Lusting (Carnal Sins Of Noah Trilogy #1)

by S. K. Ervin

  No it’s probably sweltering, but, I don’t want anyone looking at her temping breast.

  She held the hoodie up and then looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.

  He loved when she did that. There were no more tears in her eyes. And he was truly grateful for that. He hated to see her hurting.

  “You went to Colombia University?” She asked, her voice husky from holding onto the anguish she felt.

  He nodded, “Yes.”

  Should I tell her? How would she feel knowing how precious this sweatshirt is to me? Will it help her see that she has a special part of me, even when I can’t give her what she really wants? No. I won’t tell her.

  “My mother did too. From 1975 to 1981,” She whispered as she cradled the sweater, before putting it on.

  He frowned at that bit of information. His parents were there during that time, as well. But they had graduated in 1979. His frown deepened, then he shook his head. It was probably just a coincidence. One he didn’t see a reason to mention.

  When Mack dropped Alexis off, she waved goodbye and entered her apartment. He waited until her door closed behind her and then drove off. And that’s when the waterworks began.

  Alexis cried for everything she felt for Noah. She cried for everything Noah went through as a child… what he was going through now. And she cried for everything that would never exist between the two of them.

  I’m such a fool!

  She knew better than to fall in love with a man who was dead set against any type of affection, other than sexual pleasure. A man who had never allowed himself to be cared for. A man who’s heart was colder than the bottom of the Arctic Ocean. But she didn’t listen. Did she? Her heart didn’t take those notes.

  Alexis shrugged away from the door and sullenly walked over, collapsing on her couch. She grabbed her remote and streamed music through iTunes. Music always made her feel better. The first song came on and her heart dropped to the empty pit of her stomach. It was a happy love song.

  Tears blurred her eyes.

  Oh No! I can’t do this. Can’t listen to this.

  Alexis hurriedly skipped the song and another song began immediately.

  Fuck!

  A sad love song.

  I can’t do this one either.

  Alexis pushed the power button, turning the music off and rummaged through her purse for her iPod. Finding it, she scrolled through her playlist, as she put the ear pods into her ears.

  Ah! This will do.

  Late 80’s rock always made her feel numb, cold…better. She relaxed on the couch and lost all sense of her surroundings, the time and herself; giving into the potent pulse of the music.

  I’ll survive. I always do.

  Noah’s head had been on the door she left out of, for what seemed like hours; but, he knew it had only been a few minutes.

  He felt that she took what was left of his soul with her.

  I should go after her. Explain everything to her and maybe she’ll understand.

  But he didn’t go after her. It would only hurt her more. He’d hurt her more, if she knew who he was deep down inside. He’d scare her away even more.

  Noah dragged himself away from the door and stumbled to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. A very strong one.

  Yes, Macallan 1946 will do.

  He only drank this on special occasions…when he was in a black mood. I’ve had a lot of those lately. Too many to keep up with. He kept his stock of this scotch whiskey full. It was his father’s favorite. Noah took a swift drink and poured another to help the pain go away. Alexis’s spoken words trampled through his head.

  ‘I wanted to prove your innocence. I wanted to free you, Noah.’

  Fuck!

  She was too innocent. He couldn’t be what she needed him to be. He should just forget her. Like she will probably forget me.

  But deep inside the remnants of his battered and frozen heart, he acknowledged that he didn’t want her to forget him. Ever.

  Downing another drink, his mind made up, Noah headed to his home office, right outside the living room and began working, in an attempt to forget ever meeting Alexis Monroe.

  He knew it was Sunday and technically everyone was off, but, he needed to keep busy…so he put his staff to work. Let them hate me. I don’t give a fuck. He set up meetings, talked with his investor and went through his schedule with Sasha, his personal assistant. But, no matter what he did, he couldn’t get those hurt brown eyes out of his head.

  I hope she’s doing ok.

  Noah looked down at his watch. 6:43 p.m.

  He wondered what she was doing...if she was thinking about him.

