“Once again, I guess I have to admit that makes sense, too.”
While he was explaining that, he’d also been baring her bottom for her spanking. He’d flipped her skirt up over her back and pulled her panties down. “It really will help you change quicker if you accept it and think about it while it’s happening, so once more, quickly, what are you going to be thinking about for the next few minutes?”
“Honestly, probably about how much my butt hurts. But I’m going to try to keep thinking that this is what will happen if I call Dixie Dick again, or go for revenge instead of irritating the heck out of her by ignoring her.”
With a bit of a chuckle he praised her. “Very good. I’ll try to help you focus. Okay, here we go.” With that he started the spanking, and although Cheyenne still verbally let him know it wasn’t feeling good, she wasn’t yelling as loudly, and she wasn’t cursing. She was also not moving nearly as much. He could tell she was making a real effort to stay still.
When he was sure she was warmed up, he started talking. He again reminded her what got her over his knees, and why it was unacceptable. He talked about her bad attitude toward Dan, and mostly about Dixie, and asked her a quick do-you-understand type of question now and then, intended to keep her listening to and focused on his words.
It didn't take long before he was sure she understood what she was getting spanked for, and he was also sure she was getting sore. “Cheyenne, I’m disappointed in the way you acted with Dan and Dixie this morning.”
“I know,” she said between ouches, “and I’m sorry.”
“I believe you. I think you are sorry, and that’s good. The reason I think that is because I’m proud of the way you’re taking this spanking. You’re accepting this one much better than the others you’ve had. I think because of that you’re going to stop and think before you’re rude to Dan or Dixie, or any of your other coworkers again, aren’t you?”
Her tears started flowing freer, and he knew it wasn’t all from the pain she was feeling. Some of them, even in the midst of her pain, were happy tears. He could tell his praise made her happy, and made her feel some pride in herself. Both were a big step in the right direction. And they both made him feel just a little more enamored with the little minx. He had to be careful.
He stopped the spanking and let her catch her breath a minute, holding his hand on her back, but not moving it. When she had calmed somewhat he quietly asked, “What caused this pain, Cheyenne?”
“Me being rude to Dan and Dixie,” she sobbed out quickly.
“Very good,” Jason said with a big smile. “You did really well.” He gently pulled her panties back up and put her skirt back in place. He lifted her so she was sitting on his lap, and she immediately leaned against his chest, her head laying on his shoulder. He wrapped her in his arms, rubbing one arm up and down slowly.
It took her several minutes to get her breathing back to normal, but when she did, she asked him, “Jason?”
“Yes?”
“What did you mean by I did really well?”
“You were concentrating on why you were getting spanked, I could tell. I’m really glad, because that means you’ll remember this for the right reason. That means you won’t put my hand through that traumatic experience as often for the same thing.”
To his relief, she giggled. “Oh, poor Jason and his sore hand.”
“It is sore,” he insisted.
She giggled again. “You’ll understand if I don’t feel as bad about that as you do, won’t you?”
“I do understand,” he assured her. “I’m starting to understand several things, I think.”
“Like what?”
“Like, I don’t think you’re the terribly rude, sarcastic little brat I originally thought you were.”
Cheyenne sat up straighter and became still, looking down. He used one finger to gently tip her chin up so he could see her eyes. “What are you thinking right now, Cheyenne?”
“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “I’m kind of hurt, kind of angry, and kind of confused. Do you mean that as a compliment or an insult?”
“I didn’t mean it as either, actually. It was just an observation.”
“Did you really think I was that bad?”
“Honestly, I thought you were going to be a huge challenge, but I think I was wrong.”
The cutest mischievous grin appeared on her face. “So now you’re saying I’m easy?”
Chuckling, he assured her, “Oh, no, my dear. I would never say you’re easy. I do think I misjudged you, though. I think the rudeness and sarcasm I see isn’t really you; it’s more a defense mechanism.”
“Defense mechanism?”
Jason gently pulled her back against him, encouraging her to lay her head back on his shoulder. “Cheyenne, I’d like to talk to you a little bit. Please keep an open mind and hear me out. If I’m right and you’re willing to hear what I’m saying and act accordingly, I think we’re going to see results quicker than you and Dan think. Will you listen to what I’m saying without getting upset?”
Her eyebrows furrowed together, but she nodded. “Okay, I’ll try.”
Chapter 6
Good,” Jason said. “Now, Cheyenne, I want to have a real heart to heart talk, so you tell me where you’ll be most comfortable. Are you good right here, or—”
“A real heart to heart, like you want me to reveal my innermost feelings?”
Jason could tell she wasn’t comfortable with the idea, so he rubbed her arm gently as he said, “Yes. I know you’re not eager to share your feelings, but I think you’ll be a little surprised at what you find, and it will help you. Can you try for me?” She was clearly very hesitant. “Remember, Cheyenne, everything you say to me will stay right here. I’d never repeat anything you say while we’re talking like this; not to anyone. And if it makes you too uncomfortable, we’ll stop.”
“For real? If I’m freaking out, you’ll stop?”
