A Life's Morning

by George Gissing

  ‘Greek is more than I can undertake, Mr. Athel,’ she said in a quietly decided tone. ‘I must be content with translations.’

  ‘Translations You would not say that so calmly if you knew what you were renouncing. Everything, everything in literature, I would give up to save my Greek. You will learn it, I know you will; some day I shall hear you read the hexameters as beautifully as you read English poetry to the girls. Will you not begin if I beg you to?’

  The elbow on which he rested moved a few inches nearer to her. He saw the pearly shadows waver upon her throat, and her lips tremble into rigidity.

  ‘My time in the holidays will be very limited,’ she said. ‘I have undertaken to give some help to a friend who is preparing to become a teacher, and’—she tried to smile—’I don’t think I must do more work whilst at home than is really necessary.’

  ‘No, that is true,’ Wilfrid assented unwillingly. ‘Never mind, there is plenty of time. Greek will be overcome, you will see. When we are all back in town and the days are dull, then I shall succeed in persuading you.’

  She looked about her as if with thought of quitting her place. Her companion was drawn into himself; he stroked mechanically with his finger-tips the fronds of bracken near him.

  ‘I suppose I shall go up again in October,’ he began. ‘I wish there were no necessity for it.’

  ‘But surely it is your one desire?’ the other replied in genuine surprise.

  ‘Not to return to Oxford. A few months ago it would have been, but this crisis in my life has changed me. I don’t think I shall adapt myself again to those conditions. I want to work in a freer way. I had a positive zeal even for examinations; now that seems tame—well, boyish. I believe I have outgrown that stage; I feel a reluctance to go back to school. I suppose I must take my degree, and so on, but it will all be against the grain.’

  ‘Your feeling will most likely alter when you have thoroughly recovered your health.’

  ‘No, I don’t think it will. Practically my health is all right. You don’t,’ he added with a smile, ‘regard me as an irresponsible person, whose feeble remarks are to be received with kind allowance?’

  ‘No, I did not mean that.’

  He gazed at her, and his face showed a growing trouble.

  ‘You do not take too seriously what I said just now about the weakness of my mind? It would be horrible if you thought I had worked myself into a state of amiable imbecility, and was incapable henceforth of acting, thinking, or speaking with a sound intellect. Tell me, say in plain words that is not your way of interpreting me.’

  He had become very much in earnest. Raising himself to a position in which he rested on one hand, lie looked straight into her face.

  ‘Why don’t you reply? Why don’t you speak?’

  ‘Because, Mr. Athel, it is surely needless to say that I have no such thought.’

  ‘No, it is not needless; and even now you speak in a way which troubles me. Do not look away from me. What has my aunt told you about me?’

  She turned her face to him. Her self-command was so complete that not a throb of her leaping heart betrayed itself in vein or muscle. She even met his eyes with a placid gaze which he felt as a new aspect of her countenance.

  ‘Mrs. Rossall has never spoken to me of your health,’ she said.

  ‘But my father’s jokes; he has a way of humorous exaggeration. You of course understand that; you don’t take seriously all he says?’

  ‘I think I can distinguish between jest and earnest.’

  ‘For all that, you speak of the recovery of my health as if I were still far from the wholly rational standpoint. So far from my being mentally unsound, this rest has been a growing-time with me. Before, I did nothing but heap my memory with knowledge of hooks; now I have had leisure to gather knowledge of a deeper kind. I was a one-sided academical monster; it needed this new sense to make me human. The old college life is no longer my ideal; I doubt if it will be possible. At any rate, I shall hurry over the rest of my course as speedily as may be, that I may begin really to live. You must credit what I am saying; I want you to give me distinct assurance that you do so. If I have the least doubt, it will trouble my mind in earnest.’

  Miss Hood rose to her feet in that graceful effortless way of which girls have the secret.

  ‘You attribute a meaning to my words that I never thought of,’ she said, again in the distant respectful manner.

  Wilfrid also rose.

  ‘And you give me credit for understanding myself, for being as much master of my mind as I am of my actions?’

  ‘Surely I do, Mr. Athel.’

  ‘You are going to the house? It is nearly five o’clock your conscience tells you that a civilised being must drink tea. I think I shall walk over to Greenhaws; I may as well save Mrs. Winter the trouble of bringing back the children.’

