by Alex Marcoux
“I can’t believe you waited this long to tell me.”
“I can’t either, I guess I just forgot about it after…everything that happened.”
“Thank you, I owe you big time.”
“No, just my percentage,” Sidney said with a straight face. Again, Anastasia was reminded of how cold Sidney could be at times. Then Sidney started laughing, and the two returned to their celebration.
During dessert, Sidney changed the subject. “I told you last night I wouldn’t meddle in your affairs, and I don’t intend to. But you said something last night that troubles me.”
“What’s that?”
“You implied that you wouldn’t be where you are today if it wasn’t for Stephanie.”
“That’s right, she sacrificed everything for my career. She gave up her band; she wrote literally hundreds of songs for me. She was my road manager for years-“
“Anastasia, believe me when I say this…you would have made it, whether you met Stephanie or not. I don’t mean to underestimate her role in your career, but your success snowballed because of you, not Stephanie.”
“But she gave up so much-“
“Yeah, I’m sure she made some sacrifices. But believe me, her rewards far exceeded what she gave up. You shouldn’t feel like you owe her a thing. Stephanie’s been compensated immensely for the services she’s provided you. More than she would ever have made as a musician.”
Anastasia became quiet and Sidney wondered if she had stepped out of bounds. “Anastasia?” There was no response. “I’m sorry, I guess I should have stayed out of it.”
“No, I’m glad you said something.” Anastasia was upset. “I guess I just don’t know how to respond to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know I need to talk about this, but I get mixed vibes from you. One minute you’re a cold fish and I sense you don’t want anything to do with my personal affairs. The next minute, you act like a real person and show a sensitive side.”
“I’m sorry if my actions confuse you. I know you need help…I just don’t believe I’m the best person to give you advice.” Sidney reached for Anastasia’s hand, hesitated, then placed her hand on top of Anastasia’s.
Anastasia was surprised at how warm Sidney’s touch was.
“I’ll listen.” Sidney tried to be sensitive. But Anastasia remained quiet, and then Sidney could feel Anastasia’s hand tremble beneath her own. Sidney removed her hand and the silence thickened.
“Are you still in love with her?” Sidney asked.
“No, the love has been gone for a long time.” Anastasia paused. “Aren’t you gonna ask why I stay with her?”
“No, that’s none of my business.”
“There’s the cold fish again,” Anastasia sneered. “Well, it’s gonna become your business.”
“What do you mean?”
“You think the Gazette gave me problems before? You’ve seen nothing yet.”
“Has she threatened you?”
“For years she’s threatened to go to the press if we broke up.”
“Are you ready to take the first step, Anastasia?”
“I think so. I just don’t know how to do it. I know I can’t live like this anymore; it’s just not healthy. But can my career handle another scandal? I don’t want to go down the toilet again.”
“It will be costly, but I can take care of her threat.”
“I don’t care about the money.”
“You have to be ready to walk away from the relationship.”
“I’m ready. But I can’t do it by myself,” she admitted. “Will you help me?”
As Sidney drove away from the restaurant she could feel the effects of the alcohol. She took the Jeep east, then parked the four-wheeler a block from the ocean. The dimly lit street was lined with stately homes, impeding their view of the beach.
“Where are we?” Anastasia asked.
“The town? It’s Bayhead.”
“What are we doing here?”
“I’ve had too much to drink. I shouldn’t be driving right now.” She turned off the ignition.
“Do you want me to drive?”
Sidney stared at Anastasia, then laughed. “You’ve had more to drink than I have.”
“Well, what are we doing here?”
Sidney detected a note of concern in Anastasia’s voice. She smiled at Anastasia’s uneasiness, then laughed again.
“What’s so funny?”
“You don’t trust me.”
“What am I supposed to think? It’s almost midnight and you park the car on probably the most secluded, dimly lit street in New Jersey. I trust you, but what are we doing here?”
