Before We Say Goodbye

by JN Welsh

  "I don't mean to rush you guys, but we have to get going." Flor tilted her head toward the door.

  Flor and Riley were really keeping them on schedule and Nigel wondered what was up. "Okay."

  "This was a treat. We're so glad you came to visit us. It's nice to be remembered." Emma hooked her arm around Pete's waist.

  "We had a blast here. Thank you for being the most generous, kind landlords." Olive embraced them both. "Take care."

  The group said their goodbyes to the Livingston's.

  Nigel knew his wife was emotional and patted her shoulder. He laced his fingers with hers as they made their way back to the car with Riley and Flor.

  Flor filled them in on their next location. "Okay folks, we're heading to SMF. We've got a plane to catch.”

  “Yeah, so if we’re moving forward we have to know now,” Riley chimed in.

  "What? Why can't we drive?" Olive asked.

  "Well, it's another seven hours of driving and we have reservations. We'll only make it if we fly," Riley added.

  Nigel ambled over to her. “So what will it be, cookie? Are we staying or going?” He wondered if she was still undecided.

  “We should.” Olive pursed her lip, and then straightened in her stance. “I want us to finish the trip.”

  He stared at her wide-eyed. The word-producing part of his tongue was numb.

  “Nigel?” She touched his hand.

  “Yes. Okay.” He finally responded and hugged her. She squeezed him back and he inhaled hope that this chance he took hadn’t been in vain. He released Olive and turned to Flor and Riley. "Where are we going?" Nigel didn't mind that they were flying but was more curious about the destination.

  "Trinidad," Riley announced as if it were the obvious answer and in his best Trinidadian accent.

  "The Caribbean?" Olive croaked.

  "No, mami. Trinidad, California and Turtle Rock," Flor clarified.

  Olive blinked her watery eyes. "Gracie's B&B."

  Chapter Thirteen

  "Welcome back," Grace Moon greeted them, her slender figure was mere inches shorter than Olive's as they hugged.

  "Gracie! Oh my gosh! You've grown so much." Olive inhaled the hints of cucumber and ginger from the woman's chin-length, straight, dark hair. Her tan skin and tilted lids beamed up at Olive and the B&B owner's hugs extended to Nigel and their friends.

  "Many years have passed but I’d never forget you two and your friends."

  "And you've taken over the place." Olive remembered a teenage version of Gracie. At the time, Grace was eight or so years younger than them but working under the leadership of her parents who'd named the inn after their daughter.

  "You bet. Mom is semi-retired and spends a lot of time between San Diego and Korea these days. So I run the place." Gracie's excitement was contagious.

  "Good to see you again, Gracie." Nigel grinned and sniffed the baked-goods-filled air. "Mmm…you’re still baking those delicious treats."

  "I've gotten better at baking than those jacked up brownies I used to make for you guys. So get ready to eat and gain some weight." Gracie laughed.

  "This place brings back memories," Riley remarked.

  Olive noticed that Riley gave Flor a sideways glance. Olive and Nigel had their wedding on Gracie's grounds. The beachfront property overlooked the Pacific Ocean and had two connected houses nestled into Turtle Rock cove. Redwood trees provided the backdrop and with the windproof doors open, Olive heard the waves musically crashing against the rock. The bed and breakfast provided the ultimate private getaway and cut off the outside world—with the exception of the free high speed Wi-Fi sign Olive spied behind Gracie.

  "Give me one-second and I'll be back with your special request." Gracie pursed her lips to stifle a knowing smile and winked at Riley.

  "What was that about?" Olive inquired.

  "What?" Riley feigned ignorance as usual.

  Olive peered at her friend's obvious avoidance. "I got eyes on you, Walker." She didn't know what was up but she inhaled the smell of baked bread, vanilla, and warmed sugar from Gracie's kitchen. It was good to be back.

  When Olive and Nigel stayed here, it was perfect for the intimate wedding they had shared with their family and close friends. Olive's nerves were jittery. This place was special, almost sacred to her and Nigel. They had always wanted to come back here but between pre-school, puberty and junior proms, not to mention hers and Nigel's work and marital problems, they never did.

