by Tori Alvarez
“I don’t want people’s pity or judgment. Yes, I wait tables—but at a strip club. Girls would love to start shit with that piece of juicy gossip.”
“Yes, you work at a strip club, but who cares? When have you ever cared what another girl thinks of you? And guys? They go to the strip club.”
“But there is still a double standard. Guys are fine frequenting them, but girls can’t work there or they are sluts. Even you and Alex do it—call girls ‘hos’ all the time.”
“Don’t place us in that asshole category. We don’t call anyone a ‘ho’ who doesn’t deserve it,” Alex informs me with a smile, taking a seat at the edge of the bed, then adds, “Are you a ‘ho’? Because if you are, then maybe you need to re-evaluate, and if you aren’t, then don’t worry about it.”
I swipe his arm playfully, knowing he is right.
“You fell.” Alex looks at me directly. “And you never wanted to fall.”
I nod my head, looking down at my hands clasped in my lap.
“I thought he was different. He wasn’t the typical asshole guy, talking about himself or boosting himself up to be better than he was. And every time I thought I was brushing him off nicely, he kept trying harder. He never pushed. He let me set the pace.”
They stay quiet, knowing if they say anything, I may close up again.
“He is in that frat, so I’m guessing he is, at least, comfortable, but he doesn’t show it. Not like some of the other guys who try to be flashy with cars or…I don’t know. There is just something about the rest of them that grates me. Like they are trying too hard to be cool. Garrett wasn’t that. He was protective.”
A peaceful silence lingers before Javie asks, “If he is that guy—the one that’s different—then why are you worried about him saying anything to anyone?”
This thought has never occurred to me. I automatically think the worst of situations and people. He didn’t cause a scene. He looked hurt, but walked away. It’s almost like he knows I do not want attention brought to me, and he has sheltered me from it the whole time. Quietly paying even if I don’t want him to, making sure I’m comfortable every place we go, following my lead are all things I hadn’t thought about.
Garrett
My mind always wanders back to her. I wonder how long she has been working there. Her confidence and secretive nature makes perfect sense now. A woman has to have confidence to work there and survive the guys who make life difficult. Handling yourself while being put on display is a necessary trait to survive working under those conditions. She kept all this hidden away, too scared to share.
This explains so much—except the guy in her apartment. Is she really dating someone else? A knock on my door pulls my attention away from the invading thoughts.
Opening the door, I find Kevin on the other side, two coffees in hand.
“What do you want?” Anger greets him.
“Look, I’m sorry, but you didn’t believe me the first time I told you.” He steps into the apartment and sits on the couch. I take the chair, astonished he has the nerve to be here. But since he does, I’m asking questions.
I take the coffee he offers me with the small bag he’s clutching with creams and sugar. I settle in, organizing the questions in my head I want answered.
“So why tell me at all?” I ask a simple question to start him talking. He hasn’t been too forthcoming in the past.
“I didn’t think that was the type of girl you would want to take home to Mama.” His brows pull in as if confused.
“Maybe not,” I agree to keep him talking, “but she was fun.”
“Oh, I bet she was.” His booming laugh fills the apartment, and it takes everything in me to stay calm.
“How long have you known her?”
“Probably over a year. I had no idea she was a college student. I only ever saw her at the club until the party at the beginning of the year.”
“Really?” I ask surprised. “You didn’t know she came to school here?”
“Nah, man. I just thought she was a working girl.”
My jaw clenches tight at his description of her. I drop my head and rub my neck out. I can’t let him know he’s getting to me.
“Working girl? She’s a…” I can’t bring myself to say the word.
“I’m not sure. I took her home the first night we met, and I gave her something for her time. But it was a one-and-done for me.”
That does not sound like Kevin. He is no one-and-done man. He strings them along for his pleasure. He showers them with money so they worship his feet until they bore him. And when they do, he cuts them off, and he’s not so nice about it. The heated talk I saw them in that first night, he was trying to get rid of her, not the other way around. He’s not giving me the whole story.
“Who were you at the club with?” Are all the brothers hanging there and know?
“My dad and his clients when he’s entertaining them.”
This makes sense now. No one else knows what he is doing. Trying to process the limited information he has given me, I take sips of my coffee, letting the silence drag.
“Look man, I just didn’t want you hung up on a piece of ass that wasn’t worth it. So many better options out there.”
She is worth it. I just need to know more. “All those other options are only out for one thing: my future money. Fuck that.”
Again, his laugh is annoying every fiber in my being, “It’s the money that will get you what you want. You can be choosy when you have money. Get the one that is exactly how you want her to look, and you can control her. You have the money. If she wants it, she will behave exactly the way you want her to.”
What a fucked up way to think about women. His poor mother. I wonder if she’s just hanging on to be able to shop at her leisure. What an incredibly depressing way to live. Not having an equal partner but a servant who fills in as arm candy.
With not much more he can offer me by way of explanation, I tell him, “I have to get going. Thanks for the coffee.”
“Sure, man. I just didn’t want to see you drowning your sorrows for a cheap piece of ass.”
