by Leah Brooke
Getting up, she refilled her cup, pausing at the realization that they’d stopped making trips in and out of the house. Hearing them speak in low tones from the room Jake had cleared for Hoyt’s office, Nat found herself lonely for their company and anxious to see them together again. On shaky legs, she made her way down the long hallway, her steps slowing as she approached the smallest bedroom—the room that her son, Joe, had used to store all of his sports equipment.
The door had always been kept closed, so she hadn’t even known that Jake cleaned it out.
He’d obviously made up his mind to allow Hoyt into their lives quite a while ago, proof that the distance between them had been even wider than she’d suspected.
Holding her cup in both hands to warm them against the sudden chill, Nat leaned against the doorway, drinking in the sight of them working together to unpack and set up what would be Hoyt’s office.
Both men glanced up at her from where they knelt on the floor amid several pieces of computer equipment and wires, once again proving that they were both highly attuned to her.
Apparently satisfied with what they saw, both Hoyt and Jake smiled at her and turned back to work.
Watching Jake, she sipped her coffee, thinking about how much her life had changed since he married her.
He’d led her slowly, inexorably into the erotic world of domination and submission, a world that had seen her through dark times, especially when she’d been missing Hoyt. His level of caring, his unwavering patience, and the trust needed for such a relationship had strengthened the bond between them.
Over the years, that bond, forged in love and trust, had strengthened even more and grown.
His love had given her the security she’d needed—like a warm blanket that she could wrap herself in.
The last several months of secrecy had frayed that bond, but it hadn’t broken it.
Her heart swelled as she watched him with Hoyt.
Over the years, her love for both of them had driven a wedge between them. Blaming herself for Jake’s insecurity, she vowed to herself to do whatever she could to make a relationship with both of them work.
Determined to make an attempt to appear relaxed, Nat gestured to the assortment of boxes around the room. “Hoyt, I thought you retired. What are you going to do with all this stuff?”
Hoyt surprised her by turning away from what he’d been doing to give her his full attention, his eyes glittering with hunger. “I retired, but I’d go crazy with nothing to do.” Smiling faintly, he looked away and tore open another box. “Years ago, I found out I have a knack for computer viruses. I was on medical leave—”
“Medical leave?” Nat straightened, glancing at Jake as a strange sensation settled in the pit of her stomach. “What medical leave? I didn’t know about any medical leave. What happened?”
Looking back down into the box he was in the process of emptying, Hoyt waved a hand negligently. “Gunshot. Just a shoulder wound. Anyway, I was going stir crazy and found myself in the computer lab, bugging a friend of mine for something to do. I had quite a bit of training with computers, and with the time I had, I started tinkering with a virus they couldn’t get a handle on. I was surprised to find I was good at it. I worked on computers until I could get back in the field. They asked me if I wanted to freelance for them once I retired. With the number of viruses popping up all the time, they need all the help they can get. I knew I would go nuts with nothing to do, so I said yes.” Glancing up, he flashed a smile. “They’re going to send them to me here, so if you get a disk in the mail, don’t put it in your computer.”
Nat straightened, swallowing heavily, her stomach knotting so tightly, she thought she might be sick. She took several deep breaths and struggled to keep her voice steady despite her fear and fury. “You were shot?”
Jake stilled and turned, eyeing Nat before lowering his head to deal with the cables in front of him. “Uh-oh.”
Hoyt glanced at Jake before shrugging and looking up at her. “It’s only happened a couple of times, and it was never any big deal.” Opening the box in his hands, he produced a brand-new laptop, which he set aside.
Nat cringed and began shaking. She’d known the dangers involved with his work, something she tried not to think about too often. She’d taken a long drive by herself, crying in relief when she’d learned he would become an instructor, and would no longer be going on dangerous missions.
He’d been hurt and she hadn’t even known it.
He hadn’t cared enough about her to tell her.
