If I Was Your Girl

by Ni-Ni Simone

  “You’re special.” I stroked his cheek and held his chin in my hand.

  He blushed. “Nah, I’m just Harlem.”

  “Well, you’re special to me.”

  “Really?” He moved his face in toward mine and we kissed. And as our tongues met, I realized this was the best kiss I’d ever had.

  “Ai’ight.” He broke our kiss and licked his bottom lip. My MAC lip glass had rubbed off my lips and was now gleaming on his. “Eat your food. Nothing’s worse than cold Chinese.”

  “True.” I laughed, and scooted over as close as I could to him.

  “Come around to my side,” he said, clicking the locks on the door.

  I got out the car and walked to his side of the Jeep. He pushed his seat as far back as it would go, then lowered it to a reclining position. He nodded his head. “Sit right here.”

  I sat between his legs and snuggled against his chest. “How are you going to eat like this?” I asked him.

  “Easy,” he smiled, “you gon’ feed me.”

  I melted even more. I took my chopsticks and shared my orange chicken and lo mein with him. “So, what’s your major in college?” I asked him.

  “Computer science.”

  “I like computers.”

  “Maybe when you go to college,” he said, eating from my chopsticks, “you can major in computers and be like me.”

  “Yeah, picture that,” I said, placing a piece of chicken in my mouth. “Nah, I was thinking about X-ray technician or something that doesn’t take so long.”

  “You should go to college, ma.” I gave him a sip of the soda he brought for me. “There’s no experience like it.”

  “When I was younger, I always wanted to go to Spelman,” I confessed. “Actually me, my sister, and our best friends made a pact to go.”

  “So what did you want to major in?”

  “English, I wanted to be a teacher.”

  “You should be a teacher and you should go to Spelman,” he said, eating another bite. “Atlanta is the bomb. That’s where my mom’s moving. I thought about transferring to Clark or Morehouse when she goes.”

  “Why?” I playfully whined. “You gon’ miss your mommy?”

  “Yeah,” he said, “I will. My dad died earlier this year, my sister is getting married in a week, and her fiancé is from here, so she’s not going anywhere. And I just hate to see my mother in Atlanta alone.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. About your dad, that is.”

  “It’s cool. But I’m saying, I think you should go Spelman or at least think about it.”

  “Well, you never know what the future holds.” I placed the chopsticks in the empty carton and leaned back against his chest.

  He ran his fingers through my hair and before I knew it, we’d talked about everything, from our first kiss to our first trip in first grade. I shared things with him, I’d never shared with another living soul. And no matter how far-fetched they felt to me, he made me feel like maybe I could do more than dream. Maybe I could achieve.

  I even told him about Quamir, without ever mentioning that I had a son and Quamir was my son’s father. Harlem told me about an ex-girlfriend who’d broken his heart, someone he’d cared deeply about. This was the best date I’d ever been on in my life and before I knew it, we’d both fallen asleep. We were awakened by the dawning sun smiling upon us.

  “Harlem,” I called, and he slowly peeled his eyes open. “I have to go in the house. My mother will be home from work soon.”

  “Wow,” he yawned, “it’s morning. I hope you still respect me,” he joked.

  “Shut up.” I playfully balled up my fist and he placed me in a pretend headlock.

  “Alright, alright.” I laughed.

  “Look ma, this was ai’ight,” he released me from the headlock. “I like chillin’ with you. Maybe we can do this again?”

  “Maybe.” I kissed him. “Maybe.”

  We said goodnight or rather good morning and then I stood on the side walk and watched him leave. As I walked on the porch, I saw Cousin Shake parking his tricked-out hearse across the street. His clothes were disheveled and the reason why we called him Cousin Shake revealed itself before my eyes. “Cousin Shake,” I said, concerned because I’d never seen him like this before. “What’s wrong? Why are you looking like that?”

