EMIT (THE EMIT SAGA)

by Barbara Cross

  Right after cake, they left. Martin carried a sleeping Anna in his arms.

  Dad looked at his watch and said there was time to catch a foreign film that he wanted to see. I didn’t want to go and shortly after they left, the phone started ringing. I silenced the ringer and crawled into bed. I just wanted to hide.

  Lily called and I knew I had to talk to her so I answered the cell.

  “You’re not returning my calls. What’s going on?” she asked.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated about Daniel and…” I suddenly remembered they were listening. My God, I kept forgetting the whole house was bugged.

  “And what?” Lily asked. “How was your date? Did you go to Shakespeare in the Park?”

  “No we didn’t go.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “Nothing happened. He’s been playing games and I don’t like him.”

  “What are you talking about?” Lily asked totally confused.

  “He’s been lying to me and I don’t trust him,” I ranted so that all the listeners heard.

  Lily was so confused. “I’m coming over tomorrow night and I want the whole story.”

  Part of me was hoping that Daniel would call and tell me I was wrong, but there was no phone call. I just didn’t know what to do or think anymore. Nothing was the same. Everything had changed; my life was now not my own. Everything that I held absolute was slowly being undermined: my privacy, my decisions, my views and most importantly my word. I wasn’t being truthful with anyone now, not my parents, not Lily and not even with Daniel.

  I glanced around my room and decided to search for the bug. An hour passed and I had no idea where it could be. As I eyed the computer suspiciously, I realized the NSA’s expertise was in computers so perhaps it was hidden in there. Since I had no idea how to find and remove it, destroying the computer was the only solution. I couldn’t believe that I was standing there actually contemplating ruining my computer. I’m going insane. When I glanced at my laptop, I realized that it was probably bugged, too.

  Feeling defeated, I gave up and decided to go online and see what I’d been missing with my friends. I couldn’t deal with any more of this garbage. Everyone was having a great summer except me.

  Looking at my emails, there was one from Eden. She was throwing a party and since I hadn’t RSVP’d to the first invitation, she sent me a second invite.

  I got my cell and called her. “Eden, it’s Paige. I’m sorry. I never got the invitation.”

  “That’s weird. I also left you two voice mails and you never called me back. I thought you were mad at me. I was going to call Daphne and Grace and ask them what was up.”

  How many messages or emails had I missed because of their surveillance equipment? Didn’t it defeat the whole purpose? Or were they listening to my messages and because of that they got deleted?

  “Can I bring Lily?”

  “Sure, that’ll be fine.”

  I needed to get out and be with people. If Daniel didn’t care about me, what was the point of moping? He never told me he cared; only that he was keeping me safe.

  I still needed to figure out what to do with the envelope though. It obviously wasn’t for Dad since he hadn’t mentioned that something was missing. Then again why would he tell me? He’d tell Sonia. I sat on the floor and used a letter opener. If it was something important, I’d didn’t want to destroy it. Inside, I found a folded piece of paper and on it there were a bunch of handwritten numbers. I hid the envelope under my mattress.

  Reaching for my journal, I wrote what happened the last few days. I made a copy of the Statue of David photo and placed it inside the journal. Now I had two photos of Daniel from my past. I hid the journal in the bottom of my closet.

  

  I opened my eyes and it was morning, the thought of leaving the apartment scared me to death. When I got downstairs and Mom told me that Dad had already left, I told her I felt really sick. There was no way I was going to work alone. I called Maria and left her a message.

  Mom wasn’t sure it was a good idea for Lily to stay over, but I said that I was just under the weather and didn’t have a fever. Mom looked at me like she knew I was up to something.

  “Lily can come over, but if you’re still sick tomorrow, I’ll babysit Anna,” she offered.

  “I’m fine,” I kept repeating.

  Mom looked at me suspiciously. “I just walked Amber, so you don’t have to go out. I have to go. I’ll come for lunch and check up on you.”

