by Alex Marcoux
Both Jennifer and Natalie helped with the arrangements. Jennifer immediately contacted Charlotte’s family and informed them of her death along with her burial request. Her father only asked when her will would be read. Natalie called friends and contacted people at Monmouth Medical Center and New York Hospital. The small memorial celebration was scheduled for Sunday afternoon at the shore.
Late that afternoon Sidney called her housekeeper, Lynette, and gave her the news. Lynette told her that Justin had been picked up by his father’s limo after kindergarten, as scheduled. Justin would not return until Sunday evening.
Sidney knew she would have been lost without Jennifer and Natalie’s help. She spent the night at Jennifer’s home on the Upper East Side, and then Natalie picked her up the following morning to take her to the shore house. This was one time Sidney was in no hurry to get home. As Natalie’s car exited the Garden State Parkway, Sidney said, “We should do some food shopping for the gathering tomorrow.”
The two spent a good part of their day shopping, running errands and picking up Sidney’s car at the train station.
They retired early that evening, having good intentions, but neither was able to sleep. At two o’clock that Sunday morning, Natalie strolled into the sunroom and found Sidney in the dark. The porch felt ten degrees cooler than the house. Sidney was bundled up in a blanket on the couch, staring out at the moonlit water.
“You should be sleeping,” Natalie lectured.
Sidney continued to stare into the night. “I can’t. What’s your excuse?”
Natalie stood near the doorway and was rubbing her arms from the cold. “Just got a lot on my mind.”
Sidney threw half the blanket off, inviting Natalie to sit with her.
She rested next to Sidney, who covered her with the blanket. Then the two continued to stare out into the night.
“I just can’t believe she’s gone. I keep expecting her to walk in. I can’t sleep in our …” Sidney hesitated, “in my bed.”
Natalie reached for Sidney’s hand, but was surprised when she found it clutched in a fist. She opened the fist and found a wedding band. Sidney allowed Natalie to inspect the band in the dim lighting. “Is it from Charlie?” Natalie had known that Charlotte always wanted to marry Sidney.
Sidney shook her head. “No … I was planning on proposing to her this weekend. It was our fifth-year anniversary, but I didn’t even …”
“I’m sorry,” Natalie said, then replaced the ring in Sidney’s palm and delicately folded her fingers back over the band.
Sidney noticed tears forming in Natalie’s eyes. I’m so selfish. I’m not the only one in pain. “I’m sorry. I’ve been wrapped up in what I’m feeling; I’ve forgotten what you must be going through.”
“We didn’t exactly…part on the best of terms,” confided Natalie.
“Charlie didn’t call you this week?” Sidney asked.
Natalie was surprised. “No, should she have?”
“Last Sunday she told me she would, but she must have gotten busy with the conference.” Sidney hesitated. “I know you were in love with her, Nat, and that’s why the two of you agreed to stop seeing each other.”
“Charlie told you that?”
“Yeah, more or less. Last Sunday, I was writing a help-wanted ad. She suggested that I talk with you about the job. Then she said she was going to call you. Charlie missed you terribly. She asked me not to place the ad until she spoke with you.”
“She didn’t seem concerned about us working together?”
“No. I know she missed you and wanted your friendship back. She was hoping you were ready.”
Natalie remained quiet for some time. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
The two nestled together on the couch until the sun peeked over the horizon, broadcasting the new day.
People started arriving at the house to pay their respects. An entourage, including Nancy and Dr. Phelps from New York Hospital, showed up first. Another group from Monmouth Medical Center arrived shortly after.
When Scott arrived, he embraced Sidney and would not let her go. He whispered in Sidney’s ear, “I know Gary is taking care of her.” Sidney smiled at Scott, finding some comfort in that thought.
Jennifer’s husband Bill and children also came to the gathering. Bill was a big help; he offered guests drinks, passed out appetizers and picked up after those who had left.
It was close to four o’clock when Natalie approached Jennifer. “I’m going outside for a while.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just need a little air,” she said as she grabbed her jacket.
At 4:10 P.M. the doorbell rang and Scott went to the front door. A man stood at the door with Justin.
“Hi, Uncle Scott.”
Scott opened the door and exchanged a hug with Justin in the foyer. “Hi, sport.” Scott’s attention returned to the man outside the doorway. Although Scott had never been introduced to Michael Whitman, he recognized him. “Hi, I’m Scott Davis. Would you like to come in?”
“No. Would you tell Sidney I’ll be down by the water? Goodbye, Justin.” Michael abruptly turned and left the front door.
Arrogant son of a bitch, Scott thought.
Justin made his entrance into the great room where Sidney spoke with some of Charlotte’s friends. He ran to his mother and gave her a hug. “I didn’t know we were having a party,” he said. Then he went to play with Jennifer’s two children.
“Excuse me, Sidney, can I talk with you?” Scott interrupted.
“Yes. What’s up?”
“Sid, Michael brought JP here. He’s down by the water waiting for you.”
“Great, just what I need.” Sidney pulled a jacket from the hall closet. I wonder what’s going on. Michael doesn’t usually bring JP back, and he never wants to see me.
