Soul Protector (Soul Protector Series)

by Amanda Leigh Cowley

  “Oh yes I did,” he said dramatically. “I’m Graham by the way.” He stuck out his hand for Dan and me to shake.

  “And this accident-prone liability is my fiancée, Emily.”

  Emily glanced briefly in our direction, before looking down and speaking to the floor. “I’m an idiot. I tripped over my handbag strap. I really am sorry.” I noticed all her movements were small and jerky, like a frightened animal.

  “Well it was good to meet you both,” said Dan. “And Emily, please don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal.” As he said this, he put his hand on her arm, but she flinched and moved out of his reach, standing closer to Graham. Dan looked taken aback. “Well, enjoy your evening,” he said, moving his hand back by his side.

  “Oh yes, we will. And you,” said Graham.

  Dan looked at me and tipped his head to one side, indicating we were moving. I hopped off my stool and we made our way further along the bar, nearer to the hustle and bustle of the other customers.

  “Something’s really wrong there,” Dan said.

  “I know. She’s really scared of him. Did you notice how, after she did or said anything; she had to look at him for approval.”

  Dan nodded, deep in thought.

  I carried on. “You know, it wouldn’t surprise me if he hits her or something, you know, physical abuse…” I shuddered as I thought about Mum. “But even if he doesn’t use his fists, he’s definitely got some kind of hold over her… like emotional abuse?”

  “Could be both,” Dan said, glancing in their direction.

  “Poor girl… She needs to get away from him.”

  Dan looked back towards me. “Trouble is we don’t really know what’s going on. We can’t just make assumptions, we could be totally wrong.”

  “I doubt it. I guess the only way to find out would be to get to know her better.”

  I noticed Dan’s expression change. He’d raised his eyebrows and was smiling at me.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Think about it, Gracie. What’s the best way to get to know her better, for someone like you or me?”

  He began nodding as recognition dawned on my face.

  “Oh no, Dan, I told you, I’m never doing that again.”

  ~

  As we were driving to my flat, Dan rubbed his hand over his chin again, deep in thought.

  “Gracie, you know how bad you felt after you switched into Lydia last time?”

  “Uh huh, like I was dying…”

  “You realise that was only because you’d gone to the dark orange stage, don’t you? That doesn’t normally happen.”

  “Well that’s a relief,” I said, throwing a sarcastic look at him.

  He gave me a half-smile.

  I dropped the act and sighed. “It doesn’t really matter Dan, I told you, I’m never doing that crazy stuff again.”

  I looked out the window at the people on the street, and wondered how many of them might be in on the SP secret.

  “Well I think it’s a shame.”

  “Err, why?”

  “Because I think you’d make a really good PSP.”

  “What? Dan, you have to stop talking to me in code.”

  “Sorry,” he said, lowering the radio volume further. “A PSP is a Professional Soul Protector. I think you should consider it.”

  That grabbed my attention. I turned my head from the window and faced him full on.

  “What’s the difference between a Professional Soul Protector and a normal Soul Protector?” If they can ever be considered normal, that is.

  “You get paid.”

  “Really? Like a proper job?”

  “Yes, a proper job. The money’s not bad, and the job satisfaction’s great.”

  “You never told me that before. Do all Soul Protectors get paid for helping people?”

  He shook his head. “There’s not enough funding for everyone. The Soulfellows set up an internal charity which pays for stuff like the running of the Office, all the staff and the monitors. The rest funds a group of Soul Protectors who are particularly good at identifying vulnerable people. They get a decent salary. I really think you should consider it, Gracie.”

  “Well, it does sound tempting, but I don’t know, Dan. Even after the first switch which was what… all of fifteen minutes? I felt rough afterwards.

  “Don’t worry about that. You’d gradually build up resistance. It’ll get easier, and I’d help to train you”

  Now that was encouraging. Guaranteeing more time with Dan almost made up my mind for me. But I’d been working so hard at the magazine lately, I didn’t want all the effort I’d put in wasted. I was virtually guaranteed the writer position.