  Shortly after she left, the house phone began ringing. I was relieved that they didn’t have my cell number. Daniel said I was safe, but how did he know that? Was I just making the situation worse by not giving Daniel the envelope? If I did, he might leave and I didn’t want that either.

  Mom came home and I saw from her expression that she was worried about me. She took Amber out for a walk. When she got back, she made me a turkey sandwich.

  As I ate, she asked, “What’s going on? You seem off somehow and I don’t mean ill. Is this about Daniel? You haven’t mentioned him recently.”

  “Daniel and I aren’t seeing each other anymore, so you should be happy.”

  “I’m sorry. My only concern about him was that we didn’t know anything about him.”

  “Give me a break. He’s nineteen. What else is there to know about him? I think we know enough. He went to boarding school, his parents are dead, he has a trust fund, and his uncle has an apartment in the Dakota. You make it seem likes he’s a criminal. It’s so crazy! ”

  “You have a point. What happened with you and Daniel?”

  I had to tell her something so that she’d stop talking about him.

  “He doesn’t like me and I don’t like him either.” Humiliated enough over everything that the agents and Daniel had heard, I wasn’t going to let them think that I was home pining away for him. Why give those agents anything else to laugh about?

  I talked Mom into letting Lily and I go to Eden’s party, saying that I felt fine and really needed to go out. She said yes without arguing and probably thought Daniel was the cause of my sudden illness.

  Lily came over after work and as I dressed, she peppered me with questions. Thinking about my predicament was one thing, trying to explain it was quite another.

  “I’ll tell you everything when we get back from the party. I really want to go have fun and not think about Daniel right now. Okay?”

  “Fine, but I want the whole story later.”

  I had every intention of telling her, but now I was waffling again. What was wrong with me?

  The party was at Eden’s apartment on 78th Street and Riverside Drive.

  “Call us when it’s over. We’ll walk over with Amber and get you,” she offered because at night it’s pretty desolate around there.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll get someone to walk us or I’ll get a cab.” If she only knew that I was totally safe since I had protection from the NSA 24/7.

  On our way over, Lily told me that she’d been talking to Chad a lot and wondered if he’d be at the party. I said I only knew that Daphne and Grace would be there and she was disappointed.

  When we arrived, we found that the party was on the roof of Eden’s building. It was a Hawaiian-themed luau and Deidre placed leis around our necks as we walked through the door. I looked at the Hudson River and saw boats bobbing up and down at the Boat Basin. The music blared from an iPod and there were about thirty kids there already.

  I spotted Eden and we walked over.

  “Hi, cool party.”

  “Thanks. It’s really a going away party,” she said. When she saw my confused expression, she added, “I’m moving. My dad got transferred to California.”

  “I’d love to move to California,” said Lily. “Where in California?

  “Pacific Palisades,” she answered and made a face.

  I was so surprised. “I’ll miss you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I was going to that time I was coming to
your house, but I got upset and canceled. Every time I talk about it, I cry. I don’t want to move, but I have no choice. Soooooo.” She raised her hands in the air. “I figured I’d throw a party.”

  “When are you leaving? Can we get together before you go?”

  “Sure, I’ll be here until the end of August. My mom’s going out next week to go house hunting, but I’m not leaving until I’m forced to,” she said and I saw her eyes glisten.

  I hugged her and said, “I’m so sorry. Would your parents let you stay and finish the senior year? Maybe at my house if my parents said yes.”

  “I already asked them that and they said absolutely not.”

  “Sorry, Eden,” said Lily.

  Paul sidled over and asked Eden to dance. What was Paul going to do without her? They had been inseparable. Eden’s parents had always complained about the amount of time that Paul and Eden spent together, so the move was probably a blessing for them.

  I spotted Daphne and Grace dancing with some boys that I didn’t know. They must’ve been Paul’s friends from his school. Eden’s parents and two couples were sitting at a table talking.

  Lily brightened up when she saw Chad in the distance.