Pain sliced through her, stealing her breath, the euphoria that had been building over the last several hours dissipating and leaving her feeling hollow.
Her stomach churned at the thought of Hoyt lying alone in a hospital bed, fear for what might have been igniting her temper. Careful to keep her voice low, Nat clenched her jaw, the roaring in her ears making her a little unsteady. “And you didn’t think it was important to tell us that you’d been shot?”
Jake picked up the box he’d been working on and got to his feet, placing the box on the desk they’d already set up and perching a hip on the edge of it. After sharing a look of understanding with Nat, he turned to Hoyt and frowned. “She’s right, Hoyt. Someone should have let us know.”
Hoyt sighed and stood, looking from Nat to Jake as he dropped into the desk chair that had been pushed back out of the way. Frowning as if he didn’t understand the problem, he eyed both of them. “I listed both of you as my emergency contacts. You would have been notified if I’d been killed in action. I wasn’t, so you weren’t.”
He turned to Nat, his eyes hooded. “Natalie and Joe are listed as my beneficiaries.”
Gritting her teeth, Nat exploded with hurt and anger, the emotion she tried hard to contain spewing out of her. “You cold son of a bitch! Do you think that makes it okay? I don’t want to be the fucking beneficiary of a man who doesn’t care enough to let me know when he’s hurt. I don’t want a fucking thing from you!” She didn’t even think about it. She threw her almost empty cup at him.
Hoyt blinked, his hand snaking out to catch the cup in midair. Frowning, he stiffened. “What the hell?”
“Bastard.” Nat spun away, not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes. “Get out.”
Swallowing a sob, she made her way to her room, slamming and locking the door behind her. Leaning back against it, she let the tears flow.
“Damn it, Hoyt. Why the hell did you have to come back?”
Chapter Five
Jake winced at the sound of the bedroom door slamming, and turned to meet Hoyt’s dumbstruck expression. Struggling between concern for his wife and amusement at Hoyt’s obvious confusion, he sighed. “Well, now you’ve done it.”
Shooting to his feet, Hoyt stared at the doorway where Nat had been standing. “What the hell was that all about?”
Even though he felt a little sorry for his friend, he couldn’t hide his anger. “She loves you, and you hurt her feelings by dismissing hers. Nat’s not a naïve woman anymore, Hoyt. She’s an opinionated, confident one now and her feelings—and temper—are not to be trifled with, something you’re about to learn.”
A muscle worked in Hoyt’s jaw, his eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t trying to hurt her. I know exactly how Natalie is. I’ve been in love with that woman for most of my adult life. Don’t you think I’ve noticed the changes in her over the years? You’ve given her a confidence that makes her even more exciting. She’s a hell of a woman.”
Unsurprised by Hoyt’s defensiveness, Jake smiled faintly. “Then you know she’s a headstrong woman who loves fiercely, and with the same passion she puts into everything else—including her temper.”
Blowing out a breath, Hoyt dropped back into the chair, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I didn’t want anyone to worry. There wasn’t anything to worry about.” He glanced again toward the doorway. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. I just didn’t see the need to worry her unnecessarily. I could see that she was scared about what
I did, and I hated that.”
Amused to see a man who went into deadly missions without a qualm get so rattled when dealing with Nat, Jake decided to confide in him. “You know, she cried like a baby when she heard that you weren’t going on missions anymore.” Meeting Hoyt’s incredulous look, Jake smiled. “She doesn’t know that I know, but right after I told her that you would be training others instead of being in the middle of the action, she said she had to go shopping. She was gone for hours and came back with nothing. I could tell she was crying, and she did everything she could to hide it. When I pressed her, she got defensive. On a hunch, I mentioned you, and she started to tear up again.”