  "I'll get the bags," Nigel announced.

  The closer they’d gotten to Gracie's, the quieter he’d become and she wondered what he was feeling. The place was saturated with memories and there was no doubt in her mind that he was drenched in them like she was.

  "Let me help you." Riley jogged toward him.

  Flor hooked her arm in Olive's. "You okay?"

  Olive nodded. "It's strange being back here, especially under the circumstances."

  "You guys were really in love, Olive, and I know there is still love there."

  "Of course there is. We have history and children together, but we're separated and though we've made progress, there is still the possibility that we'll divorce in the end." Olive was hopeful but still wanted to give her friend a realistic answer. She and Nigel were going to give it their best shot but the outcome was still uncertain.

  "Divorce, schmorse," Flor rhymed poorly. "If you loved your last list item, you're going to love this one."

  "Oh boy," Olive huffed. "You know, our younger dumbass selves had no idea what it would be like to do this list in a rough state of marriage. What did we ask you to do?"

  On cue, Gracie popped out from a partition at the side of the receiving room. "It's so special that you love birds decided to be in the honeymoon suite again."

  Olive deadpanned to Flor and whispered. "Honeymoon suite? Really?"

  Flor snickered. "Told you."

  Gracie clasped her hands together. "Yours was one of the most memorable weddings. The love energy supporting you both as you took your vows..." Gracie choked and fanned her eyes. "Everyone from the attendees to the servers were in tears."

  Olive and Nigel’s ceremony had been a combination of traditional vows and ones they'd created. Neither one of them made it through their list of promises without a full on, shoulder hunching, sob shaking breakdown. Their souls were so intertwined. Later that night, when they'd consummated their marriage, it was the most spiritual, wild claiming of the other.

  They'd shared memories the past few days and their renewed sentiment gave her hope. One thing she was sure of was that if things went south here, it would be tragic and would likely break what was left of her wishful heart.

  Nigel and Riley trailed in with the bags.

  "Where're we staying?" Riley asked Flor.

  "In the main house." Flor responded.

  "All right. Well, let's get settled." Nigel started to make his way to the main house.

  Flor held up a hand to stop Nigel's determined exit. "Not you guys."

  Nigel held out his hands. "Where are we?" His eyes ping-ponged between her and Flor.

  Olive didn't have the heart to say the words.

  Memories of his wedding flooded back to him ever since his friends had told him that they were flying to Gracie's B&B. He and Olive loved the place but knowing that they were coming here changed the dynamics between them quick. As vulnerable as he felt, someone may as well have sliced his chest open and exposed his heart to the world.

  When the familiar houses came into view, he recalled every detail of when he and Olive traded nuptials in front of their loved ones. Olive was a beautiful woman, but on that day no one else could claim the title. They hadn't said much since they got on the plane but if he was thinking about their wedding, and their first night as husband and wife, then Olive for sure was.

  When he'd kissed her at the inn in Carmel, it had been so long since they shared such passion and her familiar taste made him crave for what they had. Their past would slip throu
gh his fingers if he failed to win her back.

  Olive laughed, staring out their honeymoon suite window on the grounds side of the B&B.

  "What's funny?" Nigel asked.

  She pointed and Nigel joined her at the window. He spotted the pool. The night of the rehearsal dinner two of the guests had made their way to the pool in the wee hours of the morning and enjoyed drunken pool sex.

  As Nigel now watched Flor and Riley, he laughed. "They still think we don't know."

  "You've never confronted Flor? Ever?"

  He shook his head. "Riley?"

  "Nope." Olive said. "It's their secret. They should have it."

  "I always thought something would happen with them but all these years later? Still nothing. I guess it really was just a one night stand." Nigel tended to his luggage, pulling out a pair of swim shorts.

  Olive moved quietly through the room and unzipped her luggage, putting away a few clothes and hanging a dress in the closet.

