by Joy, E. n.
"If you will shut up about it, I will pay the five dol- lars," Kandi said, shaking her head. She couldn't believe how cheap her friend was.
"Nah, I got it." Tatiana said, pulling out the money. "You drove, I guess the least I can do is pay for parking."
The girls paid the valet and then headed into the mall.
"What kind of outfits do you think we need for church? I've only been a few times that I can remember," Kandi asked.
Tatiana shrugged. "I don't know. That's like asking the devil for directions to heaven." Both girls laughed. "But seriously, Big Momma wears those long-to-your- ankle dresses, but I want a dress, or a killer suit with some style, that shows a few curves. You know, some- thing up to date. Maybe even something I can wear to a job interview, if the day ever comes that I decide to work. Matter of fact, since we getting dressy clothes, we need to make sure it's a black outfit just in case we have a funeral to go to. You know how dudes in the streets be dropping like flies," Tatiana joked.
"I know what you mean. Well, we're in the right place. I'm sure we'll find something. It can't be too stylish though, because I'm only working with fifty dollars."
"Kandi, you're going to need more than that,"
Tatiana smacked her lips. "I got you."
"You sure? Don't do me no favors," Kandi said, thinking she would never hear the end of it. It was bad enough she probably would never hear the end about the five dollars for parking, let alone money towards an outfit.
"I'm sure. I consider it giving back to my Norfolk community. You know, like Big Momma; doing my Godly duties," Tatiana giggled. Kandi couldn't help but laugh too.
Inside the partially crowded mall, the girls found their way through the stores of Forever 21, Bebe, and Arden B. Finally, they discovered two outfits out of a store called the Black Market. Tatiana found a v-neck black dress that heavily showed her cleavage. Kandi found a two piece black pant suit. The final cost between the two of their outfits was two hundred and twenty-five dollars.
"This dress will be perfect with my Versace sandals and matching bag," Tatiana said as they walked out the store after making their purchase.
After shopping and dinner at Chili's, Tatiana stopped to get a brand new Bible from the Heaven and Earth Christian store for Big Momma. She felt guilty for her outbursts earlier and for getting fly at the mouth with her grandmother, so wanted to make it up to her.
It was after nine at night when Kandi finally dropped Tatiana back off at home. Tatiana was just happy that she had managed to get through the day with Kandi without incident. Hopefully Kandi got the hint and realized that the night before was just that-one night.
"Big Momma, I'm home," Tatiana yelled as she walked in the house, excited to show Big Momma her new church outfit and give her the Bible she had purchased for her.
"I'm in here, baby." Tatiana's heavy set grandmother wobbled from the kitchen into the living room and gave her a big hug.
"Look, Big Momma. I bought an outfit so I can go to church with you tomorrow." Tatiana pulled her dress out the bag. "And I got you this." She handed her the Bible.
"Thank you so much, baby." Big Momma gave Tatiana a kiss on the cheek. "My granddaughter is coming to church. Praise the Lord. I'll wake you up at eight in the morning so we can make Bible school and service right after," Big Momma said, ecstatic about the day that her grandchild would finally come to visit the Lord's house.
After chatting with Big Momma, Tatiana raced upstairs to put her things away and prepare for another night of clubbing with her girls. She grabbed an out- fit, packed up her things and headed to the door.
"Bye, Big Momma," she yelled as she grabbed her keys and purse.
"Be careful and don't stay out too late. Remember, we have church in the morning," Big Momma shouted before Tatiana left out the door.
Tatiana hopped in the truck and headed to Yardi's house where they always met up before going to the club. She was surprised that Yardi was even going out after that incident the night before with her crazy and deranged boyfriend. But things went as normal. The girls got dressed, had a few drinks, and then headed to the club. Although there was no drama or fights at the club this time, the girls were really drunk by the end of the night.
"I don't think we're gonna make it to church tomorrow." The words slurred from Tatiana's mouth as they drove to Yardi's house after the club. This time Yardi was the driver while Tatiana still sat in the passenger seat just like the night before.