  He hesitated before moving away.

  ‘How little that cloud has changed its form! I should like to stay here and watch it till sunset. In a week I suppose I shall be looking at some such cloud over Mont Blanc. And you, in Dunfield.’

  ‘No, there we have only mill-smoke.’

  She smiled, and passed from the hollow to the road.

  CHAPTER II

  BEATRICE REDWING

  Midway in breakfast next morning, at a moment when Mrs. Rossall was describing certain originalities of drawing-room decoration observed on the previous day at a house in town, the half-open door admitted a young lady who had time to glance round the assembled family before her presence was observed. In appearance she was very interesting. The tints of her fine complexion were warmed by exercise in the morning air, and her dark eyes brightened by pleasurable excitement; she carried her hat in her hand, and seemed to have been walking bareheaded, for there were signs of wind-play in her abundant black hair. But neither face nor attire suggested rusticity: the former was handsome, spirited, with a hint of uncommon things in its changeful radiance; the latter was the result of perfect taste choosing at will among the season’s costumes. At her throat were fastened two blossoms of wild rose, with the dew still on them, and the hand which held her lace-trimmed sunshade carried also a spray of meadow-sweet.

  Mr. Athel, looking up from the end of the table, was the first to perceive her.

  ‘Guardami ben: ben son, ben son Beatrice!’ he exclaimed, rising and moving from his place. ‘But how in the world has she got here?’

  ‘Beatrice!’ cried Mrs. Rossall, following the general direction of eyes. ‘Here already! But you surely haven’t come from town this morning?’

  ‘But indeed I have,’ was the reply, in a joyous voice, whose full, rich quality took the ear captive. ‘Will you let me sit down just as I am? Patty, here’s a rose for you, and, Minnie, another for you.’ She took them from her dress. ‘How do you do, Mr. Wilfrid?’

  The governess was mentioned to her by name; Beatrice looked at her steadfastly for a moment.

  ‘But how have you got here?’ inquired Mrs. Rossall. ‘You must have left London at an unheard-of hour; and how have yen come from Dealing?’

  ‘Clearly she has walked,’ said Mr. Athel. ‘Don’t you see the spoils of her progress?’

  ‘Oh yes, I have walked,’ replied the girl. ‘I suppose I’m in a dreadful state towards the end I almost ran. I was so afraid lest I should miss breakfast, and you can’t imagine how hungry I am. Is that oatmeal porridge you are eating, Mr. Wilfrid? Oh, do let me have some; how delicious it will be!’

  ‘Nonsense, Beatrice,’ interposed Mrs. Rossall. ‘Let Mr. Athel give you some of that pate, or will you have—’

  ‘I’ve been a vegetarian for a month,’ was the reply.

  ‘You don’t mean it?’

  ‘Most strictly. No—eggs are not permitted; only the feebler school allows them. You can’t think how much better I have been in body and mind since I adopted the new diet.’

  ‘But Whatever train did you start by?’ pressed Mrs. Rossall.

  ‘Half-past six. I never c
an sleep these short summer nights. I was up about five o’clock, and just as I was going to read I saw the railway time-table. I looked for the first train and determined to come by it. I wrote a short note to let mother know what had become of me, then in a minute or two I got my things packed, and last of all stole out of the house to find a cab. Luckily, a policeman was just passing the door; he found one for me in no time. Not a soul was up, so I dragged the trunk out on to the landing, and then made the cabman creep upstairs like a burglar to fetch it. Of course he thought I was running away; he enjoyed the joke wonderfully; you should have seen his smile when I paid him at the station. Perhaps you’ll let them fetch my luggage before lunch?’

  ‘But won’t your mother be alarmed?’ asked Mrs. Rossall.

  ‘Why should she? She knows I am very capable of taking care of myself. I wouldn’t have missed this walk for anything. I only lost my way once, and then, luckily, a farmer came driving along: he told me I had half a mile more. I trebled his distance, which made it about right.’

  ‘It’s a good four miles from the station,’ remarked Mr. Athel.

  ‘Is it? If I hadn’t been so hungry I shouldn’t have minded as much again. You’re not angry with me, Mrs. Rossall, for coming before I was expected?’

