Mr. All Wrong

by R. C. Stephens

“I don’t know. It’s not just a sexual attraction I feel toward you. It’s more.” I pause. “I don’t want to freak you out.” I realize I’m sounding…corny. Very unlike myself.

  “You aren’t freaking me out. I just don’t sleep around. If we are sleeping together, I need to know we are monogamous.”

  My phone lights up. It’s a text message. I pick it up and look at the screen. It’s a selfie of Cassy’s tits. Fuck! Fuck! I knew she wouldn’t let things go so easily. Cassy likes to play games. Only I was dead serious when I told her it was over.

  Evie goes flying off the bed and me. “I can’t do this, Colton.”

  I swing off the bed after her and take her by the shoulders. “Please listen to me. Yes, me and that woman have a history. She was never my girlfriend, but we had been together for many years off and on. I went to her tonight…” before I can finish my sentence, Evie spins out of my grip and walks briskly over to her closet where she pulls out a robe and puts it on closing it tightly around her body.

  “Evie, please let me explain.” I get in her face, but she doesn’t want to look at me which means she also doesn’t hear me. She walks out of her bedroom, and I follow her. “Evie. Please.” I tap her shoulder. She’s angry, her lips pursed into a thin line. I can’t say I blame her.

  “Leave,” she demands.

  “Evie please,” I beg as she looks close to tears.

  “I knew I had no business being with you,” she mutters, and her words feel like a sucker punch to the gut.

  “If you would let me explain,” I say, but she closes her eyes. Dammit.

  “Leave,” she repeats.

  I head back to the bedroom to get my clothes, and all I can think is that I’ve just begun to know her. I can’t lose her. I don’t feel like I’ve fully had her and I want all of her. I want all of her to be mine. I’ve never felt this way before. She can’t expect me to walk away.

  With my clothes on, I walk back out to the main room in her apartment. She can’t even look at me. I feel like I can’t look at myself. I’ve done this. My past has come back to bite me in the ass. I walk to the door and begin to turn the knob. “You know what? No, fuck this,” I practically shout, but of course she can’t hear me. I stalk over to her sitting in the corner of her couch wrapped in her large robe. I drop to my knees, and I can see that her eyes are watery. Something about her emotion has me entirely undone.

  “Evie, I need you to look at me.” I take her chin gently in my hand and guide her eyes to mine. “That was Cassandra. I went over to her house tonight before I came over here to tell her that it was over between us. I am so attracted to you that I wanted to take you to bed tonight and I didn’t want to have any baggage when I did that. I know you aren’t the type of woman to sleep around and I know that if you trusted me tonight, it means something to you. Well, it meant something to me too. I want to be with you. I know I have a colorful past, but it ends here. It ended before I walked through your door tonight. All I ask is that you trust me. That you give us a chance,” I beg as I kneel in front of her. Her eyes have welled with tears.

  “You ask me to trust you?” She throws my question back in my face. “Do you trust me? Why all these women? Why no relationships?”

  Fuck. She seems to also call me out on my shit. Not surprised. “Okay.” I nod my head. “I told you the other night about my dad. How I was raised. About my mother leaving. I’ve never shared that with a woman before, but I shared it with you.”

  “You say it like you’ve done me a favor,” she snaps back.

  “I don’t mean it like that. I…just…I’m trying to be open with you…for Christ’s sake.” I shake my head because I’m out of my element. I stand to my feet, and her gaze follows me. “What do you want to hear? That I’m messed up? I am. I won’t lie to you, but I want you like I want air. If you’re asking me if I trust you? If I don’t see you as an evil bitch?” I snap, and a sad chortle escapes my lips. “That’s right, Evie, that’s how I viewed women as these selfish creatures who did what was good for them. I’ve spent most of my adult life in therapy. I was happy with how my life was going until I saw you. You wanted the truth, is that raw enough for you?” My voice was raised, and I felt myself shaking as she watched me, assessing my movements, her gaze trained on my lips.