"I know. I can't imagine what my hangover is going to be like tomorrow," Kandi responded from the back seat, just as drunk as Tatiana.
"Church?" Yardi said, looking over at Tatiana with a look of sheer confusion on her face.
"Oh yeah, Big Momma invited us to her church tomorrow and we told her we would go," Kandi told her.
"Oh, wellthere's always next week," Tatiana said before sticking her head out the window and vomiting.
Yardi dropped Kandi off and then drove herself home where Tatiana's truck was parked. Tatiana was too drunk to even make it home, so she stayed at Yardi's house. Early the next morning she was awakened by her ringing cell phone.
"Hello," she answered half asleep.
"Where are you, baby?" She heard Big Momma's sweet voice through the phone receiver.
"I'm at Yardi's, Big Momma. I can't make it to church today."
Big Momma sighed. Tatiana could almost see the disappointing look that she knew was etched across her grandmother's face.
"I'll go next week, Big Momma, I promise," Tatiana forced out the words.
After a moment of silence, Big Momma simply said, "Next week ain't promised," and then hung up the phone.
Tatiana slept until the afternoon then woke up and went home. During the entire next week, Big Momma would not let the issue about Tatiana missing church rest. After Kandi and Tatiana had told Big Momma they would be joining her at church at dinner, Big Momma had called up sister and brother so-and-so and deacon and evangelist so-and-so and had told them how the Lord had blessed her with putting it upon her grand- daughter, and her friend's heart, to attend church that Sunday. So when they didn't show up, Big Momma felt like a big ol' fool.
Tatiana put it on everything she owned that she would make it to church that coming Sunday just as she had promised her grandmother. But when Friday rolled around, she did her normal routine. It was off to Yardi's house, then to the club. Saturday rolled around and again it was off to Yardi's house, then to the club. But this time Tatiana made sure she didn't over do it on the drinking so there would be no excuses for missing church.
After leaving the club, Tatiana noticed that she had a missed call on her phone. She didn't recognize the number at first, but when she saw that the caller had left a message, when she checked it she recognized the voice.
"Hey, Miss Goldie, it's me," said the voice. "I figured maybe if I gave you some time to cool off, we could start over and do this thing right. Anyway, I wanted to invite you out tomorrow. If you can, meet me at 10:30 at the corner store on 26th and Granby out at Park Place," Jo said, referring to the location they'd originally met.
Does that fool really think I'm going to meet him out on a date for the first time at 10:30 at night? And at the corner store at that? Tatiana thought to herself.
"And, oh yeah," she listened to the last part of the message, "that's 10:30 a.m., not p.m." Tatiana stood corrected.
"Who dat?" Kandi's nosey self asked Tatiana as she closed her cell phone.
"Mr. Juicy Charm Bracelet if I can help it," Tatiana smirked.
Tatiana was the designated driver this time, and after dropping Yardi off, to make things even more convenient, both she and Kandi headed to Big Momma's. Kandi agreed to spend the night so that she was sure to make it to church too. At first, Tatiana was a little hesitant about letting her stay, but since the day they went to the mall, Kandi hadn't come at Tatiana with any more of that lesbo stuff.
After entering the house quietly, Tatiana led the way up the stairs. "Big Mo
mma, I'm home," Tatiana whispered through Big Momma's room door as she headed to her own room with Kandi close on her heels.
"Okay, baby. I'll wake you in the morning," Big Momma said, then rolled over and fell off to sleep.
After each taking a quick shower and grabbing a bite to eat from Big Momma's leftovers, Kandi and Tatiana were off to sleep themselves.
The next morning it was like something had shaken Tatiana out of her rest. She jumped up from her sleep. She was breathing like she had a bad dream, but she couldn't remember dreaming about anything at all.
"What's wrong with you?" Kandi was awakened by Tatiana's abrupt motion and heavy breathing.
"I don't know. I just jumped up out my sleep. What time is it?" Tatiana asked her. Tatiana looked over at the clock on her nightstand while Kandi looked at her cell phone for the time.
"Eight thirty in the morning," Kandi yawned.
