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by Dickens, Charles


  discharged myself of all responsibility, except the preservation of

  a voucher ruled into three divisions, of which the first was

  snipped off at Folkestone, the second aboard the boat, and the

  third taken at my journey's end? It seems to have been ages ago.

  Calculation is useless. I will go out for a walk.

  The crowds in the streets, the lights in the shops and balconies,

  the elegance, variety, and beauty of their decorations, the number

  of the theatres, the brilliant cafes with their windows thrown up

  high and their vivacious groups at little tables on the pavement,

  the light and glitter of the houses turned as it were inside out,

  soon convince me that it is no dream; that I am in Paris, howsoever

  I got there. I stroll down to the sparkling Palais Royal, up the

  Rue de Rivoli, to the Place Vendome. As I glance into a print-shop

  window, Monied Interest, my late travelling companion, comes upon

  me, laughing with the highest relish of disdain. 'Here's a

  people!' he says, pointing to Napoleon in the window and Napoleon

  on the column. 'Only one idea all over Paris! A monomania!'

  Humph! I THINK I have seen Napoleon's match? There was a statue,

  when I came away, at Hyde Park Corner, and another in the City, and

  a print or two in the shops.

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  I walk up to the Barriere de l'Etoile, sufficiently dazed by my

  flight to have a pleasant doubt of the reality of everything about

  me; of the lively crowd, the overhanging trees, the performing

  dogs, the hobby-horses, the beautiful perspectives of shining

  lamps: the hundred and one enclosures, where the singing is, in

  gleaming orchestras of azure and gold, and where a star-eyed Houri

  comes round with a box for voluntary offerings. So, I pass to my

  hotel, enchanted; sup, enchanted; go to bed, enchanted; pushing

  back this morning (if it really were this morning) into the

  remoteness of time, blessing the South-Eastern Company for

  realising the Arabian Nights in these prose days, murmuring, as I

  wing my idle flight into the land of dreams, 'No hurry, ladies and

  gentlemen, going to Paris in eleven hours. It is so well done,

  that there really is no hurry!'

  THE DETECTIVE POLICE

  WE are not by any means devout believers in the old Bow Street

  Police. To say the truth, we think there was a vast amount of

  humbug about those worthies. Apart from many of them being men of

  very indifferent character, and far too much in the habit of

  consorting with thieves and the like, they never lost a public

  occasion of jobbing and trading in mystery and making the most of

  themselves. Continually puffed besides by incompetent magistrates

  anxious to conceal their own deficiencies, and hand-in-glove with

  the penny-a-liners of that time, they became a sort of

  superstition. Although as a Preventive Police they were utterly

  ineffective, and as a Detective Police were very loose and

  uncertain in their operations, they remain with some people a

  superstition to the present day.

  On the other hand, the Detective Force organised since the

  establishment of the existing Police, is so well chosen and

  trained, proceeds so systematically and quietly, does its business

  in such a workmanlike manner, and is always so calmly and steadily

  engaged in the service of the public, that the public really do not

  know enough of it, to know a tithe of its usefulness. Impressed

  with this conviction, and interested in the men themselves, we

  represented to the authorities at Scotland Yard, that we should be

  glad, if there were no official objection, to have some talk with

  the Detectives. A most obliging and ready permission being given,

  a certain evening was appointed with a certain Inspector for a

  social conference between ourselves and the Detectives, at The

  Household Words Office in Wellington Street, Strand, London. In

  consequence of which appointment the party 'came off,' which we are

  about to describe. And we beg to repeat that, avoiding such topics

  as it might for obvious reasons be injurious to the public, or

  disagreeable to respectable individuals, to touch upon in print,

  our description is as exact as we can make it.

  The reader will have the goodness to imagine the Sanctum Sanctorum

  of Household Words. Anything that best suits the reader's fancy,

  will best represent that magnificent chamber. We merely stipulate

  for a round table in the middle, with some glasses and cigars

  arranged upon it; and the editorial sofa elegantly hemmed in

  between that stately piece of furniture and the wall.

  It is a sultry evening at dusk. The stones of Wellington Street

  are hot and gritty, and the watermen and hackney-coachmen at the

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  Theatre opposite, are much flushed and aggravated. Carriages are

  constantly setting down the people who have come to Fairy-Land; and

  there is a mighty shouting and bellowing every now and then,

  deafening us for the moment, through the open windows.

  Just at dusk, Inspectors Wield and Stalker are announced; but we do

  not undertake to warrant the orthography of any of the names here

  mentioned. Inspector Wield presents Inspector Stalker. Inspector

  Wield is a middle-aged man of a portly presence, with a large,

  moist, knowing eye, a husky voice, and a habit of emphasising his

  conversation by the aid of a corpulent fore-finger, which is

  constantly in juxtaposition with his eyes or nose. Inspector

  Stalker is a shrewd, hard-headed Scotchman - in appearance not at

  all unlike a very acute, thoroughly-trained schoolmaster, from the

  Normal Establishment at Glasgow. Inspector Wield one might have

  known, perhaps, for what he is - Inspector Stalker, never.