  “You can’t handle it, broke-down Lil’ Kim,” he spoke haltingly. Suddenly, I was nervous. I mean, he got on my nerves but I didn’t want anything to happen to him.

  “What?” I said in a panic. “Tell me. I can handle anything.”

  “Well,” he cleared his throat, “I met that li’l honey from the computer.”

  “Percy’s mama? And?”

  “And,” he smiled, “Your Cousin Shake…just finished gettin’ some of Ms. Minnie’s fifty-year-old booty.”

  “Oh…my…God!!!!!!!!!”

  9

  “Man-Man!” I pounded on the wall. “What is all that bangin’?”

  “Shut up!” he yelled back. “I’m tryna get my Kool-Aid hustle on and you disturbing me!”

  “You brother is the worst!” I rolled my eyes at Seven as I placed Noah beside me on the bedroom floor so he could play with his toys.

  “Would y’all come on,” Tay leaned forward on both elbows.

  “Please,” Shae said as she lay on her back. “Truth, dare, consequences, private, or repeat?”

  “It’s your turn, Seven,” Tay said.

  “No, it’s not,” Seven said. “I just went, now it’s your turn to go, and I asked you the question.”

  “Okay, I want truth.”

  “So,” Seven smiled, “I been wantin’ to ask you this for a while—is it true that you gave Shim-daddy some woo-woo?”

  “What the hell is woo-woo?” Tay laughed.

  “Some booty, girl.”

  “No,” Tay said, defensively. “I just got on my knees and kissed him.”

  “Ill.” I frowned. “No wonder they keep following us around.”

  “Shut up. I felt sorry for him. He said he never had a kiss before. Plus, he paid me fifty dollars to do it.”

  “So, you’re a kissing whore now?” I laughed.

  “Whatever. All I know is he had the money.” She cracked up.

  “You’re stupid!” Shae cracked up.

  “Okay.” Tay sat up and looked at me. “Truth, dare, consequences, private or repeat?”

  “Truth.” I smiled. For the most part, we always picked truth.

  “Is Harlem the best boyfriend you ever had?”

  That was easy. “Yes.”

  “Okay.” Seven bit her bottom lip. “Since that was easy, I wanna ask you another one.”

  “Go ahead.” I handed Noah a stuffed animal.

  “What does Harlem think of you having a baby?”

  I paused, “He hasn’t asked me if I have a baby.”

  “He shouldn’t have to.” Shae frowned. “You should just tell him.”

  “I am. I just haven’t done it yet.”

  “You embarrassed?” Tay asked.

  “No.”

  “Well, if you don’t hurry up,” Seven interjected, “he’s going to think you lied to him.”

  “No he won’t.”

  “Yes he will.”

  “Well, then I’ll just have to deal with that. Why are you asking me that, anyway?”

  “Because Josiah told me that he really likes you and he was wondering if Harlem knew you had a baby.”

  “So! What? Having a baby is like having the plague?”

  “No,” Seven snapped. “He said he just didn’t wanna be telling your business.”

  “Uhmm hmm, well, tell him thank you.”

  “Oops, no you didn’t.” Shae rolled her neck. “Anyway, it’s my turn,” Seven said.

  I looked at Shae. “Truth, dare, consequences, private or repeat?”

  “Dare.”

  “Okay, I dare you to tell one of your best friend’s secrets. We already know Seven’s a virgin, so not that.”
<
br />   Shae looked at Seven and then back at us. “She’s not a virgin anymore.”

  “Oh no you didn’t tell my business!” Seven screamed, providing the confirmation we needed to know that this was true.

  “They asked,” Shae snapped back.

  “You could’ve lied.”

  “You know whomever gets caught lying has to pay twenty dollars! Not.”

  “Whatever!” Seven was pissed and I couldn’t believe this.

  “I hope she’s lying!” I looked at Seven.

  “No, she’s not.” Seven playfully balled up her fist and pointed it at Shae.

