by Nichelle Rae
She looked at me quickly, ready to fight back, but relaxed when she saw I was smiling a little. She smiled slightly in return. “It does make sense.”
“Then where does this need to pick sides come from?”
“Well you’ve clearly picked a side—your sister’s.”
I shook my head, refusing to get upset about that comment. I was already worn out from showing more anger in the last five minutes than I had in the last five years. “My anger towards the White Warrior has nothing to do with who I like more, or where my loyalty lies—my loyalty lies with Goodness and the Light Gods, period. I’m angry with the White Warrior because she had no reason to attack my sister like that. The bitter, sarcastic tone she used in talking about Azrel was blatantly mean and uncalled for. Azrel has survived more battles, and loss, and grief than the White Warrior has ever faced, and she’s come out of it still caring, graceful, and kind. Yes, she has emotional issues because of her torture and abuse, but that only makes her more undeserving of the way the White Warrior talked about her, like Azrel was some Shadow creature who needed to be squished under her sparkly white boots!”
Acalith shrugged hesitantly. “I can see why she is upset, though. Azrel’s emotional issues are standing in the way of the White Warrior coming into her full power.”
My eyes narrowed. “Do you realize how evil that sounds?”
Acalith’s eyes went wide suddenly and she looked away towards the ground. “I see your point.”
“Azrel doesn’t care about great power. She just happens to have it. Evil is the only thing that eats up power and takes more than it should while hurting people in the process. It bothers me that the White Warrior is so impatient for her power that she verbally attacked Azrel like she did that night.”
“But can’t you understand why?” Acalith cried. “The Second Shadow is coming! Azrel needs to hurry up and get over these issues because she needs the full force of her magic now! Dwellingpath has already fallen to Hathum!”
I sighed and tried not to let the tremble I felt come out in my voice at the thought of the Shadow Gods ruling the world again. “I trust the Light Gods. Azrel will have the full force of her magic when she’s supposed to have it. If all of us can be patient with Azrel and The Light Gods’ timing, then the White Warrior should be doubly able to be patient, since she was created by the Light Gods. She, above anyone else, should trust Them.”
Acalith shook her head. “You don’t know her. She’s fought the Shadow Gods’ power before, when The Nameless One ruled. Yes it was in a different body, that of Azrel’s father, but it’s the same magic. Asking her to sit still and be patient and happy is like asking you to close your eyes and stand still when someone is charging at you with a knife raised in his hand.”
I sighed and looked away. “I guess I never thought of it like that.”
Acalith nodded, grateful that I was hearing her on this. “Remember also, that the Light Gods stripped her of the full force of her power when Azrel’s father fled battle. Her trust in Them is shoddy at best.”
My heart leapt up into my throat. Did I hear her right? “Wait a second. Are you telling me that the White Warrior, the creation of the Light Gods, doesn’t trust her own creators? She doesn’t trust the very force of Goodness?”
“Can you blame her?”
“Absolutely!” I cried, feeling damn near panicked. “The Warrior of Goodness doesn’t trust the existence of Goodness—The Light Gods? That’s terrifying! Looks like the White Warrior has some issues of her own to work out! Maybe it’s not all Azrel’s fault that they haven’t become one yet.”
“Look what they did to her!” Acalith cried defensively. I covered my face with both my hands, unable to believe I was hearing this. “What is she supposed to do? Blindly trust the ones that took everything from her?”
“Yes!” I practically screamed, looking up at her. She blanched. “That’s what faith is!”
“What do you mean?” Acalith asked.
“She needs to believe and trust that The Light Gods had bigger concerns than her ego—that they had valid reasons to take away her power! That it was for the greater good.”
“How could it have been? A Second Shadow is coming. Maybe if they’d kept Azrel’s father as the White Warrior—”
“We may not have had the three thousand years of peace we’ve had,” I interrupted. Acalith’s eyes went wide. “What if Azrel’s father had stayed the White Warrior and failed?” Her eyes went a little wider, as if she’d never considered the possibility. “We are not the Light Gods. How can we presume to understand Their power or Their reasons for the things They do? We can’t. Faith is trusting blindly.”
