by Alex Marcoux
“That’s okay, I have an extra one in the Jeep.”
When they arrived at the beach, Sidney gave Anastasia a jacket and put on a sweatshirt. They walked over the moonlit dunes to the beach. The full moon illuminated the shoreline and the gentle breaking waves. For the first time since they left the restaurant, Anastasia spoke. “What a beautiful night.” The sound of the water swelling against the beach was relaxing.
The two walked silently for about a quarter of a mile before Sidney spoke. “You seem preoccupied tonight.”
“Sorry, I guess I’m not good company.”
“Your company is fine, I’m just concerned. Is there anything I can do? Maybe just listen?” Sidney started walking away from the water and headed toward the dunes. Anastasia followed and the two women sat side-by-side on the sand.
Anastasia remained silent for a long time. “I’ve been seeing someone for a while now. We haven’t been dating or anything, we’re actually just friends….” Anastasia stopped.
“Go on,” Sidney encouraged.
“Well, I’ve found that my feelings have gone beyond friendship. I like this person, and I’d like to see where it could go.”
“And how does…this person feel?” Sidney asked.
“To be honest, I haven’t a clue. Sometimes, I think they feel more than friendship, then other times-I just don’t know.”
“You don’t know how they feel?” Sidney was surprised.
“No, it’s not exactly the type of person I would normally pursue.” Anastasia remained silent for a minute then asked, “You do know who I’m talking about, don’t you?”
“Well, I think we’re talking about Brett, but Anastasia, I think it’s pretty obvious how Brett feels toward you.”
Without warning, Anastasia took Sidney’s hand into her own. Confused, Sidney turned and found Anastasia’s eyes searching hers. Sidney explored Anastasia’s eyes and soon their souls touched again. Anastasia delicately brushed Sidney’s wind-blown bangs from her eyes, and slowly advanced, maintaining eye contact, until the women’s lips touched. Sidney hesitated at first, then instinctively surrendered to the gentle kiss, and kissed her back.
Sidney’s heart beat faster and faster. She was so distracted by Anastasia’s advance that she could not hear the sound of the surf beating against the beach, nor the subtle movement of footsteps in the sand.
Soon, Sidney was consumed with the kiss, and needed every ounce of strength to take control of her actions. As she pulled herself from Anastasia’s kiss, she said, “Oh God…Anastasia, I can’t do this.”
Anastasia was quick to rise. “I’m sorry….” She turned and walked quickly away.
Sidney sat on the beach alone, trying to understand what had just happened, but more importantly, what she was feeling. Oh God, she thought as she watched Anastasia disappear in the shadows, This can’t be happening. Sidney knew she had feelings for Anastasia. She had known since Christmas, but was quick to deny that it could be meaningful. But now she knew better.
As she sat on the beach, she contemplated her situation. What should I do? Do I just ignore it? And pretend it didn’t happen? Or do I trust her, and tell her the truth? Can I trust myself? I’ve got to. I’ll tell her. I’ll tell her everything, she decided as she walked back to the car.
Sidney found Anastasia waiting patiently, leaning up against her Jeep. “We need to talk,” Sidney said seriously.
“I’m really sorry,” Anastasia apologized.
Sidney leaned against the Jeep also. “I’m sorry Anastasia, but I can’t … I can’t love you, but I’d like you to know-“
“I am so sorry,” Anastasia interrupted. “I don’t know what came over me. Maybe the wine, maybe the moonlight, maybe both.” She paused. “Believe me, I’m not in the habit of making passes at straight women. It’ll never happen again, I promise.”
Sidney just listened as Anastasia talked on. “I know this is no excuse, but I’ve been getting a lot of pressure from Brett. I think I’m ready to take the next step with him,” she lied. “It’s just confusing thinking about being with a man. Maybe I’m going straight or something. I don’t really know what I’m saying, except, I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry.”
Sidney decided to remain quiet, and finally said, “Apology accepted.”
As Sidney drove back toward to the house, she knew something was nagging at her. Then she realized what it was. Oh my God. I’m disappointed that what happened wasn’t real.
At Sidney’s house, Anastasia abruptly said, “I’m going to be heading home.”
“Why?”
“I just have a lot of things to do tomorrow, and I’d like to get a jump on them.”
It was obvious to Sidney that Anastasia would not change her mind. Sidney had mixed emotions as she watched Anastasia drive away from the house that night.
Anastasia’s tears would not stop as she headed north on the parkway. She kept recalling the events of the evening. I can’t remember the last time I felt so passionate when kissing someone. For a moment, I thought the feeling was mutual. God…how could I have been so wrong? She wiped the tears from her eyes. I needed to know. Now maybe I can get on with my life. But the tears continued to flow. How am I ever going to be able to face her again?
When Anastasia approached the exit for the New Jersey Turnpike, she found herself debating which way to go. J hope I’m not making a mistake, she thought all the way to Manhattan. She quickly found Brett’s apartment building. It was close to midnight when he opened the door and let her in.
“It’s about time you came to your senses,” he said as she walked in. Then he kissed her firmly on her mouth and took her to the bedroom.