  “I don’t want to upset you, Colton.” She gets up from the couch. “I’m scared. What I feel for you is so intense. It’s too soon. I shouldn’t feel this way so soon,” she admits. “I have a son. I can’t lose myself in you, and tonight I was lost in you.”

  I close the space between us and take her in my arms hugging her fiercely. Then I pull my head back to gain eye contact. “I know I’m asking a lot, but have some faith in me.”

  She nods her head. “I want to. But I need you to give me that same faith. I need you not to see me like you saw her, your mother. The way you’ve been treating women all your life is a cause for concern.”

  “I know, and I can’t explain it, but I see you differently. I want to change… I believe I already have. When I heard you speak about Carter with such conviction the other night it did something to my insides. You sparked hope inside me, but it’s more than that. It’s you. Tell me I haven’t fucked up. That you’ll give me a chance. You don’t realize this, Evie, but I’m enthralled with you.” I pause needing to catch my breath while realizing that all this talking must be hard on her. Her eyes have been glued to my lips, and I wonder if maybe I’m not the right guy for her, not only because we have a harder time with communication than other couples, but because she’s too damn good for me.

  She worries her bottom lip while watching me and I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what’s happened to me. If it’s years of therapy that have just clicked into place or if it’s her, but something is happening and I can’t…no…I won’t walk out that door and never see her again. “Say something.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Evie

  He’s waiting for me to say something and I don’t know what to say. I’ve gotten onto a roller coaster ride that is Colton Mathis and as good as it feels to be with him, I’m not sure I’m cut out for a relationship with him. He’s the freaking Governor of Illinois; he’s the city’s most renowned playboy, and he’s got a ton of baggage. He’s smart, handsome, sophisticated. He may be running to be the next president of our country, and I’m not cut out for that life. I’m drained by just watching him speak his confession to me tonight. I wasn’t expecting the words that fell from his mouth. He seems to not hide anything from me, and it’s endearing and dammit if I don’t want to be the woman to tame him but can I be her? I have so many doubts crashing through my mind that my head is spinning and yet when I look into the depths of his pleading blue eyes, only one word leaves my mouth. “Okay.”

  His eyes turn wide like a frightened boy. “Okay? As in yes, you’ll give us a chance?”

  I inhale deeply and take the plunge of my life. “Yes, I’ll give us a chance.”

  His shoulders deflate and then still knelt in front of me, he wraps his arms around my torso, and I can’t help myself. My emotions turn into the Silly Putty Carter plays with, and I can’t help but feel for this broken man and realize that although I don’t spend my time sleeping around, I still have the same trust issues he does. I haven’t had any long-term relationships. I don’t count Jake because he’s a friend and he’s had problems of his own. I haven’t given the men I’ve dated a fighting chance because I’m scared of them leaving with my heart stomped all over the sidewalk when they do. The problem is, it seems like my heart doesn’t have a fighting chance where Colton is concerned. I run my fingers through his dark hair enjoying the soft feel of his strands as he pours his emotion into me. He finally breaks the hug and looks up at me, a crooked smile on his lips. “I’d like to stay over tonight…I mean if you’ll have me.”

  I smile warmly at him. “I’d like that.”

  He stands up from the floor and points his finger at me. “I mean for sleep. I have a meeting in the
morning.”

  My eyes glare with mischief. “Of course, for sleep.” I wink and take his hand leading him to the bedroom. We don’t fall asleep right away.

  ***

  I was jostled awake by movement beside me. It took me a few moments to realize what was happening. Colton was having a nightmare, his lips were moving, but I couldn’t tell what he was muttering in the dark. He seemed distressed, so I tried to shake him awake.

  “Colton.” I tap his shoulders, but the nightmare was sucking him in deep. I sit up on the bed and nudge him further, trying to project my voice louder. It was hard to tell how loud I was being.

  He finally opens his eyes, but he looks disoriented. I try to comfort him until he is fully awake. “You were having a nightmare.”

  His chest moves up and down, and he pushes himself up holding his pillow staring at the space in front of him with a distraught look.

  “What is it? What did you dream?”