Natalie was surprised when she saw Michael Whitman stroll down the keystone walkway toward the water. She sat behind the tall junipers that landscaped a private sitting area. He stopped about ten feet from her, but did not see her.
Sidney approached and greeted him coolly. “Michael.”
“Sidney,” he returned the cool greeting.
“To what do I owe the honor of your presence?” she asked.
I wonder if I should leave, Natalie thought, but opted to stay on the bench.
“I heard some news this weekend, and wanted to see if it was true. I heard your…roommate passed away.”
How’d he learn that so quickly? Sidney remained skeptical. “Why are you so interested?”
“I’m always interested in events that impact my son’s life.”
Sidney hesitated. “It’s true. Did you say anything to him?”
“No. I am sorry,” he said.
Sidney stared at Michael in disbelief. “Why? Why are you sorry, Michael?”
“I think it’s a shame when anyone is struck down prematurely.” Then he turned on her. “Besides, I was this close,” he illustratively pinched two fingers together, “to nailing your ass.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I know you’re a lesbian, Sidney, and Charlotte was your lover.”
Sidney did not admit nor deny it. “And your point is…?”
“I will not have my son raised by a dyke.”
“Meaning?” Sidney tried to remain calm.
Michael walked around Sidney taunting her. “We’ve prepared a motion to the court to get full custody of Justin, on the basis that his mother’s a homosexual. Your lover’s death is very untimely for both our sakes. But I’m sure there’ll be other lovers for you, Sidney, and all it will take is for you to step out of line once, and I’ll own him. Do you hear me? I’ll own him.”
“You’ll never have full custody,” Sidney said angrily.
“Yes, I will,” Michael said smugly. Then he turned and left.
Sidney’s world seemed to be collapsing. She walked toward the beach, then sat on a bench and gazed over the water. I can’t beli
eve you left me, Charlie. Later, she felt someone sit next to her.
“Sidney, I’m sorry,” Natalie apologized. “I was in the juniper garden when Michael came down. He didn’t see me.” She hesitated. “I heard everything.”
Sidney remained silent, but rested her head on Natalie’s shoulder. Natalie put an arm around Sidney’s shoulders and held her closely as Sidney wept for the first time since Charlotte passed away.
Sidney spent that evening with Justin. She tried to explain, as best she could, that Charlotte was not coming back. Sidney stayed by his side as the five-year-old cried himself to sleep. When she finally left his room, she was drained. She found Natalie looking through a photo album next to the fireplace. “I’m surprised you’re still up,” she said to Natalie.
“I’m surprised you’re still up. You must be exhausted.”
“I am,” Sidney admitted, then sat on the carpeting next to Natalie.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” Natalie asked.
“What?”
“What are you going to do about Michael’s threat?”
“What threat?”
“You know, if he catches you in a relationship …”
“It’s only a threat if I get in a relationship.”
“Meaning…you’ll be careful not to get caught?”
“No, I won’t get in a relationship,” Sidney said.
“You’re a young, beautiful woman, Sid. You’re going to close yourself to any opportunity of sharing your life with someone?”
“Absolutely.”
“Sidney, you’re not serious.”
“Yeah, I am. No relationships. At least not until JP is old enough to understand and be able to choose who he wants to live with.” Sidney stated calmly, “I lost Charlie. I won’t put myself in a position to lose JP, ever.”
Sidney was exhausted when she retired that evening. I’m not going to have any problems falling asleep tonight. But as she climbed into bed she immediately became aware of the void beside her. Like the previous evening, she tossed and turned for hours.
It was early morning when she became aware of a dripping sound coming from her bathroom. First the sound was subtle. Then it became louder and more continuous as if water was running. I must have a leaky faucet. Sidney got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. The water was running from the faucet in her sink. She turned the handle and the water stopped, but within seconds, the trickling started again. Sidney turned the light on to study the faucet. The light hurt her eyes. She turned the handle again, but this time the water would not stop and started to discolor. The water appeared rusty, then darkened and eventually turned red. Oh my God. Sidney backed away from the sink and watched blood trickle from the faucet.
The sound of a siren from behind her startled her, and as she turned, her bathroom transformed into a busy city street. Sidney immediately saw Charlotte lying on the cold pavement surrounded in her own blood. Instinctively, she went to Charlotte’s side and cradled her body, reliving her worst nightmare. Sidney held Charlotte’s head close to her breast and whispered, “Why did you leave me?”
“Don’t remember me that way,” a familiar voice said.
The voice startled her. “Who said that?”
“I did,” Charlotte said, then stood next to her own lifeless body. “You need to let go, Sid. I don’t want you to hold onto this memory. We’ve shared plenty of happy ones.”
“Charlie?” Sidney stared at her in disbelief. Gently, she placed Charlotte’s body back on the cold pavement, then stood in front of her. I’m dreaming, she told herself. Cautiously she approached Charlotte. She was wearing hospital scrubs and a radiant light surrounded her. “This is just a dream, right?” Sidney asked.
Charlotte smiled warmly. “If that’s what you’re comfortable believing, this is a dream.”