“I promise. I don’t want to make you feel uneasy, Cheyenne, but I want to investigate a theory I have.”
“Okay, I’ll give it a try.”
“That’s the attitude.” He gave her a quick hug and kissed the top of her head. “Okay, the first thing that strikes me is that you’re not as proud of your work as I would expect of someone with your talent. You’re incredibly talented, so that surprised me until I realized you’re not real confident about many things in your life.”
“I’m not?”
“You seem to me to be hesitant about things, and I think I may know why.”
“Why?”
“When your mother left and never came back, that had nothing to do with you, Cheyenne. It was all about your mother.”
Instantly defensive, Cheyenne countered with, “You don’t know that. I was probably a real pain in her ass. I probably cried constantly or something.” She paused just a moment before quietly whispering, “If I wasn’t, she wouldn’t have needed to get rid of me like that.”
Jason tightened his arms around her and rocked back and forth slightly. “That wasn’t your fault, honey. I don’t know your mother, and I don’t know what the situation was, but her leaving was all about her; not you.”
“You don’t know that,” she insisted, though in a quieter tone. “She may have been a wonderful mother. She may have had some reason for leaving. Maybe she couldn’t take care of me. Maybe she knew I’d be better off with Grandma. Maybe she thought about me every day. Maybe she kept track of me all along to be sure I was doing well.”
Tears started running down her cheeks, but she kept talking through the tears. “Maybe she was sick and couldn’t take care of me. Maybe she got hurt and couldn’t come back for me. Maybe someone kidnapped her and she’s been trying all this time to get back to me.”
Jason knew he’d hit on a big part of her problem, and he also knew she needed to talk about it. She’d been slowing down as she went along, and when it appeared she’d run out of possibilities for the moment, he offered another possibilit
y. “Maybe it was easier to get drunk and leave her responsibilities behind.”
Cheyenne sat up straight, and Jason could feel her defensive demeanor again. He tried to calm her. “We don’t know that any of those possibilities are what actually happened, Cheyenne, but any one of those is just as possible as any other, isn’t it?”
He felt her tense up, and he waited for a denial. When none was forthcoming, he went on. “I don’t mean to say she wasn’t a good mother, because like you, I don’t know. But I do want you to admit to yourself that it’s more likely that it was a problem with her than with you. I think you’ll feel better once you’re willing to admit that.”
“I can’t admit that at all, though,” she said. “Grandma always said not to blame other people for your problems, and that you need to take responsibility for your own wrongdoings.”
“I agree with her,” he assured her, “but I don’t think you need to take responsibility for other people’s wrongdoings. Especially if there was nothing you could have done about them.”
“But how do I know she did wrong, and not me?”
“First of all, a little girl is not responsible for what her mother does. But think about it, honey. Did you ever get any birthday cards from your mother?”
Jason had to listen closely to hear her whispered response. “No.”
“Christmas cards?”
“No.”
“How about a phone call?”
Cheyenne sobbed before whispering, “No.”
He rubbed her arm again soothingly. “Did your grandmother ever mention hearing anything from her?”
Cheyenne broke down crying again at Jason’s words, and hid her face in his shirt. Knowing there was a reason for it, he held her tightly and let her cry. He doubted she’d ever faced her feelings toward her mother, and hoped now that she was crying, she’d cry all her feelings out. He wrapped her in his arms, wanting her to feel safe enough to finally let all those tears out.
When she eventually began making an effort to control her tears, he could tell she was struggling, and offered a suggestion. “It’s okay, Cheyenne, you’re safe here. Go ahead and cry all you want to. Let it out. You’ll feel better.”
To his great relief, she did just that. She cried until his shirt was wet, and he simply handed her his handkerchief and continued to hold her. When her crying slowed this time, he could tell she’d cried herself out. She was laying against his shoulder still, but she looked exhausted.
“Are you okay, Cheyenne?” he asked gently.
She looked up at him as if she’d forgotten he was there. She sat up and quickly said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—I got your shirt all wet. It’s probably ruined. I didn’t mean to—I should have—”
He put his finger over her mouth to calm her. “Ssshhh, it’s all right. You don’t have anything to apologize for. My shirt’s fine. It’s just a little wet. I encouraged you to cry it all out, remember? And I’m very proud of you for doing that. I’d like to talk to you a little bit about some of your feelings, but right now you are exhausted and need a nap.”
“But it’s not even noon yet,” she said with a yawn. “How could I be this tired?”
“That’s my fault. I encouraged you to think about things you’ve been trying to get out of your mind and ignore for a long time. They’re things that are hard to face, but you did so well. I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of you, Cheyenne. It takes a strong person to do that. But now you need to rest. You take a nap and this afternoon we’ll talk a little more. Before you go rest, though, are you okay?”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah,” she said sleepily. “For some reason I feel—I don’t know how to explain it. I feel kind of free.”
“Excellent,” he said with a big smile for her.
“Does that make any sense?”
“It makes perfect sense to me, yes. I’ll tell you why this afternoon, I promise, but right now you need to get some rest.”