Acalith swallowed heavily and couldn’t meet my eyes for a moment. When she looked back at me it was with a hint of curiosity. “I guess both the White Warrior and I need to work on our faith a little bit.”
I shook my head boldly. “Not a little bit. A lot!”
Acalith surprised me by chuckling a little before she sighed and started walking towards me. “So why did your sister scare the wits out of me by jumping off that branch into the throng of creatures?”
I grinned and fell into step beside her as we headed back towards the others. “Some fearless Deralilya you are,” I teased.
“Hey, when it comes to possibly failing at my job, I’m terrified.”
I smiled for a moment, then looked at her seriously. “I hate to say it, Acalith, but you’re going to have to get over that. I know my sister and she is not going to tolerate you babysitting her. She’s going to do as she pleases, when she pleases and how she pleases. She’s got a will of her own and it’s a strong one. She’s going to do a lot of things, like jumping off a branch and falling fifty feet into a throng of a thousand beasts, without checking with you first. Things that will make you think you’ve failed at your job. All you can do with my sister is protect her when she clearly needs it, or when she tells you to.”
Acalith smiled at me again. “Thank you for the advice.” She sighed. “I guess I have a lot to learn still.”
“What?” I teased, “Was that…humility I just heard come out of you?”
She grinned, then rolled her eyes and gave me a small shove on my shoulder. “The ambush?” Grinning, I filled her in on the details of the ambush and how it came about. Her face took on a look of severe concern and she rubbed her upper arms as if she’d just gotten a chill. “Azrel’s magic actually left her?” I nodded. “That is a terrifying thought.”
“Tell me about it. But it’s happened before.” I proceeded to tell her about the visits Ortheldo and I had received from the White Warrior outside Azrel’s body.
Acalith rubbed her upper arms again. “I don’t know why, but that makes me terribly uncomfortable.”
“Me too, but Azrel has made it clear that the White Warrior can’t survive long outside of her.”
“Well that’s good. I don’t know, just the thought of Azrel being separated from her power…” She shivered again, which was all she needed to say.
I nodded. “I agree.”
We walked silently for a while. Shafts of sunlight shone down through the trees, illuminating the golden leaves in this soft airy land. I took a deep breath through my nose, smelling the fresh clean air. I was really looking forward to seeing Galad Kas. This land was the closest thing Azrel had to a home outside of the cave in which she’d grown up with Ortheldo and her father.
The cave. I found myself strangely pondering that place. It was a huge part of who my sister was, where she came from. More so, it was where her father, the first White Warrior, was buried. He’d been the White Warrior that had singlehandedly pulled the world out of the depths of Shadow. What a great man he must have been. I would love to go and pay my respects someday and see where Azrel grew up, perhaps get a sense of who she’d been before she came to The Pitt and gotten destroyed. I would love to see where she and Ortheldo grew up together.
“How come you got so quiet all the sudden?” Acalith asked.<
br />
I jumped as her voice shocked me out of thought. “Just thinking about how much Galad Kas means to Azrel. It’s like a second home to her, apart from the cave she grew up in. I was thinking I’d like to visit that cave someday, pay my respects to The First White Warrior.”
“Do you want to go now?”
I looked at her confused, “How’s that?”
She smiled and then vanished before my eyes. Of course! I’d forgotten she had the ability to travel instantaneously. She’d stayed with us so long lately that it had slipped my mind.
She appeared again a moment later. “We can go now if you’d like.”
I actually threw my head back and laughed. “Well thank you, but I’ll wait for another time. Right now there is something unsettled between my sister and Ortheldo that needs settling.”
“What’s unsettled?”
I sighed and pondered her for a second, debating if I wanted to take this conversation any further with her. Well, why not? She was a woman. Maybe she would understand. “They love each other very much. I know they do, but something is keeping them from expressing it to each other. They’re always on the defensive when the topic of love comes up.”