  “Chad’s here, I’m so happy,”

  As we walked over, I noticed he was talking to Billy, Carla and Vanessa. Ugh! I forgot that Eden and Carla were friends. Once when I asked Eden, “Why?” She said that Carla wasn’t that bad and I dropped the discussion. Our friendship was strained already at that point and I wasn’t going to allow Carla to cause more friction.

  I grabbed Lily’s arm to stop her and said, “I’m not going over there.”

  Lily stopped dead in her tracks when she saw them. Deidre was walking by, so I asked how her summer was going.

  “It’s been great. I’m interning at a theatre company. It’s so much fun,” Deidre said. She was really involved in the drama department at school.

  I saw Chad looking around and when he spotted us, he left the group and bee-lined right for Lily. I whispered, “Chad’s coming.”

  “Hi! What a surprise! I thought Paige might be here, but I never expected to see you.”

  While they were deep in conversation, Billy suddenly appeared and joined my conversation with Deidre. When she saw four new people walk in, she left to give them leis.

  Alone now, Billy whispered in my ear, “So, I heard you broke Reed’s heart.”

  I must have turned purple from embarrassment. I nervously glanced around to see if Carla was nearby or if anyone heard him. Someone told him something, but Reed and I never dated, so it was ridiculous.

  “No, I didn’t,” I quickly countered.

  “Yes, you did,” Billy said knowingly, amused by my discomfort.

  “We’re just friends,” I said.

  “Reed likes you, but he thinks you might be dating somebody.” Billy watched for my reaction. Reed told Billy! How crazy?

  Sighing, I said, “No, I’m not dating anyone.” I felt depressed saying that, but it was true. Since Daniel didn’t like me, I was definitely single. Billy seemed pleased by my answer and I really hoped that Daniel was wrong about Billy being an admirer. I wasn’t in the mood for him, besides they were moving to California.

  As we continued talking, Carla and Vanessa walked by and totally pretended that I didn’t exist. They asked Billy where the restroom was and walked away cackling. I thought I heard them say “Bustedcup.” That was only one of the derogatory versions of Buttercup that they had made up and they’d whisper them whenever they passed me.

  Lily was talking to Chad all night and it seemed that whenever I turned around, Billy was always nearby. He was a great distraction and I forgot about the spy drama for a while.

  Chad and Billy offered to walk us home at the end of the party, so I called Mom to tell her we were on our way home and had escorts.

  When we exited the building, Carla and Vanessa were getting into a cab and seeing us called out, “Bye Billy, bye Chad.”

  Lily and I were invisible, which was actually a good thing.

  Lily yelled out, “Bye girls!” Carla and Vanessa glared at her.

  Chad looked at me and smiled like he knew why his brother’s ex-girlfriend hated me. He copied Lily and said, “Bye girls.” Lily laughed.

  We started walking home and I wondered where the NSA agents were hiding. Had they eavesdropped on the party? What was the point in that? The goons weren’t going to be there.

  It started drizzling and Billy put his arm around me to keep me dry. It actually felt nice to have someone be that attentive. Billy said he was excited about the California move, but wouldn’t get out there until Thanksgiving. He had job at a Wall Street firm this summer and then would go right to Boston University from here.

  When we got to my building, Billy turned and looked at me, “You want to catch a movie one night?”

  Why not? We could be friends. “Sure.”

  Billy smiled, “I’ll call you tomorrow.” He leaned forward and gave me a kiss right on my lips. It was a fast kiss and I was really taken by surprise.

  In the elevator, Lily stared at me and said, “I saw Billy kiss you. What’s going on?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. That kiss was weird. I just want to be friends.”

  In my bedroom, Lily sat on the bed and demanded that I finally tell her what was wrong. Now that it was time to talk, I worried about Lily’s safety and changed my mind about divulging Daniel’s spying activities. I told Lily to come in the bathroom while I washed my face. I didn’t want them listening to my conversation and Daniel said the bathrooms weren’t bugged.