  The ceremonies of reception over, Inspectors Wield and Stalker

  observe that they have brought some sergeants with them. The

  sergeants are presented - five in number, Sergeant Dornton,

  Sergeant Witchem, Sergeant Mith, Sergeant Fendall, and Sergeant

  Straw. We have the whole Detective Force from Scotland Yard, with

  one exception. They sit down in a semi-circle (the two Inspectors

  at the two ends) at a little distance from the round table, facing

  the editorial sofa. Every man of them, in a glance, immediately

  takes an inventory of the furniture and an accurate sketch of the

  editorial presence. The Editor feels that any gentleman in company

  could take him up, if need should be, without the smallest

  hesitation, twenty years hence.

  The whole party are in plain clothes. Sergeant Dornton about fifty

  years of age, with a ruddy face and a high sunburnt forehead, has

  the air of one who has been a Sergeant in the army - he might have

  sat to Wilkie for the Soldier in the Reading of the Will. He is

  famous for steadily pursuing the inductive process, and, from small

  beginnings, working on from clue to clue until he bags his man.

  Sergeant Witchem, shorter and thicker-set, and marked with the

  small-pox, has something of a reserved and
thoughtful air, as if he

  were engaged in deep arithmetical calculations. He is renowned for

  his acquaintance with the swell mob. Sergeant Mith, a smooth-faced

  man with a fresh bright complexion, and a strange air of

  simplicity, is a dab at housebreakers. Sergeant Fendall, a lighthaired,

  well-spoken, polite person, is a prodigious hand at

  pursuing private inquiries of a delicate nature. Straw, a little

  wiry Sergeant of meek demeanour and strong sense, would knock at a

  door and ask a series of questions in any mild character you choose

  to prescribe to him, from a charity-boy upwards, and seem as

  innocent as an infant. They are, one and all, respectable-looking

  men; of perfectly good deportment and unusual intelligence; with

  nothing lounging or slinking in their manners; with an air of keen

  observation and quick perception when addressed; and generally

  presenting in their faces, traces more or less marked of habitually

  leading lives of strong mental excitement. They have all good

  eyes; and they all can, and they all do, look full at whomsoever

  they speak to.

  We light the cigars, and hand round the glasses (which are very

  temperately used indeed), and the conversation begins by a modest

  amateur reference on the Editorial part to the swell mob.

  Inspector Wield immediately removes his cigar from his lips, waves

  his right hand, and says, 'Regarding the swell mob, sir, I can't do

  better than call upon Sergeant Witchem. Because the reason why?

  I'll tell you. Sergeant Witchem is better acquainted with the

  swell mob than any officer in London.'

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  Our heart leaping up when we beheld this rainbow in the sky, we

  turn to Sergeant Witchem, who very concisely, and in well-chosen

  language, goes into the subject forthwith. Meantime, the whole of

  his brother officers are closely interested in attending to what he

  says, and observing its effect. Presently they begin to strike in,

  one or two together, when an opportunity offers, and the

  conversation becomes general. But these brother officers only come

  in to the assistance of each other - not to the contradiction - and

  a more amicable brotherhood there could not be. From the swell

  mob, we diverge to the kindred topics of cracksmen, fences, publichouse

  dancers, area-sneaks, designing young people who go out

  'gonophing,' and other 'schools.' It is observable throughout

  these revelations, that Inspector Stalker, the Scotchman, is always

  exact and statistical, and that when any question of figures

  arises, everybody as by one consent pauses, and looks to him.

  When we have exhausted the various schools of Art - during which

  discussion the whole body have remained profoundly attentive,

  except when some unusual noise at the Theatre over the way has

  induced some gentleman to glance inquiringly towards the window in

  that direction, behind his next neighbour's back - we burrow for

  information on such points as the following. Whether there really

  are any highway robberies in London, or whether some circumstances

  not convenient to be mentioned by the aggrieved party, usually

  precede the robberies complained of, under that head, which quite

  change their character? Certainly the latter, almost always.

  Whether in the case of robberies in houses, where servants are

  necessarily exposed to doubt, innocence under suspicion ever

  becomes so like guilt in appearance, that a good officer need be

  cautious how he judges it? Undoubtedly. Nothing is so common or

  deceptive as such appearances at first. Whether in a place of

  public amusement, a thief knows an officer, and an officer knows a

  thief - supposing them, beforehand, strangers to each other -

  because each recognises in the other, under all disguise, an

  inattention to what is going on, and a purpose that is not the

  purpose of being entertained? Yes. That's the way exactly.