I show him out the door, walk into my room, and punch the wall, leaving a hole in the sheetrock. I know better than to show him my true feelings. I just wish the wall was his face.
Chapter 20
The bottom drops
Toni
Alex and Javie have convinced me to stay. I have done too much these past three years to be run off. I’m better than that, and I just needed someone to remind me. A week has passed, and there are no rumblings of rumors about me that I know of. Lola is on her way over with some dinner. I decided to ask her if she has heard anything to make sure people weren’t just hiding shit from me. She knows the whole story anyway.
She walks right in, without knocking, with bags from her favorite taqueria.
“I’m starving, so my eyes are probably bigger than both our stomachs combined.” She laughs, placing everything on the coffee table. “Did you decide if you are finally going to venture out into the world of college parties again tonight?”
She sits on the floor, taking things out of the bags and spreading them out. I sit next to her, placing drinks, napkins, and forks on the table.
“Not yet,” I answer honestly. I won’t know until I’m honest with her about what happened and if there is talk going on.
“Why not?” she whines as she stuffs a nacho in her mouth.
“I have to tell you something, and you have to be honest with me.” I start by raising her curiosity. I grab a quesadilla and take a bite. This restaurant is really good.
“Shoot.” She’s piling avocado and sour cream onto another nacho.
“Something happened last weekend… Kevin and Garrett came to the club. They know where I work.”
Her quick intake of breath causes her to choke on the food she was chewing, and she begins coughing. She spits her food into a napkin and takes a drink. “What?” Her eyes are wide.
“Let me start
at the beginning.” I tell her the whole story, beginning to end, leaving nothing out while we continue eating. At the end, I ask, “So please tell me the truth. Are there any rumors or talk about where I work?”
She shakes head her. “No. Not that I’ve been told.”
“I don’t want to go out if people are talking. I would rather just avoid it.”
“I understand, but I swear, I haven’t heard anything.”
“You don’t think Garrett has said anything?” I ask nervously, my feelings for him still raw.
“No. He wouldn’t. He really cared,” Lola tries to convince me.
“You have been saying that. How do you know?” I ask her, still doubtful.
“He chased you. Even when you made it hard, he was still coming around. Guys don’t do that unless they care.”
“I didn’t make things hard,” I deny.
She puffs out a sarcastic laugh. “Sure. You made it so easy for him.” She rolls her eyes. “So, tonight? A yes?” She pushes a little harder. “I want my bestie with me.” She knows I hate that term and uses it to annoy me because she trusts in our friendship.
“Fine.” I give in to her as I have since we met.
Now that the hard topic is over, we can scroll through Netflix, finding a mindless show to kill the afternoon.
My phone rings on the counter. I ignore it, not wanting to get up. It silences then begins ringing again. Odd, since no one ever calls.
“Want something while I’m up?” I ask Lola who’s still on the floor, leaning back on my small couch.
“I’m good.”
I pick up my phone to see Alex calling me.
“What’s up?” I ask, wondering why he’s calling me.
“It’s Guela. Meet us at Sacred Angels Hospital,” he clips out.
“What’s wrong with Guela?” I ask, my legs feeling weak.
“I don’t know. She didn’t wake up this morning, so I went to check on her, and she was not making sense. The ambulance took her, and Javie went with her. I’m following.”
“I’m on my way.” I hang up, frazzled, not knowing what to do. I look at Lola. “I’ve got to go.”
“What happened?” she asks, worried.
“They don’t know. The ambulance took my grandmother. I have to go.” I grab my purse and shoes, walking out of my apartment.
Lola follows me out. “I will clean up and lock up behind me. What hospital?”
“Sacred Angels,” I yell as I make it to my car.
Driving to the hospital, my mind races with what could have happened. Something happening to my grandmother has never been something I’ve ever considered. To me, she is invincible. Deep down, I know she is getting older, and that’s why we take care of her—to lessen her burden. She has always been there for us; the least we can do is be there for her in return.
I didn’t think my heart could hurt any more than it did when I walked away from Garrett, but it can and it is worse. My breaths are coming shallow and fast. A parking lot is just up on the right, so I pull in. I stop the car and place it in park. I open my mouth, and the loudest guttural scream comes out as I bang my hands on the steering wheel. Every fear I have is released in that moment. I check my surroundings, ensuring I haven’t raised unnecessary attention. The partly empty lot is a relief.
With my foot on the brake, I place the car in drive. I need to have a clear head to get answers from the hospital staff. They may not take Javie—or especially Alex—seriously.
I’m here. Where r u?
I get out, walking to the entrance.
Still in ER
I speed up my pace, wanting answers. Hospitals are like mazes—hallways that twist and turn that all look the same. I think it’s deliberate so that you walk off some of the anxiety before you reach the intended person.
“Where is she?” I ask them, walking into the waiting room.
“No one has told us anything yet. We were waiting for you,” Alex informs me as Javie sits quietly, his head in his hands, refusing to look up.
