Beautiful Collision

by Tori Alvarez

  “I went by and no one was home, so I texted Javie. I figured neither you nor Toni would answer me. At least your brother has manners.” She takes a dig at Alex.

  By this exchange, I’m guessing this is Toni’s mom. The door opens again and in she walks.

  She spots her mom right away, and I notice as she mouths the word ‘shit.’

  Maria turns away from Alex and begins again. “Don’t you think you should have told me my mother is in the hospital?”

  “Not really.” Toni’s stance now matches Alex’s. He comes to stand by her.

  “Don’t you get all high and mighty with me. You are no better than me just because you attend your fancy college. What room is she in?” Maria directs at Toni.

  “Why should we tell you? What are you going to do? Help pay the bills. No. You are of no use here. Just go home. Guela can’t give you anything. I know the only reason you are here is for another handout. That is the only reason you ever come around.” The harsh staredown she is giving her mom would make a giant quiver.

  “You realize I can just ask the nurse’s station,” her mom quips back.

  “Then do that. Go work the problem out yourself, because we both know you are too lazy to do shit. Once you find out Guela is unresponsive right now and can’t give you anything, you will leave and not come back.” Toni looks like she wants to take a swing at her mom. “And don’t think you can go pawn anything at Guela’s house either. You have already sold anything worth any value of hers. Everything else is Alex’s.”

  “Really, that’s what you think I would do?” Her mom seems truly offended.

  “No, Maria, we KNOW that’s what you would do because you’ve done it before.” Alex decides to jump in the conversation. “Don’t go into the house. That shit is mine, and you will have me to deal with. I won’t hesitate to turn your worthless ass in.”

  Their stances, ready to fight, begin to worry me, so I begin to make my way closer to Toni. I’m sure she can handle herself, as she has done so all her life, but now that I’m here, I want to do that for her.

  “You two think you are so entitled, but she is my mom. Your dad and I will get the house. You can then move all your shit out.”

  “Like hell he will!” Toni blurts out as I watch her mom’s hand come up to slap her. I catch it and hold her in place.

  “Enough!” I grind out, not happy to get in the middle, worried I’ve overstepped.

  “And you are?” Maria turns her attention to me.

  I raise a brow in question at Toni for an answer.

  “He’s my boyfriend,” she states flatly. Whether it’s because she didn’t want to share that information with her mom or she’s that unenthused about me, it hits me in the gut. I let her wrist go.

  “Well, well, and here I thought you would never settle down since you ‘learned’”—she air quotes with her fingers—“from my mistakes.”

  “Don’t talk about things you don’t understand. Go see Guela if you can manage finding her or go home.” She tries to get her mom to leave again.

  She huffs as she turns around to walk back out the door she came through.

  Unsettled with the situation, where I stand, and how she’ll react, I stand frozen. She turns to face me as Alex walks out the door behind her mom.

  “Thank you. It wouldn’t be the first time she has slapped me and probably won’t be the last.” She takes the step into me, her arms tucked between us and her cheek flush on my chest. I bring my arms around her, holding her tight, not wanting to let her go.

  “Anytime. But I can promise you one thing, darlin’, if I’m with you, no one is placing their hands on you.” That I can guarantee.

  I can hear her breaths as she calms the adrenaline flowing through her. After a few quiet moments, she asks, “Are you sure you want to be a part of this crazy? It’s this bad all the time.”

  “I want to take you away from crazy. There is no reason why you should have to go through that.”

  “I can’t ask that of you.”

  “You aren’t asking; I’m telling you that’s what I want to do if you’ll let me.” I kiss the top of her head, wishing she would let me protect her.

  She pulls back, looking up at me. “I…I don’t…don’t know how to do this. I’ve never been here before. I’ve never trusted anyone to see this part of my life.”

  “There’s nothing to do except let me be with you. Don’t push me away. Don’t shut me out. Can you do that?” The need to tell her how far I’ve fallen for her is sitting on my lips.

  She nods. “I’ll try.”

  “Darlin’, I’ve fallen hard. You have my heart. Don’t go crushin’ it again.” This is as close as I can come to telling her I love her. She may frighten with too much too soon.

  She slides her hands up from my chest to rest on my shoulders, tip-toeing at the same time. I meet her halfway as our lips come together.

  Toni

  This kiss is unlike any we’ve shared before. All our previous kisses have been solely physical. I never thought of them as a way of showing affection. Right now, in this moment, it’s gentle and filled with hope for more. I may have his heart, but he has mine in return. As much as I am dreading the potential of mine being broken, I actually want to fall.

  Trusting people other than my grandmother and cousins is something I have never done. My friends only know what I want them to know, never revealing too much so no one can have the upper hand on me. This is going to be difficult, but it may be nice not having to censor my life. Life can be exhausting, trying to remember which mask is needed. Hood life and never showing weakness, college life and trying to appear just like the others, or club life to make men spend more money are all facades I have had in place to crawl my way out of the place I call home.

  Alex walks back in, announcing, “Your mom left as predicted.” He plops himself in the closet chair next to us.

  “Figures.” I pull away slightly from Garrett, unsure how to be me with him.