  A curious note of irresponsible childishness came out now and then in her talk, as in this last question; it was the more noticeable for the air of maturity and self-possession which on the whole characterised her. She continued to talk with much vivacity, making at the same time a hearty meal. Her place at the table was between Wilfrid and Patty; on the opposite side sat Miss Hood and Minnie. As often as her eyes fell upon the governess’s face, they rested there for a moment, searchingly, as if with endeavour to recall some memory.

  ‘Who is responsible for your vegetarianism?’ Wilfrid asked. ‘Is Mr. Cresset preaching the doctrine?’

  ‘No, Mr. Cresset is not preaching the doctrine,’ was the reply, in a tone which evidently contained reference to previous dissensions.

  ‘Surely there is nothing offensive in the suggestion?’ remarked the young man mildly.

  ‘Yes, there is something offensive. Your references to Mr. Cresset are always offensive.’

  ‘You do me injustice. Aunt, I take you to witness, didn’t I praise ungrudgingly a sermon of his we heard last Christmas?’

  ‘I remember quite well,’ said Beatrice; ‘you regarded it as extraordinary that anything good could come from that source, Mr. Athel, I take you to witness, wasn’t that his tone?’

  ‘Patty,’ interposed Mrs. Rossall, ‘do change your place and sit between those two; they never can be next each other without quarrelling.’

  Breakfast drew out to unusual length. Miss Redwing was full of the season’s news, and Mrs. Rossall’s reviving interest in such vanities scarcely affected concealment. Mr. Athel, too, though he supported a jesting tone, clearly enjoyed listening to the girl’s vivacious comments on the world which amuses itself. Wilfrid talked less than usual.

  He and his father strolled together into the garden an hour later, and found Beatrice reclining in a hammock which had recently been suspended in a convenient spot. She had one hand beneath her head, the other held a large fan, with which she warded off stray flakes of sunlight falling between the leaves.

  ‘Isn’t this exquisite?’ she cried. ‘Let no one hint to me of stirring before lunch-time. I am going to enjoy absolute laziness.’

  ‘I thought you would have preferred a gallop over the downs,’ said Mr. Athel.

  ‘Oh, we’ll have that this afternoon; you may talk of it now, and I shall relish it in anticipation. Or, better still, sit down and tell us old stories about Egypt, and let us forget the age we live in.’

  ‘What is amiss with the age?’ inquired Mr. Athel, who stood smoking a cigar and was in his wonted state of satisfaction with himself and the universe.

  ‘Everything is amiss. If you had been with me yesterday in a street I was visiting, not a quarter of a mile from home—But I’m going to forget all that now. How deliciously warm it is here in the shade! I must have a hammock in our garden at Cowes.’

  ‘When do you go back?’ Mr. Athel asked.

  ‘In about a fortnight. It has done mother no end of good; don’t you think she looks remarkably well, Mrs. Rossall? I’m afraid she finds it a little dull though.’

  When his father had returned to the house, Wilfrid sat en the grass and rested his head against the arm of the low garden chair in which Mrs. Rossall was reclining. The sound of a grass-cutter alone mingled with the light rustling of the trees. It was one of those perfect summer mornings when the sun’s rays, though streaming from a cloudless sky, are tempered by a gentle haze in the upper regions of the air, when the zenith has a tinge of violet and on the horizon broods a reddish mist. From this part of the garden only a glimpse of the house was visible; an upper window with white curtains, cool, peaceful. All else on every side was verdure and bloom.

  ‘Is it possible,’ Beatrice asked, when there had been silence for a few moments, ‘that I can have met Miss Hood anywhere before to-day? Her face is strangely familiar to me.’

  ‘She has never been in London before she came to us,’ said Mrs. Rossall.

  ‘But you have relatives in Dunfield, I think?’ remarked Wilfrid.

  ‘To be sure,’ said his aunt; ‘she comes from Dunfield, in Yorkshire. Do you think you can have met her there?’

  ‘Ah, that explains it,’ Beatrice cried eagerly. ‘I knew I had seen her, and I know now where it was. She gave lessons to my uncle’s children. I saw her when I was staying there the last time, three—no, four years ago. I can’t recall her by her name, but her face, oh, I remember it as clearly as possible.’