Acalith smiled at me. “Do you often play matchmaker, Rabryn?”
I knew she meant it in a harmless, playful way but I didn’t smile. “No, I just know Ortheldo can make her happy, and she hasn’t been happy in a really long time.” The Light Gods knew I was telling the truth about that.
“Your sister means a lot to you, doesn’t she?” I nodded and Acalith suddenly bowed her head. “She’s lucky to have a brother like you.”
There was my opening! There was my opening to get to know her. My heart started pounding, but I didn’t want to seem too eager. I shrugged, keeping my eyes on the ground. “Do you have any siblings?”
She shook her head. “So how are you planning to settle this matter between Ortheldo and Azrel?”
And poof! There went my opening.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. Talk to them? Tell them to talk to each other?”
She sighed heavily. “Men! You have no sense of romance.”
One of my eyebrows went up. “Sorry?”
She grinned. “Just listen to me.”
Chapter Eighteen
Azrel
“Relax please. You’re making me nervous,” Isadith whispered as I glanced over my shoulder for the hundredth time, looking for Rabryn.
I smirked at her. “Nothing makes you nervous.”
She nodded. “That is true. I just thought it sounded more polite than saying you’re annoying me.” I threw my head back and laughed. She smiled at me. “Your brother is safe in our woods now, so stop it.”
I nodded. “Okay.” I glanced over my shoulder once again without thinking about it. Isadith’s annoyed sigh made me quickly look at her and blush. “Oops.” We smiled at each other.
Suddenly the trees ended and I stopped in my tracks in horror. Immediately I felt my insides start to shake and tremble. My legs quickly followed suit.
The lake.
Water.
Deep water!
The Ambuel! The Vec fish! The cold! The Pain! The inability to breathe! The helplessness! I was suddenly reliving my fall into the Ambuel River nine years earlier!
I started sweating and panting. What if I missed the bridge? It was an invisible bridge! What if I fell into the water? What if I fell in again!
“Azrel? Azrel?”
Someone was saying my name but he sounded incredibly far away and all I could pay attention to were my horrid memories of my fall into the Ambuel River. I couldn’t do it! I couldn’t cross. I wouldn’t! I squeezed my eyes tightly. I couldn’t even look at the water. I wouldn’t go. They couldn’t make me! The last time I crossed it Lomindril, Beldorn’s horse, was under me. I couldn’t walk across on an invisible bridge over water!
Someone took my hands and tried to ease me forward. I screamed and snatched my hands out of his grip, shaking them as if bugs had just infested my skin and I was trying to get them off. I backed away, unable to open my eyes. I couldn’t look at the lake. I couldn’t go.
“Come on. I’ll help you.” Ortheldo’s voice sounded softer than a whisper in a cave. My pounding heart was all I could hear clearly.
“I can’t. I can’t,” I half whispered, half squeaked as I choked back my screams of terror.
“Azrel, I’ll carry you. Just hold on to me.”
I felt his hand rest on my lower back. I frantically batted it away and backed up more, holding my hands out in front of me defensively as if he was going to strike me. “Don’t touch me,” I pleaded in a pathetic whisper. “Please don’t touch me.”
“Azrel, you don’t have to open your eyes. I won’t let you get hurt. You can trust me. Please trust me.”
I didn’t have to open my eyes. Maybe I could do it if I didn’t have to see it.
His hands gently took hold of mine again. “Trust me,” he said softly.
I swallowed and nodded slowly, then swallowed again. “Please don’t let me fall,” I squeaked, almost in tears, my pride completely obliterated at the sight of the thing I feared more than anything in the world.
“I won’t.”
I felt one arm slip behind my thighs and the other wrap around my back. He slowly lifted me off my feet. I wrapped both my arms around his neck, nearly choking him, as if he meant to throw me directly in the water, and I planned to take him with me if he succeeded.
“She’s shaking like a leaf,” he said softly. “No no, don’t touch her. Just lead the way.”
