by Karis Walsh
She felt strange knocking on what she still considered to be her own door. She heard scuffling noises, which seemed to go on for a long time, and then Tegan was standing in front of her, looking slightly disheveled.
“Hey,” Tegan said in a voice Alana couldn’t read. If she was surprised to see Alana, she didn’t show it.
“Hey back,” Alana said. She didn’t get any response to her use of Tegan’s normal greeting. Whenever she had heard Tegan say it to her, she’d found herself smiling. She sighed. She shouldn’t expect this to be easy. “Can I come in and talk?”
Tegan left the door open and walked into the living room, leaving Alana to come inside and close it behind her. She walked over and sat on one end of the couch, facing Tegan who had taken a chair.
“I’m not sure how to begin,” Alana said, after struggling to come up with a way to open a conversation between them.
“You seemed to know how to end it, when you left.”
Alana sighed. This wasn’t a good start. “The accident with Michelle scared me,” she said, haltingly, struggling with each word. “I needed time to think…”
“Which you could have done here. Where did you go? Not Philadelphia, I’m assuming.”
“A hotel in Ellensburg.”
Tegan laughed. It was a harsh sound when it didn’t have any humor in it. “Not exactly a step up in the hospitality world.”
“No kidding. What is with the smell in that town?” Alana hesitated, then continued when she still couldn’t get a laugh out of Tegan. “I know I could have stayed here to think things through. You would have helped me, and Chip, too. In the future—if there is a future—I won’t run away. But this time, I needed to go, so I could come back.”
Tegan rubbed a hand over her forehead. “This isn’t making any sense. Maybe we should talk about it another time.”
“No. We have to talk about it now. Please, Tegan.”
Tegan had started to get out of her chair, but she sat down again. “Fine. Why don’t you start by explaining why you had to go.”
Alana rubbed her palms on her thighs. Her revelations had seemed to make sense when she had come up with them, but now they were muddled in her head.
“When I first came here, I felt like I didn’t have any choices,” she said. “I had to be here, had to stay long enough to build my references. Even when I started to enjoy the work and the people I was meeting, or when I turned down Jim’s offer and decided to stay here longer, I never got past the thought of this as a temporary place. And when we…when we decided to be with each other, my eventual move was built into our relationship.”
Tegan shook her head. “It had nothing to do with me wanting you. I chose to be with you despite your move, not because of it.”
“Yes, but when we got together and how we got together were driven by it.”
“Maybe.”
Alana sighed. “Do you need to make this so difficult?” she asked in exasperation.
Her irritated comment got a slight reaction, at least, but Tegan quickly hid her flash of a smile. “Yes, I do.”
“Great. Thank you.” Alana paused, then continued. “I guess the motorbike incident broke me, in a way. In some bad ways, like my confidence and my connection to you and the ranch. But also in a good way. I got my chance to leave, and when I did, I had options and roads I could take. Seattle, Philadelphia, Ellensburg. But I chose here because this place has become my home. I chose you, because you’re my life. I came back to stay, not to stay for a while.”
Tegan heard the catch in Alana’s voice as she spoke. She desperately wanted to believe her, but too many memories of being left behind in the past were crowding into her mind. She’d either need to tell Alana to get out and never contact her again, or she’d have to take a risk and trust her. Her heart and body were yelling at her to give Alana another chance. Her mind was cautious, but even when she tried to ignore her more emotional responses and look at the situation logically, she came to the same conclusion. Alana had never lied to her about wanting to leave. Why would she start lying now, by saying she wanted to stay?
“I want to believe you, Alana…”
“Then do. I love you, Tegan. You’re the reason I turned down the job in Philadelphia. You’re the reason I came back here. Not for my career, or my ambitions, or for anyone else. Just you.”
“I love you, too, Alana. I can try to—”
She didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence because Alana was across the room and kneeling in front of her chair, leaning forward to kiss her until Tegan couldn’t even remember the words she had been about to say. None of them mattered anymore, anyway, except for the first three.