  “In fact,” Dan carried on, “Emily would be a good practice run for you. She needs some intervention, and I think you could really help her.”

  “It’s not only me that can help though, is it? Why don’t you have a go? You’re a Soul Protector too, right?”

  Dan laughed, and shook his head. “Nooo, that wouldn’t be right would it? Apart from the fact it’s actually impossible to switch into the opposite sex; can you imagine how weird that would be?”

  I thought about it and giggled as I imagined the implications.

  Dan pulled up outside my building, and looked across at me.

  “So what do you think?” he asked eagerly.

  My gut instinct was strong on this one.

  “No, I can’t. I was really scared last time, Dan. I’m sorry. I just don’t think it’s for me.”

  He nodded. “Okay I’ll stop pressuring you. But, never say never, okay?”

  I smiled, shaking my head as he raised his hand to stroke a stray hair away from my face. His expression grew serious and I noticed his jaw muscle twitching under his skin. His fingers grazed my cheekbone and I instantly forgot how to breathe. Either he moved closer to me, or I moved closer to him, I couldn’t be sure, but his face was only inches from mine and I was staring into his eyes again. The intensity between us was intoxicating and I sensed he was about to kiss me. Instinctively, I tilted my face up to his and closed my eyes.

  Instead of feeling his lips on mine, I was aware of a change in the air around me. I opened my eyes and was horrified to see he’d moved away from me, his arm poised as if ready to push me away should I try again. I quickly closed my parted lips, my stomach muscles clenching hard as I cringed inside.

  I moved back from him, shrinking into my seat as I flicked hair forward over my ears. I knew it. Why had I been so forward? He was way out of my league and I was a complete idiot to think he could ever fancy me.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t,” he said. His voice sounded strained.

  I couldn’t bear to meet his gaze and just looked down at my hands. “I’m sorry...it was stupid...I thought...” I struggled to regain my composure as I felt heat creeping across my face.

  “It’s not that, Gracie. It’s not you.”

  I carried on looking downwards, willing the ground to swallow me up.

  “Gracie, would you please look at me?”

  I swallowed hard and lifted my head in his direction, fully expecting him to tell me what a lovely girl I was and how I would find the right guy someday.

  “We can’t do this now, because it wouldn’t be right.”

  “Huh?” That wasn’t what I was expecting to hear. “What do you mean?”

  “Because of this,” he said, sweeping his hands down his sides. “This isn’t really me. I’m not in my primary body.”

  My stomach did an involuntary twist. Back in my own body, his aura had disappeared from view. So much had happened lately, I’d completely forgotten he was switched when he bundled me into that car.

  “Oh, right. Of course you’re not.” I said, swallowing hard.

  He reached out to touch my face and it made me flinch.

  “Please don’t take this personally. I do like you, Gracie. But before I can even think about getting close to you, I need to be in my own body.” />
  I should have felt relieved at not being rejected, but instead a horrible thought struck me. What if I didn’t fancy Dan in his own body? I knew I was incredibly fond of him as a person. He was kind, strong and full of integrity. But what if that wasn’t enough? What if I didn’t fancy him in a different package?

  I tried to mask my doubt and took a deep breath.

  “When do I get to see the real Dan Sullivan then?”

  “I’ve got to work this weekend, but I’m free on Monday. I can come over after you get in from work, if that’s any good for you?”

  “Erm, yes, okay. That sounds great,” I answered, forcing my voice to remain light.

  “You’ll get to meet me properly for the first time.”

  I smiled at him, but deep down I was in turmoil. I felt like I’d won a million pounds in the lottery, only to be told there’d been a mistake, and it was a fiver instead. I didn’t know if I was shallow or not, but I realised I was going to find out.

  CHAPTER 10

  .

  Michelle

  .

