Ashes

by Taisha S. Ryan

  "Look, I didn't expect for this to happen, alright. At all. It’s just something about her, man...I don't know what it is..." Vance trailed off, thinking about the moments they spent together.

  "Wow. I never thought I'd ever see you this whipped."

  Vance grimaced. Whipped? Any other day, he would've protested. Never had he allowed a woman to get him to this point, not even Laurie. But Zara, the one woman he had once hated with every bone in his body, had managed to do so. The irony.

  "You talked to her since that night?" Rodney asked.

  "Nah, she won't answer none of my calls either," he said, frustrated. He had called her plenty of times. The least she could've done was call him back. He seemed to be the only one making an effort and it bothered him till no end. He felt like a sucker.

  "Well, I think you should come by the house and check on her. She hasn't been doing too good either, to be honest."

  "She hasn't?" he asked, slight pleasure fleeting in him. It felt good to know he wasn't the only one down and out. He then felt bad for thinking that way.

  "Nah, she's always in her room. Barely ever talks to anybody. Looking depressed as shit. I'm worried about her."

  "It's probably 'cause she broke it off with old dude," he said, bitterly.

  "Nah, I wouldn't say that."

  "Yeah, right. She would've married that fool had she not been caught that night. It's clear who she really loves," he said, a tightness forming in his chest as he voiced his thoughts.

  Rodney laughed. "You really believe that? If you do, I gotta bridge in Toronto to sell you."

  Vance disregarded his sarcasm. Unlike Rodney, he knew what was up with Zara. Her heart was really for Bryant Gumble. He was the one who made her happy, not him.

  "What woman would really cheat on her man the same night he proposed, if she really loved him?"

  "Maybe she couldn't get enough of the dick, who knows?" Vance smirked, arrogantly.

  Rodney laughed. "Seriously, though. You gotta think. You already know marriage to women is like...a right of passage in life. They dream of that shit. So, when a man they love proposes, they're too much in bliss to be worried about anybody else. Now, tell me if she really loved ol' dude, what other possible reason would she have, to be in the room with you that very same night?"

  Vance thought about it for a moment. Rodney did have a point.

  "Damn, I didn't think about it like that."

  "Exactly. And trust me, ya'll two were not low key. We could all sense something was going on."

  His eyebrows rose. "Really?"

  "Yeah. It showed all in ya'll eyes and shit."

  "Damn..." Vance rubbed his forehead, embarrassed. Shit, that was probably why Laurie was able to catch them the way she did.

  "I'm telling you man, love? That shit is so powerful, it ain't something you could hide, even if you try."

  Rodney's words resonated with him.

  "So, you really think I should go and check on her?" he asked, after a while.

  "Yeah, I'm tired of seeing you muthafuckas so miserable."

  Vance grinned, and nodded. He promised that he would, one of these days. He wasn't sure what he would say to Zara, but he at least wanted to make sure she was alright.

  "Anyway, enough of this love talk. Get up, we going out." Rodney stood up.

  "What?"

  "Yeah, man. We hitting the club. We gotta get you around some women. Seeing you cooped up in here, is depressing."

  Vance let out a sigh. He really was in no mood for going out, but he figured he might as well. It would at least help to get his mind off of all the problems in his life.

  "Alright, let me go get cleaned up." Vance stood up.

  "Yeah, please. I'm dyin' over here."

  "Fuck you." Vance laughed

  His phone suddenly rang and he picked it up. Frowning at the unfamiliar number, he answered.

  "Hello?"

  "Vance? Hey, it's Stacy," the female voice treaded breathlessly through the line.

  "Stacy?" he said, confused as to why Laurie's friend was calling him. They were never too fond of each other. "Uh, yeah what's up?"

  "You need to come to the hospital quick. Laurie just overdosed."

  Chapter 38

  Zara clenched her hair in agony. She thought she could endure another night, but she couldn't. She was slowly losing grips of her sanity each minute that passed by, and in any second she was going to explode.