  Once inside, I told Lily that Daniel said he only wanted to be friends. After a litany of questions, Lily believed me and stopped nagging.

  “You only want to be friends with Reed and Billy, so you should understand. I liked Daniel, but he seemed so old for his age,” she said as an afterthought.

  “He did,” I agreed. Maybe that’s because he probably isn’t, I thought.

  “Maybe it’s because he lost his parents or having gone to boarding school,” Lily suggested.

  I shrugged and said in a British accent, “I don’t know, but the British are very proper.”

  Lily laughed and then tried mimicking me but failed horribly. We jumped on my bed. I got on my computer to peek on Facebook and there was a friend request from Billy. I accepted and we lurked his wall and photos.

  Lily said that she really liked Chad, but they lived so far apart. “I don’t believe that saying, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder.’ I think the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ statement makes more sense.”

  “I don’t believe that. If it’s meant to be, distance or time won’t change true feelings. There are stories of people that fell in love at a young age, broke up, got back together later in life. They said that they hadn’t stopped thinking of each other. I believe in true love.”

  “You’re such a romantic. You’ve watched too many Disney shows.”

  9. ASSAULT

  “Memory is deceptive because it is colored by today’s events.” Einstein

  Since I was babysitting for Martin tonight, I wasn’t able to work, so Lily left alone.

  Around lunchtime, Billy called and asked if I wanted to catch a movie the next night. Billy would be going back to college soon anyway, so what would be the harm? Even though his kiss worried me, I said, “Sure. Is Eden coming too?” Really hoping that she was joining us.

  “She’s busy. It’s just you and me.” It might have been a mistake to say yes.

  Mom was working from home and I hid in my room to do some English homework. I read my last required John Keats poem called “This Living Hand.”

  THIS LIVING HAND

  This living hand, now warm and capable

  Of earnest grasping, would, if it were cold

  And in the icy silence of the tomb,

  So haunt thy days and chill thy dreaming nights

  That thou wouldst wish thine own heart dry of blood
/>   So in my veins red life might stream again,

  And thou be conscience-calmed--see here it is--

  I hold it towards you.

  At first, I thought it was about Keats living on through his written word. It was very apropos that time was a dominant theme. To see death all around and be ill at a young age, Keats focused on life and immortality.

  When it was time to head out to Martin’s in New Jersey, I was relieved that the garage was in the basement of the building and that the elevator went straight there so that no one would see us leave. Getting out of the city and away from everything was exactly what I needed.

  I looked around and didn’t see any dark cars, but they heard where I was going, so I wasn’t fooling anybody. If they followed me to Long Island, two hours away, they’d follow me over the George Washington Bridge to Martin’s.

  I was looking forward to playing with Anna. Many Saturday nights, I babysat Luke, a five year old, who lived down the hall. Lucia Vardin and John Costra were his parents. Luke had a full-time nanny during the week, but on weekends, I was one of the babysitters who filled in.

  Lucia and Luke were spending the summer at their weekend place in Woodstock. I really missed them. Our floor had been quiet without Luke’s lively outbursts and mad dashes to the elevator. He was absolutely adorable!

  Lucia was a Panamanian-born singer/actress, with dark, long, curly hair and was very exotic looking. She dressed like a rock and roller most of the time. I loved her music and listened to her CD’s almost daily. Her band preformed all around the city and I saw many of her shows at Joe’s Pub. She was vivacious and fun to be around. Many days, I would visit her and pour out my silly insecurities. She politely listened and encouraged me to look inward for the answers. Very spiritual, Lucia was into yoga and Buddhism. Incense burned in her apartment and once she dragged me to one of her yoga classes. I wondered if she would have liked Daniel.

  I had bumped into John a few times in the lobby and he told me that Luke was having a great summer. John worked in the city during the week and went upstate on the weekends.

  On the drive, I started to relax. Mom would drop me off and then drive Marina to the mid-town restaurant.