Love & Loss (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Chelsea.’

  ‘I just came to thank you for losing me my job,’ she snarled.

  ‘What?’ I exclaimed.

  ‘You didn’t know? Mr Austin said walk or he’d report me for statutory rape of a minor,’ she scowled. ‘Like Gabe didn’t want it back then, he was a walking pot of hormonal teen. I did him a favour by screwing his son and this is the thanks I get.’

  ‘He was thirteen Chelsea and you certainly look old enough to know better,’ I barbed back and saw the anger flash across her eyes.

  ‘You think you’ve won, just because I’m out of a job and he’s fucking you?’

  ‘I didn’t realise it was a competition. I’m sorry you lost your job, but that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you taking advantage of an emotionally vulnerable child.’

  ‘So you’re saying this had nothing to do with you? I saw the look you gave me as you left last time.’

  ‘I merely asked that you be replaced as our hostess, I didn’t like you flirting with my boyfriend again. Don’t you have someone your own age to toy with? I saw a few Granddads’ out there that would be more in keeping,’ I smiled. She wanted to play nasty, I was going to beat her. She may have had my man first, but no way was she getting the upper hand with me.

  ‘It’s the arse, that’s all he sees in you, he’s always been a butt man, he could never keep his hands off mine.’

  ‘Funny, I wasn’t thinking buttocks when I saw you, I was thinking you were in need of some Botox to keep his interest.’

  ‘O I keep his interest, who do you think taught him everything he knows?’

  ‘That’s the funny thing about learning, once you’ve absorbed teachers knowledge you move on to put your skills into practice elsewhere. You must let me know your address and I’ll send you a thank you bouquet. He really is very skilled in bed and makes me come multiple times, many times a day, he just can’t seem to get enough of me.’

  ‘You think you’re so funny don’t you? Well answer this sweetheart, who’s the one that’s always been there for him? Who does he run to every time he needs someone?’

  ‘Well he’s a guy, they tend to be practical don’t they? They see a hole and they fill it, doesn’t mean they love the wall.’

  ‘He loves me,’ she snapped. ‘He just hasn’t realised it, he’s passing time with you. I was there before you, I’ll be there after you.’

  ‘He loves you?’ I almost laughed. ‘Really? Sorry so why’s he with me again? You were just a layover on his journey Chelsea, nothing more, accept that and move on.’

  ‘Did you consider that I’m his destination and you’re the layover?’

  ‘No can’t say I have. He loves me, I’m not just a friend with benefits.’

  ‘Loves you?’ She didn’t hide her laugh. ‘O you poor deluded little girl. He’s never told anyone he loves them. Find a new dream coz it’s never gonna happen,’ she shook her head at me as she looked at me full of spite. I took a deep breath and looked back at her with pity and chose my words carefully.

  ‘Chelsea, I’m sorry this is so hard for you, but you’re the deluded one. He does love me, he’s told me many times. We’re moving in together tomorrow and he’s asked me to marry him. You need to move on, it’s over,’ I said calmly. I watched the horror slide over her face and she flicked a glance down at my left hand.

  ‘You’re lying,’ she hissed.

  ‘No, I’m not,’ I replied as I tugged the gold chain around my neck and pulled out my engagement ring. Her face went pale as she looked at the light reflecting off it and she reached out to steady herself on the wall. ‘You need to look at this as a fresh start for you Chelsea, stop waiting for him because he’s not coming back. Now excuse me, but I have a family dinner to get back to.’ I held my head up as I went to pass her and she reached out one of hands, her red talons curling around my bicep.

  ‘Don’t think this is over, he always comes back to me and if you didn’t have doubts about his suitability for you, you’d be wearing that ring on your finger, not around your neck,’ she said quietly. I turned to look at her, surprised to see the level of hatred in her eyes.

  ‘I have no doubts about his suitability for me, it’s my suitability for him that concerns me and if you think that I’m worried about someone with such low self-esteem that they let themselves be used as a convenient come bucket, you’re sorely mistaken. Goodbye Chelsea.’ I wrenched her hand off my arm and flung open the bathroom door and stepped out, then yelped as I felt my hair being yanked, snapping my head back.