  Get over it Kane. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

  Yes, but not like her. The devil on his shoulder snickered.

  Fuck me!

  Elbows on the desk, Noah put his head in his hands.

  Why didn't he listen to his instincts? Every one of them warned him not to get involved with her. That she was too good for him.

  The angel to his demon.

  The heaven to his hell.

  But he didn’t listen. He had to taste her, had to get a glimpse of what pure bliss felt like. It’s the closest he would ever get to heaven.

  And it was heaven. Intoxicating. Addictive. Special.

  And he pushed her away. She hated him now. He knew it with every fiber of his being. And he was never wrong.

  But it's good. She can do so much better than me. I am nothing.

  A hollow-souled demon, thrown into the vast darkness of purgatory.

  A purgatory I flung myself in when I committed one of the most deadly of sins.

  When I killed my own mother.

  There’s no saving me now, I’m way beyond redemption.

  Chapter Sixteen

  It was Friday; two weeks had passed since Alexis had last seen Noah Kane. She hadn't heard anything from him. The days had been dark, dreary, and almost unbearable. But Ryan and Cadence were thoroughly helpful. Too helpful for her liking. They had cooked, cleaned and taken her out almost every day, when she just wanted to stay home and drown in her sorrows. But no, they refused to allow her to wallow in self-pity.

  Alexis had told Ryan what happened and at first he was pissed, then he got over it. He said, 'shit happens', poured them both a drink, and they downed it as they reminisced about fun times.

  Alexis needed that.

  Cadence had told Alexis, that Harper told her, that Noah shut himself away from the world; that he didn’t even come to Eden anymore. Alexis shrugged and told her that she didn't care. That she didn't want to know about Noah. And she’d meant it.

  At Blissful Me Spa, everything was going great. Katie had been Alexis’s lifeline. She'd kept up on schedules, meetings, and even managed to land them a top tier marketing agent.

  Everything was going well.

  Well not everything, but I won't go there today.

  She hadn’t cried since that day and she didn’t want to begin now. Alexis started out feeling sorry for herself, then numbness set in and finally anger. She was angry with him. Not because they only spent one day together. That was understood.

  She was angry with him for believing that he didn't deserve affection...to be cared for, to be loved.

  But she was mostly angry at him for giving up on himself.

  Alexis paced the length of her living room, fighting with herself to text him, to call him. Just to see if he was okay. She was still angry, but she wanted to...needed to know that he was okay. She pulled out her phone and started to text him when she heard a knock on the door.

  Her heart stuttered. Was it him? It couldn’t be Ryan, he was at work. Cadence was in New York for the weekend with Harper.

  Alexis looked through the peep-hole and saw a delivery man.

  Her heart fell to the floor once more.

  Of course it's not him.

  She opened the door.

  "Ms. Monroe?"

  Alexis nodded as she stared at the flower in his hand,<
br />
  "Yes."

  "Here you are Ma'am. Someone really cares for you." He said with a smile, as he handed her a beautiful bouquet of peach pink flowers in a sparkling crystal vase.

  They were beautiful. She gently touched the petals and sniffed them; they smelled heavenly.

  Alexis thanked the delivery guy and closed the door with a smile. Placing the flowers in the middle of her table, she noticed a card tucked in between with a chocolate kiss and reached for it. Chocolate was her weakness.

  She opened the chocolate and popped it into her mouth as she read the card.

  It's from Noah! Her heart does a tumble, somersault and backflip.

  He wanted her to forgive him...to meet him.

  She was ecstatic, thrilled...pissed!

  How dare he summon me!

  She knew her anger was irrational and infantile, but damn it, she was not going to see him when he wanted to see her. She was not at his beck and call!

  Glancing at the time, it was 9:30 p.m.

  He should be home.

  Alexis pocketed the card, grabbed the flowers, her purse and keys.

  He's about to get a rude awakening!

  She settled the flowers snugly in the passenger seat and drove to Noah's.

