by Laura Iding
“There’s a new drug out called Paromomycin or something like that, specifically for immunosuppressed patients.”
“I’ll try it.” Luke had tons of other questions, but sensed Mitch needed to get off the phone, and fast. “Is there another attending I should call to cover for you?”
“I’m working on it. So far the two I’ve called have been sick, too.” Mitch let out a low groan. “I have to go. I’ll call you later.”
Luke didn’t have a chance to respond before Mitch hung up. For a moment he could only stare at the phone. He was on his own, unless Mitch found someone else to help out.
He swallowed hard and tried not to overreact. Was this how it felt to be an attending physician? Solely responsible for an entire unit full of patients? His gut clenched. If so, he wasn’t sure he was ready to be cut loose from his fellowship program. Thank heavens he wasn’t totally alone. The critical care nurses, like Caryn, were very knowledgeable in their own right. Working together as a team should help them get through this.
Squaring his shoulders, he took a deep breath and began to prioritize patient care.
Luke waited until Caryn was able to take her dinner break, since their lunch date had been put on hold thanks to the Crypto disaster. She wasn’t able to leave the unit until six, nine hours after she’d started working that morning.
Not that he was keeping track. All right, maybe he was. He couldn’t get past the need to watch over her. Especially since neither one of them were going to be allowed home any time soon.
Had she eaten anything at all? He hoped so.
“How are you holding up?” he asked as they headed down to the hospital cafeteria.
“Pretty good. I’m just glad I don’t have any of the symptoms.”
He shared her relief. Crypto was very contagious. He followed Caryn as she filed through the cafeteria line, choosing from a variety of food. Hospital Administration had announced that all hospital employees and physicians could eat free during the state of emergency so he didn’t offer to buy her dinner.
The cafeteria wasn’t nearly as crowded as it usually was and he was glad when Caryn chose an isolated table toward the back of the large room, giving them the illusion of privacy.
He held out a chair for her.
“Thanks.” Appearing flustered, she sat down.
He took the seat across from her and gestured to her plate. “You must be hungry—you skipped lunch.”
“I nibbled on some cheese and crackers to get me through the day.” She took a large bite of her roast chicken and rice, closing her eyes in bliss. “I am hungry. It’s always nice to eat something I didn’t have to cook.” She flashed a saucy grin. “Or pay for.”
He chuckled, appreciating her good humor. “Good attitude for someone stuck here overnight.”
“Tell me about it.” She sighed. “They’re trying to find call rooms for us to use as sleeping rooms, but there aren’t enough for the number of nurses who’ll need them.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to offer to share with her, but sensed she wouldn’t appreciate his generosity. He took a large bite of his own meal, nearly choking on the mouthful when he realized the third finger of her left hand was bare.
He swallowed hard and coughed. Reaching over, he captured her hand in his. “When did you take off your engagement ring?”
She tried to tug her hand away, but he held firm. “This morning. My fingers were swollen and I couldn’t get the ring on.”
“I see.” He stroked her bare fingers, enjoying the feel of her silky skin before letting her pull away. Her cheeks were stained a guilty pink. She wouldn’t look at him and, having met a few members of David’s family, he wondered if there wasn’t more to her story. “Caryn. Is your pregnancy the only reason you aren’t wearing your ring?”
“No.” Caryn traced imaginary designs in the rice with her fork before finally raising her gaze to his. “If you must know, pregnancy is the excuse I plan to use for David’s family. I told you before, things are complicated. I just can’t bear to continue wearing the ring.”
“Then you shouldn’t wear it.” This wasn’t the first time she’d hinted at the problems with her fiancé prior to the diving accident. A tiny, selfish part of him was glad she didn’t seem to be harboring deep feelings for the guy. “I’m sure David’s family will understand.”
She shook her head, her smile grim. “Not necessarily. But that’s my problem, not yours.”
