A Place of Birds

by Jane Jackson

  Though the work wasn’t difficult it required concentration. And because of her daily visits to Uncle Joshua the hours were long. Her father had allowed her to continue only as long as she did not neglect her duties at home, or her charity work, so her evenings too were full.

  Laying down her pen she pressed her fingertips to her temples. She was doing everything expected of her. But it was not enough. The emptiness spreading outward like ripples on a pool was eating her away from inside. Soon she would be just a thin shell. She took a deep breath. She was tired that was all. And she missed Will. She missed him so much.

  At the sound of approaching footsteps she reached for her pen, starting violently as the door opened. She looked up into grey eyes that blinked in surprise beneath frowning black brows.

  He glanced swiftly round the office. ‘Where’s Joshua?’ Several days’ growth of black stubble covered the lower half of his face.

  At this over-familiar reference to her uncle Susanna’s fingers tightened on the pen. ‘I’m afraid Mr Braithwaite isn’t available right now.’

  ‘I see. Would you mind telling me why he isn’t available?’ Susanna had the unsettling impression that he was amused. Acutely self-conscious she felt hot colour flood her face.

  ‘He’s ill with influenza. There’s an epidemic.’

  ‘Charles too?’

  As she nodded, his gaze flicked lightly over what was visible of her above the desk.

  ‘So, who are you?’

  Thick dark hair curled untidily against the collar of his navy jacket, unbuttoned to reveal a grey woollen shirt and a red neckerchief, clothes common along the waterfront. Yet there was something about him she had never encountered among the workmen and crews, or even the owners and masters whose business brought them into the office.

  ‘I’m taking care of things in their absence,’ she responded obliquely. ‘How may I help you?’

  His smile was brief, a flash of white teeth in the dark beard. ‘If you have no objection, I’d like to speak to the yard foreman.’

  Was he laughing at her? Her cheeks grew hotter. ‘Certainly.’

  ‘About storm damage,’ he added. His gaze was disconcertingly direct. It held curiosity, and other things too fleeting for her to recognise.

  ‘I see.’

  At the door he bowed politely. ‘Good afternoon.’

  As it closed quietly behind him she bent once more to the ledger, but the figures were a blur and her pen trembled uncontrollably.

  ‘I shall be returning to the office on Friday,’ Joshua Braithwaite announced as Susanna entered the sitting room. Fully dressed, he stood with his back to the fire. In an armchair to one side of the hearth, a low table in front of her, Aunt Eleanor was pouring tea. She smiled up at Susanna.

  ‘Isn’t it good news? He can’t wait to get back.’ She gazed fondly up at her husband. ‘And I’ll be glad to see the back of him. Men are such dreadful patients! Do sit down. Have some tea.’

  ‘I won’t, thank you all the same. I didn’t expect – I mean, you hadn’t said –’

  ‘The doctor came this morning.’ Setting the teapot back on the tray she smiled up at her husband. ‘To be honest, I think he’s had enough of Joshua’s complaining too. I don’t suppose you’ll be sorry to finish. It can’t have been very comfortable for you.’

  ‘I enjoyed the work very much,’ Susanna replied at once.

  ‘Did you?’ her aunt’s brows arched in surprise.

  ‘Charles is coming by later. Caroline says he’s fully recovered apart from a slight cough. Anyway, he’s starting back tomorrow morning so you won’t need to go in any more.’

  Susanna lifted the soft bag containing the ledgers and correspondence folders. ‘What about these?’ She had known the job was only temporary, but she hadn’t expected it to finish so abruptly.

  ‘Oh, just leave them there,’ her uncle indicated a small side table standing between the windows. ‘I’ll go through them after tea, and Charles can take them with him.’ So that was that.

  ‘I’m sure your mother will be pleased to have you home,’ Aunt Eleanor continued, ‘especially now Frances is married and gone.’

  With a supreme effort of will Susanna held her smile in place. ‘Yes. Well, if you’ll excuse me …’

  ‘You get along,’ Aunt Eleanor said comfortably. ‘Take care on that path, dear. And give your mother my love.’

  ‘So I was wondering,’ hands hidden beneath the table, Susanna nervously twisted her napkin. ‘If I might go with you in the morning.’