Alana pulled back slightly, running her fingers along Tegan’s cheekbone and kissing her softly. “Can I see the puppies?” she whispered.
Tegan laughed. “Wow. The most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me during a make out session. Yes, let’s go see the puppies.”
Tegan watched Alana open the bedroom door and sit down in the midst of the yipping, tail-wagging litter of pups. She had been joking just now, but she suddenly realized her words had been truer than she thought. Puppies didn’t belong in the life of a nomadic event planner or in exotic island resorts. They belonged in homes, with families. They were part of the life Alana was choosing to share with her.
“I got them all adopted,” she said, squatting down and petting Lace, who was on the outskirts of the chaos.
“Already? I was only gone two days.” Alana sighed. “Who else is taking them?”
“Dez is taking the female with the black ears. Her family has a lot of space and other animals, so she’ll have a great life there. And then there’s Chip.” Tegan paused, drawing out the suspense. “He wants to adopt Lace.”
Alana’s expression lit up. “Really? No wonder I couldn’t figure out his favorite puppy. This is even better.”
“I have a message from him for you,” Tegan said, scooting closer and picking up a puppy. “He wants to trade jobs with you, in a way. Hire you as manager, and he’ll be in charge of most of the outdoor activities. On one condition.”
“Yes,” Alana said. “Whatever it is. Well, unless it entails taking crash courses in fishing.”
Tegan laughed. “No. He wants you to help with the trail rides sometimes. He’s not much of a rider.”
Alana had seemed excited about Chip’s offer, but now she looked hesitant. “Maybe. I’ll try.”
Tegan nodded. She needed to get Alana back on a horse tomorrow, before every last nerve disappeared. She dropped the subject for now. “Do you think you’ll be happy in this job, Alana? I remember you telling me how you didn’t want to manage a hotel like your parents. You wanted to travel and plan events.”
“I still want to travel, but with you.” Alana shook her head, cradling Prince against her chest. “I never understood why my parents liked their work until I started taking over parts of Chip’s responsibilities. It’s been challenging and fun, and I’m excited to see if we can make the ranch a success. Besides, I’ll still be able to plan events. We need all the income we can get.”
Alana put Prince down and hugged her knees to her chest. “You still haven’t told me who’s adopting Chantilly.”
“Ah, I was wondering what you’d named her. She’s the one you were hiding away when people came to see the puppies, isn’t she?”
Alana nodded, looking bereft, and Tegan put her out of her misery.
“I was planning to keep her,” she said. “I felt I wasn’t heartbroken enough, so I thought I’d invite a constant reminder of you into my home.”
“She’s ours?” Alana asked, wading over to Tegan and wrapping her arms around her neck.
“Yes,” Tegan said. “Ours.”
Theirs. Tegan felt her heart slowly starting to trust that they could be a family, with the two of them and Chantilly. Charm and Rio and Alana’s ranch horses. Her grandparents, and Chip and Dez, and all the people she and Alana had gathered around them. But for
right now, Tegan wanted time for just the two of them.
She led them out of the room, carefully shutting the pups inside for the night, before pulling Alana to her again. She put her palms on Alana’s cheeks and kissed her, moving her mouth slowly across Alana’s even as her tongue pressed deeper, bringing them closer together until there wasn’t a whisper of space between them.
Tegan groaned in protest when Alana moved away from her. “Upstairs,” Alana said, her breathy voice and flushed neck proving she was as aroused by their kiss as Tegan was. “I want to be in our bed.”
Tegan wasn’t about to argue with that. She hurried up the stairs after Alana, catching her by the belt loops of her jeans once they reached the landing and giving her another kiss. Slowness gave way to haste as they unbuttoned and unzipped and flung their clothes onto the bedroom floor.