“You don’t have to face your problems alone, Caryn.” His tone was sharper than he’d intended. “I’m here to help you.”
She paused, glancing at him. “That’s the second, no, the third time you’ve offered to help me, Luke. Maybe you’re just a really nice guy, but I can’t stop wondering why. Why have you taken such an inordinate interest in me?”
The food he’d swallowed sat heavy in his stomach. This was what he got for prying into her life, he supposed. He hesitated, unsure of how to respond.
“Is it because you don’t have a lot of experience or exposure to pregnant women?” she persisted. “Is that it?”
“That’s partially true,” he agreed.
She knew he was holding back because she set her fork down and pushed her plate of half-eaten food away. “You know a fair amount about me, Luke, but I know next to nothing about you.” A faint smile played along her mouth. “Except that you’re a good doctor who used to live in Kansas.”
“What do you want to know?” He tried to relax, but it wasn’t easy. His past wasn’t something he enjoyed talking about. But if telling her about himself would make her finish her dinner, he’d manage to get through it.
“Is your family living in Kansas?” she asked.
“No. My parents are divorced. My father left when I was very young. My mother is remarried now and living abroad.”
She frowned a little at that. “No brothers or sisters?”
Not any more. He slowly nodded. “I had a younger half-sister, but she died.”
“Oh, Luke.” Caryn reached out and covered her hand with hers. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me, too.” He liked the way her hand felt on his. “It’s been a few years, but sometimes it seems like yesterday.”
“I know the feeling. My parents died a few years ago, too.” A shadow fell over her eyes. “It’s hard to lose the ones you love.”
He cleared his throat and squeezed her hand, trying to lighten the mood. “Hey, let’s not get maudlin here. Sharing dinner with a beautiful woman should be fun, not sad.”
She arched a brow and gently slid her hand from his. “You say that like we’re having a date, instead of taking a quick dinner break in the cafeteria.”
“If not for the Crypto emergency, we would be on a date.”
Now her brows rose higher. “Oh, really? You sound awfully confident. What if I’d declined your invitation to dinner?”
“Why would you?” He spread his hands. “I’m nice, charming, handsome—why would you turn me down?”
His playful arrogance made her laugh. “Gee, maybe because you’re so modest? And because we have absolutely nothing in common?”
“How do you know that we don’t have anything in common?” He was glad she’d picked up her fork and continued to eat.
“Look at you.” She stabbed the air with her fork. “Replace those baggy scrubs with a tux and you’d look more like a model than an overworked physician.”
He could tell she wasn’t kidding. “My looks don’t define who I am.”
“Then what does?” Caryn propped her elbows on the table and leaned closer. “You’re smart, obviously, or you wouldn’t have made it through medical school. Your watch is a Rolex, so I have a feeling you’re not hurting for money, which is unusual when you consider most physicians come out of med school with staggering loans.” He frowned, realizing she wasn’t too far off the mark. “What do we have in common? Nothing, as far as I can tell.”
“We both lost someone close to us.” He kept his tone serious,
so she’d know he meant every word he said. “We’re both smart. We both love working in critical care. We both like the theater.” He paused, and then added, “We’re both attracted to each other.”
She sucked in a quick breath, her eyes meeting his. But she didn’t deny it. He was very thankful she didn’t deny what was happening between them.
“Luke, I’m pregnant.” She emphasized the last word as if she carried the plague.
“Caryn, you must know I was attracted to you before I knew about your pregnancy,” he pointed out.
She sighed. “For all I know, you’re attracted to all women.” Her dry tone should have ticked him off.
But he sensed she’d been hurt before. Badly. He shook his head. “No. Just you.”
She gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Sure, until the novelty wears off. And I expect that will happen when I’m as big as a house.”
The image didn’t scare him in the least. But the way she was drawing away from him did. Obviously, he couldn’t convince her with mere words. “Are you finished? I’ll carry your tray for you.”
“Yes.” She stood and so did he.
