by Nichelle Rae
I sat up with a start, clutching the silk quilt to myself. I frantically felt around my bed, but it was only a moment before I felt the smooth, hard diamond hilt of my sword and then the cold metal chain of the necklace. Both of them were next to me under the covers. I wrapped the necklace chain around my wrist a couple of times to keep it there and gripped my sword before slowly getting out of bed, holding it at the ready. I didn’t feel or sense any danger, but who had taken off my clothes while I was asleep and why?
I went to the table where I’d seen the set of clothes folded neatly before falling asleep. I sighed in relief when I saw they were still there. They sat there now with a robe and three familiar vials of liquid on top of them. I put the robe on, gathered up the clothes and vials, and headed to the bathing pools on the east side of the island.
As I walked with only moonlight to guide me, I listened to the merry singing voices of the Salynns. They had lost a lot of people in the two day battle with the Gibirs and Gorkors, but when a Galad Kasian died, they celebrated the life of the person that was lost rather than mourned him. They sang and celebrated now and I smiled.
The last time I heard them singing merrily like this, my father had just died, and I had nearly died too. I’d been in no state to really appreciate the songs then, but I did now. Their voices made me feel happier and lighter and more free. I sighed in relief as I listened to them in the distance. I closed my eyes and began to sway to the sound of their singing as I walked. I was even able to hum a few notes to a few songs I recalled from my last stay here. My feet, rather than my eyes, led the way to where one of the pools lay.
I opened my eyes and saw the edge of the land that looked like it dropped off completely. Leaning slightly over the edge, however, I could see the small rock cove ten feet below. A narrow section of the cliff at my feet angled out, making a natural staircase down onto a small platform of solid rock that ended at another sharp drop. To the left of the “staircase” was a small shallow pool of water from a natural cold spring that bubbled up right out of the ground. The water in the pool steadily overflowed, running through a ring of rock that surrounded it, then over the edge into a series of tapering rock shelves until it joined the small stream below.
I almost smiled, but then I heard something splash. My grip on my sword hilt tightened. Someone was here. I leaned to look over the cliff edge a little more and saw the water in the pool was rippling. Damn. I got on my knees and slowly crept closer to the edge of the cliff to peer around a piece of rock jutting out and denying me full view of the pool. I got the water in full view just in time to see someone’s back pop out of the water. He ran his fingers through his wet hair and turned slightly until I could see the side of his face; it was Ortheldo.
My insides turned to liquid. I slowly got down onto my stomach and just watched him for a little while. He was so beautiful, but he seemed different somehow, more serene and vulnerable. He seemed to have an almost childlike innocence when he didn’t think anyone was looking at him. The moonlight glowed off his wet tan skin and my heart raced. I could barely catch my breath while I was looking at him. He looked like a prince in a fairy tale.
My heart ached to be close to him. I felt so safe with him, even if he kept my father’s secrets from me. That didn’t matter right now because when he held me in his arms nothing could hurt me. I wanted him to hold me now, to feel safe, like I’d felt today when he carried me across the lake.
I jumped off my stomach, made the necklace and my sword disappear to keep them safe and out of my way, and gathered my bathing needs and made my way down the natural staircase. He eventually heard me and turned around to look up. I smiled softly, “Hi.” Oh my goodness, it hurt my eyes to look at his beauty right now. I had to look at the ground for a moment.
When I looked back at him he looked strangely nervous. “Hi.”
I made it to the ring of rocks and sat down on the edge, putting my hand in the water to feel the temperature. It was still pretty warm. The pool was conveniently placed where the sun could warm it all day without shadow falling on it. I looked at Ortheldo and realized he still looked nervous.
I looked at him with concern. “You okay?”
He swallowed heavily, but then seemed to flinch a little and looked more normal. “I’m fine,” he said, and finally smiled at me.
I smiled back and looked down into the water. Why wasn’t he close to me yet? I guessed I’d upset him more than I’d thought earlier, though I had no idea how. I looked up at him and couldn’t stand it anymore. I wanted his arms around me right now. I wanted my arms around him and my face pressed into his chest.