  ‘What a memory you have, Beatrice!’ said Mrs. Rossall.

  ‘I never forget a face that strikes me.’

  ‘In what way did Miss Hood’s face strike you?’ Wilfrid asked, as if in idle curiosity, and with some of the banter which always marked his tone to Beatrice.

  ‘You would like some deep, metaphysical reason, but I am not advanced enough for that. I don’t suppose I thought much about her at the time, but the face has stayed in my mind. But how old is she?’

  ‘Two-and-twenty,’ said Mrs. Rossall, smiling.

  ‘A year older than myself; my impression was that she was more than that. I think I only saw her once; she was with us at lunch one day. We spoke of her shyness, I remember; she scarcely said a word all the time.’

  ‘Yes, she is very shy,’ assented Mrs. Rossall.

  ‘That’s a mistake, I think, aunt,’ said Wilfrid; ‘shyness is quite a different thing from reticence.’

  ‘Reticent, then,’ conceded the lady, with a smile to Beatrice. ‘At all events, she is very quiet and agreeable and well-bred. It is such a good thing to have a governess who really seems well-bred; it does make it so much easier to treat her with consideration.’

  ‘Do the children like her?’ Beatrice asked.

  ‘Very much indeed. And it’s wonderful how she controls them; they are scatter-brained little creatures.’

  ‘Will she go abroad with you?’

  ‘Oh, no, I don’t think that necessary.’

  Wilfrid presently left the two to their gossip. The conversation naturally turned to him.

  ‘How is his health?’ Beatrice asked.

  ‘He seems quite recovered. I don’t think there was ever anything to occasion much alarm, but his father got frightened. I expect we shall bring him back from Switzerland as well as ever he was.’

  ‘What ever has he done with himself the last two months?’ mused the girl.

  ‘Well, it has been rather hard to keep him occupied away from books. He has been riding a good deal, and smoking a good deal.’

  ‘And talking a good deal?’

  ‘Well, yes, Wilf is fond of talking,’ admitted Mrs. Rossall, ‘but I don’t think he’s anything like as positive as he was. He does now and then admit that other people may have an opinion which
is worth entertaining. Celia Dawlish was with us a fortnight ago; she declared him vastly improved.’

  ‘She told him so?’

  ‘No, that was in private to me.’

  ‘But I think Celia and he always got on well together,’ said Beatrice in an idly meditative tone, moving the edge of her fan backwards and forwards a few inches above her face.

  A few minutes later, after a silence, she said—

  ‘Do you know what I am thinking?’

  ‘What?’ asked Mrs. Rossall, with an air of interest.

  ‘That if I were to close my eyes and keep quiet I should very soon be fast asleep.’

  The other laughed at the unexpected reply.

  ‘Then why not do so, dear? It’s warm enough; you couldn’t take any harm.’

  ‘I suppose the walk has tired me.’

  ‘But if you had no sleep last night? How is it you can’t sleep, I wonder? Is it the same when you are at Cowes?’

  ‘No, only in London. Something troubles me; I feel that I have neglected duties. I hear voices, as distinct as yours now, reproving me for my idle, frivolous life.’

  ‘Nonsense! I am sure you are neither idle nor frivolous. Do doze off, if you can, dear; I’ll go and get something to read.’

  ‘You won’t be angry with me?’ the girl asked, in the tone of an affectionate weary child.

  ‘I shall if you use ceremony with me.’

  Beatrice sighed, folded her hands upon the fan, and closed her lids. When Mrs. Rossall returned from the house with a magazine and a light shawl, the occupant of the hammock was already sound asleep. She threw the shawl with womanly skill and gentleness over the shapely body. When she had resumed her seat, she caught a glimpse of Wilfrid at a little distance; her beckoned summons brought him near.

  ‘Look,’ she whispered, pointing to the hammock. ‘When did you see a prettier picture?’

  The young man gazed with a free smile, the expression of critical appreciativeness. The girl’s beauty stirred in him no mood but that. She slept with complete calm of feature the half-lights that came through the foliage made an exquisite pallor on her face, contrasting with the dark masses of her hair. Her bosom rose and fell in the softest sighing; her pure throat was like marble, and her just parted lips seemed to need a protector from the bees….