  He turns his head to look at me, and I inch a little closer. “I haven’t had that dream in a long time,” he responds, looking out of breath. I notice he is sweating. He remains quiet, and I don’t want to push, not after he shared so much with me tonight. The way he spoke about women was unsettling, but on a closer look, I realized it was his view of his mother, and not women in general that he was projecting. He was dealing with a lot of anger and hurt, but I didn’t think he would hurt me, at least not physically. Emotionally, I wasn’t so sure.

  “It was just a dream.” I want to console him, place my arms around him and make him feel safe like I do with Carter when he’s had a bad dream, only I hold back watching his face to see if he would say something. In the dark, it would be hard to read his lips.

  As if reading my thoughts, he reaches over for the lamp on the nightstand and turns it on. He takes his right hand in his left and rubs at his palm a little. “When I was five, I was in a fire.” He paused looking at me while rubbing his hand. My stomach sinks as he continues to speak. “It was the middle of the night. It was dark. I remember reaching out.” He stops and shakes his head. “Truth is, I don’t remember much. Just the heat, the smoke in the house, I reached for a doorknob and burned my hand.” He stopped to show me the rough skin marked on the palm of his left hand. “

  “That must have been so traumatic. You were so young.” A shiver rolls through my body as I think of Colton as a young boy, terrified.

  He looks at me thoughtfully. “I don’t remember much, but yeah. It was pretty terrifying.” He stops speaking, and I can see that he’s gritting his jaw.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “Nothing,” he shrugs. “No,” he shakes his head. “I saw her…my mom in the dream. She was screaming. Yelling something…I don’t know what. Then I reached for my stuffed bear, and he was gone. Disappeared from my hands into thin air. It’s just so strange. I’ve never seen that part of the dream before. Or at least I never remembered it that way. I don’t know what it means.”

  “Do you have pictures of your mom?” I ask, thinking maybe the dream was brought on by something he saw.

  “No, everything we had was burned in the fire. My mom was gone after that. My father said the fire was a near-death experience and made her realize that she didn’t want to live her life stuck in Chicago. She wanted to run off to California to become an actress or something.”

  “Did she ever try to contact you?”

  “No.” He shakes his head and the hurt seeping through his pores is so obvious to me. I knew the feeling of waiting. I always thought my mom would come back to me like she promised, only she never did. A part of me still hopes that she’s out there and thinking of me. That she will one day stop by just to see what my life has become without her.

  “I’m sorry,” I reach to hug his midriff. Enjoying the warmth of his skin, his touch. He makes the loneliness in my heart fade away as he runs his fingers through my hair. His touch gentle and comforting even though I feel like it should be me comforting him and not vice versa. Suddenly, I’m struck by a damning thought and my adrenaline spikes. I was up and out of bed before I could even think twice running into the family room to pick up a photo of me, Jake, and Carter at Myrtle Beach two years ago. Jake is shirtless in the photo. And that’s when I see it, his scar…

  Colton’s hand on my shoulder makes me jump, and I drop the picture in my hand. It lands on my foot, and I cringe from the pain, but lucky the frame didn’t crack. I place it back on the mantle.

  “Sorry to startle you. Everything okay?” Colton asks his gaze etched with concern.

  I force a smile. “Yes, we should get to bed, or my students are going to have a very cranky teacher tomorrow in class.”

  His smile is warm as he stares back at me, those blue eyes making me feel like I’m floating in them. “Sleep does sound good. Will you let me hold you?”

  “I’d like that.”

  He takes my hand and leads me back to the bedroom where we both get into bed. My back is resting against his front while his arm is draped over me. Within minutes I feel his breath slow, and I turn my head to see that he’s asleep. Only I can’t sleep at all because I need to speak to Jake. I need answers.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Evie