  Her father glanced up from his almost-empty plate. Her own meal was scarcely touched. The few mouthfuls she had forced down lay in a solid lump behind her breastbone.

  ‘What for? The dividends have all been paid.’

  ‘Yes, I know. But I would like –’ she swallowed again, ‘I want to continue training to take William’s place.’

  Her mother flinched. Her father’s head jerked up, his mouth half-open in shock. ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’

  ‘Father, please. I can do the work. I’ve proved it.’

  Samuel set down his knife and fork. ‘Those were purely emergency measures. You cannot possibly take William’s place. It’s out of the question. I thought I had already made my feelings perfectly clear. Women have absolutely no place in business.’

  ‘But if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have a business!’ She felt as though she were breaking apart inside.

  ‘Stop that at once! Such vanity is –’

  ‘It’s not vanity. It’s the truth. It was me who ran the business while you were here with Mother. Me! Cyril Hosking was too frightened to make decisions by himself. So when action was needed I got him to make suggestions which he thought you were endorsing. But it was me. I had to take the responsibility –’

  ‘You did what?’ The blood had drained from her father’s cheeks. Now it rushed back, flooding his face and neck a furious crimson. ‘I – I’m appalled. Such deceit from my own daughter? Susanna, how could you?’

  ‘I had no choice. You –’

  ‘You should have come and told me –’

  ‘I tried,’ her voice cracked. ‘You wouldn’t listen. You were mourning William, and worried about Mother.’

  Banging the table with the flat of his hand, making them both jump, Samuel leapt to his feet. ‘Enough, Susanna! Not another word. Go to your room. At once. You will stay there until I decide what’s to be done with you.’

  She turned in desperation to her mother. But with an infinitesmal shake of her head Maria looked away.

  Susanna walked numbly across the hall. She had worked so hard, stretching herself to the very limits of her strength. And it had all been for nothing. The void lapped at the edges of her mind. The shell was as thin as a bubble now, and as fragile. If it broke …

  She stopped at the foot of the stairs. After a long moment she turned aside, took her cloak from the peg, and quietly let herself out.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Grief twisted its blade in her chest as she ran down the road. All the hopes she had nursed so carefully lay in shreds. What was left?

  The mare whinnied softly, velvet brown eyes reflecting the moonlight as Susanna opened the stable door. Taking a bridle from the hook on the whitewashed cob wall she slid it over the mare’s head, fastening the buckles with nervous clumsy fingers, then led her out into the yard.

  As she released the gate it thudded against the wooden post and a dog started barking furiously inside the farmhouse. Terrified of discovery she threw herself onto the mare’s bare back and kicked into a fast canter.

  She had questioned and challenged her father on many occasions. But never in her life had she deliberately disobeyed him. Until now. And there was no going back.

  At Lansdowne Road she slid shakily to the ground. Leaving the mare contentedly tugging hay from the net she ran up the path and knocked on the front door. A lock of hair had escaped from her bonnet and bounced on her sweating forehead. They had to be in. She knocked har
der, bruising her knuckles on the solid oak.

  A key grated, the knob turned and the door opened, spilling light out onto the step and path.

  ‘Susanna? What –’

  ‘I want to go with you, Lucy. You must let me. Please?’ Susanna’s teeth were chattering so violently that she could barely form the words. ‘I c-can’t t-take –’ Choking on a sob she shook her head helplessly.

  Reaching forward Lucy drew her inside. ‘My poor dear girl,’ her voice was full of compassion. ‘Whatever’s happened?’

  ‘Oh, Lucy.’ Huge hot tears rolled down Susanna’s face. ‘I c-can’t stay in Falmouth any longer. I don’t belong here. I d-don’t fit. I can’t be what they want. And I’m forbidden to do any of the things I’m good at.’ Her thin frame trembled as she clutched her cousin’s hands. ‘Please let me go with you to China.’

  Lucy held her close for a moment then eased her away to study her face. ‘Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?’

  Susanna nodded fiercely, her whole body wrenched with sobs. ‘It’s not just Mother and Father: there’s Richard, and Mrs Webber, and the Overseers. I can’t take any more.’ She shuddered, wiping her eyes and nose. ‘I’ll work hard. I’ve learned all kinds of things at the Infirmary that will be really useful. Please, Lucy, Let me go with you.’