  When she pulled up to the gate, she wondered how the hell she was supposed to get in unannounced. Then she saw Mack and waved to him. He waved back and came forward.

  "Ms. Monroe." His stoic face a mixture of surprise, dread and what....relief?

  "Alexis, remember Mack?" She chided with a half-smile.

  His eyes crinkled in the corner. She had never noticed how gray they were, before now. She’d always seen him during the night and never really looked at him, until now. He looked close to her dad's age. And was very fit. Alexis wondered if he was prior military.

  "Ms. Alexis. How can I help you? Is everything ok?" He inquired.

  She sighed, "Mack, I need to speak with Noah. Will you let me in?"

  The big, tall, muscle man squirmed and looked downright uncomfortable.

  "I'm sorry Ms. Monroe, he's not meeting with anyone today. He's um...not in the proper mindset. I can tell him you came by."

  Her eye's narrowed on Mack and he flinched. What does he mean by ‘not in the proper mindset’?

  Was he with another woman? After he sent her flowers? What gives?

  "Mack." Alexis said softly, but her tone was underlined with steel, "Open the gate, please."

  He looked behind him and then back at her and muttered, "I could lose my job for this, ma'am. But, I'm glad you're here. Someone needs to do something."

  He motioned to two others who were standing guard and the gate opened slowly.

  “Thank you.”

  Alexis smiled impishly at Mack and then drove through the entrance. One of the other guards came around to open her door when she parked. Alexis grabbed the flowers and got out.

  "Thank you." She mouthed.

  "Ma'am." He nodded.

  Mack caught up and rushed forward to open the door. As soon as she stepped inside, she was overpowered with loud music wafting through the hallway.

  He was playing hardcore rock music. Definitely not something a sane Noah would do.

  Her shocked expression met Mack's grim one.

  What in the hell...?

  Alexis walked into the living room and the scene that met her eyes, was one she'd never forget.

  Noah was on top of his coffee table in his black Armani boxer briefs and a black silk robe, rocking out, using a liquor bottle as a microphone, singing at the top of his lungs, a guitar swinging at his hips.

  It would've been funny if it weren't for the group of women hanging onto him, dancing, singing and drinking along with him. The only female he let in his home my ass!

  A blinding rage filled Alexis as she watched the show in front of her. She was feeling hot, sweaty and dizzy. Taking deep breaths, she calmly walked to the kitchen counter, sat the flowers down and then picked the remote up off the floor, where the group was too busy to notice her...until she cut the music off.

  Then they all saw her. But, Alexis was only staring at Noah, who whipped around meeting her angry gaze, in shock.

  Yes, shock was a great word to describe the look on his face and then it turned devilish.

  "Well, well, well, Ms. Monroe. Couldn't stay away from the devil's lair?" He smirked, eye's devouring her from the top of her head to the edge of her toes.

  He jumped down and landed unsteadily, before walking toward her.

  He’s drunk!

  Alexis stared him down then looked at the women who were pouting. "Leave." Her voice hard, jagged and cold, like a slice of ice off a glacier.

  They looked like they were about to argue when Mack came forward, "Come ladies, I'll drive you home."

  Alexis turned, swaying slightly, her throat tightening, lungs gasping for air, "Can you have…someone else do that Mack, I...may need you to drive...to the hospital."

  His alarm was apparent, "I can't allow you to hurt him, Ms. Monroe. Please don't make..."

  And then Alexis fell into a dark abyss.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Noah’s eyes lit up when he saw her and then his mouth soured. She looked like she'd seen a ghost; pale, pupils dilated and breathing fast. Too fast. She was pissed when she told the girls to leave. He didn't care, he didn't really want them there anyway, so he let her throw her tantrum and send his company away. Noah liked this bossy Alexis. She could boss him around like that in the bed.

  Wait...what's she telling Mack?

  Before Noah could clear his head to understand, he watched in slow motion, as she fell forward.

  Alexis!

  But his arms and legs didn't react to his brain, telling them to run and catch her.