  After what she had done to Sean, she would never be able to forgive herself. She had managed to hurt yet another person in her life. What he had said to her that night was true. She was a selfish, insecure, slut who would forever be alone because she could never appreciate anything good in her life. He had cut her down with the bitter truth. And as much as it pained her, she couldn't refute any of it. Look at what she had done.

  Zara got up from her bed. She couldn't take it anymore.

  She needed to get high.

  She searched in her purse for money. Realizing it was empty, she threw it across the room, frustrated. Biting her nail, she paced around anxiously.

  Where the fuck was she going to get some money?

  On impulse, she strode down the darkened hallway into her sister's room to find her sleeping peacefully. She tiptoed across the room, searching for her sister's purse. It had to be here, somewhere. She opened the drawer of her nightstand, and eased with relief at the sight of her purse. When she grabbed it, a deep feeling of guilt came over her. What was she doing? She couldn't steal from her own sister.

  Zara began to put it back, but her cravings for a high deepened, clawing at her unbearably. She couldn’t resist. She needed her fix now.

  Zara took the money.

  The phone suddenly rang, and Zara jumped. Reyna shifted in her bed.

  "Shit," she uttered.

  She quickly placed the money into the purse.

  "Zara?"

  Zara froze.

  "What are you doing?"

  Reyna reached across the nightstand and turned on the lamp. Her eyes shifted to Zara's hand buried into her purse and she frowned. Zara shut her eyes.

  Fuck.

  She was caught.

  "What the hell are you doing with my purse?" Reyna sat up. "Hold up, are you stealing from me?"

  Zara shook her head, quickly placing the purse in the drawer.

  "I just...I just needed to burrow it for something. I was gonna pay you back," her voice trembled.

  "Burrow it for what?"

  Zara didn’t respond, unable to muster up an excuse.

  "For what, Zara?" Reyna raised her voice. "For what? Drugs?"

  Zara looked away in shame.

  "I can't believe you." Reyna shook her head. "So, I let you into my house and this is what you do? You steal my money to go buy drugs?"

  "I was gonna pay you back."

  "This ain't about the money Zara! This is about you going back on your word. You said you were done with using-"

  "I was! I mean, I am. I just needed something to get me through. I was only gonna use it once-" She bit back her words when Reyna stormed to her.

  "Zara, I swear to god, I will beat your ass right now if you stand there and lie to my face!"

  Zara cowered away, swallowing her words.

  "You're nothing but a lying bitch," Reyna spewed.

  Zara looked at her, hurt.

  "Everyone thought I was stupid for taking you in. They just knew you were gonna mess up again, even Ma. And here I was, defending you. Thinking you were gonna change. When all this time you've been lying to me, using behind my back. I trusted you! How could you do this me, Za? Your own sister?"

  Seeing the hurt she caused Reyna, broke Zara's heart like no other. Everyone else in her life had turned their back on her. But not her sister. She was the only one who had been there for her, championing her during her lowest times. And even she, Zara had let down. Shame had never hit her so hard until now.

  Reyna leaned against the nightstand, burying her head as s
he cried.

  "I'm so sorry, Rey..." Zara walked to her and hugged her. She didn't mean to cause her so much pain. "I'm sorry..."

  "Get out."

  Zara froze.

  "What?" she whispered.

  "Get out. Get the fuck out!" Reyna pushed her away, causing her to stumble over her feet. Zara looked at her in shock. "You want money to go buy drugs then take it, go!"

  Reyna thrashed the money at her. "Leave. Get the fuck out of my house! I don't want you back here."

  Zara's eyes filled with tears.

  "So, you too Rey? You're gonna turn your back on me too like everybody else?"

  "No, I've wised up."

  Zara fell silent.

  "All these years, I've had your back. Whenever you messed up, I was always there to pick up the pieces. But I'm done. I can't do this with you anymore. You're a selfish person, Zara. All you do is think about yourself. You don't think about how much you hurt others in the process, as long as you get what you want that’s all that matters. I thought you changed, but I realized that I was just fooling myself. You wanna go back to using drugs, then go ahead. But I don't want you back here."

