by Joy, E. n.
As soon as Tatiana opened the front door to the house, she was hit with the gospel tunes of Quan Howell's "Things Will Get Better." Tatiana sighed and shook her head as she rushed over to the CD player to turn the music off. For the life of her, she couldn't understand why Big Momma just had to play gospel music all day, every day, even when she was not at home.
Tatiana ran up the stairs and into her room. She wanted to grab some things and leave before Big Momma got home. She just wasn't in the mood for explaining whose truck she had and where she was going.
Tatiana looked through her closet frantically, and grabbed a pair of Citizen skinny legs jeans with a zipper on the side and a tight fit, white button down shirt. For her accessories, she grabbed a wide yellow belt, a pair of red platform pumps with the peep toe, a red clutch bag, and some jewelry.
Exiting the closet, she looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was after eight. Big Momma could walk through the door any minute, depending on whether anybody at the church was trying to show off to the pastor by going on and on with all their biblical knowledge, as if they should be the one teaching the class.
With only a few minutes to spare, Tatiana grabbed her toiletries, underclothes, makeup and hair products. She then headed out the door and back into the truck. She sped out the driveway and headed to her girl, Yardi's, house. As she pulled up, Yardi, sat on the porch smoking a blunt. Tatiana shook her head as she got out of the car and headed toward her.
"That's a shame," Tatiana said as she sat down in a chair beside her other best friend besides Kandi.
"What's a shame?" Yardi responded.
"Every time I see you, you smoking that green."
"Yeah, and every time I see you, you chasing that green; Gold Digger!"
"Hence the name, Goldie, baby girl." The girls high- fived. "So what's up for tonight?" Tatiana asked as Yardi passed her the blunt and she hit it.
"I guess we can hit the new reggae spot in Newport News," Yardi suggested.
"Yeah, I heard there were a few regular ballers that hang out in there; be buying the bar out and thangs. So that's cool with me. What you wearing?"
Tatiana was always concerned about her appearance as well as those around her. Always the one to make a fashion statement, Tatiana wanted to be sure her friends could do the same.
"I just picked up a cute set from BEBE. It's in the car." Yardi pulled her car keys out of her pocket and handed them to Tatiana as an indication to go get the bag.
Tatiana took the keys and headed to Yardi's 97 Honda Accord. She struggled to get the car door open. "Girl, how many times I gotta tell you to get a new car?"
"The same amount of times I gotta tell you, I can't afford one," Yardi snapped back.
"Baby, money is no object. You just gotta use what you got to get what you want." They both laughed as Tatiana grabbed the bag and did her best America's Next Top Model runway walk as she headed back to the porch.
Yardi stood a solid five feet eight inches with a perfect body. Her booty, breasts and perfectly clear skin drove men crazy. As far as Tatiana was concerned, Yardi could virtually have any straight man in the seven cities and have a new car in no time, but Yardi just couldn't get down with the games that Tatiana and their other home girl, Kandi, ran on people.
"Nah, girl. I don't have the patience to deal with these tricks like you and Kandi do." Yardi stood up and headed in the house toward her bedroom. Tatiana followed with the bag in hand.
"Now, let's see this outfit." Tatiana emptied the con- tents of the bag on the bed. "This outfit is cute. What shoes are you wearing?" Tatiana admitted the little hot pink, two-piece outfit was hot, but wanted to be sure everything else her friend planned on wearing would come together.
"I got this." Yardi snatched the clothes from Tatiana's hands.
"Well, you know if it don't look right, I will be letting you know."
"Whatever." Yardi rolled her eyes then looked at her watch. "Where is the gay bunny?" Yardi was referring to Kandi, of course.
"I don't know, but she better hurry up. We're not waiting on her slow tail tonight," Goldie said, looking at her cell phone for the time.
"Hey, tricks," Kandi said as she strolled in and smacked Goldie on the butt. "Who y'all ain't waiting on tonight?" she inquired, letting them know she had heard them talking about her.
"Do you know how to knock?" Yardi said, knowing that Kandi had just let herself into the house.