  ‘I’d be delighted to have you with us. But the decision isn’t mine alone.’

  ‘I don’t see why Father should object. I’m just an embarrassment.’

  ‘That’s something we’ll have to deal with. However, it wasn’t what I meant. There’s someone else we have to consult first.’

  Susanna nodded. ‘Meredith. Of course. It’s just that – I mean, I thought if you agree –’

  Taking her arm, Lucy smiled gently. ‘Naturally we’ll talk to Meredith. But even before that …’ She opened the door into the sitting room. ‘Come along in, my dear.’

  Meredith was in her rocking chair beside the roaring fire, her face flushed and shiny. Breaking off her animated conversation she looked up. ‘Whatever brings you here? Of course, it’s lovely to see you but are you wise to be venturing out –?’

  Susanna had stopped listening, her gaze focused on the man whose back was towards her. The navy jacket had been replaced by a frock coat of lustrous broadcloth in charcoal grey. But there was no mistaking the shape of that head. Or the thick dark hair that still curled on his collar. No longer dulled by salt spray it gleamed in the lamplight like polished ebony.

  A wave of heat broke over her. Had he heard? As he rose to his feet she swivelled towards the door, driven by instinct to flee, and cannoned into Lucy.

  ‘Oh! I’m so sorry …’ Sweat stuck her chemise to her back and the medallion to her breast.

  Cupping her elbow Lucy led her forward. ‘Susanna, this is Captain Hawke. Lowell, may I present my cousin, Susanna Elliot.’

  As the grey eyes met hers Susanna recalled vividly William sitting in this very room, repeating the stories he had heard about Lowell Hawke. The devil incarnate. She moistened dry lips.

  ‘Good evening, Captain Hawke.’

  ‘Your servant, Miss Elliot.’ Smile and handshake were polite, formal. But curiosity leapt in his gaze. ‘We have met before, I believe. At Braithwaite’s yard?’

  ‘Young girls today,’ Meredith sighed shaking her head. ‘Not a thought in their heads for anyone but themselves.’ She beamed at Lowell. ‘That is why we think so much of Susanna.’

  Susanna’s head swam. Black spots danced across her vision. She clenched her toes in an attempt to dispel the strange weakness creeping along her limbs.

  ‘She was at the Yard office while Uncle Joshua and cousin Charles were ill with influenza. But that’s not all she’s been doing. Not by any means. We lost her dear brother recently. Such a tragedy.’ Meredith’s chin quivered. ‘We all loved William.’ Susanna stared at the floor. ‘Well, you can imagine how her parents felt – their only son – It was Susanna who took over. Not just the household. Oh no. She saw to it that all the dividends were paid out before Christmas. And she’s been a regular visitor at the Seamen’s Home and Infirmary, not to mention working right through Christmas in the soup kitchen.’

  Her face on fire, Susanna shot a pleading look at Lucy.

  ‘Our cousin is a very special young woman,’ Lucy smiled, ‘and will be of great help to us in China.’

  Lowell’s eyes narrowed. ‘I was under the impression you required only two berths.’

  ‘Indeed, that was our original plan. But circumstances have changed.’

  ‘I didn’t know anything about this,’ Meredith said, piqued. ‘Why wasn’t I told?’

  ‘You’ve had so much to think about recently,’ Lucy soothed, avoiding a direct answer. ‘But I’m sure you agree Susanna will be of great help.’

  Meredith folded her hands under her vast bosom. ‘Fond as I am of her, I can’t see – I mean, she’s never mentioned –’

  ‘You’re right, Meredith,’ Susanna broke in quickly. ‘I have no calling. But I do have an ear for languages, and I can keep records and accounts. And through my work at the Infirmary I’ve learned a lot about medicine.’

  Lowell’s expression registered surprise and a quickening interest. ‘As I was saying earlier, my ship is not equipped for passengers. I think you would be much more comfortable on a steamer.’

  ‘Speed, not comfort, is our priority,’ Meredith declared. ‘Lowell, dear, we must get to China as quickly as we can. We are urgently needed there.’

  He shrugged. ‘All the more reason to take a steamer.’