Alana pushed on Tegan’s shoulders until she got on the bed and reached out for Alana to join her. Alana knelt on the bed at her feet, spreading Tegan’s thighs and moving between them. She had a lifetime ahead of her for slow and leisurely love, but right now she needed to make up for the days of loneliness and questioning of the time they had spent apart. She leaned forward and put her mouth on Tegan, sliding her tongue through wetness and heat and binding them together more surely than mere words had been able to do. Tegan moved with her, one hand loosely wrapped in Alana’s hair.
“I…love you,” Tegan said, even her simple sentence broken into fragments by a gasp.
“I love you, too,” Alana said, lifting her head for a brief moment to meet Tegan’s passion-hazed eyes before her tongue renewed its attack on Tegan’s defenses, breaking through them with ease and driving Tegan’s hips against her mouth as Tegan’s body shuddered through its climax.
Alana smiled with satisfaction and scooted up the bed until she was lying side by side with Tegan, who had one arm flung over her eyes. She lowered her arm and gathered Alana even closer.
“Wow,” Tegan said, brushing Alana’s hair behind her ear and kissing her gently. “Welcome home.”
“Home,” whispered Alana, making a sound halfway between a sigh and a moan as Tegan began kissing along her jawline and down the side of her neck. “It’s the best place to be.”
Epilogue
Alana twisted around in the saddle to look behind her for the twentieth time in the past five minutes. She saw the same sight that had greeted her each of the previous times—three horses sedately following Fitz along the flat, simple beginner trail. Penny swished her tail lazily at a fly, but otherwise the horses seemed lulled into quietness by the hot afternoon sun and the familiar path.
She faced forward again, allowing herself a moment to appreciate the tranquil beauty of the scrubland around her before her next frantic check on her preteen charges. The brush had softened to a silvery-sage shade of green, set against a background of rust-colored rocks and soil. Tall pines offered welcome shade and a lacy view of the cloudless blue sky. As pretty as the landscape was, it only managed to distract a small fraction of her mind. Most of her attention was fixated on the horses and riders behind her.
The younger children were being led around the paddock near the barn by Dez and Marcus, and Alana had reluctantly agreed to take the older ones on the easy trail. She had tried to get out of it by claiming she needed to run the grand opening, but she had prepared too well, and the event was moving along smoothly without her. If she had known Tegan and Chip were going to gang up on her in some sort of get-her-back-on-the-horse confidence boosting exercise, she would have planned for a couple of false emergencies to occur that would have required her presence on the grounds and not on a horse.
She halted Fitz and the line of horses to point out a small woodpecker tapping away on a dead trunk. She wasn’t about to admit it to either Tegan or Chip, but they had been correct about getting her back on the trails. She was still nervous about getting everyone back to the barn safely, but she was growing a little more relaxed with each ride. With the first set of riders, she hadn’t even glanced at the birds and plants around her, let alone stopped long enough to show something to the group.
Alana got her group moving again, and they made the final turn back toward the barn. As she had expected, she saw Tegan hovering near the gate, in the same position where Alana had found her after each of the previous rides. Tegan’s watchfulness might have added to Alana’s anxiety if she had thought it was due to a lack of faith in her ability, but she knew the truth. Tegan only wanted her to enjoy the rides and to claim the same confidence in herself that Tegan and Chip had in her.
Tegan stepped back as Alana reached down and unlatched the gate to let her riders through to the saddling area, where Chip was waiting to help them dismount. Alana slid off Fitz and landed heavily next to Tegan. She frowned and put her hands on her lower back, arching against them.
“I’m not sure why I’m this sore,” she said as she straightened up. “A few laps around the beginner trail at a walk shouldn’t be enough to make my back hurt.”
“You’re riding tense, but you look more relaxed every time you get back here.” Tegan moved behind her and encircled Alana’s waist with her arms, pulling Alana flush against her stomach. The warmth and closeness of her unknotted Alana’s muscles more effectively than any stretches could do. “There are only a couple more groups waiting to go after lunch, and Chip or I can lead them.”