After disposing of their dirty dishes on the tray-line, he fell into step beside her as they walked to the elevator. The doors opened, as if waiting for them.
Thankfully the elevator was empty. When the doors closed behind them, he stepped toward her. “You’re special, Caryn,” he said in a husky tone. “I hope you realize that.”
She opened her mouth but didn’t say a word. He gave her plenty of time to protest as he tugged her close and then captured her mouth with his.
For a heart-stopping moment she stiffened against him and he fully expected she’d push him away. Then her mouth softened, opening for him, returning the kiss. His heart thundered in his ears as he explored her mouth, drugged on the taste of her.
The doors opened and he broke off the kiss, gulping deep breaths to calm his racing heart. He was tempted to hit the button again so they could ride the elevator for a while longer.
But Caryn was already pulling away, her brown eyes wide with shock. “This isn’t going to work, Luke. I’m sorry.”
Before he could stop her, she walked out of the elevator and disappeared into the one place he couldn’t follow.
The woman’s restroom.
He’d kissed her. Caryn stared at her reflection in the mirror and brushed her fingers against lips that still tingled. Why had he kissed her?
Why had she kissed him back?
Because she couldn’t think straight around Luke. He muddled her senses, made her doubt the wisdom of her mission. Just like the night before, at Andrea’s, she’d been oblivious to the crowd of people around them, aware only of Luke.
Leaning on his strength, his kindness was too easy.
Caryn closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against the cool mirror. She was making the same mistakes all over again. Listening to her heart and her body instead of her brain.
No. She couldn’t repeat the mistakes she’d made with David. Because this time more than just her heart was at risk.
The baby moved, as if to remind her of its presence.
She straightened, rubbing a soothing hand over her belly. “We’ll be fine by ourselves, you’ll see,” she whispered.
As much as she was attracted to Luke, she had to be strong enough to resist. She had enough problems in her life, without adding more.
When she arrived back in the unit, Michelle met up with her behind the nurses’ station. “Caryn, the environmental service department has located a call room for you.” Her boss frowned at the clipboard in her hand. “I think we’re going to need to rotate through six-hour shifts.”
“I’m fine for now,” Caryn protested. The last thing she needed was time alone with her thoughts. “Maybe you should offer the rest period to someone else first?”
“I know you’re doing fine, but I’m going to need someone to work the night shift.” Michelle tapped her pen on the clipboard. “So far, I only have four nurses who’ve agreed to come in and we need at least seven.”
Caryn glanced around the unit. “There’s eight of us here now, we’re going to need more than one to take a break now to come back for nights.”
“Nine if you count me,” Michelle said with a tired smile. “Plus, two of the second-shift nurses didn’t come in until much later, so I’m planning on having them stay well into the night shift.”
“And what about days tomorrow?” Caryn didn’t know how many hours she’d be able to work in a row but, pregnant or not, much more than twelve would be pushing it.
“You’re right. I still haven’t figured all that out yet.”
“Let me see.” Caryn thought there had to be a better way. She sat down at the desk and stared at the lists of names Michelle had written in for each shift. “What if everyone worked staggered twelve-hour shifts, but only rested for eight? Wouldn’t that help provide extra coverage?”
“I’m not sure.” Michelle sat down next to her. “What do you mean?”
“I started at nine, so I work until nine or nine-thirty tonight. The nurses who started their shifts at seven should get to go off earlier. The evening staff nurses should stay until three in the morning, and then the people who’ve been off since seven could come back at that time.” She made a quick diagram, showing how the shifts would overlap. “Basically, we’ll work for twelve hours, rest for eight, then work another twelve.”
“You know, I think that will work.” Michelle took the clipboard from her. “Thanks, Caryn. I guess my brain must be fried.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Caryn glanced at Michelle and suddenly wondered about her daughter. “Who’s watching Brianna while you’re stuck here?”