“One of my favorite pastimes is a moonlit walk on the beach. Since I really shouldn’t drive right now, and we’re so close to the ocean, and the moon’s out, I thought it would be a nice way to end the day. Okay?”
“You mean, begin a new day.” Anastasia looked at her watch.
Sidney led Anastasia to a path that seemed to separate two properties. As they approached a dune sandwiched between two homes, they could hear the waves crashing on the beach nearby. The two climbed over the dunes, and saw the whitecaps on the waves. The moonlight was their only source of light. The beach appeared empty as they ventured toward the water.
“How often do you do this?” Anastasia asked as she removed her shoes.
“Two to three times a week.”
“Always at night?”
“Are you still nervous? Most of the time I come at night, but I’ve come during the day.”
“Do you ever walk alone on the beach at night?”
Always. “Once in a while,” she misled her.
For Sidney, the walk was peaceful. After Anastasia relaxed, she seemed to enjoy it, too. For the most part, the two women remained silent, in their own thoughts and meditations. Within a half-hour they returned to the Jeep. “How’s your head feeling?” Sidney asked.
“It’s okay. She’s given me worse headaches.”
“Can I ask a personal question?”
“What?”
“Why does she beat you?”
“Usually it’s because she’s possessive and jealous.”
“And this time?”
“Because she’s possessive and jealous.” Anastasia paused. “She saw the two of us dance the other night, and…she thought I was flirting with you. She just went off.”
“Because of me? The homophobic bitch?” Sidney chuckled as she said it.
Anastasia stared back at Sidney. She could feel herself blush. “How did you know-“
“How’d I know my nickname is homophobic bitch?”
“It’s actually HB, for short,” Anastasia admitted.
“I know everything. Everything that’s important, anyway.”
*
The following morning the two drank coffee as they watched the boats pass the house on the river. They discussed their day, and decided Sidney would take Anastasia home that afternoon, after she’d had a chance to work on her speedboat. Anastasia planned to relax by the pool and read her book.
Sidney wanted to get her ski boat ready for the season. After cleaning the boat, she told Anastasia she was taking it to the marina to fuel up. While she was gone, her phone rang.
I wonder if I should answer that? Anastasia debated. No, I’d better not. Sidney’s very private. I’m sure her answering machine will get the message.
Anastasia was absorbed in her book when she heard an unfamiliar voice. “Hi! Where’s…hey, you’re Anastasia. How are you?”
Anastasia smiled at the boy. “Well, I’m just fine and how are you?” Who are you? she wondered.
The boy eased into the chair next to Anastasia. “I’ve been wanting to meet you for some time. I think your new music is awesome.”
“You do? Well, thank you. I seem to be at a disadvantage. You know who I am, who are you?”
“My friends call me JP.”
“JP, is that for Jean Pierre?” Anastasia asked with her bes
t French accent.
“No, it’s for Justin Paul,” he answered.
Justin? Anastasia did not have time to respond. Sidney had returned and was approaching the pool. Justin greeted Sidney with a hug.
“What are you doing back so early?” She smiled as she embraced him.
“I called from the car and left a message.”
“I take it you two have met?” Sidney asked.
“Well, not formally,” Anastasia said.
“Anastasia, this is Justin. My son.”
“Your son?”
Chapter 18
Sidney was starting her last trimester when Charlotte Gray called her to discuss Scott’s pig roast. “Scott’s party is this weekend; he asked me to pass along the information. Do you feel up to going?”
“Yeah. Actually it would be nice to get out.”
Charlotte seemed reserved when she gave Sidney the directions to the Long Island house. “I’ll see you there,” she said.
As Sidney drove to the party that Saturday, she could not help but wonder, Am I doing the right thing? What if someone Michael and I know is at the party? This unsettled her. Except for Charlotte’s occasional house visits, Sidney had not socialized since she left Michael, about three months earlier.
