a casual partner just for the hell of it.
Maybe it was time she did.
“Are you in love with Ryan?” She didn’t know why she asked the question, but for some reason she wanted to know.
“A little. This week anyway.” She regarded Leila warily. “Why? You interested?”
“Did he tell you about me?” she answered instead.
“He doesn’t tell me much.”
“Well, the answer is no.” Leila folded her arms, and tried to look indifferent, even though she wasn’t. Her feelings for Ryan were ambiguous, but whether she wanted to or not, she had some. “I’m interested in him for only one thing.”
Jamie laughed. “That makes two of us.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Jamie’s visit had ruined Leila’s attempt to sleep, so she decided to swim to the island and have a look around. She had been on the college swim-team, although that was twenty years ago and she was more at home doing laps in a pool than swimming in the ocean. But she was in the most spectacular diving area in the world and she couldn’t very well sit on a boat all afternoon, now could she? How lame would that be?
Besides, she hoped to see some more exotic fish, and at lunch she could brag about swimming to the island, perhaps talk about the flora and fauna, maybe a sea turtle or two.
She used the snorkel and the flippers from the night before. It took her a few minutes to breathe comfortably again, but then she started to love it. Fish were everywhere. They swarmed around her, looking for food.
She could feel them brushing past her and they were so close she reached out her hand to try to touch them, but of course they were much quicker, more agile than she. But they were just like Marlene had said, so many of them and so many variations in color. She recognized the angelfish and the clown fish, and wished she knew what all of the other ones were. As the cabbie had said, they were all much too pretty to eat.
As she made her way toward the island the fish followed her. When Leila was perhaps half the distance between the boat and the island she noticed a sinister looking creature gliding out from one of the reefs and heading toward her. By its long, thin razor-like nose and bat-like shape, she was sure it was a stingray.
She lifted her head, looking longingly back at the boat. She was too far away to call for help, and not close enough to the island to scramble out of the water. If the stingray attacked, she would be easy prey.
Assuming a stingray would attack. Had Marlene said anything about stingrays being dangerous? She couldn’t remember, and all of her risk-aversion instincts were telling her to get out of there.
Her heart started racing and she was breathing fast, gulping in air. She looked back at the boat and could see Jamie on deck, setting up for lunch. Hoping to attract her attention, Leila waved her arms. Jamie looked up, shaded her eyes, saw Leila, and waved back.
No help there. She looked again at the stingray. He was locked onto her, torpedoing toward her. Swimming the strong freestyle stroke that had won her several college medals, she sprinted toward the island, but the stingray wasn’t impressed. He was within three feet, looking at her with curiosity, perhaps deciding if she’d make a tasty lunch.
She splashed at it, but it ignored her hysteria and swam around her as if trying to decide if she was worth the trouble. She had not worn the floatation device that Ryan had given her last night, and she’d been swimming so hard and fast that her arms were heavy. And the damn island was not getting any closer. The current was stronger than she was and prevented her from making headway.
She would have to try to reach the boat.
She eyed the stingray and it eyed her back. Okay. She’d always thought stingrays were harmless, their frightening appearance notwithstanding. But hadn’t Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter himself, died from a stingray attack?
If a man who made his living capturing and educating people about dangerous species could be taken down by a non-threatening species of fish, then what chance did she have? She closed her eyes, said a little prayer, and when she opened them again the stingray was gone.
It was no easier swimming toward the boat than away from it. She was caught in a current and drifting away. She could see the other guests were back on board, stripping off their scuba gear. She thought she saw Ryan standing on the helm, searching the water for her. She was only a pin-drop in the middle of a vast ocean and hoped he would be able to spot her.
She raised an arm high out of the water, waving frantically. Ryan must have known she was in trouble because he threw a life buoy into the water and dived in behind it. His powerful strokes were slowed as he towed the buoy behind him on a rope.
Her legs and arms were leaden by now, and so she flipped onto her back and did the dead man’s float.
“Hang on,” she heard him yell.
His words made her relax and as she relaxed, her chest deflated and she began to sink. She kicked her legs and broke surface. She was not going to drown. Callie needed her, and she was not going to let her daughter down.
With strength she didn’t know she had, she managed to swim the last few strokes to Ryan. His one arm swept around her, lifting her high enough that she co
uld rest on the buoy. “What were you doing?” he snapped.
“Swimming,” she gasped. Pointing feebly, she added, “To the island.”
“Don’t you know that only a very strong swimmer could make it that far? It’s close to a mile and the winds have picked up. We had to cut our dive short.”
“I am a strong swimmer, but a stingray was on my tail and it scared the shit out of me.”
“The stingray wasn’t the worry, the current was.”
“I didn’t know.” Why was he being mean to her, when she could hardly catch her breath? Couldn’t he wait a darn minute before he laid into her? Did he really think she nearly drowned on purpose?
Fool. Idiot. Moron.
“I saw you go under,” he said, “and you frightened me. I was afraid I wasn’t going to reach you in time.” One of his hands was on the small of her back as he used the side stroke to get them back to the boat. His hand felt good and she was grateful for it. Maybe she shouldn’t be so hard on him. After all, he did dive in to save her. More than Jamie had done.
She was still panting, but she managed a “Thanks.”
“Don’t do it again. If you want to snorkel or swim, let one of us go with you.”
“Uh-huh. But I think I had enough water for one day.”
“How long were you married to my brother?” he asked abruptly.
The question struck her as odd, but she figured he was probably full of questions that he needed answers to. Just as she was. The cruise was going to end soon and she didn’t have the time to learn all the things she wanted to know.
But of course he wasn’t interested in hearing about her. He’d want to know about her life with Nick, and that was okay by her. She relished any opportunity to talk about Nick because the memories were starting to fade, and she so badly wanted to keep them alive. “Just under nine years,” she answered.
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