  “Oh…my…goodness,” Tay said. “Don’t hold nothin’ back. I want to hear it all.”

  “I don’t believe this.” I had an attitude. “But go on, what happened?”

  “A few nights ago, we were kissing…and he was feeling on me. And it felt comfortable, like it was something I wanted to do, so I did.”

  “Did it hurt?” Tay asked.

  “Yeah, but he was gentle.”

  “Forget all that,” I said. “Did you use a condom?’”

  “Magnum extra large.” She laughed and shot Shae and Tay high fives.

  “You still shouldn’t have done it. You should’ve waited,” I said.

  “Why? You didn’t.”

  “You just should’ve waited, ’cause sometimes after you have sex, things change.”

  “Like what?”

  “They stop sweatin’ you.” Before I could go on, the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. “It’s Harlem,” I whispered.

  “I thought you said he was getting ready for his sister’s wedding?” Seven asked.

  “That’s what he told me,” I said as I picked up the phone. “Hello?”

  “Yo, Pretty Girl,” he said, and I could hear frustration in his voice. “Can you tie a tie?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “’Cause I can’t get this.”

  “What, a tie?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Yeah, I can tie a tie. My daddy taught me.”

  “Cool, then come outside and tie this for me. I’m turning the corner now.”

  “Okay.” And I hung up.

  I looked at Seven. “That’s the result of me not giving him no booty. He’s coming over here for me to tie his tie.”

  “Whoooo! Somebody ring the alarm!”

  “Don’t hate,” I said, leaving them on the floor playing the game. “Don’t hate.”

  “Where are you going?” Tay asked.

  “Outside to tie my baby’s tie.”

  “Perfect timing. What better time than now to introduce him to his step-son?”

  “Don’t play. I’m not taking Noah out there like that. Plus, he’s in a rush.”

  “Uhmm hmmm,” they looked at me suspiciously.

  I didn’t have time to acknowledge them, so I didn’t. I walked outside and the evening breeze was cool. Harlem leaned against the hood of his Jeep with a loose tie around his neck. He was dressed in a two-piece suit looking as fine as he wanted to be. I walked up to him and he slid his hands in my back pocket as I fixed his tie. Fantasia’s “When I See You” was playing on the car radio. It floated out the window and into the street.

  “You know,” he said, as I tied his tie, “this song reminds me of you.”

  “Really?” I said, as we started to sway to the music.

  “Yeah, it does.”

  “And why is that?” I straightened his collar and admired my handiwork.

  “Shhh,” he said as I slid my hands around his neck and locked my fingers, “just listen to the words.”

  I did. I closed my eyes and we swayed until the song was over. I couldn’t believe I was slow dancing in the middle of South 14th Street, but I didn’t care, I wanted to be here forever. And when the song was over, I hated that it had to end. “Yo, I need to go,” he whispered in my hair.

  “I know,” I said.

  “I’ma see you soon?”

  “You know it ma.”

  “Alright.”

  “Oh,” he pressed his lips against mine, “and don’t tell nobody I was in the middle of the hood, dancing in the street.” He winked, jumped in his Jeep and left. When I got in the house, I fell against the door and Seven, Tay, and Shae were standing there. “And you ain’t giving up no booty?” they all said simultaneously. “Okay.”

  10

  I think I’m in love or caught up. True story—no lie. It’s like every day I feel like I’m getting a new pair of Gucci shoes. And for the first time, I love being seventeen; there’s only one thing. I have to tell Harlem that I have a son. Which I don’t know how to do.

  Most dudes around here just ask if you have a baby, but Harlem hasn’t, not even once. He hasn’t even hinted at it, and every time I go out with him, I feel guilty, like I’m living a lie. And it’s not that I don’t love my son, because I do. It’s just that…honestly, and keepin’ it real, I’ma little embarrassed to say I’m a teenage mom. And yeah, it’s mad chicks around here with babies and it’s not like I’m ashamed of my baby. I’m ashamed of my situation.