I took my robe off, stepped into the thigh-deep water and went straight towards him. I thought I saw his eyes go wide for a second before I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my face into his chest. He hesitated for a second and my heart nearly exploded in panic before he finally put his arms around me as well. He’d never hesitated to embrace me. In fact, he usually gathered me up in his arms eagerly, no matter what kind of fight we’d had.
Finally he relaxed and sighed, then started to pet my hair like he often did when he hugged me. We didn’t say anything for a long time. We didn’t have to. I just absorbed the completely safe feeling he provided when I was this close to him. Oh how I loved him. How I wished I could tell him that right now.
“What the hell?” a voice suddenly cried out. I froze in shock recognizing it, but it couldn’t be!
“Azrel?” I heard my brother say.
I turned around just in time to see a second Ortheldo, fully clothed, jump over the side of the cliff staircase and charge full speed into the water past me. I watched in horror as he grabbed himself, the first Ortheldo, by the hair and started punching his face.
What was I seeing? What was I seeing?
My brother was in the water quickly with me, gathering me up in his arms and carrying me away like a helpless toddler in the face of a masked murderer. I watched over Rabryn’s shoulder as both Ortheldos struggled. The naked one didn’t offer any resistance though, so it really wasn’t much of a struggle—it was more of an expression of the clothed Ortheldo’s rage. Rabryn set me down at the bottom of the cliff staircase, quickly threw my robe over my shoulders, then picked up a couple of loose rocks and stood in front of me facing the fight happening in the water.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t. What had just happened? I covered my face with my hands but looked out from between my fingers at the fight. It didn’t take long until the clothed Ortheldo forced the naked one onto his knees in front of Rabryn and me. He was bleeding from every orifice of his face, including his ears. I gathered the robe around myself quickly, trembling the entire time.
“Who are you?” Rabryn asked dangerously.
“I’m sorry,” the naked Ortheldo panted. “I’m so sorry, Azrel.” Then his appearance started to fade and change. I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach when Reese remained kneeling in front of me when the transformation was finished. I jumped to my feet and looked at him in horror. Ortheldo and Rabryn’s expression mirrored mine.
Betrayed? By him? No! This…this couldn’t be. Not Reese!
I couldn’t. Shaking, I turned and ran up the cliff staircase faster than I thought I would actually manage. I heard someone coming up behind me but I didn’t wait. I ran to the trees, eventually falling to my knees, and spilled my lunch all over Galad Kas’ fair grounds. I threw up even when I had nothing left to throw up. I was vaguely aware of someone holding back my hair.
Reese. Reese, my friend. The one I’d connected with the most of our new company, had betrayed me. The one who had lived my entire painful past through my eyes with me, the one who understood the torture and senseless hatred from the people of The Pitt, had betrayed me. Sepp, Reese’s brother, had disguised himself as Addredoc in Rocksheloc to have his way with me. Now Reese had disguised himself as Ortheldo for the only reason I could think of—to have his way with me. Betrayed by both. But Reese had been my friend! We’d shared two bat
tles together, just he and I, yet he’d betrayed me!
When I was finally done throwing up, my entire body collapsed to the ground in emotional exhaustion. I’d known something didn’t look right when I’d first seen him bathing in the pool. He hadn’t looked the same, too innocent. Ortheldo hadn’t been innocent since he was ten years old, when he’d decapitated his older brother. Innocence, once lost, never returns. Reese was not as life-and-battle hardened as Ortheldo, which is why he’d looked so different. Why hadn’t I trusted that instinct that something wasn’t right? It was because I’d wanted Reese to be Ortheldo. I loved Ortheldo and my heart wanted it to be him—and I’d been betrayed because of that. I couldn’t even trust my heart anymore. The realization of that sunk into my soul, a sour taste in my mouth. What could I trust now if not my heart? My heart had betrayed me.