Charlotte seemed a little distant with me when I told her I wanted to go to the pig roast. As she crossed the Verrazano Narrows Bridge, she continued to think about Charlotte. Sidney recalled the day Charlotte first introduced Scott. She seemed distant when she and Scott helped me paint the nursery. Then she remembered Charlotte’s arm around Scott when she introduced him. Maybe Charlotte’s interested in Scott and thinks I’m interested in him, Sidney speculated. Of course, that’s got to be it. I’ve got to clear this up. I’ll pull her aside and set her straight when I get there.
Finding Scott’s house was not difficult, but finding a parking spot was a challenge. The street was lined with cars on both sides. As Sidney walked toward the house, she noticed a few cars displaying bumper stickers with pink triangles. Must be some type of club.
Music blasted from the rear of his house. Party balloons were tied to the mailbox and a rainbow-striped flag hung on a wraparound porch. Sidney followed party balloons that led her to the rear of the house.
Charlotte had been watching for her and was the first to greet her. “How was your trip?”
“Long, does it show?”
“No, you look great.”
Sidney wore a new maternity outfit for the occasion. It was obvious that the pregnancy agreed with her; she looked healthy, happy and even radiant. Her tan contributed to her pregnancy glow. The weight she had put on showed only in her belly. With the exception of the scar near her eye, there was no physical reminder of the rape seven months earlier, except of course, the pregnancy.
“Charlotte, do you think we can talk a minute?” Sidney decided to get right down to business.
“Actually, I would like that. I need to talk with you about something, too.” Charlotte led her away from a crowd that had gathered by the back deck. They sat on a bench in a private corner. “You go first,” Charlotte suggested.
“Maybe I’m way off on this Charlotte, but I sensed some…reservation from you when I told you that I would like to come to the party-“
“That’s what I wanted to talk with you about,” Charlotte interrupted.
“I think I know what you’re going to say.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. You’re interested in Scott,…right?”
“I’m interested in Scott?”
“Aren’t you?”
Charlotte laughed, then realized that she had not let her friend in on the humor. “I’m sorry, Sidney.” She tried to regain her composure. “Scott and I have been good friends for years, and that’s as far as it will ever get.”
“Then why didn’t you want me to come today?”
“It’s not that I didn’t want you to come. I just wanted to share some things with you before the party. But I didn’t feel comfortable discussing it over the phone.”
“Then what is it?”
“Well…for starters, Scott is gay.” Charlotte studied Sidney’s reaction.
“Scott’s gay?”
“Yeah, and there are a lot of gay people at the party. Then again, there are a lot of straight people, also.” Sidney remained quiet, which concerned Charlotte. “Does that bother you?”
“I don’t think so. I’m just surprised. He seemed so…straight. I guess I just haven’t known anyone personally who’s gay.”
“Sure you have. A lot of gay people are in the closet, so if you’re straight it’s harder to tell. But I’m sure you know people that are gay.”
“In the business, yeah. I would come across gay people all the time, but they seemed so…what’s the word?”
“Stereotypical?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“Not all gay people are stereotypical,” Charlotte said. “Are you okay with this, Sid?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
Charlotte spent a good portion of the afternoon introducing Sidney to people at the party, including Scott’s boyfriend, Gary.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Gary,” Sidney offered him her hand.
The man made good eye contact with Sidney and smiled warmly. “The pleasure is really mine.” Sidney thought him to be about her age, about ten years younger than Scott.
“Gary is a very talented actor,” Charlotte said.
“Really? Are you working now?” asked Sidney.
“Just about every night. I wait tables at the Blue Moon,” Gary laughed. “My passion is acting, but I can’t earn a living at it. I do some off-Broadway stuff on the side.”
“You can’t make a living at it, yet,” Charlotte encouraged him.
Minutes later, Charlotte introduced Sidney to another friend. “Sidney, this is a good friend of mine from school, Natalie. Natalie, this is Sidney.”