  Zara didn't know what to say. She never expected her sister of all people to turn her back on her. She could live with everyone out of her life, but not Reyna. She was the only one she had left. She needed her.

  Zara wanted to beg for her sister's forgiveness. But she knew it would be no use. She had broken her trust. There was no coming back from that. With nothing else to say, Zara turned away and left.

  *

  Vance sped through traffic. Restless thoughts assailed his mind with each second. Laurie. ICU. Overdose.

  When he had gotten that call, he raced to the hospital in an instant. Just to know Laurie was in critical condition nearly sent him over the edge. She had ingested a large amount of pain killers, and collapsed, only for Stacy to find her unconscious on the bathroom floor. Vance was confused. Laurie had never been the one to use drugs, or any type of medication for that matter. So, he didn't understand why she would put herself, and especially their baby in danger. How could she be so selfish? So irresponsible? Did she not care about their baby? He hoped to god, she was okay. Despite everything they had gone through, he would never want anything to happen to her wellbeing.

  The eerie feeling of déjà vu wavered him. He had been here before. He could vividly recall racing to the hospital after Trish's accident. The panic. The paranoia. The race against time. He remembered walking into that waiting room, only to learn she had died of her injuries. The devastating news that shattered his life forever.

  Vance pressed the pedal with more force. Nothing was going to happen to Laurie. He was going to make sure of it.

  When Vance entered the hospital, he rushed to the ICU where Laurie was located to find her parents and Stacy seated in the waiting room. Her parents were huddled together, comforting each other, as Stacy sat in her chair, restlessly. Just the saddened look on their faces, sent his heart beating with unease.

  When they noticed his presence, a cold air rushed over him.

  "What the hell are you doing here?" Her mother shot up from her seat and rushed to him, only to be held back by her husband. "¡Dejar. Pedazo de mierda podrida. No deberias estar aqui! (Leave! You rotten piece of shit. You shouldn’t be here!).”

  "Honey, calm down," her husband, Rodrigo coaxed.

  "You hurt my daughter. You're the reason she did this. It's all your fault!"

  He stood there speechless.

  She continued to spew obscenities in her native tongue, as Rodrigo did his best to calm her down. Without a word, Vance sat at the corner of the room. His leg convulsing restlessly, he stared at the tile floor, her last words haunting him.

  It's all your fault.

  The truth struck him in that instant. She was right. It was his fault. After all he put Laurie through, he drove her to do this. He was the reason. In that moment, the guilt thrashed his heart unbearably, and his eyes burned with tears he tried to fight back.

  The doctor entered the waiting room and they stood up, waiting to hear the news.

  "I'm sorry, we tried our best, but...she didn't make it," he said sadly.

  Vance's heart fell to the pit of his stomach.

  "Noooo!" her mother cried out.

  "A-and the baby?" Rodrigo asked.

  The doctor slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry..."

  Screams wailed through the room.

  His legs weakening, Vance collapsed to his seat.

  Chapter 39

  ~3 months later~

  Zara's stilettos clicked against the rugged concrete as she strolled leisurely down the Hunt Point streets. Her honey brown thighs exposed under her mini skirt, she moved with a seductive strut, switching her hips from side to side. She made sure her breasts peaked boldly through her red bikini top, hopping to allure attention from the men cruising the streets.

  When a bright light loomed over her frame, she slowed her pace and looked at the car as it pulled up beside her. The middle aged Latino man seated behind the wheel, welcomed her with a smile. She approached the car.

  "Hey baby," She leaned toward him. Like a magnetic pull, his eyes drifted to her breasts.

  "What's up, mami? How you doin' tonight?" He licked his lips.

  "Nothin', I'm tryna see what's up with you. What you want, sexy?"

  "What's ya price?"

  "Well, I could suck your dick for $40, or if you want, you could get some of this good tight pussy for

  $50."

  "How about both?"