  She put a toiletry bag in the bathroom. When she returned, she slid her forearm behind her neck, lifting her locks to keep from sitting on them, and then plopped into and large multicolored floral print armchair. "Seeing the Livingston's and the old apartment was really cool."

  "They're still the cutest couple. Emma is still as rambunctious as ever." He worked on his luggage.

  Olive chuckled. "Love her." She crossed her ankles over the matching ottoman. Her bare feet rocked lazily from side to side. "So, Flor says we're here for two nights."

  He stilled. They had to spend two nights in the suite where their ethereal consummation happened? Two nights on the grounds where they became husband and wife and promised to love each other forever? Two nights where he didn't have permission to make love to her? "How do you feel about that?" He expelled his words as if they had been blocked in his windpipe.

  "I've always loved it here. It was special to…" us, was implied but they hadn't been an "us" for some time now. "It's special."

  "Yeah." He suppressed the urge to sit on the ottoman, rest her ankles on his lap and massage her feet—something he used to do to relax her before they went to bed. If he did that now, she'd probably freak out. They'd made the commitment to try on this trip but they still had hurtles to overcome.

  He reminded himself that Olive was still his wife.

  He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the bed. He slipped out of his sandals and hooked his thumbs into his jeans and boxers, pushing them to the floor. Naked, he stepped out of the puddle of clothes and was about to yank on his swim trunks when his eyes connected with Olive. He had already been set alight, but now heat surged through him from temple to toe when he caught her checking him out.

  He'd undressed in front of her a thousand times in the past, walking around naked, teasing her, and chasing her wet, dry, hard and rarely flaccid. But since they'd separated it was like a ten-foot pole was permanently lodged between them. The distance had lessened since their coastal voyage began. Here at Gracie's, in this room, and for a moment, he wanted to forget that he was supposed to keep that shrinking distance. He didn’t want to pretend that he wasn't as comfortable around her as he was in his own skin.

  Olive lowered her lids and her shallow breathing was visible from where he stood. Her blush warmed his heart.

  He slowly drew on his trunks, pulling them over the life that started to fill his cock. "I'm going to get a swim before dinner."

  "Stay close to the shore." Her simple automatic statement stopped him in his tracks.

  He’d never forget the time she was pregnant with Luna and on the beach with Amani and Taye. He’d had gone for a swim and neither the kids nor Olive could find him. He'd been on a floatie, had gotten so relaxed that he'd fallen asleep, and drifted out to sea. Eventually, the lifeguard had found him. He was a good swimmer but as far out as he was, without a boat or life jacket, he might not have made it back to shore on his own. He’d scared the shit out of Olive, and his kids, and spent the whole week apologizing and making it up to her in any and every way. Ever since then, whenever he'd go swimming in the ocean, she'd say, "Stay close to the shore" and he'd always respond.

  "I'll always swim home to you, cookie," he returned, and when he peered over his shoulder, her lips curled into a smile and she bit her lower lip.

  His heart swelled with the same feeling he'd had when Olive announced that she'd wanted to try to stay open to their experiences for the remainder of the trip. Hope.

  Riley leaned back in his chair and stretched out. "It's like riding a bicyc—"

  "Don't you dare say it!" Olive hated that term when she was a virgin and she hated it now. "First of all, learning to ride a bicycle is fucking hard."

  "She's got a point." Flor swirled the thin red straw in her Malibu cocktail. "I fell so many times and hurt myself. The same was true with sex for that matter. Trying to have that first Big O with someone is even more difficult."

  Riley twisted his lips pensively and then his eyes widened and mouth opened as a bright idea blossomed in his head. "It's like—"

  "Pause." Olive held up her hand, regretting ever having confessed to checking Nigel out in the hotel room. "Actually, just stop. There is no good analogy that's going to help me right now."

  "Dang. You are coiled, tight!" Riley stressed.

  "No, I'm not," Olive retorted. "Okay maybe a little." It was like she was in middle school again, experiencing her first crush. Her pulse increased with excitement and she avoided Riley and Flor's scrutiny.

  "Chill Olive Juice. Just go with the flow. You know, like you used to."