"Oh shoot! We're late. Why didn't Big Momma wake us up?" Tatiana jumped out of her bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen, expecting to see Big Momma cooking up some breakfast.
She didn't smell the first sign of pancakes, eggs or beacon as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "Big Momma," Tatiana yelled once she realized her grandmother wasn't in the kitchen.
She was sure Big Momma wouldn't have left and gone to church without them. Tatiana continued to yell Big Momma's name as she headed to her bedroom. She cracked open the door to see Big momma laying down in her bed peacefully.
"I can't believe you overslept," Tatiana grinned with relief. She walked over to Big Momma's bed to wake her up. Years of waking promptly on Sunday mornings as if Jesus Himself was tapping her on the shoulder, Big Momma had never overslept. But just like the fact that Tatiana was about to step foot inside of church doors, there was a first time for everything.
Tatiana reached out to grab Big Momma's shoulder to shake her, but as she touched her she noticed Big Momma's body was cold. Tatiana rolled her over and shook her. "Big Momma," she yelled frantically.
"Is everything okay?" Kandi asked as she made her way to the room. She could hear the fear in Tatiana's voice.
"Big Momma's not moving. Something's wrong. Call 911. Please help me Kandi, please," Tatiana cried out.
Kandi picked up the old rotary phone that sat on Big Momma's night table and dialed 911. After ten minutes that felt like ten hours, the paramedics finally arrived to Big Momma's house. They rushed into the bedroom, forcing Tatiana and Kandi out and closing the door to begin working on Big Momma uninterrupted.
As the paramedics did all they knew how to save Big Momma, Tatiana did what she knew Big Momma would have done had the tables been turned and it was Tatiana laying in that room. She fell to her knees and began to pray. Frantically, she cried out to God.
"Please, God, I need You more than anything right now. I don't need You to do something for me, but I need You to do something for my grandmother." Tatiana felt Kandi kneel down beside her. Kandi folded her hands as Tatiana continued. "Let her keep her life, Lord. If You're really up in heaven looking down on me, You know this is when You are needed most. Big Momma is all I have; I have no mother or father. If You take her, I will have no one. She loves me. She's the only person who has ever loved me. I know she doesn't want to leave me. I know I haven't been perfect, but I will change. I will go to church every Sunday and go with Big Momma when she does her Godly duties. I'll stop cussing, partying and drinking. I'll turn my life around. Please God, just let Big Momma pull through and I will prove it to you. I'll change my life in exchange for You giving my grandmother her's. I will change. I will."
Tatiana's prayer was interrupted when the door to Big Momma's room opened. She and Kandi both stood up as a paramedic came out with a look of defeat on his face. Tatiana's heart dropped, and her knees got weak, as she looked pass him at the other paramedic pulling a sheet over Big Momma's face. Tatiana knew exactly what that meant; Big Momma was gone.
Chapter Five
Tatiana's stomach turned as she rode in the black stretch Chrysler 300. She squeezed the cross pendant on her chain. This was the first time she'd worn it since the day she ripped it from her neck; the day Don stole her innocence and her mother's life. She sank her head deep into her palms and tried pacing her breathing in hopes to add some relief to her nausea. Now feeling even worse, like she was going to faint, Tatiana slowly slid her hand over to the car door panel and cracked the window. She could see the church from afar as she lifted her head and slowly opened her eyes. With her head pressed against the window, memories of Big Momma flashed before her.
Tatiana thought of all the times she'd come and gone in and out the house and Big Momma would be there cooking breakfast or dinner, and singing along with her gospel music that played in the background. Every day Big Momma was happy to be able to do nothing more than serve the Lord. Tatiana still couldn't understand why God would take someone like Big Momma. Tears began to fill her eyes as she thought about the last time she saw Big Momma. Tatiana had to thank God that Big Momma died peacefully in her sleep as she reflected back to the image of her grandmother lying serenely in her bed.
"Tatiana Turner?" Her great aunt Jeanie, who was sitting in the back seat next to her, interrupted her day- dreaming by addressing her by her full name. "You alright, chile?" She spoke with a deep southern accent and was the spittin' image of her sister, Big Momma.