  Whether it is reasonable or ridiculous to trust to the alleged

  experiences of thieves as narrated by themselves, in prisons, or

  penitentiaries, or anywhere? In general, nothing more absurd.

  Lying is their habit and their trade; and they would rather lie -

  even if they hadn't an interest in it, and didn't want to make

  themselves agreeable - than tell the truth.

  From these topics, we glide into a review of the most celebrated

  and horrible of the great crimes that have been committed within

  the last fifteen or twenty years. The men engaged in the discovery

  of almost all of them, and in the pursuit or apprehension of the

  murderers, are here, down to the very last instance. One of our

  guests gave chase to and boarded the emigrant ship, in which the

  murderess last hanged in London was supposed to have embarked. We

  learn from him that his errand was not announced to the passengers,

  who may have no idea of it to this hour. That he went below, with

  the captain, lamp in hand - it being dark, and the whole steerage

  abed and sea-sick - and engaged the Mrs. Manning who WAS on board,

  in a conversation about her luggage, until she was, with no small

  pains, induced to raise her head, and turn her face towards the

  light. Satisfied that she was not the object of his search, he

  quietly re-embarked in the Government steamer along-side, and

  steamed home again with the intelligence.

  When we have exhausted these subjects, too, which occupy a

  considerable time in the discussion, two or three leave their

  chairs, whisper Sergeant Witchem, and resume their seat. Sergeant

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  Witchem, leaning forward a little, and placing a hand on each of

  his legs, then modestly speaks as follows:

  'My brother-officers wish me to relate a little account of my

  taking Tally-ho Thompson. A man oughtn't to tell what he has done

  himself; but still, as nobody was with me, and, consequently, as

  nobody but myself can tell it, I'll do it in the best way I can, if

  it should meet your approval.'

  We assure Sergeant Witchem that he will oblige us very much, and we

  all compose ourselves to listen with great interest and attention.

  'Tally-ho Thompson,' says Sergeant Witchem, after merely wetting

  his lips with his brandy-and-water, 'Tally-ho Thompson was a famous

  horse-stealer, couper, and magsman. Thompson, in conjunction with

  a pal that occasionally worked with him, gammoned a countryman out

  of a good round sum of money, under pretence of getting him a

  situation - the regular old dodge - and was afterwards in the "Hue

  and Cry" for a horse - a horse that he stole down in Hertfordshire.

  I had to look after Thompson, and I applied myself, of course, in

  the first instance, to discovering where he was. Now, Thompson's

  wife lived, along with a little daughter, at Chelsea. Knowing that

  Thompson was somewhere in the country, I watched the house -

  especially at post-time in the morning - thinking Thompson was

  pretty likely to write to her. Sure enough, one morning the

  postman comes up, and delivers a le
tter at Mrs. Thompson's door.

  Little girl opens the door, and takes it in. We're not always sure

  of postmen, though the people at the post-offices are always very

  obliging. A postman may help us, or he may not, - just as it

  happens. However, I go across the road, and I say to the postman,

  after he has left the letter, "Good morning! how are you?" "How

  are YOU!" says he. "You've just delivered a letter for Mrs.

  Thompson." "Yes, I have." "You didn't happen to remark what the

  post-mark was, perhaps?" "No," says he, "I didn't." "Come," says

  I, "I'll be plain with you. I'm in a small way of business, and I

  have given Thompson credit, and I can't afford to lose what he owes

  me. I know he's got money, and I know he's in the country, and if

  you could tell me what the post-mark was, I should be very much

  obliged to you, and you'd do a service to a tradesman in a small

  way of business that can't afford a loss." "Well," he said, "I do

  assure you that I did not observe what the post-mark was; all I

  know is, that there was money in the letter - I should say a

  sovereign." This was enough for me, because of course I knew that

  Thompson having sent his wife money, it was probable she'd write to

  Thompson, by return of post, to acknowledge the receipt. So I said

  "Thankee" to the postman, and I kept on the watch. In the

  afternoon I saw the little girl come out. Of course I followed

  her. She went into a stationer's shop, and I needn't say to you

  that I looked in at the window. She bought some writing-paper and

  envelopes, and a pen. I think to myself, "That'll do!" - watch her

  home again - and don't go away, you may be sure, knowing that Mrs.

  Thompson was writing her letter to Tally-ho, and that the letter

  would be posted presently. In about an hour or so, out came the

  little girl again, with the letter in her hand. I went up, and

  said something to the child, whatever it might have been; but I

  couldn't see the direction of the letter, because she held it with

  the seal upwards. However, I observed that on the back of the

  letter there was what we call a kiss - a drop of wax by the side of

  the seal - and again, you understand, that was enough for me. I

  saw her post the letter, waited till she was gone, then went into

  the shop, and asked to see the Master. When he came out, I told

  him, "Now, I'm an Officer in the Detective Force; there's a letter

 

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