  Zara nodded, agreeing to the deal. She looked around for any sight of cops then hopped in his car. The thick odor of tobacco and perspiration wafted her senses, but she forced herself to ignore it. The man drove to a vacant alley, secluded from the busy tracks, and parked on a darkened road entailed with abandoned buildings and dim streetlights. If Zara wasn't so desperate for a fix, she would've told him to go to a different location, this particular area a little too secluded for her liking. But at this point, she didn't give a damn. She just needed to get high.

  He began to touch her, but she stopped him.

  "Hold up, I need my money first." She opened her palm.

  She wasn't stupid. She knew the way of the streets. Money first. Then sex. She had too many past encounters of giving up the pussy only for the clients to not pay for her services and she wasn't having that.

  "I'll give it to you after, mami." He grasped her thigh and she shoved him away.

  "No money, no fucking."

  He frowned. "Why you trippin' mami? You gonna get ya money."

  "You heard what I said. Pay up or I'm out."

  She didn't have time to be playing games with him. There were plenty of other men willing to pay up, and she wasn't going to be here wasting time.

  "Not until I get what I want," he demanded.

  "Then you ain't gettin' shit." She grasped the door handle and he yanked her arm, startling her.

  "The fuck you goin', bitch?"

  "Get the fuck off me!" She yanked her arm and he clenched tighter, pulling her toward him. She winced from the pain.

  "No, you ain't going nowhere." He shot her a menacing glare. Her heart racing in panic, she pushed, shoved, and kicked, anything to break free. Her fists collided with his face and he growled in pain.

  "Stupid bitch!"

  He punched her and she fell over with a piercing cry. He struck her again. And again. And again. She cried out in pain, begging for him to stop. Blood flooding down her face, she leaned over the seat, too weak to move. Her vision blurred, as every bone in her face ached in excruciating pain.

  "Get up," He clenched her shirt, pulling her up. He gripped her neck and slammed her against the window. She gasped for air, writhing restlessly as her throat constricted tighter from his grip. She grabbed his hand, urging for him to let go.

  "You wanna play games you fucking bitch?" He pulled out his pocket knife and pressed it against her cheek. Her body tensed at
the sharp touch of the blade. "Do you know who you're messing with? Fuckin' puta."

  He punctured her skin and she gasped out a shrilling cry as he etched the knife across her cheek. Blood streamed down her face, the metallic taste flooding her lips.

  "How does that feel, huh?"

  Zara cried in agony. With a sinister smile, he placed the blade against her throat. "I could fuckin’ kill you right now and nobody would know."

  She quickly shook her head, pleading for him to spare her life. His cold dark eyes pierced her with such hatred she had never seen before, and she knew at that moment, he wouldn't hesitate to kill her right then and there.

  Mustering up the little bit of strength she had left, she clawed at his eyes and he jumped back with a bellowing scream. She leaned over, holding her bloodied cheek in dire pain. She weakly gripped the doorknob, only to scream as he yanked her hair.

  "Stupid bitch!" He slammed her face into the air bag compartment. The blow struck her unconscious. He spewed insults in his native tongue, as he ripped off her clothes, baring her naked. He turned her on her stomach and drilled his flesh into her anus. Zara laid dormant as he thrusted with animalistic rage. After he reached his peak, he collapsed on top of her.

  "Next time, you'll give up the pussy when I tell you to." He tossed her out of the car and her lifeless body planted the concrete. The tires screeched as he sped away in a flash.

  Chapter 40

  The bright light nearly blinded Zara's vision. She squinted from the glare. The faint beeping noise filled her eardrums and she wondered where it was coming from. Confused, she tried to sit up, only to find herself restrained by the brace around her neck. She ran her fingertips along the plastic tube trailing to her mouth and her heart raced in panic. She groaned, fidgeting restlessly.

  "Rod, she's awake."

  The familiar voice caught her senses. Reyna peered over her, and Zara stared at her, in shock. In that moment, she wondered if this was some sort of dream.

  "Hey, sis," Reyna said softly with a smile, running her fingers through Zara's locks. Rodney appeared next to Reyna, watching her with a softened gaze.

  This had to be a dream. What were they doing here? Where was she?