Lawless

by HelenKay Dimon

  The lump in her throat refused to move. “You left me.”

  He lifted her hand and kissed the back. “I’ve hated every second without you.”

  The conversation kept spinning and she had no idea how to make it land. She went with the question that circled in her head. “Do you plan to leave Corcoran?”

  “No.” Fast and sure, he didn’t even hesitate.

  That wasn’t a surprise to her. Watching his easy manner with Cam and Davis, seeing how Connor led, it all convinced her Joel had found a home with the team. He’d found friends. Even if he denied it, he’d found normal.

  He might talk about being a loner or an outcast, but they accepted him and he didn’t show any signs of bolting. Whatever it was that made him twitchy when he thought about a forever relationship with her was silenced when it came to work. A certain calm washed over him.

  She was happy for him to have found a home of sorts, but jealous it wasn’t with her. “Do you want to end this—whatever it is—with me so you can find something else? Maybe something better?”

  “There’s nothing better.” He shifted, getting even closer to her. “You have to believe that.”

  She wanted to. “Oh, Joel.”

  “It’s not a line.”

  “I know.” She trailed the back of her fingers over his cheek. “That’s the point. You are with the one woman who understands you.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  She tried one last time to make him understand how evenly matched they were, despite their very different backgrounds. “I love having a home base but crave the outdoors. Life isn’t about comforts for me. It’s about nature and hiking.”

  “And climbing.”

  If she wanted him to face a demon, she needed to stare one down, too. “Yes, that.”

  “Will you try it again?”

  Right now she’d say anything to get through to him, but she didn’t want to lie. The deaths on the mountain that day had stayed with her. The ones at the campground probably would too. So much responsibility and so much failure.

  With him she could get through it. He just had to jump first. “Will you stay with me?”

  “Your need to be outside and the anxiety that gnaws at me are not the same thing. Your love is healthy. Mine grew out of a strange sickness handed down from my father.”

  “But you’re a grown-up now.”

  “I get that.”

  “Then the only other explanation for your behavior, your decisions, is you’re a coward.” Not in life and at work, but he was when it came to her.

  He dropped her hand. “Excuse me?”

  He didn’t move but she felt the chill as sure as if he’d doused her with ice water and walked away. To keep from grabbing him back or begging him to listen, she got up. The couch was too small and the room was too close.

  In the past few minutes the walls had pressed in. This place, her sanctuary, fell over her like a cage.

  She knew the word would prick at him. Strike at all he believed about himself. That’s why she’d used it. He needed a wake-up call. If this was their last chance, and she was pretty sure from the ache around her heart it was, she intended to use every weapon to win the battle.

  Her breath escaped in hard pants as she struggled to find the right words. “You have a woman standing in front of you who loves you. Loves all that you are and believes in who you’ve become.”

  He stood in front of her. “Hope, look—”

  With a raised hand from her, he stopped talking. “We love each other. We certainly don’t have any problems in the bedroom.”

  “Definitely not.”

  “Yet you push me away.” The memory of every word, every excuse, hit with the force of a hard slap. “What can that be but cowardice?”

  His jaw tightened. “Let’s find a new word.”

  “I’d prefer if we found a new way to do this.”

  “Meaning?”

  She took the final step and walked right off the emotional cliff. “You have to go.”

  “You mean for tonight?” His eyes narrowed as if he never dreamed she would draw the line.

  She had to own that. Somehow, in some way, she gave him the impression he could always crawl back.

  To be fair, that was their unspoken deal. She told him she’d be there while he figured out what he needed. He told her to move on. The final words hanging between them from last time strangled them now.

  “If you can’t get your act together, forever.” She rubbed her hands over her bare arms, but her skin refused to warm up. “I can’t do this. I can’t love you and wait, which is exactly what I’ve been doing.”

  “Your father said you were dating.” His chest rose and fell in hard breaths.

  Tension snapped between them and choked most of the air out of the room. When she looked at him she saw a mix of anger and resignation in his dark eyes. His mouth stayed in a flat line and every muscle stilled.

  She didn’t know if the final warning or the idea of her with someone else put him in this place, but the loving man who wanted to go to sleep had disappeared. The hardened fighter remained.

  “Those were fix-ups and dinners when I got tired of my father begging me to try.” She wouldn’t lie because that’s not how she lived her life. This wasn’t some silly game. “I don’t know what he told you but I’ve barely kissed another man.”

  Joel’s head shifted forward. “Barely?”

  “I am here, Joel. I am yours forever. There is no one else and never will be if you reach out and take what I’m offering.” Her fingernails dug into the skin on her arms as she threw down the final gauntlet. “But I’m done running after you.”

  He held out his hands. “What does that even mean?”

  There was no way he couldn’t know. She didn’t engage in word games. “This time you have to come after me because I’m done being the only one trying to keep us together.”

  His hands dropped to his sides. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “But you do. Every single time.” Time after time, so many nights alone and desperate for him.

  He winced.

  She didn’t back down.