My cousins are the epitome of what bad boys look like. It’s not only their unshaven, scruffy faces, tattoo sleeves, or harsh looks; it’s the way they hold themselves. They somehow project danger just by their presence.
“Hello,” I greet the man behind the desk. “My grandmother was brought in a while ago. Can you get some information to share, or have someone come talk to us, please?”
His face has a scowl, probably from the long shift he’s had, but a small smile forms when he sees me.
“Uh. Okay. What’s her name? And relation?” he asks.
“Juanita Martinez. I’m her granddaughter. Thank you so much.” I lay it on thick, trying to ensure some news quickly.
He picks up a phone. “We have the granddaughter of Juanita Martinez here. Is there any news to share?” I watch him as he listens to the person on the other end, wishing it were louder so I could eavesdrop. “Okay. Thanks.”
“Someone will be down here in a moment.”
“Thank you.” I wish he could tell me something, but I know he can’t.
I pace back and forth in front of the guys, having too much anxious energy to sit. Several minutes pass, no words spoken, the white noise of the busy ER waiting room our only distraction.
“Family of Juanita Martinez,” an older woman calls from one of the doors.
The boys stand, and we walk together to meet her.
“Are you all family?” she asks.
“Yes. We are her grandchildren,” I answer for us.
“Does she have a husband or any children here?” she inquires.
I shake my head. “She isn’t married, and to be honest, our parents aren’t really worth much. We are the ones who take care of her,” I answer honestly. I don’t want them to withhold information, waiting on our deadbeat parents. The guys nod their heads on either side of me.
“Okay. Please come with me.” She begins walking to the door she came through. We follow eagerly, wanting any information she can give us.
We are taken to another waiting area on a different floor, and a woman is standing in the middle.
“Family of Juanita Martinez?” the new woman asks.
“Yes, ma’am. We are her grandchildren. How is she? What happened?” Questions tumble out of my mouth.
“I’m Doctor Green. I evaluated your grandmother when she came in. She is still undergoing some tests and has not woken up, but our preliminary diagnosis is a stroke.”
“What does that mean?” Javie asks, eyes filled with fear.
“It’s too early to say. Right now, we are focusing on her waking up. When the test results come back, we will be able to give you more information.”
“So that’s it for now?” My hands are shaking.
“Unfortunately, yes. Give us a couple of hours to get the tests completed, and someone will be back to speak with you. You can stay in this waiting room.”
The two women walk out quickly, leaving us to our fear and grief. At least the room is empty. I find a small bench and sit, the adrenaline quickly fading.
Garrett
My phone has not stopped chiming incoming texts with plans for tonight. I’m not in the mood to do anything. Not wanting to run into Kevin has kept me away from the frat house all week except for my mandatory study session. An evening home alone is the only thing I want in my future. With this decision made, I place an order for pizza delivery.
I grab my wallet when I hear a knock on my door. Instead of my pizza delivery, I find Lola on the other side.
“Hi,” I say, unsure why she is here. She has avoided me since the split with Toni.
“One question. That’s all I have,” she states. I’ve never seen her so solemn.
“Okay…” I drag the word out slowly, not sure what she could ask.
“Did you care for her?” The way she watches me is unnerving.
Stunned by her question, I stay silent. Why would she be asking this now?
“Why?”
“
Answer first,” she says forcefully.
I pause before answering honestly. “Yes, I cared for her.” I use past tense, hesitant of her intentions.
“Cared past tense or care?” she pushes.
“You said one question. Answer mine first.”
She stares at me, unmoving. This is one stare off I don’t think I’ll be winning.
“Care. Okay. I care for her. Happy?” I exclaim, frustrated.
“Yes. Now, come on. I’ll explain in the car.” She turns around quickly, bumping into the delivery guy with my pizza. “Sorry,” she tells the guy and continues walking.
I’m still trying to catch up with what she has said. I take money out of my wallet to hand the delivery guy. She stops midway down the stairs and turns around when she realizes I have yet to follow her. She looks up at me, waiting.
“I’m coming.” I take the pizza inside.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I ask as she’s driving.
“Crap! I didn’t think this out all the way.” She looks in the rearview mirror and takes a hard right onto a small side street.
“What didn’t you think through? What the hell is going on?” I’m beyond confused and irritated with no explanation. How can this be happening again to me? Another strange adventure where I’m in the dark. I don’t want to be blindsided again.
“Sorry.” She parks the car on the side of the road. “Look. I shouldn’t have just asked if you cared for her. I should have also asked about last weekend.”
The shock of her statement has probably drained the color from my face. Kevin is fucking spreading rumors about her. “What did that motherfucker tell you?” The confusion and anger is fueling my yelling at her.
“What motherfucker are you speaking of?” she asks calmly.
“Kevin.”
“He didn’t tell me anything. Toni did.” she informs me.
“What did she tell you?” The surprise of this revelation catches me off guard.
“Everything that happened. You at the club with Kevin. Finding out where she worked. Walking away without saying anything to her.” She pauses, watching me. “Why didn’t you say anything to her? Or does that change things for you?”