Two weeks later, Natalie noticed a strain between Anastasia and Sidney during a photo shoot. When Brett arrived to pick up Anastasia, Natalie could have sworn she saw pain in Sidney’s eyes, if only for a second. Later that week, Sidney met with her staff and told them she wanted to spend more time with her son. She asked Nelson to start getting involved in Anastasia’s direct management.
Sidney called a meeting between herself and Anastasia. She wanted to advise Anastasia of the management change. Brett arrived with Anastasia at her office and the two were openly affectionate toward each other as they waited for Sidney. Sidney and Brett did not know each other very well, so Sidney was surprised when Brett gave her a cold shoulder as she introduced herself. Then the two women went into Sidney’s office, alone.
“What’s up?” Anastasia asked, getting right down to business.
“I’m planning on taking some time off this summer to travel with JP. I’m turning over your direct management to Nelson, starting next week.”
“Is that all?”
“Your campaign is in good shape, Anastasia. You’ll still work with Natalie, but it’s time my efforts are concentrated elsewhere.”
“I’m sure Nelson will do fine, he was trained by the best.”
“So you’re okay with the change?” Sidney did not expect this reaction.
“Absolutely,” Anastasia said.
Chapter 26
Three months later, Anastasia was a guest on Late Show with David Letterman. Since Nelson had a personal engagement, Sidney attended the taping in his place. Both Natalie and Sidney stood backstage and watched Anastasia perform “My Untouchable.”
As Sidney watched her performance, she thought, there’s something wrong. She’s lacking energy and stage presence. Sidney and Anastasia had been running in different circles for months. This was the first time Sidney had seen her in two months. But as Sidney watched her perform, she knew something was different. Anastasia was only halfway through the song when she abruptly stopped singing, then exited the stage and ran into a nearby rest room. Both Sidney and Natalie followed her to the bathroom. Natalie went in while Sidney waited outside the door. The MPI staff gathered outside the rest room while David Letterman ad-libbed until they knew if Anastasia was able to continue.
Within a couple minutes, Natalie came out of
the rest room and turned to the TV show’s production manager. “She’s pretty sick, she’s not going to be able to perform tonight.”
“Should we call a doctor?” Sidney asked Natalie.
“Oh, I think this is pretty typical for this trimester,” Andrea said.
Sidney nodded, acknowledging Andrea, Anastasia’s make-up person, then casually strolled down the hall to the makeup room that Anastasia had been using. Natalie followed her into the small room. Sidney did not want her friend to see her pain. She stared away from her, avoiding eye contact.
“You didn’t know?” Natalie asked.
Sidney shook her head. “Am I the only one who didn’t know?”
“You guys used to be so close. I just assumed you knew.”
“How far along is she?”
“I think about fourteen weeks.”
The door opened and Anastasia abruptly walked in. Her face was pale and seemed to get paler when she saw Sidney. Natalie said, “I’ve got to go reschedule the show, excuse me,” and she was gone.
An uncomfortable silence penetrated the room. “How come you didn’t tell me?” Sidney finally asked.
‘ Anastasia ignored Sidney’s question. She walked to the closet and pulled out her clothes, then started unbuttoning her blouse.
“Anastasia, why didn’t you tell me? I seem to be the only one around here surprised. Everyone else knows.”
“Why the hell are you surprised? You’re the one who suggested I date Brett.”
Sidney was not prepared for Anastasia’s anger. “Date him, maybe. I never told you to sleep with him.”
There were tears in Anastasia’s eyes as she screamed at Sidney, “Get out.”
Sidney walked to the door and reached for the doorknob. She stared at the back of the door. “I’m sorry; I was out of line. Your relationship with Brett is none of my business.”
“You’re right about that.”
Sidney remained staring at the door. “When you get back from Hartford, come to the office. We need to make some plans.”
“My plans are to keep the baby.” Anastasia was almost crying.
Sidney finally turned and her voice softened. “I would be surprised if you didn’t. We need to reschedule some of your concerts toward the end of your pregnancy.”
Sidney had just wished Justin good night when the phone rang. She looked at the clock. Who could be calling this late? “Hello.”
“Sidney, it’s Nat,” there was concern in her voice.
“Natalie? What’s wrong?”
“It’s…it’s Anastasia.”
Sidney felt her pulse race. “What’s wrong with her?”
“She started hemorrhaging after the concert; we’re at Hartford Hospital.”
Sidney was afraid to ask. “The baby?”
“It doesn’t look good; they think she’ll miscarry.”
“How is she?”
“Her blood pressure was very low when we got here. They’re probably going to hold her tonight and watch her, then release her in the morning.”
“Have you called Brett?”
“Yeah, I just got off the phone with him.”
“Is he going up to Hartford?”
“No. He’s flying to LA in the morning to read for a role.”
“How is Anastasia otherwise?”
“She’s alone. She needs a friend, Sid.”
“Did you tell Brett that?”
“Brett is hopeless.” Then Natalie instructed her, “I’m telling you Sid, she needs a friend. I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you. But you might want to swallow your pride and be there for her.”