  ‘The problem is,’ Lucy explained, ‘that all steamer berths are fully booked. There won’t be any available for at least a month. But if we came with you, in a month’s time we would be one-third of the way to China. We are used to simple living and require no special consideration.’

  ‘How can you refuse?’ Meredith twinkled up at him. ‘Was it not Divine Providence that guided you here? Had it not been for the storm you would not have come into Falmouth. But you did. Family loyalty is so important, don’t you think? It is within the family that we learn kindness and generosity.’ He turned his head, a muscle jumping in his jaw. His eye caught hers briefly and once again, as in the Yard office, Susanna sensed something shared. Startled she looked away.

  ‘Lowell, I’m sure the repairs to your ship will have been a most unwelcome drain on your resources. It occurs to me,’ Lucy cleared her throat, ‘that our travel expenses might compensate you for a good part of that loss.’

  When at last he spoke it took Susanna a second or two to grasp what lay behind his oblique statement.

  ‘The Yard foreman tells me repairs will be completed by Wednesday of next week.’

  Meredith clapped her hands. ‘Wonderful!’

  ‘That will suit us perfectly,’ Lucy smiled.

  He’d accepted. As his gaze met hers, a dark brow lifting, Susanna touched paper-dry lips with the tip of her tongue. ‘I’ll be ready.’

  ‘Then if you’ll excuse me, ladies, I must take my leave. I shall expect you on the jetty by nine o’clock Thursday morning. I sail on the tide.’

  While Lucy saw him out and Meredith launched into the details of her day’s activities Susanna reached blindly for a chair. He was so … polished. Yet that signified nothing. Anyone might acquire the veneer of a gentleman. William had said some called him a pirate.

  ‘What if they refuse to let me go?’ Susanna whispered as she and Lucy walked up the path.

  After sending a message to Samuel and Maria assuring them Susanna was safe and well and would return in the morning, Lucy had put her to bed with a hot water bottle and a cup of hot milk and honey. Meredith had kindly proffered pills and sleeping draughts. But Susanna hadn’t needed them, her eyes already closing as she slid down between the sheets.

  ‘The next half hour will be nothing compared to the difficulties we are likely to face in China,’ Lucy chided gently, taking her arm. ‘You are sure? It’s all right, you know, if you’ve chan
ged your mind.’

  ‘No,’ Susanna shook her head quickly. ‘I’m quite sure. I want to go with you, Lucy.’

  Her parents received them with cool formality in the drawing room. Clearly expecting apologies and excuses, Lucy’s announcement took them totally by surprise.

  ‘Though she has no calling to preach, Susanna possesses other gifts which –’

  As she watched her father shake his head the snakes in Susanna’s stomach writhed and coiled.

  ‘The girl has shown herself to be deceitful, wilful, and self-indulgent.’

  Hearing his bitter disappointment she was drenched by a sweating wave of shame. But it was followed by a sense of injustice so strong she had to bite her tongue to stop herself crying out.

  ‘Such behaviour requires first punishment, then a period of hard work during which her own desires will be subordinated to the needs of others so she has time to reflect upon her sins.’

  ‘Then you will be comforted to know that working for the China Inland Mission will place Susanna in conditions ideally suited to bring out the best in her character. And that, surely,’ Lucy smiled, ‘is what we all seek?’

  Susanna watched her parents glance uncertainly at one another. Professing belief in forgiveness of sins, they could hardly say they didn’t want redemption for their errant daughter.

  ‘And if Susanna leaves with us next week,’ Lucy continued, ‘it goes without saying that any allegations concerning her activities or behaviour would have to be dropped.’

  ‘Mmm, well,’ her father huffed, ‘perhaps, given all the circumstances, it might be for the best.’

  What hurt most was their open relief. For so long she had been a problem. At last she was about to be solved.

  But after that one painful moment there was no time for brooding or introspection. Her recent weeks of hard work paled beside the hectic activity of the next few days.

  Her winter gowns were brushed, sponged and pressed; her summer dresses retrieved from storage to be washed and ironed. Hems and buttons were checked. Bonnets were starched, worn items of underwear replaced with new, shoes mended and polished. A sturdy trunk was purchased and packing begun.