  Taking small steps, because that was all she could muster, she went to her front door. The knob felt heavy in her hand as she twisted. She would have thought she was trying to pull hundreds of pounds when she drew it open.

  “Goodnight, Joel...and I’ll hope it’s not goodbye.”

  He didn’t say a word as he walked past her into the dark night.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next night, twenty-four hours after the love of his life had escorted him out of her house and his world exploded, Joel stood at the far end of a tree-lined road filled with mini-mansions and driveways loaded with expensive cars. They were tucked back in on a construction lot. The frame for a massive house loomed behind them, and a trash bin hid Connor’s SUV.

  In this neighborhood, parked cars and strange men walking around would be noticed. This was the kind of place where most houses had a live-in maid and the police on speed dial. No soliciting and certainly no gawkers.

  They couldn’t see Tony’s house from this position, but it sat around the corner. As Joel would expect, Tony had bought the house at the end of the cul-de-sac on a double lot. From the pictures, with the white columns and three stories, the sprawling place looked big enough to be a school.

  Joel grabbed his Kevlar vest out of the backseat of the truck. Concentrating on the straps and his weapon, he tried to push Hope’s face out of his head. The pale cheeks and sunken eyes filled with pain.

  He had done that. He had put her there.

  He’d seen her cry exactly twice in all their time together. Both times he caught a glimpse as he walked out the door, never intending to return. Both times, the devastated look rammed into his gut until he moved his hand and checked for blood.

  The first time nearly killed him. He feared this time would finish the job.

  He tried to focus on the task in front of the
m—Tony. Finishing this off was the last thing Joel could do for her. Guarantee her safety.

  Then he had to walk away. No checking up. No coming back. No answering her father’s calls. Any contact resulted in wounds and the bleeding didn’t stop.

  “Tell me again about the intel.” When neither Cam nor Connor answered, Joel glanced up. The concern was right there on their faces. He hated that, too. “Well?”

  Cam held his gun in front of him, but instead of a weapons check, he stared. “You okay?”

  More like smashed in little pieces. “I just want to run through the plan one more time.”

  Connor shut the driver’s side door of the truck. “We’ve had eyes on the house.”

  Because there were exactly three of them in town, Joel didn’t know what that meant. “Who?”

  “Davis and Ben rigged something from back at headquarters using security cameras and I have no idea what else.”

  Joel did. He knew because he had created the program that snaked into private systems and everywhere else it shouldn’t be. “Trade secrets.”

  Cam frowned. “What?”

  “That’s the name of my program. Ben’s been helping me with the design and implementation.” The guy’s tech background proved helpful. He claimed to have limited knowledge, but combining their interests had created something with great promise in the field of surveillance.

  “That’s likely it then.” Connor took out his cell and showed them a photo of the house one last time. With another swipe of his finger, he brought up the schematics and blueprints they’d all memorized, complete with a security system overlay. “Charlie came in about a half hour ago. The security system has been off since.”

  “He went in through the front door?” That struck Joel as something partners might do. Seemed they finally connected the dots on who had set the whole camp scene up and why.

  “Only after making a lot of racket,” Cam said.

  Connor shook his head. “Tony might have had some concern he was coming because the wife left hours ago and hasn’t been back. I’m guessing he sent her away.”

  Two men. A big house. Corcoran in control of the security system. Joel liked the odds and, because he hadn’t liked a damn thing all day, it was a relief to stumble into some good news now. “What’s the plan?”

  Connor leaned against the truck’s hood as his gaze toured Joel’s face. Whatever Connor saw made him scowl. “What happened yesterday that has you snapping and stewing?”

  No way could Joel handle this now. He doubted he could handle it a year from now. “Nothing.”

  Connor didn’t let it go. “We need your head in this.”

  “It is.” Joel vowed to close off his feelings and concentrate on the task at hand.

  He knew all too well how to block his emotions. He’d call on those long-ago learned skills and drag them out now. Maybe they’d finally be good for something other than destroying his life.

  Cam exhaled. “Hope—”

  “Is not a topic I’m going to discuss.” Shutting the conversation down, not mentioning her name, was the only way to get through this.

  Cam and Connor exchanged glances, but Cam was the one to speak up. “I guess we have our answer.”

  With a click Connor set his gun down on the hood. “We can stand down and—”

  “I want this guy. Both of them.” This much he could do. Joel would not leave until the job was done. Then he could slink back to Annapolis and figure out how to regroup. “It’s the only way I’ll know she’s safe.”

  “Then you’ll leave her again.” Cam’s eyebrows lifted in question. “Right? That’s what you’re saying.”

  “Last time.” Connor put a hand on Joel’s shoulder. “Are you in a place to help us? Cam and I can go in and Davis can book it up here. At this time of night it won’t take long to drive back from Annapolis. We can go back to the hotel and—”

  “I’m fine.”

  Cam scoffed. “Yeah, you sound it.”

  “How about if I punch you? Will that prove it?” Yeah, knowing Cam’s reputation Joel would regret it later. But blowing off some of the energy pinging around inside him would feel good at the moment.