  ‘Chelsea stop. RIGHT NOW,’ barked Gabe as he strode quickly up the corridor. I heard her gasp as she let go of my hair and I spun around and lifted my hand to slap her, but Gabe caught it. ‘Jesus Christ that’s all I need, another bloody fight in this corridor. Mia get back to the table, I’ll handle this.’

  ‘But Gabe …’ I objected as I pulled my hand out of his.

  ‘I mean it, go, now,’ he ordered. I scowled at him and looked over at Chelsea who gave me a fake smile. ‘Cut it out Chelsea, I won’t have you treat the woman I love like this.’

  ‘Gabe?’ she gasped and it was my turn to give her a fake smile back.

  ‘Mia, I asked you to go, I’ll be back in a minute, I just need to talk to Chelsea,’ he asked without even looking at me.

  ‘Gabe I …’

  ‘Baby,’ he interrupted as he turned to look at me. ‘You have nothing to worry about, I just owe it to Chelsea to apologise and set the record straight myself ok? I’ll see you back at the table.’ He reached out and ran his thumb over my lip and sensed my hesitation as I looked from him to her and back again. ‘Mia, I love you, see you in a minute,’ he said gently. I watched as Chelsea wilted against the door frame, her face betraying how hurt she was to hear those words leave his lips and I suddenly felt sorry for her. She was a nasty bitch, God only knows what Gabe saw in her, but I’d hate to be in her shoes right now, knowing that her hopes of something developing between them were over.

  ‘Ok, don’t be long, it’s Robert’s last night and we’ve messed it up enough already.’

  ‘I won’t.’ He reinforced his feelings for me by bowing his head to kiss me on the lips and I quickly walked away without looking back.

  Doug stood up for me again and I slid in as everyone looked at me expectantly.

  ‘Sorry, it’s turning out to be a rather eventful night isn’t it?’

  ‘Is everything ok?’ frowned Robert.

  ‘Yes, Gabe just interrupted a potential cat fight in the toilets when she came to confront me and pulled my hair.’

  ‘The bitch,’ Lexi hissed. ‘Shit, sorry Mr Austin, but she is.’

  ‘Quite,’ he laughed. ‘I trust you gave her back as good as you got? Didn’t you break someone’s nose here last time?’

  ‘I did,’ I giggled. ‘But no, Gabe stopped me from slapping her, but he’s just apologising to her and making it clear that it’s over.’

  ‘Is your relationship always this filled with drama?’ Robert asked as he poured me some more champagne.

  ‘Yes,’ came Doug and Lexi’s voice at the same time and we all laughed again.

  ‘Just like Tabby and I,’ Robert said quietly as he looked over at me with a gentle smile and raised his glass. We’d just started dessert when Gabe joined us and put his arm around me.

  ‘Sorry, I hope that I haven’t ruined everyone’s night,’ he sighed.

  ‘It’s been quite entertaining,’ said Lexi as she chewed on her hot chocolate brownie. ‘Just maybe next time pick somewhere that there isn’t a jealous ex to cause a scene.’

  ‘Christ, that doesn’t leave many places to go,’ muttered Doug and we all looked at him aghast. ‘Shit, why doesn’t someone just gag me when we come out?’ he groaned.

  ‘I’m certainly thinking about it,’ sighed Gabe as he shook his head.

  I stood in front of the bathroom sink and removed the little bit of eye makeup I had on and Gabe came up behind me, putting his arms around me as
he rested his chin on my shoulder and caught my eye in the mirror.

  ‘I’m really sorry about tonight.’

  ‘I know,’ I nodded. ‘I’m sorry you had to hurt your friend for me and that she got fired.’

  ‘Dad was furious with her for “taking advantage” of me.’

  ‘So he should be, you were a child Gabe.’

  ‘She says you have a vicious tongue.’

  ‘I only gave back as good as I got.’ I replied as I gave him a look. ‘What did you see in her Gabe? I know she’s attractive, externally at least, but she’s really nasty, well she was to me.’

  ‘I’ve never seen that side of her until I saw her grab your hair tonight. I told you, I was a mess as a teenager, she gave me an outlet. You know she’s only four years older than me right? She said you told her that she needed Botox.’