“I’m glad you’re done,” a voice suddenly said. My muscles recoiled and I spun around so fast I made myself dizzy. Ortheldo forced a smile. “I thought for sure I was going to see some organs lying on the ground.”
I crawled backwards away from him. I couldn’t be near him right now. But why? It wasn’t his fault I’d been betrayed. It was Reese’s!
I paused in my retreat and froze. Looking up at Ortheldo, I saw the pain in his eyes. He wasn’t sure how Reese’s actions would affect our relationship and he was terrified it had been damaged.
Anger and rage towards Reese filled my entire being. I clenched my teeth and started panting heavily through my nose. I even dug my fingernails into the ground and scraped up some soil, gripping it so tight in my hands that my shoulders shook. I was so tired of being betrayed! Ortheldo looked fearful for a moment and backed away from me. I averted my eyes to the cliff edge and he relaxed, realizing this rage was not aimed at him. This pain of mine and Ortheldo’s was Reese’s fault!
I had one thought in this moment: Reese was mine.
I jumped to my feet and went quickly to the cliff’s edge again. How fitting that Reese was about to share the same fate as his brother. As I made my way down the staircase I saw Reese still on his knees with Rabryn holding a fistful of his hair. Rabryn glanced at me, then did a double take as I approached. The anger melted from his face and his eyes went wide. “Uh oh,” I heard him mutter before he hastily backed away from Reese.
Reese’s red and puffy tear-filled eyes turned to me. Oh yes, I was about to give him a good reason to cry and he knew it! My pace quickened as every muscle in my body tightened. As I got in front of him though, he did something unexpected. He didn’t argue, he didn’t fight, he didn’t resist; he just bowed his head in complete acceptance of the death sentence I knew he saw in my eyes. When I was within arm’s reach, he squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head. Two big tears fell from his eyes, splashing silently to the ground.
I was trembling with rage. I intended to hit him. I intended to hit him hard, and a lot, until he was nothing but a bloody pile of mush on the ground, but something stopped me. I slowed my march towards him until I paused and just looked at him. He was naked on his knees, trembling in front of me, swollen and bleeding from Ortheldo’s beating, and crying.
My rage unexpectedly melted into pity. He was terrified, as he should be! The look in my eyes nearly scared Rabryn to death, and I wasn’t even after him. But Reese wasn’t fighting the fate I had in mind for him. He just graciously accepted what he knew I was going to do. That was the kind of bravery I admired.
I realized how terrified he must be and it was my fault.
I realized in that moment that I did not want to be something to be feared, not anymore. Not by my friends, not by any entity except agents of evil. I had to become something to be feared in The Pitt so they would stop torturing me. But we were not in The Pitt anymore.
Beings of flesh were not complex and big enough to understand much outside themselves, and that included me. Who was I to judge them? Even if they hurt and betrayed me, why did that make them deserve death? I was just flesh and blood like them. No better. No worse. So they hurt me. Beings of flesh did this kind of thing to each other a hundred times a day and none of them were killed because of it. Just because I had the power to kill Reese didn’t mean I had the right to. What was some emotional turmoil compared to a life?
Looking at Reese in this light, I squatted down in front of him and looked into his face. He didn’t meet my eyes, but he didn’t have to. His eyes were open and I saw what I needed to see. The guilt and shame he felt about what he’d just done were having a more torturous effect on him than any physical damage Ortheldo or I could do. I doubted I’d ever be able to trust him again, but I wasn’t going to kill him, not for this.
I summoned my magic into my palm and rested my hand on his cheek, healing him from Ortheldo’s beating. When I dropped my hand to my side, his chin and the skin under his eyes quivered, and he looked up at me stunned. He was flabbergasted as to why I didn’t kill him.
I let my tears fall before his could.
We didn’t say anything. We didn’t have to. He knew what he had destroyed in me and in us. A trust. A friendship. I wasn’t sure I even liked Reese anymore. I didn’t have to tell him that. He knew the damage he had done. He saw it in my eyes. Without a word I stood up, gathered my things, and headed back up the cliff staircase without looking back at any of them.
