The Fantastic and Terrible Fame of Classroom 13

by Honest Lee

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Copyright © 2017 by Hachette Book Group

  CLASSROOM 13 is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  Cover and interior art by Joelle Dreidemy.

  Cover design by Véronique Sweet. Cover copyright © 2017 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  Little, Brown and Company

  Hachette Book Group

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  First Edition: December 2017

  Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc. The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Lee, Honest, author. | Gilbert, Matthew J., author. | Dreidemy, Joelle, illustrator.

  Title: The terrible and fantastic fame of Classroom 13 / by Honest Lee & Matthew J. Gilbert ; art by Joelle Dreidemy.

  Description: First edition. | New York ; Boston : Little, Brown and Company, 2017. | Series: Classroom 13 ; book 3 | Summary: Ms. Linda’s cousin, the Hollywood agent Lucy LaRoux, gives each student in Classroom 13 the opportunity to become famous, but the students learn that with great celebrity comes stage fright, injury, bad press, and giving up video games.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2016051850 | ISBN 9780316464574 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780316464581 (paperback) | ISBN 9780316464598 (ebook) | ISBN 9780316464604 (library ebook edition)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Fame—Fiction. | Celebrities—Fiction. | Schools—Fiction. | Humorous stories.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.L415 Ter 2017 | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016051850

  ISBNs: 978-0-316-46457-4 (hardcover), 978-0-316-46458-1 (paperback), 978-0-316-46459-8 (ebook)

  E3-20171110-JV-PC

  CONTENTS

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Chapter 1 Unfamous Ms. Linda

  Chapter 2 Infamous Ms. Linda

  Chapter 3 Jayden Jason

  Chapter 4 Preeya

  Chapter 5 Dev

  Chapter 6 Yuna

  Chapter 7 Benji

  Chapter 8 Mason

  Chapter 9 Isabella

  Chapter 10 Santiago

  Chapter 11 Sophia

  Chapter 12 Ethan

  Chapter 13 Classroom 13

  Chapter 14 Ximena

  Chapter 15 Hugo

  Chapter 16 Ava

  Chapter 17 William

  Chapter 18 Emma

  Chapter 19 Liam

  Chapter 20 Fatima

  Chapter 21 Mark

  Chapter 22 Zoey

  Chapter 23 Teo

  Chapter 24 Chloe

  Chapter 25 Earl

  Chapter 26 Mya & Madison

  Chapter 27 Jacob

  Chapter 28 Olivia

  Chapter 29 Lily

  Chapter 30 Infamous Lucy

  Chapter 31 Your Chapter

  CHAPTER 1

  Unfamous Ms. Linda

  When not-famous schoolteacher Ms. Linda LaCrosse woke up Monday morning, she decided it would be another boring day. Little did she know how wrong she was.

  First, she had been up late grading papers and forgotten to set her alarm. Ms. Linda didn’t realize it until her cat bit her nose and woke her up. “I’m going to be late! Again!”

  Second, she put her right shoe on her left foot, and her left shoe on her right foot. Then she brushed her hair, put on her clothes, and hopped in the shower. As she rushed to school, she wondered why she was soaking wet.

  You might think Ms. Linda was quite silly and should be famous, but she was not. (Not anymore…) Ms. Linda is not a pop star or a TV actress or a soccer player or a famous writer. (Like me, Honest Lee. What’s that? Yes, I am too famous!)

  But Ms. Linda is related to someone who knows lots of famous people—her cousin Lucy LaRoux, who is a very famous agent who works at the Ace Agent Agency in Hollywood.

  What’s an agent? Well, agents are the people who represent pop stars and TV actresses and soccer players and famous writers. They help them get work and help them stay famous. They also charge a great deal of money for their services. (Make a mental note, as this will be important later.)

  “Ms. Linda! You are late again!” said the principal. His arms were crossed, and he was tapping his shoe against the floor tiles.

  “I know, I know!” Ms. Linda said. She ran past him and straight to her class. As you might know, the students of the 13th Classroom can be quite a handful. And so Ms. Linda expected them to be causing trouble. Instead, she found them all sitting quietly, listening to a story told by someone sitting on her desk.

  “…and so I said, ‘Don’t you dare!’ And do you know what Ten Bears did? He ate the entire tarantula.”

  The whole class laughed.

  “Though bears prefer honey, I suppose one would eat a spider,” Ms. Linda said. “How is that funny?”

  “No, Ms. Linda,” said Teo. “Ten Bears isn’t an actual bear. He’s a human boy and he’s famous! I want to be just like him.”

  “What’s he famous for?” Ms. Linda asked.

  “For being on the Internet,” Teo said.

  “But what is he famous for?” Ms. Linda asked. “What does he do?”

  “He makes videos. On the Internet,” Teo said.

  “I don’t understand this generation,” Ms. Linda said.

  “And that’s why you’re not a famous agent like me,” said Lucy LaRoux, famous agent of Ace Agent Agency.

  “Lucy?! What are you doing here?” Ms. Linda said, surprised to see her cousin outside of Hollywood.