"Nope." Kandi threw her duffle bag she was carrying on a chair in the corner. "How'd you get here anyway?" Yardi asked Kandi. "That ho, Leslie," Kandi said, nonchalantly.
"Well, I hope you plan on being the designated driver," Tatiana told her, "because I plan on getting crumped, and I ain't trying to drive you all the way back to the Southside after we leave the club."
"I'll just stay at your house with you," Kandi winked at Tatiana.
"Yeah, right," Tatiana told her, sucking her teeth.
The girls spent the next hour just chilling out and preparing for their night out together. When they arrived at the club, it was already packed. The music was hot and the vibe was nice. They headed straight to the bar. Yardi and Kandi purchased their drinks while Tatiana gave some hopeless guy the eye until he came over and offered to buy her a drink.
Drink after drink, the girls were feeling nice. They began chanting on their barstools to the little reggae segment the DJ had going on. Yardi loved reggae music, which is how she got her nickname. She was pure born American, but loved everything about the Jamaican culture. She acted like a true Jamaican; a yard girl. The combination of the alcohol and the high vibes had Yardi going. She marched to the dance floor and danced as though she was the American Dancehall Queen. She had the attention of everyone as the Selecta constantly called out to her over the microphone.
"Yardi, you move like a true yard gal," the emcee called out. "Dutty whind, my girl, dutty whind."
Those words made the crowd go crazy as Yardi bent over and spun her head around and round.
"Yardi," her boyfriend, Dred, yelled as he came out of nowhere and grabbed her by the throat, dragging her from the dance floor.
Tatiana was the first to run over to Yardi's rescue. Without saying a word, she approached them and threw her drink in Dred's eyes. Her first instincts were to grab a Corona bottle and crack him across the head as she had flashbacks to her childhood days defending her mother, but she decided to tone it down a little. At least the splash to the face was enough to make Yardi's boyfriend loosen his grip, giving Yardi a chance to wiggle away. Tatiana and Yardi grabbed Kandi and rushed out of the club to the car.
"I'll drive." Kandi snatched the keys from an intoxicated Tatiana and got into the driver's seat. "Remember, I'm the designated driver."
"Be careful with this boy's truck. He's out to sea and expects it to be in the same condition as when he left." Tatiana's words slurred as she climbed into the passenger seat.
"I can't believe that fool," Yardi said, changing the subject to her boyfriend's crazy behavior. She lay across the back seat.
"Girl, that's why I don't even bother with these dudes," Kandi said, always looking for an opportunity to validate her reasons for dealing with females.
"I hate men," Tatiana spat. "That's why I just use and abuse them. They cheat, and then they want to beat on us. They breed us then leave us; and then they don't take care of their kids. What good is a man? You know what? I'd be just fine if they didn't exist," Tatiana vented, letting off a little of her own aggressions.
"Now you're talking." Kandi rubbed her hand up Tatiana's thigh. "Kill all men and make me gay," she chanted, egging Tatiana on.
"That's right, kill all men and make me happy," Tatiana said, intentionally, to mess with Kandi.
"No, not that kind of gay. You know exactly what I mean." Kandi squeezed Tatiana's thigh, winked and licked her lips.
"Not in this lifetime," Tatiana informed her, removing Kandi's hand from her thigh then leaning her head back against the seat.
; Tatiana's head was spinning as Kandi dropped Yardi off. Although she was slightly out of it, she could feel Kandi's hand roam all over her body. She grabbed for them, trying to move them. But she had to admit that a part of her wanted Kandi to stop, but a part of her wanted to feel the same way as Kandi. She wanted to have no desire for men. They did nothing but cause mayhem in her life and the life of her friends. She couldn't name one good man, because she knew none.
It wasn't long before Tatiana got so wrapped up in her thoughts that she finally just stopped resisting and allowed Kandi to take her to another place. She hoped this place would free her of all the hurt of men. She had tried so many times to remove the hurt of her past, but everything else had been a dead end. Just when she thought she had nowhere else to turn, there was Kandi. Unfortunately, Tatiana didn't know that there was, in fact, another place she could turn.
Chapter Four
"Good morning," Big Momma paused from her singing long enough to greet Tatiana as she stumbled through the front door.