Hoyt stared at the doorway, the dawning awareness of how his decisions affected all of them glittering in his eyes. “I never thought—”
Jake sighed, and faced his clearly distraught friend squarely, fighting his own need to go after his wife. “You’ve been alone a long time. You’re used to thinking as part of a team, but not as part of a family, and certainly not as a man who has a woman to appease. If you want to be a family, you’re going to have to start thinking like part of a family. Everything you do affects us. Anything that happens to you affects all of us just like it affects your team when you’re on a mission. The difference is—on a mission, you don’t have to deal with hurting anyone’s feelings.”
Hoyt dropped his head back, closing his eyes on a moan. “Hell. Christ, I love that woman more than my own life. I never stopped thinking about any of you, and I thought I was doing the best for everyone involved. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me, when you had enough in your own lives to worry about that I couldn’t help with. I never meant to hurt her.”
“You’re not alone anymore.” Smiling when Hoyt met his gaze again, Jake lifted a brow, determined to make sure Hoyt knew what both he and Nat would expect. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Hoyt glanced toward the doorway again, a small smile playing at his lips. “Yeah. Don’t worry about me backing out. I’ve wanted this for too long. There’s no way I’m backing out.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Christ, If I fuck this up, I’ll never forgive myself.”
Relieved that Hoyt started to understand some of the emotion minefield he’d have to learn to navigate in order to keep Nat happy, Jake couldn’t help but smile. “You’ve never had a permanent relationship?”
Hoyt shrugged, staring at the empty doorway. “I never wanted a permanent relationship with any of the women I met. I kept comparing them to Natalie. I didn’t want a substitute. I wanted the real thing.”
Running a hand through his hair, Jake sighed. “I know how much Nat means to you, and I’d rather have everything out in the open. It’s all or nothing. If you’re going to go into this thinking you can do it half-assed, you should know up front that neither one of us will put up with that.”
Hoyt cursed again and nodded, leaning forward and fisting his hands as he glanced toward the doorway again. “You’re right.” He looked like he wanted to run after Nat, but held back, the effort it cost him hardening his features. Turning to Jake, Hoyt gestured toward the doorway. “Would she have walked away from you like that?”
Jake grinned. “She never would have made it through the doorway.” Remembering how he’d dealt with his wife’s temper in the past, Jake chuckled, feeling sorry for Hoyt, but knowing that his friend would have to develop his own relationship with Nat. “We might as well start as we intend to continue. You’re the one who pissed her off and hurt her feelings, so you’re the one who’s going to have to fix it.”
Hoyt nodded and jumped to his feet, clearly anxious to get to her. “I will. I’ll fix things with her. Hell, if I don’t get the upper hand with her, I’m going to lose her before I even begin.”
Chuckling, Jake straightened. “Yeah, well having the upper hand with Nat is an elusive and deceptive concept. You’ll learn soon enough that she’s the one in charge.”
Hoyt’s slow smile was filled with memories. “She always was.” Pausing at the doorway, he turned. “Got any advice?”
“Be honest. She’ll see through a lie, and it’ll only end up hurting her more.”
Seconds later, Jake found himself staring at an empty doorway, and let his smile fall, his hands fisting at his sides. Retrieving the cup Nat had thrown from the desk where Hoyt had placed it, he stared down into it, his stomach in knots.
Letting someone else, especially someone who had been his wife’s lover, go to her while he stood aside, went against everything he believed in—one of the adjustments he would have to learn to live with.
Looking around at the neatly organized clutter around the room, he couldn’t help but smile. He’d missed Hoyt, and the friendship they’d had. It had been uncomfortable when he and Nat had first gotten married, but had gradually become close again, and when Joe came along, most of their conversations centered around him.
Until Hoyt’s feelings for Nat kept him away.
Listening to Hoyt knock on the door to the Master bedroom, Jake cursed and started for the kitchen. Grabbing his coat and his keys, he went to the back door with the intention of giving the two of them the time alone that they needed, pausing with his hand on the knob.
He couldn’t leave. Nat might need him.
If Hoyt didn’t manage to calm her down, he would step in. He couldn’t stand to see her hurting.