  No!

  Then Mack was there, he caught her, held her, felt for a pulse.

  Everything happened so fast.

  Mack shouted for the other guards; told them to take the other girls home and then turned to Noah.

  "Sir, we need to take her to the hospital. Now! Her pulse is very weak."

  Noah nodded, sobering up in a heartbeat, "Let me hold her."

  Mack shook his head, "No sir, you've had too much to drink, you might drop her. We need to act fast." And he turned to rush to the front door before Noah could argue.

  I should fire his ass.

  But Noah didn’t argue because Alexis needed him. He would do anything for her.

  Noah looked at Alexis, her head in his lap. He felt for a pulse, for the umpteen millionth time, as Mack sped to the hospital.

  It's still there.

  "Hang in there Alexis." He whispered to her. And for the first time in his life, he said a prayer and meant every word.

  Please God, let her be okay. They reached the hospital and she was immediately taken to the emergency room, leaving Mack and Noah watching after her.

  Dread settled in the pit of Noah’s stomach, gnawing on his insides.

  This is my fault! Please let me see her again.

  "Sir?" A doctor pulled Noah’s attention from the double doors Alexis was rolled through.

  "Yes?"

  "May we get some information about the patient?"

  Noah nodded. He told the doctor who he was and they went over all of Alexis's personal information. He text Harper so he could tell Cadence. And she could call Alexis’s father and sister, to let them know what’s going on...just in case. But he wouldn’t think about that. He couldn’t. The doctor asked if he knew of any allergies that Alexis may have. Of course he knew! Noah knew everything about her, down to her favorite nail polish; which was Marc Jacobs Jezebel. He’d spent the last two weeks obsessing about her. He knew where she went, who she went with and even what she ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He was her personal stalker. And she never knew. Only Mack knew. Noah looked over to Mack and found him talking to a nurse in a rather cozy manner. She looked over at Noah and nodded. Then Mack came back and sat next to him in the waiting ro
om.

  "What was that about?" Noah asked him.

  He didn't look at Noah, "I've requested a favor sir."

  Noah narrowed his eyes. Mack was being a dick. Again. Mack had been on Noah’s case for the last two weeks! But Noah didn't pay him to be insolent. If he wasn't partial to Mack, he would've fired his ass a long time ago. But, he was one of a kind and a great friend that Noah had come to depend on for honesty and loyalty. But still, Mack irked him, especially in the last two weeks.

  "Careful, Mack." Noah voiced quietly.

  "May I speak freely, sir?" Mack asked impatiently.

  Noah stretched his long legs out in front of him, "When don't you?"

  Mack turned and Noah saw just how angry he was with him. His jaw flexed with barely suppressed anger.

  "I think it's past time that you've gotten yourself together, sir. Ms. Monroe’s a great person and don't deserve watching you destroy your life. It obviously upsets her. And I don't want to see everything you've worked so hard for, go to shit. I've known no other person who’s more smart and self-less. I enjoy working for you, so don't make me quit. But, I refuse to work for someone throwing their life away." Then he got up and walked out of the hospital, leaving a stunned Noah looking after him...

  No Shit!

  Noah had never seen Mack this pissed before. Mack’s been a great friend. And if Noah was honest with himself, Mack was kind of a father figure. And he didn't want to see him go. Mack was right. He’d been screwing around, letting himself go. It'd been the only way he'd been able to cope during the days…and the nights. Noah ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

  An eternity passed by and Noah was growing more restless each millisecond.

  Out the corner of his eye, he saw Mack stalk back in, much calmer.

  "Better?" Noah asked him when he took his seat.

  "Much."

  Nodding, he muttered, "Mack, I'm..."

  "I know."

  Noah was saved from apologizing. He didn't know how it would've ended anyway. He never had to apologize. To anyone. It didn't sit right with. Made him feel vulnerable. He just didn't like it.

  Hell, I haven’t even visited my mother’s grave to apologize to her. I have too much guilt.