  It was Saturday afternoon and I’d been stretched out on the sofa at home, proof-reading one of the freelancer’s articles when the intercom buzzed. I plopped the paperwork on the floor, and heaved myself up to answer it.

  When I heard Michelle’s voice, my finger hovered over the door-release button. I closed my eyes as I battled with my decision whether to let her in or not. Curiosity won, but when I opened the door and saw the wide brown eyes and familiar bob, I couldn’t find the words to say hello. She didn’t say anything either. She just stood there, looking small and timid.

  If you didn’t know her you’d think she was far younger than her seventeen years. Like me, she’d inherited the short gene from Mum, and in an effort to look her age she plastered on way too much make-up. It didn’t hide the fact she still looked twelve. Or maybe I just thought that because she was my little sister.

  After I got over the initial shock, I opened the door wider and gestured for her to enter. She followed me through to the living room and then stood watching in silence as I cleared a space on the sofa. I could never have believed Michelle and I would get to the point where we’d feel so awkward in each other’s company.

  When the silence became unbearable, I straightened up to face her and sighed. “Michelle, what are you doing here?”

  Her hands trembled as she twisted them in front of her and I noticed the skin on her neck and chest had gone all blotchy. It must have taken quite an effort to pull off the challenging tone to her voice.

  “I came because I miss my sister.”

  “Well maybe you should have thought about that before you pinched my boyfriend.” The words had spilled out more aggressively than I intended.

  “We broke up,” she said softly, “and I’ve moved out of his bedsit.”

  I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself and erase the venom from my voice. “So, are you moving back in with Mum?”

  She shook her head and her earrings made a clattering sound. “No, not yet anyway. I want to wait until things are more normal. I’m crashing at Lucy’s for a bit.”

  “So what is it you want from me, to pretend none of it ever happened?”

  I saw tears building behind her thick mascara.

  “Gracie, please believe me. I would do anything to go back in time and change things.”

  I half-laughed. “What? Like make sure I never got to find out?”

  “No,” she said, her brow crinkling. “I mean I wish I never let myself fall for him in the first place.”

  I sighed, pausing to order my thoughts. “Michelle, you really don’t get it do you? You and Mike hooking up was bad enough, but there’s more to it than that. At least he owned up to what was going on behind my back. You seemed to think it was alright as long as I didn’t find out.”

  I stopped talking as the moment I found out about the pair of them flashed into my mind.

  I’d still been reeling from Mike dumping me, but I was nowhere near the emotional-wreck stage at that point. Kerry and Lydia, on a mission to take my mind off things, had taken me to see a movie at a cinema complex nearby. It was a comedy flick with Jack Black, and I’d had to admit, laughing out loud improved my mood no end. Even Lydia had let herself go, succumbing to deep belly laughs. When it finished, we walked out through the large glass doors of the building and into the chilly evening, giggling as we reminisced over various scenes.

  There was a McDonalds at the other end of the car park and it stood out like a sore thumb with its golden arches lit up against the dark sky. In spite of all the pick-a-mix we’d scoffed, Kerry decided we should pop in and grab something for the journey home.

  We trotted across the tarmac, arms linked together as we decided what to order. Lydia said she could only manage a small portion of fries, but Kerry reckoned she was having a Big Mac and fries.

  In order to reach the entrance we had to walk alongside the cars in the drive-thru queue. I was still trying to decide what I fancied, when I casually flicked my eyes forward. What I saw made me stop in my tracks. Sitting just ahead of us was Mike’s distinctive camper van.

  Kerry followed my gaze. “Oh great, he’s here.”

  Lydia grabbed my arm, pulling me forward. “Ignore him, Gracie. Look the other way.” Something about the urgency in her voice made me curious.

  We had no choice but to walk directly past his van anyway, and as I drew level, I couldn’t stop myself peaking through the window. Mike didn’t see me at first. He was completely focussed on his passenger, Michelle.