My head was down as I walked. I felt so alone. I wished I could talk to someone, but at the same time I didn’t desire anyone’s company right now. I needed to be alone, but I needed to talk.
My mood brightened suddenly as I looked down at my bathing liquids. Forfirith had to have arrived because these vials had been in my packs he carried. I turned to the south and headed for the Galad Kasian stables. He didn’t want to talk to me again for some reason, but he always listened, and he was always there with some form of encouragement or comfort.
Finally I stopped atop the small hill of land that looked over the stables. The stables were three long buildings stretched out side by side and vertically from where I stood. They were very long buildings. They had to be large in order to house all two thousand horses Galad Kas owned, one horse for every Salynn here. When I first came here I’d wondered why they even had horses. The island Galad Kas sat on was not large enough to need a horse to travel the length of it. It was perhaps a four-hour walk from one end to the other and the Salynns here rarely, if ever, ventured beyond their island. Isadith had told me they didn’t keep horses indefinitely—they only collected and kept horses in the days of war. I sighed when I realized the stables were full right now.
A waterfall from the cliffs made a lovely backdrop. The stream it joined flowed out to either side in a wide upside down U shape around the plateau of land that the stables sat on before disappearing out of sight on both sides. The grass on the plateau was rich and thick, and of course manicured to perfection.
A few male Salynns were tending to the horses at the moment, brushing and feeding them and even giving some medicine. Medicine. My thoughts went to the necklace. That gem held the power to those medicines working. The Anarran gem in my possession was the root of every healing aide given to the horses right now, or that was mostly likely being given to an ailing child or two in the world. I needed to get to Triple Peaks now and hopefully get Candletars help in finding the owner of the gem before hell broke loose and the Second Shadow really started to get aggressive.
I held my chin high in that moment, suddenly proud of myself for not killing Reese for his betrayal. There were bigger problems in the world than my hurt feelings. I needed to start tending to those bigger problems right now and I needed to do it alone. I could not have my own emotions be the focus any longer. I had bigger problems to take care of. I needed to find out how to end this separation between me and my magic and kill Hathum, hopefully before he found out who I was. I was the White Warrior, but at the same time I wasn’t. If he found me now I was dead, and the world with me. Maybe Candletars could help with this odd separation I was dealing with, too. As much as I loved Galad Kas, I
had to get out of here.
I went down the small hill to the closest Salynn, who was putting some grain in a tall wooden box. “Excuse me,” I said in his own language, “could you tell me if you have a horse—”
“Your horse is in the front stable in the first stall, my lady,” he replied with a smile.
I smiled back. “Thank you.”
I jogged to the first stable, which was to the right, and saw Forfirith as soon as I rounded the corner. I put my clothes and bathing liquids on the ground and looked at him. He was happily eating some hay with his eyes closed. He made me grin. “How can you stuff your face when we’ve got work to do?” I teased him.
His eyes snapped open and he saw me. He dropped the hay from his mouth and started neighing and hopping up and down on his front legs. He brought his head over the stall door and nudged my chin affectionately.
I chuckled and pressed my forehead to his face and petted his neck, “I’m happy to see you too. Have you gotten any rest or sleep?” He nodded his head. “Ready to get a move on?”
He looked at me with deep concern and confusion and jerked his head six times in the direction of Galad Kas’ center, indicating my six traveling companions. He was questioning if we were to going to go without them.
I sighed. “We’re heading out on our own again, boy.”
He looked at me with his brows drawn and I knew what he was saying. I remembered how well setting out on our own had worked for us last time when we left Narcatertus. If my company hadn’t followed me, I would have been killed by that pack of Legan’dirs.
I sighed again. “We’ll just have to try again.”
He also sighed and conceited defeat. Then he drew his head into the stall. When his head appeared again, he had a mouthful of hay. He dropped it at my feet and nodded once towards me.