  I overslept, and now I’m driving down the street like a bat out of hell. It seems to be a common theme for me since I’ve met Colton. The car in front of me slams their brakes even though the light just turned orange. Dammit. My coffee which is sitting in the middle console of my car spills over onto the carpet. Luckily the students’ assignments are sitting on the passenger seat. At the red light, I quickly check my phone to see that I missed a text from Carter saying, ‘Mommy I love you. Have a good day.’ When the light turns green, I press the gas pedal. I’m worn out this morning obviously, I mean after the night I shared with Colton how could I not be? I don’t even remember falling asleep at the crack of dawn but I woke up enveloped in Colton’s warmth, and it was heavenly. If his morning erection weren’t so inviting, I would be on time right now and not racing against the clock. School starts in five minutes, and I pride myself on being on time, but more than anything I’m hoping to catch Jake before class. I want to ask him a few questions that have formed in my mind since last night. Like why he thinks his scar is from a bike accident when it’s clearly a burn. I believe Jake has always been honest with me so either he doesn’t remember how he got the scar or he’s lying. I hope it’s the former. Now I won’t be able to ask him until lunchtime which only heightens my anxiety. I don’t know why the reason for his scar suddenly bothers me so much, other than the fact that it’s odd for such a young child to have a scar that looks like the one Jake has.

  I pull into my parking spot at school and grab my half-empty bag. At least I was all caught up on my grading. I rush down the halls feeling my heels clacking against the floors. I don’t have to but I like to dress professionally for my job, and I love high heel shoes; maybe because I never had a mom whose shoes I could play with like some of my friends at school. I get to my class just as the clock strikes five to nine. Phew! I made it. Flopping my bag on my desk and placing my half-empty mug of coffee beside it, I blow out a breath and straighten out my blouse before addressing my students. I rarely use my voice here at school. Except when I’m speaking to the principal who is hearing although she tends to sign and talk at the same time.

  I’m blessed with excellent students who are eager to learn except for one boy. He’s new to the school. He developed an illness that’s causing him to go deaf. His parents felt it would be better to start him in a deaf school before he completely loses his hearing so he can learn to sign and become part of a community. Only he isn’t accepting his fate. I don’t blame him. I remember when I lost my hearing, I remember how my world turned silent. It took a long while to get used to the quiet world I now live in. It sure didn’t help that my mother never wanted to learn how to sign. She tried a little and would get frustrated and would just speak to me. I remember trying to keep up with her at f
irst. I couldn’t. It was a losing battle.

  The first part of the morning flies by in a whirlwind. I spend some time over recess speaking with my new student while trying to introduce him to some school activities which I hope he will participate in so he can make some friends. He’s very closed down though so I don’t know that I’ve helped all that much.

  By lunchtime, I’m sitting on pins and needles anxiously waiting to see Jake. I’m making my way to the physical education office as fast as my heels will take me but when I arrive at Jake’s office, it’s empty. Lucky, I slipped my cell into the back of my skirt. I pull it out and shoot him a text asking where he is.

  I wait a moment and realize Colton sent me a text this morning.

  Evie, I had a great time last night. Dinner tonight? Don’t tell me you’re busy. I can bring whatever for Carter.

  His offer for dinner sounds nice, and the fact that he’s thinking of Carter warms my heart, but he’s brought us dinner twice already. I feel the need to cook for him. I’m not much of a cook, but I learned a few meals from Jake’s mom.

  Dinner sounds nice. Come on over. Carter will be happy. I’m cooking tonight. Your fate rests in my hands.

  I like the sound of that. See you later.

  I smile to myself.

  A moment later a text message comes in from Jake.

  I’m with Mom at the deli around the corner. Come have lunch with us.

  Shit! He’s with his mom. I don’t feel as comfortable asking questions around her.

  Okay on my way.

  I head back to my classroom at a fast pace and change into a flat pair of shoes so I can make the walk. Chicago parking can be so tenuous this time of day.

  Within five minutes I’m at the deli. The place is crowded with regulars and students from the school. Jake waves me down and signs that he ordered my favorite turkey club sandwich. Veronica stands up to kiss me. We make small talk as we all sit down to enjoy our lunch. Veronica tells us about California. How she got sick of trying out for different roles. She also mentions she just broke up with a boyfriend. An actor who had a few good runs as a guest on some popular shows. I know who she’s talking about. He’s very handsome.