  ‘Yes,’ I giggled. ‘She implied you were only with me for my arse and that sooner or later you’d return to her, it hurt so I wanted to hurt her back. I’m done here, would you undo me?’ I asked as I lifted my hair up to expose the zip. I watched as he straightened up and his eyes took in the bare skin on the back of my neck. He trailed a finger down it making me catch my breath, before he locked eyes with me in the mirror as he lowered the zip. He caught the dress before it hit the floor and I released my hair and stepped out of the dress, naked except for my white French lace knickers and his nipple clamps and he hissed through his teeth.

  ‘God you’re so beautiful,’ he sighed as he reached around and cupped my breasts and flicked his fingers over my sensitive peaked nipples making me cry out.

  ‘You do still find her attractive?’ I asked quietly and he hesitated, long enough for me to wince.

  ‘Yes,’ he nodded slowly, looking at me concerned that I’d fly off the handle. ‘Just like you do Tyler, but neither of us are single anymore baby, we have each other. No one else matters do they?’

  ‘I guess not,’ I whispered, though it did matter, the thought that he’d run to her if we ever fell out hurt. I gasped again as he ran his lips up my shoulder and he tightened the screws on my clamps. ‘Gabe I …’

  ‘Don’t say anything,’ he interrupted. ‘I want you, badly baby, right now in here, bent over these sinks.’ His hands ran down over my stomach as unbearable longing built up between my legs, waiting for the right moment to escape, but I tensed up as I saw my hair turn from brown to bright red in the reflection in front of me.

  ‘No, stop,’ I cried as I grabbed his hands.

  ‘Wow, I haven’t even touched you properly yet and I can feel you’re almost about to explode,’ he groaned as his lips moved, to that spot on my neck.

  ‘No, I really mean stop. I’m sorry Gabe, but I can’t.’ I struggled out of his grasp as he straightened and looked at me puzzled.

  ‘Mia?’

  ‘I just can’t tonight Gabe, I’m sorry, it’s too much.’ I reached up and undid the clamp on one nipple and cried out as the blood surged back into it, unsure if it was pleasurable or painful, or somewhere in the middle.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ he whispered as he reached out to touch me again and I jumped back.

  ‘We discussed this in New York Gabe, it’s not that I don’t want you, I’m just not in the right head place tonight, not after everything with … her. I’m sorry.’ I had to reach up and squeeze my breast, my right nipple was throbbing and I was too overloaded to undo the second clamp.

  ‘You’re saying no?’ he gasped. I nodded and grimaced as his face fell.

  ‘It’s not you Gabe. I just can’t, I’m sorry,’ I reached up to touch his face but he stepped back and looked at me full of hurt then turned and walked out. ‘Gabe?’ I called after him. I walked through the dressing room to the bedroom but he’d gone. I sat at my edge of the bed and looked down at the other clamp and yanked it off, then cried out in pain. I burst into tears and climbed into bed and curled up into a tight ball and cried myself to sleep, alone.

  Endings

  He was on his side of the bed when I woke up, a vast divide between us. I reached out with my fingers then snatched them back at the last minute. I went and had a shower, washed and dried my hair and put on some mascara as I stood at the sink in my towel. I heard the bathroom door open and close and looked in the mirror to see him leaning back on the door watching me.

  ‘Are you having second thoughts?’ he asked quietly. ‘About us?’

  ‘No,’ I replied quickly and turned to look at him confused. ‘Are you?’

  ‘Of course not,’ came his instant answer. ‘Is it us moving our stuff in today? Are you not ready to move in with me?’

  ‘I’m feeling a bit nervous, it’s a big thing living with someone Gabe, but no I’m fine.’

  ‘You weren’t last night.’

  ‘Because I said no?’

  ‘Partly, you were crying in your sleep Mia and shied away from me when I tried to hold you, do you have any idea how that felt?’

  ‘Gabe we discussed this, me saying no is no reflection of my desire for you, I just couldn’t last night, not when …’ I shook my head and huffed out.

  ‘How many times Mia? I can’t keep apologising for my past.’

  ‘I know that, I’m not asking you to or blaming you, just don’t expect me to deal with a confrontation with one of your exes and then want to have sex. Not when all that’s going through my mind is images of you and her together, you comparing the two of us,’ I pleaded. He marched over and cupped my cheek.