"Dang, Big Momma, what you doing up?" Tatiana's words slurred as an affect of the continuous drinking she'd done hours before.
Tatiana had no idea what time it was and didn't expect to see her grandmother when she walked through the door. But there Big Momma stood in her five feet, five inch frame; all two hundred and twenty pounds of her. She wore a yellow-striped apron and her salt and pepper hair was pulled up in a tight bun. Her deep, beautiful dimples prevailed and managed to show from the smooth, brown skin around her chubby cheeks when she smiled.
"It's six in the morning, baby. I'm always up at this time on Saturday so that I can fix breakfast for the women's shelter. Why don't you come help me today, baby?" Big Momma encouraged Tatiana to do something constructive for a change.
"Nah, I'll pass. Maybe if y'all a stop sheltering them, they'll do something with themselves." Tatiana headed up the stairs to her room.
"Now that ain't no way to be. God don't like ugly," Big Momma shouted back. "You can turn to God for any- thing; food, warmth, shelter and even love. Man might forsake you, but God won't."
Tatiana froze at the top of the stairs. Normally when Big Momma gave her sermons, she would just ignore them. She thought she had pretty much grown immune to them, but enough was enough. As far as Tatiana was concerned, God had forsaken her in the womb. So this time she felt like she needed to respond. She was sick and tired of hearing about how great this God was. A God who, as far as her life showed, hadn't done any- thing for her.
"Whatever, Big Momma. You always talking about God this and God that. God ain't done nothing for me," Tatiana spat back.
"Don't you cuss God in this house! You can come in late and stay out all night; but you will not cuss my God." Big Momma emphasized the words "will not", then began to hum some sort of old spiritual over top of the gospel music that was playing in the background.
That was a sure sign that Big Momma was upset. While someone else's granny might have gotten fresh right back, Big Momma would choose to hum a person to death. So once the humming started, nothing else was said. Tatiana knew her limit, so she proceeded to her room.
While Tatiana spent the day popping Excedrin and sleeping off her hangover, Big Momma did what she referred to as her duties as a servant of God; feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, and speaking the word and providing guidance to the lost.
Just as Tatiana was starting her day off late that afternoon, Big Momma had done a million deeds, it seemed, and was now cooking dinner.
"Hey, Big Momma," Tatiana greeted her with a kiss on the cheek as she made her way to the kitchen.
"Hey, baby. You staying for dinner tonight?" Big Momma replied as if they hadn't even had a disagreement earlier.
"Yeah. Kandi is on her way, though." Kandi had called Tatiana earlier, telling her that Leslie was letting her borrow her car. She told Tatiana to get dressed because she was on her way so that the two of them could hit the mall. "Can she stay and eat too?" Tatiana asked, knowing that Big Momma would approve. Even though she didn't care too much for Kandi's lifestyle, Big Momma would never turn away a hungry mouth.
"Baby, must you hang out with that girl? She's a bad influence. What kind of woman tries to convince another woman that there is no need for a man in her life, but a woman instead? Do you think that's what God wants?"
Tatiana rolled her eyes as Big Momma spoke. She always listened when Big Momma spoke even if she didn't agree. That's what she loved about her grand- mother. They could talk. She could express her feelings about anything to Big Momma and she would still love her the same.
Tatiana thought about what happened between her and Kandi the night before. Big Momma would probably soak her in that prayed over bottle of holy olive oil stuff and rebuke the spirit of lesbianism out of her if she knew. Chills ran through Tatiana's body and she began to feel nauseated. She wished the memory would just go away and they could pretend it never happened. But it didn't change the fact that she never wanted to have a man in her life.
"Big Momma, I don't want to ever get married and it has nothing to do with Kandi. I had certain feelings toward men before I met her. The only thing a man can do for me is buy me material things and give me money."
"That ain't no way to be. I tell ya, that is not the way of the Lord." Big Momma shook her head.
"The Lord is a man and he ain't never did nothing good for me either," Tatiana snapped. She knew this would upset Big Momma all over again, but she felt like she needed to get it off her chest. "Like I said earlier, Big Momma, you always talking about your Lord and how good He is. Well, the good Lord took your husband of a heart attack. The good Lord took my mother, and the good Lord took my virginity," Tatiana forced out the words through cries.