"Yes, ma'am," Tatiana responded in the most respectful manner. "Just a little hot."
Tatiana's auntie wrapped her huge arm filled with sagging skin and a multitude of wrinkles around her and pulled her into her breasts that, against Tatiana's face, felt like gigantic water balloons.
"It's okay, chile. You've still got family here," Aunt Jeanie assured her.
Suddenly the car stopped, and soon after, the door opened. Tatiana was met by the funeral director. He stood before her with no expression, dressed neatly in suit and tie. Without saying a word, he extended his hand to help her out of the car. Tatiana slowly stepped out and looked around. She looked in every direction except in front of the car, because there she knew the hearse sat. She looked behind her at all the cars lined up and then looked to the right of her at all the cars that filled the church parking lot, which was the size of a football field it seemed. Finally, she looked at the church doors and stood motionless.
Maybe if I don't go in, then there will be no funeral. Then Big Momma will never be buried, Tatiana thought to herself, fearing to enter through the huge sanctuary door. She didn't want to accept her grandmother's death.
"Right this way, ma'am," the funeral director finally spoke and grabbed her hand. "Family and friends, line up two by two please, starting with the immediate family."
After taking a deep breath, Tatiana walked towards the church entrance and her aunt followed behind her. The closer she got to the building, the weaker she felt. After reaching the church doors, they stopped while two ushers held open each double door. Her knees began to buckle as the line began to move. Tatiana didn't look up once, only down at her feet, taking small steps. Fearing she was going to fall, she grabbed her aunt's hand. And again, her aunt wrapped her arm around her. Tatiana buried her face in her aunt's armpits like a little shy kid and wept silently as they walked through the sanctuary and to the front of the church.
Tatiana fell into her seat in one of the front pews and tried her best to gain her composure. Although she felt terrible, the vain side of her knew that all her friends, family, and perhaps a few enemies, were there, and she still needed to look her best. So she sat up, head high, breasts out, took a deep breath and dried her tears.
You are not a child. You can do this. Get yourself together, Tati, she constantly repeated in her head in an attempt to keep herself focused.
The service seemed to drag on forever as everyone spoke, everyone sang, and every preacher preached. Tatiana knew that Big Momma was grandma to all the people in the church, as well as to all those in the streets, but it wasn't until then she realized just how much her grandmot
her was loved. She felt proud to have a grandmother like Big Momma. For a few moments she actually found herself smiling. As she listened to the words of the preacher, it was as though Big Momma herself was speaking.
"'There's no need to cry,' she would say, 'For I am in a better place. I am home. Hallelujah, I am home," the preacher said.
Again, Tatiana began to cry as the words the preacher spoke touched her heart. She continued to hang on to his every word and every detail.
"Some of you had to buy a dress and had to buy a suit for this funeral because you had no dress clothes," the preacher spoke. "Some of you felt a little uncomfortable coming here today. In fact, there are some that felt so uncomfortable that they didn't come at all. And you want to know why? Because this is the first time in years, if not the first time ever, that most of you have ever even been in the Lord's house."
The words the preacher spoke were so true. Besides Big Momma's church members, the rest of the people were those that knew Big Momma from the streets. These people were the drug dealers that she sat and talked to about getting out of the game; the drug addicts that she talked to about dropping their habit; the young girls she talked to about running the streets; and the homeless that she clothed and fed. And in these people included her own family; her grandchild Tatiana.
Tatiana looked down at her three hundred dollar Versace sandals and matching bag and shook her head. It was true. She was guilty. There were only a couple times she could remember going to church; once when she was baptized at age twelve and when her mother died five years back from a bad batch of heroin. If it wasn't for her plan to attend church with Big Momma the Sunday she died, Tatiana would have been like many of those in the church; she would have had nothing to wear.
Everything she wore was brand new; dress, shoes, and even accessories. All her wardrobe consisted of was a bunch of designer hoochie wear, everything for the club and nothing for church or even a business casual job. And who would have known that when she made the comment about making sure the dress was black so that she would have something to wear to a funeral, that it would be the funeral of her grandmother? She felt shame as the preacher continued.