  “Have y’all figured your shit out yet?” He smirks in my direction, knowing how hard this is for me.

  “Trying to.” My eyes roll in exaggeration at him poking fun at us while squeezing Garrett to show I’m in this with him.

  “Let the record show, I told her to tell you a LOOONG”—he drags the word out—“time ago. She was the one who was insistent you shouldn’t know our crazy family shit.”

  “Oh my gawd. You were the one who gave me the idea to let him think I was dating someone else!” I exclaim dramatically. No need in getting us in our first fight five minutes after we get together.

  I feel Garrett’s chest vibrate with a soft chuckle as he kisses my head again. “At least we’re here now.” He lets me go to sit in the chair across from Alex.

  “How’d you learn Spanish, gringo?” Alex asks him. I’m actually curious about this myself.

  “Most of our ranch hands speak Spanish, so I had to learn if I was going to work alongside them,” he answers casually. I sit next to him, wondering how much of his life he’ll share with Alex.

  “Ranch hands?” Alex asks, raising his brows in confusion.

  “Our family beef cattle company. We employ men to work on our ranch.”

  “Wow! Okay.” I don’t think Alex is following what this means. “If you have guys working for you, why do you need to work?”

  “We always want to make sure we are raising the best cattle. Our name and reputation are in every one we sell—sell for slaughter. It’s where your steaks and burgers come from.” Garrett noticed Alex’s confusion.

  “Wait. You raise cattle to sell for slaughter?” His eyes widen.

  “Don’t tell me I’ve offended you too? Vegetarian?” Garrett jokes.

  Alex laughs it off. “Nah, man. I just never think where my food comes from.”

  “Most people don’t.”

  “The doctor wants to see us.” Javie barges through the door. Alex and I stand immediately. “She will meet us in Guela’s room.”

  As
much as I didn’t want him around before, all I can think is I don’t want to hear whatever she is going to say alone. I turn back to Garrett and extend my hand to him.

  He grabs it instantly, and I give him a small tug to follow me. He walks alongside me, holding my hand.

  “I’m so sorry to have this conversation with you,” the doctor begins, and I know the news she will be sharing with us won’t be good. “Your grandmother is not waking up, and the last EEG we did isn’t looking good. Her brain activity has been slowing.”

  My legs feel as if they are about to give out. I can’t process what she is saying. She will be fine. She HAS to be fine. His chest presses into my back as his arms come around my waist, holding me. How he knows I need this support I don’t know, but I can’t express enough gratitude that he caught me and didn’t let me fall.

  Words suddenly became foreign to me as the ‘what-ifs’ swirl around my mind. Processing a question to ask is too difficult. The boys always wait for me to take the lead on important or professional matters.

  “What exactly does that mean?” Alex inquires, noticing my struggle.

  “We will give it a couple more days to see if she improves. Does your grandmother have a health directive?” When no one answers her, she continues, “Do you know what her wishes are about staying on life support?”

  “No. She has never mentioned it. Should we know?” Alex asks.

  “Yes, but many family members are tasked with making the decision if the patient’s wishes are unknown.”

  More information is shared and questions are asked, all while my brain cannot seem to follow. As soon as the doctor walks out, Javie falls to his knees by her bed, clutching the blankets, and I make my way to her side, crawling in her bed carefully. Closing my eyes, I just want to stay and protect her, give her any strength I can.

  Garrett

  Toni is crushed with this news. Feeling like an intruder in such an intimate family moment, I debate walking out to give them their privacy, but I want to make sure she is okay. I move to the side of the bed Toni shares with her grandmother, ensuring she knows I am there. I am beginning to understand their family dynamics. Each of them has played a vital role in what she believes to be a dysfunctional family.

  Alex stands at the foot of the bed, his features unchanged, watching Javie and Toni falling apart. He is the man in this family, protecting everyone he loves. It’s his approval and trust I need to gain. A newfound respect begins for him having to take charge in the most difficult situations—a responsibility he has probably had since he was a child.

  He pats Javie on the shoulder, and an unspoken communication takes place as I watch Javie stand up, composing himself. They watch Toni until she feels their stares. She slowly stands, leaning slightly into me. The three of them share a few looks before Alex nods his head once. Without even speaking, they have come to some decision.

  Alex is the first to turn around, walking to the door. Toni grabs my hand, pulling me with her.

  “I want to go to my guela’s house tonight,” Toni says as we walk down the many corridors of the hospital.

  “Okay. Can I take you or are you going with your cousins?” As selfish as it sounds, I don’t want to leave her since I just got her back.

  “Will you go with me?” The quiver in her voice filled with uncertainty is new. She has always been so self-assured and decisive. I’m navigating new territory.

  “Of course,” I say, squeezing the hand she is clutching to remind her I am here—for all of it.

  This side of town should not be new to me as I drive past it each time I head to the ranch. I just never ventured off the freeway around here for any reason. Small, old houses that line the streets, small local businesses with burglar bars, and bus stops with many people waiting are eye opening. When you grow up with a certain amount of means, you never know the other side. I’m a visitor here, learning how polar opposite her and I have been raised. More so than I could have realized. Does it change the way I feel? Absolutely not. It’s just a reality I have to be cognizant of.