  "Like I used to? What's that supposed to mean? People keep saying that." Olive rubbernecked.

  Flor fanned her hands. "Calm down. Nigel's still your husband and we know that you love him."

  Olive hadn't felt like Nigel's wife in so long. "Of course I love him. He's the..."

  "...Father of my kids." Both Flor and Riley recited her last four words with her.

  "We know OJ," Riley said.

  Olive flinched.

  "There was a time when you guys had this passion that was off the hook." Riley arched an eyebrow. "You can't bury passion like that. It'll explode, eventually."

  She concentrated on her fidgety hands and wished her friends would tell her something she didn't know. She looked up to find Riley's eyes lingering on Flor.

  Flor blushed.

  Olive didn't know what was going on with them but with years of guessing, she was done trying to figure it out. She searched the water for Nigel and saw him wading the waves back to shore.

  Nigel jogged toward them. The eyes of patrons followed his tall, blonde and tanned body. The lean defined muscles aided his athletic movements and butterflies fluttered erratically in her belly. She’d always loved knowing he was coming to her. She let out a shaky breath.

  Flor and Riley snickered, and Olive met their wide smiles.

  "Oh hush," Olive reprimanded.

  Nigel sat on a chair, saltwater dripping down his body. Her tongue longed to taste his skin. Her hormones raged, again making her feel like she should have braces, pimples, and everything else accompanying puberty.

  "How was it out there?" Flor asked.

  "Great. Cold, now that the sun is going down, but still refreshing." He perused the dinner options for the evening on a nearby chalkboard.

  "We just had some drinks and shared one of Gracie's crudités," Riley said.

  "Are you hungry?" Olive pushed what was left of the crudité in Nigel’s direction.

  Nigel eyes rested on her as if she had asked him if he was traveling to Saturn in the morning. Either he was surprised by her tone or thought she was ridiculous for asking him the obvious question. "I'm starving," he replied.

  "Olive made us wait for you,” Riley added."

  A half smile wrinkled the corners of his mouth. "Thanks."

  "You're welcome." She licked her lips quite involuntarily and Nigel's gaze lingered on her mouth.

  Silence hung between the four of
them and the chatter of other guests floated around their table.

  "Nigel, where are Olive's rings?" Flor gasped and pointed to Nigel's bare neck.

  Olive's pulse raced at the thought of the rings being lost at sea.

  "Oh." Nigel took the chain with her wedding set out of a zipped pouch on his swim trunks and again placed it around his neck.

  Olive placed a hand over her thumping heart. She struggled to tear her eyes off of him and the care he used when handling her rings.

  "Carajo! You scared the shit out of me." Flor swiped Nigel's shoulder.

  Olive didn't believe Nigel would lose her rings but not seeing them around his neck did give her a start.

  "Safe and sound." Nigel patted the bands to his chest and winked at her.

  "So," Riley's statement lasted a few seconds too long. "Now that you both are here, Flor and I need to give you your next assignment."

  "Okay." Nigel popped a vegan ranch dressing dipped broccoli floret into his mouth and eventually gave Flor and Riley his full attention.

  "You guys will be taking a gentle candlelight hike. Gracie has someone to guide you out and we've made some special arrangements for you," Flor explained.

  "When?" Olive drained the last of her passion fruit mojito.

  "A little bit after sundown, so in an hour or two."

  Olive loved long hikes of all intensity levels. Where Gracie's B&B was located, lots of rock, and nestled pathways in the bushes and shrubs made it quite adventurous. Olive and Nigel had taken the candlelight hike with a group their first time here and they'd had a really great time. Excitement filled her chest and she thanked her younger self for putting the hike on the list.

  The friends enjoyed dinner together, their fatigue from the day showing in their moments of comfortable silence. Soon, Flor and Riley were headed to the common room for game night and she and Nigel to prepare for their hike. Before their departure, Flor sent a notification to their phones.

  "Your guide will have most of what you need but I sent a list of some items to bring. Have fun." Flor wiggled her fingers as they parted ways.