After a moment he started walking. I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck and buried my face into the side of it. He had me. He had me. He had me, I had to keep telling myself. He wouldn’t hurt me. He wouldn’t let me fall.
Even so, I waited anxiously for the wet plunge into the lake. I wondered if we were on the bridge yet. I wondered if I was going to take him down with me and kill him if we fell in. I wondered how long it took someone to die underwater.
“Stop thinking like that,” he said softly as he pressed his head gently against mine in comfort.
I wanted to respond but was too terrified to speak. I didn’t want to take his attention off where he was walking. We had to be over the water by then. I held on to him tighter still. How much farther? How much farther was land? Safe, solid wonderful land. I wanted this bridge behind me. I wanted to stand firmly on ground.
I wanted to stay in Ortheldo’s arms like this forever.
“It’s okay now,” he whispered to me. “We’re on the other side.”
“Could you please walk someplace where I don’t have to see the water?” I swallowed hard. “So I can calm down?”
“Of course I will,” he said, and kept walking.
“Your quarters will be this way,” Isadith said in a soft, concerned voice.
“Thank you,” Ortheldo replied.
I probably could have walked myself, but I didn’t want him to let me go. His arms made me feel so safe every time they were around me. Nothing bad in the world could touch me if Ortheldo was holding me.
I slowly made myself relax as we continued walking. I rested my head on his shoulder and let myself uncoil a little bit. Finally I opened my eyes and saw his gorgeous periwinkle eyes already looking at me.
He smiled gently. “Welcome back.”
I looked around for any sign of the lake, but there were only trees surrounding me.
“You will rest here,” Isadith said. I looked at her and saw the severe concern on her face. “I have to rejoin my father and help bury our dead. I will check in with you later.” With a soft smile she walked away.
I looked back at Ortheldo’s handsome face and felt a pang of shame and embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” I said as he gently lowered me to my feet. “I didn’t mean to act so childish and make you do that for me.”
“Azrel, I don’t mind. I know you fear water. I was there the day that fear was established, remember? And you di
dn’t make me carry you. I offered.”
“Still, I’m sorry,” I said looking down at the ground. “Thank you for doing that, though.”
He sighed in frustration. “Don’t mention it,” he replied shortly, then shocked me by storming away and not looking back.
I stared after him and suddenly felt very cold without him near me. I watched the trees swallow him up and wondered where he was going and why he was so upset. My heart ached for him when I couldn’t see him anymore.
I wondered if I would ever be able to tell him how much he meant to me. Probably not. He’d kept things from me, things my father, my father, trusted him to know but not me. Secrets. Ortheldo had known about the Deralilya. He’d known that my father hadn’t run from battle but had been taken from battle by the Light Gods. He’d known that my and Rabryn’s fathers had once been great companions. Who knew what other secrets my father had entrusted him with that he was keeping from me still? Since I couldn’t trust Ortheldo with these things, how could I trust him with how I felt about him?
I realized I was standing next to one of the Galad Kas compartments. The sight of it made me smile softly. What fond memories I had here. The little four-foot-high walls and empty wooden archways serving as doorways and windows were so cute. There were no roofs except the thick twisted tree branches that made the floor to the compartment above. I had a ground level compartment this time, and the floor was just the forest ground, complete with a carpet of rich golden leaves like the ones in the tree tops. I could hear the surrounding waterfalls which had lulled me to sleep every night the last time I was here. I loved Galad Kas.
I saw the neatly folded set of clothes waiting for me to change into once I bathed, but I rested instead on the bed. My shoulders slumped in exhaustion. “Rest first, then bathe,” I declared aloud. We hadn’t slept last night and I needed it. I didn’t even bother taking off my boots as I crawled into the bed and fell quickly asleep.
When my eyes opened again, it was dark. Only pale silver moonlight illuminated my compartment. I stayed in bed for a few minutes and let my senses wake up. I sighed and wished I could just sleep forever. I eventually breathed out and rubbed my hands over my face. When I moved, I realized I was naked under the covers. But I hadn’t undressed!