“She’s with my mother. But when I spoke to her earlier, she was crying, asking me when I’d be home.” Michelle’s sad smile broke her heart. “It was hard to explain that I really had no idea when I’d be home.”
Caryn frowned, realizing one day soon she was going to be in the same situation. Not necessarily locked in the hospital because of a Crypto emergency but there were always other disasters. In fact, she often had to stay long after the end of her shift just to finish up the work.
The responsibility of raising her baby alone suddenly overwhelmed her. David’s family would probably offer to help out, but the very idea of leaving her baby for such long lengths of time bothered her.
“Don’t worry, I’m being silly and sentimental,” Michelle said with a smile. “I’m sure Brianna will be fine.”
“Of course she will,” Caryn replied. But as Michelle left, she didn’t move.
There were so many things to worry about. Who would she get to babysit? More importantly, how would she afford costly child-care fees? She didn’t want to ask David’s parents for help, she should be able to stand on her own two feet. Yet thanks to David, and her own stupidity, her financial situation was a mess. The few months she had before the baby was due might not be enough to turn things around, to dig herself out of debt.
She slammed the door on those negative thoughts, reminding herself that she’d take things one step at a time.
And the first step, she acknowledged with a sigh, was to keep herself focused and on track.
Which meant staying far away from distractions.
Like Luke, who happened to be the biggest distraction of all.
CHAPTER SEVEN
CARYN kept herself busy with patient care in an effort to keep her deepest fears under control. She also did her best to avoid Luke. He must have sensed her need for space because he left her alone, talking to her only out of necessity.
“Caryn?” one of her co-workers called across the unit. “Phone call for you on line two.”
She left Michael Dunn’s room and crossed to the nurses’ station to pick up the phone. “Hi, this is Caryn. May I help you?”
“Caryn?” Her stomach clenched when she recognized Debbie on the other end of the line. “The neurorehab center called to tell us
David’s infected with Cryptosporidium.”
Despite Debbie’s anxiety, she wasn’t surprised at the news. The rehab center was located within the Milwaukee limits and no doubt had been hit as hard as they’d been with the Crypto outbreak. “Lots of people have been infected, but don’t worry, David will be fine.”
“Are you sure?” Debbie’s tone rose dramatically. “What if his condition gets worse?”
It was on the tip of her tongue to mention that since he was already severely brain injured, his condition couldn’t possibly get worse. But she didn’t. Thanks to her nursing background, David’s family had cast her in the role of medical advocate, helping them negotiate a complex medical system. From the very beginning they’d turned to her for answers.
Which only made the secrets she kept a heavier burden.
“The greatest risk is to his kidneys,” she finally admitted to Debbie. The lack of oxygen to all his major organs was a problem but everything, except his brain and his kidneys, had bounced back. “We’ll just have to wait and see.”
“What questions should I ask?”
She rubbed a hand along her temple. “Ask what his creatinine level is and if he’s on any antibiotics that might make his kidney failure worse.”
“Creatinine, antibiotics,” Debbie repeated. “That’s all? Nothing else?”
“That’s all.” Caryn paused, then added, “Debbie, you realize nothing will fix the damage done to his brain.”
Debbie was quiet for a minute. “Yes, I know,” she said finally. “Thanks for your help, Caryn.”
“You’re welcome.” Caryn hung up the phone, overwhelmed by helplessness.
“Is David all right?” Luke asked with a frown.
Caryn hunched her shoulders and nodded. “As well as can be expected.” She tugged on her scrub pants, which were starting to slip off her belly. She tightened the drawstring and retied the knot.
“Are you all right?” he asked in a low tone.
“Fine,” she answered, though she wasn’t. The walls were starting to close in on her and she wanted to leave. To get out of the hospital. Now. If only Dana or Serena were there, she very much needed a friend to confide in, to talk to. She took several deep breaths and glanced at her watch. Only another forty-five minutes before her twelve-hour shift was up.