  “Go ahead. If that’s what it takes for you to get your head out of—”

  Connor held up a hand. “Okay.”

  “Are we going to talk or move?” Joel asked, hoping to get the conversation back on work and out of his private life.

  Connor’s eyes narrowed as he assessed Joel again. “We’re heading in.”

  “Happy that’s resolved,” Davis’s voice boomed over the mics they all wore. Tiny silver discs in their ears that kept them connected. They called it the comm. “For now.”

  Joel remembered the entire conversation and swore under his breath. “How long have you been on the line?”

  “We all are—me, Pax and Ben—and as the three members with women, we’ll talk to you about your idiocy later. Maybe let Cam knock some sense into you,” Davis warned.

  And they would. Joel planned to dodge that meeting. “Lucky me.”

  Connor picked up his gun. “Move out.”

  * * *

  HOPE HAD GOTTEN as far as her couch. She thought about taking a shower. Dreamed about crawling into bed and not coming out for months. Instead, she slouched down on the couch and curled into a ball.

  That’s what you did when your world crashed down around you and scattered into a million unfixable shards. You cowered.

  She curled tighter into a ball with her feet tucked underneath her as she berated the choices she’d made tonight. This time she had no one to blame but herself. She could have played the whole scene better. Waited until morning, after they had gotten some sleep and some distance from all that had happened.

  She could have doled her concerns out in short bursts to Joel instead of laying it all on the line. So many decisions and all of them seemed wrong in hindsight.

  The goal was to force Joel to step out of the blackness that surrounded him and into reality. Talk about a miserable failure.

  For someone who insisted she didn’t play games, she certainly had done so tonight. She’d given him an ultimatum, something she vowed never to do again.

  After so much death she thought he’d choose a life with her. At least fight back and insist they find a way, or that he have some time. But, no. He fell back on the old excuses and insecurities.

  Her head dropped against the couch cushion and she snuggled in deeper. Her gaze fixed on a point above the fireplace. Not a photo or anything concrete. Just a spot.

  She sat unmoving for what felt like hours. Her muscles ached and her head pounded from the crying. Her cheeks were dry now because she had nothing left. Not even the energy to get up.

  Just as her eyes closed, she heard a gentle tap at the door. Her head shot up and she tried to remember if she’d set the alarm when Joel left...Joel.

  The idea of seeing him, of him coming back, had her up and sprinting.

  Somewhere at the back of her head, a bell clanged. All those lectures from her father about being careful. Joel’s insistence that her place be outfitted with the best security system on the market. The warnings jumbled together as she hit the foyer.

  The green light blinked on the alarm, meaning she’d typed in the code at some point and turned it off. She pressed a hand against the door and went up on tiptoes to peek out.

  The wood caught her in the forehead. A slam and a crack followed by a blinding pain and spots floating in front of her eyes.

  Her body reeled back and her socks slid on the polished hardwood floor. She threw out her arms to catch her balance, but the move only made her more tipsy. The room spun and darkness closed in at the edges of her vision. She had to shake her head to clear out the ringing.

  When she heard the soft click, she looked up. Charlie stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

  He smiled. “You need better locks, but thank you for making my job easier and turning off the fancy alarm. That I couldn’t break
. Well, not without some serious help.”

  His presence was so out of context. She didn’t know what time it was or what was going on. “What are you doing here?”

  He grabbed her arm and dug his fingers into her skin until she felt the bite and sting of his pinch and let out a soft gasp. She struggled to pull away, but he tightened his hold and started twisting.

  “Good evening, Hope.” He dragged her in closer until his breath brushed over her cheek. “You and I are going to have a little talk.”

  The rattling in her brain stopped long enough for her to blink out the cobwebs. “You’re supposed to be back at the campsite helping the police.”

  “I’m done with law enforcement.”

  Of course he was. That’s what happened with criminals and she had no doubt that’s exactly what he was.

  The truth washed over her. “You’re Tony’s partner in all of this.”

  “Was.” Charlie smiled. “Now I’m your nightmare.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  They entered Tony’s house through the back gate as planned. Waiting to hear the distinctive click before going forward, Joel stood with his fingers wrapped around the handle. Once the noise came, he twisted and they slipped through the entrance usually reserved for gardeners.

  Crouching, they jogged in the planned formation with Connor in the lead and Cam and Joel falling into a triangle behind him. Each one wore protective gear and blended in with the trees and darkness. Their shoes tapped against a patio as they moved by the building the plans referenced as a pool house.

  Joel glanced up and locked on the motion sensor light by a hammock. When it failed to switch on, he knew Davis was working the controls from Annapolis like the expert he was. He heard what they heard and saw what they did through small cameras implanted in their helmets.

  Joel often sat in that chair and orchestrated from a distance. Even though it reduced the chance of taking a bullet, the task was much harder than it looked.

  Lights shone along the whole back of the house. A wall of windows stretched across most of the bottom floor. Joel could see every stick of expensive furniture and a kitchen usually reserved for magazine spreads. He silently wondered if Tony ever ventured into it.