Sidney reached for her, and as Charlotte took hold of her hand the scene transformed once again. The two were on a mountain-top, surrounded by wildflowers, the warm sun beaming down on them. “Why did you leave me, Charlie?”
“It was my time. I did the lesson I set out to do.”
“And where are you now? Can I come with you?”
“No, Sidney,” she smiled again. “You haven’t done what you’re here for.”
“But … I want to be with you, Charlie.”
“You will. One day.”
“When? In heaven?”
“No. It’s not that simple. We’ll be together again, in another reality, in another lifetime.”
“Another lifetime? Will I know you? Will I remember us?”
“It’s possible, but probably not. But we will find each other, again. I promise.”
“I love you, Charlie.”
“And I will always love you, Sid. This is how I want you to remember me.” She leaned forward and their lips gently met.
As Sidney woke, she sat up in bed and called, “Charlie?” Then reality hit. My God. It was just a dream. It seemed so real. Then she heard the trickling of water from her bathroom. Deja vu?
Sidney went into the bathroom and found the faucet dripping. Again she shut the faucet off, but this time the water stayed off. As she turned to leave, she could feel that she was standing on something. She leaned over and picked up some clothing that had been lying on the floor. What’s this? Then she turned the light on to see. Her hands started to tremble when she saw she was holding hospital scrubs. She rubbed them against her face and smelled Charlotte’s perfume.
Chapter 25
The months that followed Christmas in Vail were busy. Anastasia worked on a new album as well as the movie. All the feedback Sidney got from Clausen regarding Anastasia’s performance was favorable.
Sidney was busy negotiating with Global on a new contract for Anastasia. She used new recording demos of “My Untouchable” to bait Global into another year’s contract with four years of options. Working with agents, Sidney also finalized the tour schedule for the year.
Although Anastasia’s and Sidney’s schedules were demanding, they always seemed to find time to spend with each other. Typically, Anastasia would visit the shore house a couple weekends a month. Justin and Anastasia’s friendship grew. Anastasia took the initiative to get Sidney out to exercise her leg. After her cast was finally removed, the two spent many evenings walking a favorite beach.
Brett continued to escort Anastasia throughout the filming. He was quick to deceive the tabloids about their passionate affair and easily justified the deceit. “I’m just giving the public what they want to hear.” To Anastasia, Brett admitted on more than one occasion his attraction to her. Initially she was able to maintain distance and even suggested that they stop seeing so much of each other. But Brett would not hear of it.
When the filming was finished, there was an elaborate wrap-up party. Anastasia and Brett arrived together. Brett was very attentive to Anastasia’s needs and the press ate it up. At one point during dinner, Brett leaned over and made a pass at Anastasia. The press was on top of them to capture the moment on film.
Anastasia remained calm, smiled at Brett, then whispered, “Do you want to tell me what that was all about?”
“I kissed you,” Brett said with a boyish grin.
“Yes, I know. Want to tell me why?”
“I think it’s time we took the next step,” Brett admitted.
“Which is?”
“Dating. But I mean really dating, though. The two of us are good friends. I’d like more. Do you see a problem with that?”
“Well, yeah. Cheri for one, and maybe you forgot-I’m gay.” Anastasia remained calm, frequently smiling, aware that eyes were on them.
“You don’t have to worry about Cheri, it’s over,” Brett replied. “You’re not gay, you just haven’t been with the right man yet.”
Why do they flatter themselves so? Anastasia thought.
“Can you honestly say you’re not attracted to me?”
“Brett, you’re obviously a very attractive man.” Anastasia was agitated. “B
ut don’t ever tell me you know me better than I know myself.”
“Are you seeing anyone right now?” Brett asked.
“No.”
“We’re both adults with no attachments. I find you very attractive and you admit that I’m attractive. Don’t tell me you’re so closed minded, and bigoted, that you wouldn’t see where this friendship can take us.” Then he continued, “I’m going to be in New York a lot over the next year. I’ve taken a role in a Broadway show.”
When Anastasia left the party that night, she was deep in thought. It had been almost a year since she had been with Stephanie. God, I’m lonely. I wonder…what would it be like with Brett?
A couple days later, Michelle brought to work the Planet Gossiper. She dropped the tabloid on Sidney’s desk and said, “I know you don’t usually read these, but I thought you might be interested in this.”
Sidney picked up the paper. The cover page depicted Brett and Anastasia kissing. To Sidney’s surprise, she felt a nagging feeling in her stomach as she looked at the picture.
Anastasia drove down to Sidney’s shore house late the following Saturday afternoon. She seemed disappointed when she learned that Justin was at Michael’s for the weekend. Later that evening the two women got into Sidney’s Jeep and headed out to dinner.
They arrived at the restaurant and were seated at their favorite table. The owner, Steve, always made sure the two were taken care of.
During dinner, Anastasia was quiet and Sidney noticed that she was drinking more than usual.
“Is there anything wrong?” Sidney asked.
“No. Just got a lot on my mind.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
“No,” Anastasia replied, then poured herself another glass of wine.
They left the restaurant and a full moon greeted the women. It was warm for a March evening. “Are you up for a walk?” Sidney asked.
“I didn’t bring a jacket with me,” Anastasia started to object.