  I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I stopped walking and a wave of nausea washed over me. I still had my arm looped through Lydia’s, and I was grateful when she tensed to steady me.

  Kerry took a sharp intake of breath. “What the hell are those two doing together?”

  She jumped down the kerb and rapped on the window. Mike and Michelle both jumped and looked our way. Guilt was plastered all over their faces.

  “Hey, what are you two up to?” Kerry shouted.

  Michelle was quick to unbuckle her seatbelt and jump out. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s nothing, honest.” She stopped in front of me, panic reflected in her eyes. “We were just talking… about you… and the break-up.”

  I stood silent, hoping she would say something else to clear up the confusion and prove it was harmless.

  “You do believe me don’t you?” The pitch of her voice grew higher with every word.

  I heard the door creak as Mike stepped out of the driver’s side. The temperature had plummeted, but he was still wearing his favourite Rip Curl t-shirt and board-shorts. He’d obviously got over the initial shock, because his laid-back persona was firmly back in place.

  Ignoring me, he stood by Michelle’s side. I watched, mesmerised as he reached out and stroked her face.

  “Mich, babe, she needs to know.”

  Michelle’s eyes widened as she looked between Mike and me.

  “Needs to know what?” Kerry spat.

  Mike ignored Kerry and turned his attention to me. At the same time he put his arm around Michelle.

  “Me and Mich, we’re an item.”

  I felt Lydia squeeze my arm.

  I swallowed hard. “How long?”

  Michelle looked up at Mike. She was giving him tiny shakes of her head and pleading with her eyes.

  Mike ignored her. “About a month.”

  Kerry’s voice took on a sinister tone. “You devious, nasty…”

  The car driver behind Mike’s van blasted his horn, making us all jump. He furiously signalled for Mike to move forward and catch up with the queue.

  “Yeah, yeah, chill out, old man,” Mike called to him, making no attempt to climb into his van.

  I turned my attention back to Mike and Michelle and braced myself. “Have you two slept together?”

  Michelle’s face fell into a frown and she lowered her head, giving me all the confirmation I needed. I flicked my eyes to Mike and w
as horrified to see the hint of a smile forming on his lips.

  He began nodding. “Sorry, Gracie, but you can’t fight love.”

  Michelle broke free, giving him a look of disgust before stepping towards me.

  “Gracie, it’s not as bad as it sounds...”

  “Yeah, well you could’ve fooled me.” I was amazed my voice sounded so normal when I was finding it hard to breathe. All I knew was that I needed to get away from the pair of them as fast as possible. I turned and sprinted back to Lydia’s car. Behind me I heard Michelle calling my name hysterically, but I didn’t look back.

  I shook my head trying to get rid of the image, and the feelings it conjured.

  “I only tried to hide it because I didn’t want to hurt you,” Michelle was saying. “I thought it would be easier for you that way.”

  “If you were worried about my feelings, you should have stayed well away from him.”

  She swallowed hard. “I couldn’t, Gracie. I had such a huge crush on Mike, ever since you first brought him home to meet us. I used to doodle his name on my school books, and write over them so no one would know.” She stopped for a moment to check my reaction. When I didn’t say anything, she sighed and carried on. “It was just a harmless crush, but then he started taking notice of me. He gave me compliments and said things like...”

  “Michelle, stop. I don’t want to hear all the sordid details. You should have ignored it. You knew how I felt about him.”

  “I know,” she said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Gracie. All I want is for us to get back to normal.”

  She looked so vulnerable, I had to look away to keep my resolve.

  “I can’t bear not seeing you,” she carried on. “Mum lets me know when you’re at hers so I can turn up, but as soon as I get there, you just leave. Gracie, please, you have to forgive me.”

  I took a deep breath. “I can’t yet. It’s too raw. You have to give me time to get over it.”

  “And then you’ll forgive me?”

  I sighed. “Just let me have some space, Michelle.”