Alana sighed, leaning her head back until it rested on Tegan’s shoulder. She was tempted to accept Tegan’s offer, but she refused to let even her residual fear have any control over her. She had run away once already because of it and she hadn’t liked the feeling of giving up—on her responsibilities, on Tegan, and on herself. “No, I’ll finish the day. I wouldn’t mind some company, though.”
Tegan kissed her temple. “You got it. I’ll pretend to be one of those sneaky kids who make their horses walk real slow so they have an excuse to trot and catch up to the others. That’ll be good practice for you.”
Alana turned in Tegan’s arms until they were face to face. “I was thinking you could pretend to be one of those helpful trail assistants who keeps watch for dangers like motorbikes and ravenous bears so I can just mosey along and enjoy the trail.”
“Fine,” Tegan said. She took Fitz’s reins from Alana and led him over to the water trough for a drink before taking him to the fence where the rest of the string of horses was tied. “But if I see a bear, I’m just going to shout a warning to you as I run past on my way back here.”
Tegan put Fitz’s halter over his bridle and tied him in a shady spot. She was glad to see Alana smiling and laughing with her while she loosened her horse’s cinch to make him more comfortable until their next ride. She had managed to get Alana out for a few rides on Charm and some of the ranch horses since she had returned from running away, but today was her first time on the trail as a guide. Tegan had worried that Alana would be too afraid to lead her groups, or—even worse—that she would have completely lost all interest in riding and the local environment. She was relieved to hear Alana talking about the trails in an affectionate tone, and to realize that Alana had a healthy concern for the safety of her charges underlying the residual fear she felt from her experience with Michelle.
They walked across the paddock where Dez was leading a tiny boy around in circles on Mouse. Tegan waved at her, feeling a surge of fondness for her assistant. She might be gruff and annoying at times, but she was willing to come out here and help with the children. She had even put her phone away, for once.
“How’s it going, Dez?” she called over to her.
Dez sighed visibly. “It’d be better if the woman who forced me into this job actually helped instead of leaning against the gate pining over her girlfriend all morning. But I guess she needs a break to recover from seeing two whole patients yesterday.”
“Hey.” Tegan put her hands on her hips and glared at her once-again-annoying assistant. “You’re conveniently forgetting the three surgeries I did before I saw those patie
nts.”
“Oh, please. I did most of the work then, too. Dez, hand me a scalpel. Dez, run and get some antibiotics from the storeroom. Dez, check the cat’s vital signs.”
“That’s called being a surgical assistant.”
Alana laughed and grabbed Tegan’s hand, pulling her away from the conversation. “Come on, you know she’s just messing with you. She really loves working with you, and this is the way she shows her affection.”
Tegan softened again as she followed Alana out of the pen. “Do you really think so?”
“Of course,” Alana said with a shrug, not meeting her eyes. “Probably. Maybe. I mean, she hasn’t quit yet, has she?”
“No, but she’s going to be fired on Monday,” Tegan said. Alana ignored her comment since they both knew it wasn’t true.
They walked hand in hand across the back lawn, stopping to visit with Jennifer who was distributing information to local visitors about the special events the ranch was planning for the summer, and with Gladys and Rosie who were chatting with people about the feral cat rescue group. Tegan had expected the grand opening to be a quiet event, with the ranch’s few visitors eating barbecue amidst some understated decorations, but Alana had surprised her, as always. The grounds looked festive with bright red-and-white banners that contrasted sharply with the natural background of pines and bare rocks, creating a carnivalesque atmosphere. Children ran everywhere, playing lawn games and racing to the horse paddock. Alana had managed to entice most of the town to the event, either as visitors or as vendors, so the ranch appeared to be fully booked rather than host to a mere handful of tourists. Every now and again an employee would stop Alana to tell her about a minor crisis, and she handled each one with decisive ease, proving—as if Tegan had needed more evidence—how good she was at her job.