  “Well, my boss said we needed more kid stars, and I thought to myself, Where do I find a bunch of brats—ur, I mean, children? Naturally I thought of you. You work with children, so here I am. I plan to make all these kids famous!”

  The students in Ms. Linda’s class screamed with glee. (Except for Yuna. She had no interest in being famous.)

  Of Ms. Linda’s twenty-seven students, twenty-six of them were present. Not so surprisingly, Santiago was out again. (He wasn’t exactly “sick,” but his mom insisted he go to the hospital—just because one of his fingers fell off his hand. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but his mother quite disagreed.)

  Of the twenty-six students who were in class, twenty-five of them were paying attention to the famous agent who worked at Ace Agent Agency. They never paid this much attention to Ms. Linda. She crossed her arms.

  “Lucy, this is a classroom,” Ms. Linda said. “You can’t just walk in here and distract my students. They are here to learn. Not become famous.”

  “Can’t we do both?” Ava asked.

  “I don’t know.…” Ms. Linda answered.

  “You don’t want to hol
d them back, do you?” Lucy asked. “Just because your fifteen minutes of fame didn’t work out—”

  “Ms. Linda was famous?!” Jayden Jason asked, shocked.

  “For what?!” asked Chloe.

  “She hasn’t told you?” Lucy asked. “Well, let me fill you in.…”

  CHAPTER 2

  Infamous Ms. Linda

  Once upon a time, little Linda LaCrosse was the same age as her students. And more than anything, she loved to sing. She sang when she did her chores. She sang when she brushed her teeth. She even sang when she slept.

  One day, her family went for a visit to Hollywood, and an agent heard her singing. “What a beautiful singing voice you have!” he said. “I am certain I can make you an opera star!”

  And he did.

  Little Linda LaCrosse became quite famous. She sang at very important opera houses all around the world. She even got a singing coach. This coach pushed her to sing harder and deeper and higher. It turned out little Linda LaCrosse could sing so high that it made glass break.

  Well, at the peak of her fame, she was sent to Beijing, China, to sing at the National Grand Theater—which was made entirely of glass. Her coach kept telling her, “You have to sing harder and deeper and higher than ever before!”

  And so she did.

  And the entire opera house shattered.

  “And that was the end of Ms. Linda’s singing career,” Lucy explained, finishing her story.

  “That’s wonderful!” said Liam.

  “That’s horrible,” said Ximena.

  “I think it’s neat,” said Lily.

  “The famous painter Andy Warhol once said, ‘In the future, everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes.’ And that was my fifteen minutes of fame,” said Ms. Linda. “Sometimes being famous can quickly lead to being infamous.”

  “Isn’t that the same thing?” William asked.

  “Not at all,” Ms. Linda said. “‘Famous’ means being known for something good. ‘Infamous’ means being known for something bad.”

  “It’s better to be infamous than not famous at all,” said Preeya.

  “Oh, I quite disagree,” Ms. Linda said. “I’m still not allowed back into China after what I did.”

  “Enough talking about you,” Lucy LaRoux said. “It’s time to make these children celebrities.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Ms. Linda said to her cousin.

  “On the contrary.” Lucy smiled. “You just said in the future, everyone would be famous for fifteen minutes. Well, the future is now. Who wants to be famous?”

  The entire class—except Yuna—cheered and shouted with excitement.

  “Fantastic! All of you step right up and sign this contract that makes you my servants me your agent, and we’ll get started on making each of you famous.”

  “What’s the contract say?” Ms. Linda asked her cousin. She tried to read the fine print, but it was itsy-bitsy-teeny-tiny.…

  “Don’t worry about it!” Lucy snapped.

  Ms. Linda begged the students not to sign the contracts. But as students often do with their teachers, no one listened.

  CHAPTER 3

  Jayden Jason

  Jayden was excited about being famous. He didn’t know what he’d be famous for, but he figured Lucy would know. And she did.

  “You must be Jayden Jason James, aka Triple J,” Lucy said with a sly smile. “I hear you’re the most popular kid in school and have a huge following online. I see you also have an undeniable star quality about you. Let’s do lunch.”

  “Doing lunch” in Hollywood means making deals at a fancy outdoor café with caviar and paparazzi. Here in school, it means making deals at the cafeteria with day-old fish sticks and that one weird kid from Classroom 10 watching them eat.

  “Now, I want the Triple in Triple J to mean something. Do you know what a ‘triple threat’ is?” Lucy asked. Jayden shook his head and ate a fish stick.

  “It means you’re famous for three things instead of one. You can sing and act and model. Maybe you could act in a movie about a model who sings! Maybe you could even write the movie, do the soundtrack, and design the clothes. What do you think about fragrance? If you can do seven things, you could be a septuple threat!”

  “Sure, I can do whatever,” Jayden said.

  Dollar signs lit up in Lucy’s eyes.

  And somehow Jayden did do it all—and he made it look easy.

  Triple J wrote his first screenplay that night. The next morning, he filmed all his movie scenes. That afternoon, he recorded his first album, then began to design clothes for his new fashion label. After that, he took a private jet to Italy to model in his first fashion show the next morning. He was a natural.