Big Momma grabbed Tatiana and hugged her tight. With Tatiana's face buried in her bosom, Big Momma began to pray. "Jesus, I know you hear her cry. Her heart is heavy, Lord. Touch her. Let her know you are walking with her; and in her most trying times you are carrying her. I beg you, please show my baby that You are here," Big Momma called unto the Lord. She hummed and rocked back and forth gently as she held Tatiana in her arms.
Tatiana began to melt in her grandmother's arms. Just as she was about to lift her arms and put them around her grandmother, there was a knock on the door.
Knock--knock. Kandi's knock on the front door interrupted Tatiana's and Big Momma's moment. And just when Big Momma thought she was about to get a break- through.
"Hey, baby," Kandi gave Tatiana a hug after taking the liberty to open the door and come on in. "Hey, Big Momma. It sure smells good in here. What you cooking?" Her nose had led her straight to the kitchen.
Big Momma opened each pot and showed Kandi all the foods she was preparing, and then invited her to stay for dinner. Kandi gladly accepted.
Big Momma used dinner time, like she had done many a dinners before, as an opportunity to speak and minister to the girls. Although they weren't trying to hear it, Big Momma was successful in getting them to agree to go to church with her the next day.
"Praise the Lord," Big Momma said with excitement when both Kandi and Tatiana gave her a half-hearted commitment just to shut her up. "I know already y'all just gonna love the youth pastor. He knows how to talk to these young folks about the Lord in a language they can understand. He just be praying into the lives of those young people; saving souls."
"Big Momma, we twenty-two years old. We don't wanna be in kid's church," Tatiana stated, turning her nose up.
"I'm not meaning for y'all to go to no kid's church. I just want you to meet him, that's all," Big Momma assured her. "I've already told him all about my baby." Big Momma patted Tatiana on the hand.
Tatiana looked at her friend as if to say, "Girl, what have we gotten ourselves into?"
After dinner, Tatiana and Kandi headed right out. They had a long day of shopping ahead of them.
Once in the car, and sure to be out of Big Momma's sight, Kandi grabbed Tatiana by the back of her head gently and gave her a
kiss, causing the events of the previous night to flash in Tatiana's head; making her stomach turn once again. She wished the thoughts of that night would just disappear. She wished she could take back her actions.
"Man, I've wanted to do that since I walked in the house," Kandi admitted.
"Man, I wish that you had never done that," Tatiana said with her nose turned up. Changing the subject before Kandi had an opportunity for a rebuttal, Tatiana asked, "Are you really gonna go to church with Big Momma tomorrow?" She was hoping to get Kandi's mind on something else.
"I guess. Are you?"
"I think I will. That will make her so happy. Did you
see the look in her eyes when we both agreed to go? You know how long she's been begging me to come to church? Since my mother died five years ago," Tatiana said, full of shame.
"Then I guess we better go so she can stop hounding. I'd like to finally be able to eat a meal in peace at your house for once. So, that's the first thing we gonna do when we get in the mall. We're gonna buy something to wear to church tomorrow."
Moments later, the girls pulled up to the very busy mall valet.
"Now, I don't have no right to be complaining," Tatiana started, "but why do we have to pay to park to get up in here? I love McArthur Center Mall, but dang, five dollars to park. That's ridiculous. At Lynnhaven and Military Circle Mall there's no fee to park," Tatiana spat, sitting in the passenger seat of Kandi's car.
"Ummm, Military and Lynnhaven don't have valet parking. So of course they don't charge, hun. And besides, I know you're not complaining. Five dollars is nothing; especially how you stacking from the dudes you be runnin' game on," Kandi responded, knowing how Tatiana came about her money.
"Hmm, this five dollars we spend a week on valet parking could be going to my stash. I've got at least two grand that I've saved hidden in Big Momma's house. Sometime this week I want to open up a savings account. You know, plan for my future or whatever. And I want to put the entire two grand in, not one thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-five."