“But it makes sense to you?”
“Absolutely. And it will to you, too, but you’re too tired to be able to comprehend it right now and think it through. But I promise you it’s a good thing. You get some rest and then I’ll share the good news with you, okay?”
He was thrilled to see the little smile on her face as she nodded. He helped her stand and made sure she was stable before letting go of her arm. She went to her bedroom and disappeared. He was still standing there watching her bedroom door, smiling, when she stuck her head out and looked at him. “Thank you, Jason. I’m not exactly sure what for right now because my mind is too full and confused, but I somehow feel better, and I know it’s because of you. So thank you.”
Smiling bigger, he went to her and kissed her forehead. “You are absolutely welcome. You get some sleep now. Don’t try to think about it when you’re this sleepy. Have a nice nap.”
She smiled and shut the door.
He went to the living room and sat down on the couch. They had just made a huge breakthrough. He sat there several minutes, thinking about how best to handle their talk this afternoon. He hoped she was always this open to what he was suggesting. He knew if she was, his work here wouldn’t take nearly as long as he initially thought it would.
He had feelings for the little lady who was in the other room resting, but he refused to let his mind wander to those feelings. First things first. He had a job to do and he was determined he would do it. Then he would allow himself to consider his feelings and what, if anything, he would allow himself to do about them.
For now, he went to his briefcase and took out a notebook and started making notes. He’d picked up on a number of reactions and expressions that he wanted to make note of before he forgot any of them. After noting everything that came to his mind, he studied the notes in front of him. He had a pretty good idea how he wanted to proceed, but he wanted to make sure he wasn’t missing anything.
Once he was happy with his plan for going forward, he called his office to check in with his office manager. He was still talking with her when Cheyenne came around the corner and smiled at him. She went into the kitchen and he heard her puttering around. He assumed she was fixing them some lunch.
He finished his phone call and went out to join her. “Feel better?” he asked.
She turned around and smiled at him. “I do,” she said. “Are you ready to tell me why?”
“I’ll be happy to. Any chance we could have lunch first? I’m hungry.”
“I was afraid you were going to say that. I suppose we can wait. Are shredded chicken sandwiches okay?”
“Perfect.”
“Good,” she said with an impish grin. “They’re about done.”
He chuckled as he asked, “What can I do to help?”
“You could set the table if you want.”
They talked as they shared lunch and cleaned up afterwards. As soon as the dishes were done, she said, “Okay, no more stalling. Let’s go.” She went to the living room, and he followed, grinning at the little imp.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
She sat down on the couch and motioned toward a chair across from the couch. “Sit down so we can talk.”
“Okay, what do you want to talk about first?” he asked as he took a seat in the chair.
“Why do I feel free? What do I feel free from?” She crossed her legs underneath her and went on, “You said don’t give it a lot of thought until I had a nap, so I didn’t. But can you help me now, please?”
“Do you feel like a weight’s been lifted from your shoulders?”
She looked at him with narrowed eyes, thinking. After a few moments she said, “Now that you mention it, yes, I do. But what weight was lifted?”
“You’ve been taking the blame all this time for your mother leaving you, Cheyenne. But it wasn’t your fault. Now, I think at the very least you have to admit that it may have been her choice. Even some of the other possibilities you named, like she was kidnapped, or she was sick, or she didn’
t have the money, even if any one of those things is, in fact, true, that’s still not your fault in any way, is it?”
Jason watched as a blank look settled on her pretty face. “So you’re saying I should just blame everything on her? All my problems are my mom’s fault?”
“No, I’m not saying that at all,” he contradicted. “Indeed, I believe your problems right now at work are because of your attitude, which leaves a lot to be desired, and that attitude is all your doing. It’s not because of your mother and the way she treated you, or because you saw your grandmother treating other people this way and so you picked it up from her. You choose how you’re going to treat other people, and you’ve chosen to treat your coworkers in a way that’s gotten you in trouble with Dan.”
“But I thought you said—”
“I said you’ve been taking the blame all these years for something you didn’t do. That blame has made you question yourself, your self-worth, your abilities in a lot of areas that you shouldn’t be questioning. Other than getting along with other people, you have no reason to question your ability to do your job. Here’s one that may surprise you, but you have no reason to question your ability to have friends; for people to like you.”
Her eyes flew open as she looked up at him. “Yeah, I can see that by the ton of friends I have at work.” After several quiet moments, she added, “Or anywhere else.”
He looked at her until he caught her eyes, and held them. “I didn’t say people like you right now; I said you have the ability to have people like you. You definitely have the ability to make friends. I’ve seen a young lady who I would very much like to be friends with. You have the makings of a wonderful friend, but you hide it.”
“I hide it.” It was a statement, not a question, like she was trying to convince herself. “What exactly is it I’m hiding, and how am I hiding it?”
“There is a very funny, very caring, very witty person hiding in you, Cheyenne, but you hide it behind a lot of anger.”
Cheyenne and Jason (Last Chance Program Book 1) Page 8