“If I go, I might make things worse.”
“But you’ll never know if you don’t go.”
“I need to make some arrangements for JP. It should take about four hours to get there. Keep your cellular on and I’ll call you back when I’ve made arrangements.”
Lynette could not come over for about an hour, so Sidney arranged for one of her neighbors to stay at the house until Lynette arrived. She made a pot of coffee and had a cup while she discussed the arrangements with her neighbor. Then she poured the rest of the coffee in a thermos and left in her Mercedes.
It was close to two o’clock when Sidney arrived at the hospital. She found Natalie curled up on a bench outside of Anastasia’s room.
When Natalie saw Sidney, she stood and gave her a hug. “In case she doesn’t tell you, thank you for coming.”
“How is she?” Sidney asked.
Natalie shook her head. “She miscarried about two hours ago.”
“Is she sleeping?”
“I don’t know. She asked me to leave some time ago.”
“Why don’t you go back to the hotel? I’ll stay,” Sidney said, but Natalie hesitated. “Please. Go to the hotel.”
The small hospital room was dark. Sidney had difficulty seeing but went to the bed. She was surprised to find it empty. Then she whispered in the dark, “Anastasia?” There was a stir in the corner. When Sidney’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, she saw Anastasia curled in a ball on a chair. Sidney approached the chair, but stopped short of her. Even in the darkness, Sidney could tell Anastasia had been crying. “Anastasia, I’m so sorry.”
Without saying a word, Anastasia approached Sidney. The two hugged silently. Anastasia whispered, “Please take me home.”
The attending physician assured Sidney that Anastasia was free to go. They got in her Mercedes and headed west. Sidney called Natalie’s hotel and left a message that she was taking Anastasia home.
Anastasia was quiet most of the trip, occasionally changing the radio station. They were close to Anastasia’s house when she asked, “How come you’re always there for me? Even when I treat you like dirt.”
“I thought we were friends.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was pregnant.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
The radio started playing Anastasia’s newest hit, “My Untouchable.”
But as I sit here, looking at you,
I can’t help but wonder if you can see who I really am.
Can you see beyond my façade?
My veil? My disguise?
Or do you just see me as your friend, your partner in crime.
Anastasia abruptly changed the radio station. “I’m getting burned out on that one.”
Sidney was surprised to see Brett’s Jaguar at Anastasia’s. “Do you want to come in?” Anastasia asked as the car idled outside the house.
A light came on inside the. house; then the front entry lit up. “No, I want to get back before JP wakes.”
The front door opened and Brett walked outside, rubbing his eyes. He was dressed in a robe and slippers. “Hi babe, how you doing?” He exchanged a hug with Anastasia as she got out of the car. Then he turned to Sidney, who was still sitting in her car. “Thanks for picking her up for me.”
Anastasia walked around the car to the driver’s side, and Sidney opened the window. Anastasia leaned over and the two looked directly into each other’s eyes for the first time since the beach. She reached in and squeezed Sidney’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
Sidney smiled. “Goodbye.” In the rear-view mirror, she watched the two embrace, then slowly walk into the house.
During the trip home, Sidney was unable to take her mind off Anastasia’s eyes, the windows to her soul. Every time I look into those eyes, I see something that seems so familiar…but I can’t place it. Every time I look into her eyes, I get myself in trouble.
Sidney called her office the following day and apprised Nelson of what had transpired the previous evening. “Clear her calendar for the next couple of weeks,” directed Sidney. “She needs to put on a strong appearance next month at the Central Park Concert.”
The Central Park Concert was being promoted as one of the largest concerts in history. Sidney knew the event would be crucial for MPI. The Gang, Jason Light, and Anastasia were all scheduled to perform.
*
“Now what am I going to do?” Anastasia asked Sidney and Natalie in a panic.
“Relax,” Natalie instructed, “I’ll help.”
“What do you know about applying my makeup?” Anastasia asked.
“Nothing. You’re beautiful, what do you need makeup for?” kidded Natalie.
“Are you serious?” Anastasia was getting upset.
“Of course not. Relax and come with me. I’ve done this before.”
The two women went to their designated dressing area. They had about an hour to prepare Anastasia for the show. Natalie was able to get Anastasia to relax fairly quickly. She started talking about her relationship with Karen as she applied her makeup.
“Are you still seeing her?” Anastasia asked. “I like her.”
“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” Natalie admitted, and her face lit up. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about giving her a ring for her birthday next month. We’ve only been seeing each other about two years. Do you think that’s too soon?”
“She makes you happy, Nat. Do it. Where did you find her? All the good ones are always taken.”
Sidney poked her head into the tent. “Excuse me. Ten minutes to show time.” Then she disappeared.
Anastasia continued her train of thought, “…or straight.”
“Excuse me?” Natalie asked.
“All the good ones are taken … or straight.”
Natalie quieted, and concentrated on her makeup application. I knew it. She is in love with Sidney. When she finished the makeup, she picked up a brush and started working on Anastasia’s hair. “You know Anastasia, sometimes people aren’t always as straight as they seem.” Natalie could not believe she was saying it as the words came out.