Natalie smiled warmly at Sidney then offered her a friendly handshake. “Hi, Sidney. It’s nice to meet you.”
Sidney exchanged greetings with the attractive black woman. “Hunter Mountain” was prominently displayed over her shirt pocket.
“Sidney, I’m going to give Scott a hand with the buffet. I’ll be back in a little while.” Charlotte excused herself, leaving Natalie and Sidney alone.
“Do you like Hunter?” Sidney pointed to the Hunter Mountain logo on the shirt.
“It’s convenient. It’s close to the city, but too crowded,” Natalie answered.
“Yes, it has gotten crowded over the years,” Sidney agreed.
“You’ve skied Hunter?” Natalie asked.
“Yes. I grew up in the Catskill Mountains. Not too far from Hunter.”
“Do you still have family there?”
“My parents passed on when I was younger. But I have an aunt and uncle in Middletown.”
“I’m sorry about your parents.”
“That’s okay. It was a long time ago. My mom passed away when I was a baby, so I have no recollection of her. And my father passed away when I was in high school; then I moved to Middletown to be with my aunt and uncle.”
Sidney found Natalie’s company enjoyable and interesting. She had gone to school with Charlotte, and Jennifer Warren, her lawyer, and now worked at New York Hospital, in administration. Fifteen years earlier she had competed in body building contests, but found she could not compete with the women who took steroids, and she retired. Feeling very pregnant, Sidney found herself envying Natalie’s figure.
“Hi,” a woman interrupted Natalie and Sidney’s conversation. She nodded at Sidney.
“Hi Joyce,” Natalie said.
“Nat, I haven’t seen you in ages. I heard you and Stacey broke up, is it true?”
“Yeah, a couple months ago.” Natalie was aware that Sidney was following the conversation.
“Is that Gray over there?” Joyce pointed at Charlotte, who was setting up the buffet on the deck. “It’s about time she start
ed getting out again. That bitch really screwed up her head.” Joyce excused herself and left to greet Charlotte, leaving Natalie and Sidney alone again.
Sidney turned to Natalie. “Charlotte…Charlotte is gay?”
“You didn’t know?”
Sidney shook her head. “Why didn’t she tell me?”
Natalie was aware that Charlotte had been struggling with telling Sidney. “Maybe this is her way of telling you.”
Sidney then changed the subject, and it was not brought up the rest of day. She enjoyed the day and the company of her new friends: Natalie, Scott and Gary.
After the buffet dinner, Sidney said goodbye to the group. As Charlotte walked her to her car she asked, “Are you up to driving back?”
“Yes. I want to get back at a decent time. Thanks again for the invitation.” She gave Charlotte a brief hug, then got in her car to head home.
When Charlotte returned to the house, she found Natalie waiting for her on the porch. Natalie tapped the bench she sat on, suggesting Charlotte take a seat. “She knows,” Natalie said as Charlotte sat.
“She knows what?” Charlotte asked, even though she knew what her friend meant.
“She knows you’re gay.”
That explains the cool hug I just got, Charlotte thought.
“I know this is none of my business, Charlie, but you’re getting in over your head.”
“What are you talking about?”
“She’s delightful. She’s attractive, intelligent, has a great sense of humor, but very straight.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning…you’re on the rebound. Don’t put yourself in an unattainable situation with her. I know you, Charlie, you’re going to fall in love with her.”
“Not that this is any of your business, but my friendship with her is strictly platonic, and I have no interest in changing that.”
The following morning Charlotte made an unexpected visit to Sidney’s shore house. When Sidney answered the door Charlotte lied, “Hi, I just happened to be in the neighborhood. Can I come in?”
Sidney backed away from the doorway, permitting Charlotte to pass. “I was just preparing breakfast, want to join me?”
“Sure, what can I help you with?” Charlotte set up the patio table that overlooked the river and carried the pastry and beverages out toward the water.