  Within a week, he was bigger than a star—he was a global phenomenon.

  His brand name—Triple J—was in magazines, in TV commercials, on the Internet, in movies, everywhere. In almost no time at all, he became a tredecuple threat. Meaning, he had thirteen different talents. It’s almost as if he had clones helping him out.

  If you’ve ever seen his movie, the credits say:

  A TRIPLE J PRODUCTION STARRING TRIPLE J

  IN A FILM BY TRIPLE J

  ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK BY TRIPLE J

  AND ORIGINAL DANCE CHOREOGRAPHY BY TRIPLE J

  EDITED BY SOME WEIRDO

  PRODUCED, DIRECTED, AND CATERED BY TRIPLE J

  Yes, Triple J could do anything. He’d even gone into the catering business. In between filming scenes, he grilled omelets for the local homeless shelter. “Triple cheese omelets coming right up!” he’d say.

  He quickly became Lucy’s biggest moneymaker. The new deals were pouring in and were going to make Jayden Lucy rich! All Triple J had to do was sign a new contract.

  “No thanks,” Triple J said.

  Lucy nearly choked on her triple grilled cheese. “What?!”

  “I’m tired of the biz. Feeding the homeless has shown me there are more important things in life than starring in movies and recording hit records and sleeping on big piles of money. Giving is truly better than getting.”

  Lucy was furious. “You have lost it! You can’t just leave! You can’t quit! I have you under contract!”

  “So sue me.” He laughed. Lucy tried, but Triple J had given all his money to charity, hopped on a plane to Tibet, and become a monk.

  There, he learned to meditate. But after a few weeks of absolute quiet, he became absolutely bored. So he came home.

  CHAPTER 4

  Preeya

  “Who’s next?” famous agent Lucy LaRoux asked.

  Preeya stood on her desk and addressed the room: “I am! I’m the prettiest girl in class…” (This was not true.)

  “…and one of the smartest,” she continued. (Nor was this.)

  “…and I normally tell you guys everything about my life…” (This was true, though most of the students found it quite irritating.)

  “…but I’ve been keeping a major secret from all of you for quite some time,” Preeya said. “I’m ready to come clean. I can actually SING! Yes! Me! Just when you thought I couldn’t be any more talented or gorgeous or wonderful, here I am, rocking you through song!”

  Preeya began to sing. Many of the students covered their ears, expecting to hear a voice like nails on the chalkboard. Instead, everyone was impressed. Preeya was good. Not amazing, mind you, but decent. Lucy saw potential—meaning, she didn’t think Preeya was a natural talent, but she could certainly be molded into something.

  “I’m ready to be a star!” Preeya announced.

  First, Lucy phoned the Ace Agent Agency and had them set up some tour dates. Second, she had Preeya record an album and leak it online. And third, Lucy booked an appointment with famous fashionista Farrah Far-Out-There.

  “Why’d you call Farrah? I already have a look!” Preeya said.

  “Oh, dollface,” Lucy said, “in today’s media industry, it’s not enough to be a good singer. You have to have a gimmick if you want to ke
ep trending.”

  “What’s going to be my gimmick?” Preeya asked.

  “Fashion, fashion, fashion!” Lucy said.

  For Preeya’s first round of public appearances, Farrah Far-Out-There made a dress entirely of raw poultry and fish. Chicken cutlets made her blouse while shiny fish made up her skirt. She wore anchovy earrings and bracelets made of chicken sausage. Preeya felt disgusting, but she smiled for the cameras.

  Sophia and Chloe showed up—to boycott her animal-carcass fashion. The next day, Preeya and her chicken-fish dress sizzled all over social media.

  Farrah Far-Out-There’s next crazy outfit for Preeya was simple: It was a beehive dress—made of an actual beehive with actual bees living inside it. The bees stung Preeya over and over. But once again, she smiled for the cameras.

  Sophia and Chloe showed up again—this time to boycott her abuse of bees. This only helped the buzz. Preeya’s song “Queen Bee” made number one on the charts.

  Next, Farrah Far-Out-There designed a dress made out of jellyfish and porcupines. “Nooooooope!” Preeya said. “No way. I don’t mind some pain, but that’s going too far.”

  Instead, Farrah Far-Out-There crafted a suit made of 100 percent authentic New York City garbage. She stitched together rotten banana peels, used Chinese-food cartons, and pieces of gum scraped off the sidewalks.

  Sure enough, the paparazzi fought in a photo frenzy over Preeya’s hot trash du jour look. She stunk up the red carpet with it, posing for pic after pic. She may have smelled like a landfill, but the only thing that filled her nostrils was the sweet smell of success.

  Finally, it was time for Preeya to take the stage. The lights came up, the crowd roared, and that’s when she looked out at all those faces.…

  Preeya suddenly couldn’t move.

  All those people. Staring. At her.

  There had to be forty thousand eyeballs looking straight at her. Some of them weren’t even blinking. Preeya felt like she was about to faint. This wasn’t like singing in the shower or performing for her classmates at school—this was different. This was TOO. MANY. PEOPLE.