  ‘I don’t compare, no one can compare to what I have with you,’ he said sincerely. I blinked up at him and smiled.

  ‘Thank you, but I just can’t handle an emotional situation like that and then want sex, I’m not wired that way.’

  ‘When I met Tyler all I wanted to do was fuck you, to put images of him out of your head.’

  ‘Well we’re different Gabe, that’s not me and I’ve never slept with him. Your history with her … it’s worse than your nine months with Julie.’

  ‘How? I don’t understand.’

  ‘You never looked back once after you ended it with Julie, but you keep running back to … I can’t even say her name that’s how hard I’m finding it.’ I reached up and put my hand over his, still pressed against my face. ‘I love you Gabe, I’m just tired, it’s been a busy emotional week and a bit, with little sleep. I’m missing Mum, it’s my last night with Lexi and I’m about to move in with my boyfriend of three months whose engagement ring I’m wearing around my neck. For a girl who was after no strings it’s a big deal, and I’m just trying to process it all, which means my body can’t keep up. I have no regrets though, I promise you.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘No none, you?’

  ‘No none either. I was just hurt you saying no.’

  ‘And I was upset last night because you walked away from me, that I hurt you.’

  ‘You’ve never said no, not since that night you locked yourself in the spare room when I was recovering.’

  ‘I know,’ I nodded as I ran a finger over his lip. ‘But like you said to me Gabe, love and sex don’t always go hand in hand.’ I moved forwards and put my arms around him and felt him relax as he cuddled me back. ‘I’ll always love you even if there is the odd time I don’t want sex.’

  ‘Ok,’ he sighed and kissed the top of my head. ‘You’d better pack up the rest of your urgent bits and jewellery. We have a lot to do today. Dad and Doug have gone to pick up the sprinter van this morning so we can start loading the stuff we stored in the garage and I can drive the Range Rover with our cases and fetch you both later.’

  ‘You don’t want us there to help?’

  ‘I think you’ll be more use in the apartment to put stuff in its place and leave us to do the heavy lifting.

  ‘Your shoulder,’ I warned as I looked up at him.

  ‘Don’t worry Doug and Dad won’t let me do anything that might make it worse,’ he smiled.

  ‘Will you sleep in the apartment tonight?’

  ‘No,�
�� he frowned. ‘I’ll stay here. I don’t want my first night in there to be without you. Plus I’ll need to go and do a major food shop to stock us up.’

  ‘Will you be ok here on your own for your last night?’

  ‘Doug’s stopping over, boys night with beers and Xbox, though separate beds,’ he smiled. ‘We’ll drop Dad at the airport for six and come back here.’

  ‘Ok,’ I nodded and tucked my head under his chin. I felt really emotional this morning and didn’t want to start crying or he’d start panicking again.

  The boys insisted on leaving Lexi and I at the house while they did the first few trips and I went around and made sure everything I needed was packed and threw away any unused food and put all the rubbish out, then sat with Lexi at the island having a coffee.

  ‘You ok? You seem really quiet today?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s a big day,’ I smiled.

  ‘Regrets?’

  ‘None, other than it being our last night together,’ I replied as I reached out and squeezed her hand.

  ‘Shit, don’t get me all emosh already, it’s not even ten,’ she grumbled. We went to play pool and I rang Gabe’s phone when it got to eleven and we hadn’t heard from them.

  ‘Hey baby, you ok? No … I told you not there, over there, Jesus Christ,’ he muttered.

  ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘Sorry, just wanted the furniture in before I came to pick you up, they’re just finishing it off now. I’ll be about forty minutes … yes there, perfect. Is that ok? … Mia?’

  ‘Sorry, thought you were talking to them again. That’s fine, see you in a while.’ I hung up and rolled my eyes at Lex. ‘Thank God I’m not with him tonight, he sounds really stressed.’

  ‘I don’t know how you handle him, I couldn’t do it, he’s too much for me and I’m not talking cock for once,’ she laughed.

  ‘He is a lot to handle Lex, but so am I. Plus he may be bossy, argumentative, possessive and demanding, but he’s also caring, protective, generous, loving and very giving, sexually.’