  I park on the street in front of a tiny but well-kept home. A clean yard and pretty plants decorating the front is the first impression of the pride her grandmother takes in her home.

  “This is where I grew up.” Toni is looking down at her hands. “There is still time for you to escape—if you want.”

  “Why would I need to escape?” I grab her chin softly, pulling her face up to look at me. “I’m here, Toni. I wanted to be here before, but you were scared. But I’ll keep proving to you I’m here to stay.”

  A tear slides down her cheek. “I just…I’m scared. I’m losing my grandmother and what if…what if you decide this is too much bullshit? I think I’ll break.”

  I open my door, walking around to her side. I open her door and help her down. I wrap her in my arms. “All I can do is continue showing you I’m here. Build your trust. Especially since you have never trusted anyone.”

  She takes a big breath, blowing it out slowly, then pulls away, looking up at me, and nods with a small smile. She motions with her head to follow her into the house.

  A small living room is on the other side of the front door. Alex is sitting on a chair, his head laying back, eyes closed. Toni sits on the couch, curling into a corner, so I sit with her. Javie comes out of the kitchen, holding a coffee cup.

  “I made coffee,” he announces to the room. He sits on the chair opposite Alex. “What’s our plan?”

  Toni sits up from her curled position. “We can’t lose the house. If my mom and your dad get the house, you know they will sell it and blow through the money in record time and come back with their hands out.”

  “Toni, I hate to do this to you, but you are the one with the connections now. You know regular people who know about shit like this. Can you find out what our options are?”

  Knowing I’m the new one here, I take the chance and offer, “I’ll call our lawyer and find out what options you have.”

  “You can’t…” Toni begins as Alex says, “Thanks, man.”

  “We can’t ask him to do that,” Toni directs to Alex.

  “He didn’t ask, I offered,” I remind her. “Besides, I have resources. I should use them.”

  “But we can’t pay,” she counters.

  “I didn’t ask you to. It’s fine.” I kiss her nose. “Now that is settled.”

  “How long are we keeping her on life support?” Javie says so quietly I barely hear him.

  “You know we can’t afford to keep her on too long. I don’t even know what type of bills we are going to get for this so far,” Alex states very matter of factly. I wonder when he gets his chance to break down.

  “I know.”

  “We follow doctor’s orders. She said they are waiting a couple of days, so we will too.”

  “Where is your dad?” Toni asks, changing the subject.

  “Don’t know. He has been gone a little over a week. Probably shacked up with whatever dumbass is buying his alcohol.”

  Chapter 23

  A new life

  Toni

  The next couple of days go by in a blur. Hospital visits and classes fill my days. I always have Lola or Garrett by my side. They are what I never knew I needed. They anticipate not only my needs but my cousins’ as well, bringing snacks, meals, drinks, or an unexpected laugh when things are feeling too heavy.

  The day comes when we have to make the decision, so we are all at my guela’s house. As hard as it is, we know tomorrow our lives will forever be changed. We are worried about how we will manage paying for a funeral. We know it can’t be anything fancy—what she deserves for saving us—but we want it to be nice. Alex felt weird going through the things in her bedroom to locate any information on the house or maybe even a small insurance policy, so he volun-told me.

  Knowing I can’t do it on my own, I ask Lola to help. Another female in her room seems better than a male. We walk in, and her scent crashes into me. No one has been in her room since that
day. Her bed is still unmade. I crawl in, wishing to surround myself in her. Lola sits next to me, rubbing my leg.

  “I’m so sorry, friend.” Tears fill her eyes. She didn’t know my grandmother, but her pain is coming from caring for me.

  I don’t have a response. What do you say to that? People can be sorry all they want, but it doesn’t change what is happening.

  “Do you want me to start?” she hesitantly asks.

  “Please.” I was strong when I agreed, but I felt myself crumble as soon as I walked in.

  “Where do I start?”

  “Her closet, I guess. She has boxes in there, but I don’t know what they have in them.”

  I close my eyes, letting my mind travel back to each happy memory I had in this house. This is my only safe place. Looking back, I remember not wanting to stay here, wanting the love my mom was supposed to give me, wanting desperately to stay with her and for her to put me first. As time went on, I didn’t want to go with my mom. Even as a child, I knew I wasn’t her priority.

  The only sound in the room is Lola rummaging through my grandmother’s things.

  “Darlin’, we are getting hungry. I’m going to pick up some food. Suggestions?” He only pokes his head in the door.

  I sit up. “Whatever the boys want.”

  “They said for you to choose.” He raises a brow for me to answer.

  “I’m sure there are some great tacos on this side of town. Am I right?” Lola looks at me.

  “Yes. Have Alex call in to Norteno,” I tell Garrett.

  Lola claps her hands in excitement. I’ve never seen a girl get so excited for tacos before Lola. “Tell Alex I need a couple of asada tacos with avocado, please.”

  “And you?” he asks me.

  “Get me the same thing.”

  I fall back into the bed, unsure if I will be able to leave, and listen to Lola still rifling through things.

  “Look what I found!” Lola exclaims a few minutes later.