With a sigh, he hung the coat over the back of his chair, and tossed his keys into the basket on the counter before going to the coffeepot to pour himself another cup of the hot brew.
Hearing Hoyt plead with Nat to open the door, Jake smiled and went to sit at the table. He couldn’t help feeling sorry for Hoyt, but if he planned to have a relationship with Nat, he’d have to learn how to deal with her in all of her moods.
“Open this door right now, Natalie, or I’ll break it down.”
Grinning at Hoyt’s threat, he sipped his coffee, his body tight with anticipation at the thought of giving his wife an outlet for all that passion.
The image of Hoyt joining in made his cock stir.
He could use this new arrangement to reinforce his dominance over Nat, and ignite a new spark into their lovemaking—one that would reestablish the closeness they’d had before.
He’d bind her so closely to him that nothing would put any distance between them again.
* * * *
Standing at her bedroom window, Nat stared out into the darkness, unable to rid herself of the image of Hoyt lying hurt and alone in a hospital bed.
She couldn’t help but wonder what she’d been doing at that time.
She couldn’t help but wonder if he’d thought of her while he was lying there.
Had he wanted her near? Had he even thought of her at all?
If he’d died, there would have been so much left unsaid, so much between them that had never been resolved.
He would never have known how much she loved him. He would have never known what he meant to her.
Jolting at the knock on the door, she turned at the waist, wiping away the tears she didn’t want him to see.
Another knock, this one louder than the last accompanied the jiggling of the doorknob. “Open the door, Natalie.”
Turning back, she drew in a calming breath and let it out slowly, and stared unseeingly out the window again.
Picturing Hoyt lying in a hospital bed dispelled most of her anger, the thought of losing him without being able to let him know that she’d never stopped loving him dissolving the rest.
She’d hid her feelings for him for so long.
She didn’t want to hide them anymore.
“Open this door right now, Natalie, or I’ll break it down.” Hoyt’s icy command sent a shiver of apprehension through her.
She’d avoided him as much as possible over the years, nerves and her fear of letting her emotions show forcing her to keep a distance. Hoyt had also kept his distance, his cool politeness and quiet watchfulness making her more nervous by the minute.
It would be different now, and making the adjustment proved to be harder than she’d expected.
“I told you to leave.”
“And I told you that I’m not going anywhere. Open the fucking door, Natalie, or I’ll break it down.”
Feeling raw and emotional, Nat turned and started for the door, knowing that Hoyt never made idle threats, something he and Jake had in common. Clinging desperately to the small amount of anger she could muster, Nat raised her voice to be heard through the door. “Don’t you dare start breaking my house!”
“Then open the fucking door. Now, Natalie.” He kept his tone cold and steely, but she knew him well enough to detect the trace of frustration.
Feeling more in control, she unlocked the door and swung it open, leaning against it to block him from entering. “What?”
Hoyt’s eyes narrowed, his rugged features lined with tension. “We need to talk.”
Lifting her chin, Nat faced him squarely, determined to keep a tight rein on her temper—and the tears that threatened again. “So talk.”
Hoyt’s eyes narrowed at her tone. “I didn’t want you to know that I’d been shot because I didn’t want to worry you.” A brow went up, his eyes flashing with anger. “Did you think I couldn’t see it? Every time I left, I could see the look of desperation in your eyes. The fear. Each time I came back, I could see the relief. If you’d known that I’d been shot, you would have worried even more. Why would I do that to you?”
Nat nodded, trying to keep her eyes on his instead of allowing her gaze to drift lower to the muscles that flexed in his biceps as he crossed his arms over his chest.
What kind of lover would he be now?
The confidence and grace in every movement added to the aura of danger surrounding him, and over the years had been honed to a razor-sharp edge.
Aroused despite her hurt and anger, Nat nodded, struggling to hide all emotion. “Fine. Then I don’t see any reason to tell you anything that would worry you. Glad we got that worked out. Anything else?”