  Believe me, guys are the worst when they find out you have a baby. And no matter how many babies they have, they always think that if you have a baby, you must be stupid, or easy, or they look at you like you have a whole lotta drama, and before you know it, you’ve gone from being wifey to being the jump-off. And that’s not what I want. But I have to tell Harlem about my son…and if he trips, then I’ll cut him off. Yeah, that’s it. If he trips, it’s a wrap.

  As usual, when Harlem comes to pick me up, I run outside so he won’t ask to come in. “Why are you always running out to meet me? You don’t want me in your house or something?” he asked.

  “No,” I lied. “It’s not even like that.” Why didn’t I just tell the truth? As we pulled off, I noticed how the kids were lined up around the corner for Man-Man’s Kool-Aid stand.

  “Yo, your brother be killin’ it.”

  “I know. And it’s just Kool-Aid.”

  “I hope so.” Harlem laughed. “He ain’t selling no gin and juice, is he?”

  “Boy, please. He is only ten.”

  “Ai’ight…so…you missed me?”

  “Of course,” I said, looking out the window. It was ten o’clock in the morning and it was already sweltering hot. I wanted to tell him about Noah right then and there, but I figured I’d wait until we were on our way back.

  “Toi,” Harlem called me.

  “Yeah.”

  “When is your prom?”

  “My prom?”

  “Yeah, when is it?”

  “Well, we decided when we were juniors that it would be May 20. Why?”

  “Because in case I transfer to Georgia, of course assuming I am your date, I’ll know when to fly back up.”

  “You would fly all the way back up here for my prom?”

  “Yeah.”

  I didn’t even know what to say to that. This had to be a dream.

  Of course, Great Adventure was filled with a sea of people everywhere and the lines were crazy long. “I used to love coming here when I was a kid,” I said as we walked hand and hand, trying to decide what we were going to ride.

  “Yeah?” he placed his arm over my right shoulder and tossed it around my neck. I laid my head against his chest. “I used to love it here. Yo, you ever ride Free Fall?” he asked.

  “Free Fall?” I stopped dead in my tracks.

  “What, you a punk?”

  “I’m not no punk.”

  “Well, let’s see.”

  We stood in line for twenty minutes to ride the Free Fall and of course I was scared. But I wasn’t going to let him know that. These types of rides weren’t my thing, but whatever. I got on, buckled myself in as Harlem sat beside me. As the ride started, I grabbed his hand and closed my eyes. The car climbed a thousand feet in the sky—well, not really but it felt like it—and then, without warning, the ride dropped us at like sixty miles an hour and popped us back up like a rubber band.
I squeezed my eyes so tight they hurt. I am never doing this again!

  Once the ride was over, I tried to play off how bad my legs were shaking by running behind Harlem and playfully jumping on his back like a five-year-old kid.

  “Awww,” he said, “my baby was scared?” He hooked his arms behind my knees.

  “No!”

  “Toi, you were screaming in my ear.”

  “Ok, maybe I was a little scared, but not much,” I said as my legs swung at his side.

  “Uhmm hmm. Ai’ight, so let’s go on the loopy loop.”

  “Uhmm, let’s not. I want a prize.”

  “You want your man to win you something?” he asked. “Ai’ight, I got you.” I slid off his back and we went to the basketball game. I knew for sure we would win. After all, he was six-foot-two.

  A few minutes later, the game was over.

  “How you gon’ lose the game?” I didn’t know whether to have an attitude or laugh.

  “That mess is rigged. You saw those balls going in the basket.”

  “No,” I laughed. “I saw them hit the rim and come out the basket.”

  “Whatever,” he said as we stopped by the “Shooting Water in a Balloon Until It Pops” game.

  “I don’t need you to win me a prize. I’ll do it,” I said as Harlem laid two dollars on the table. I positioned myself behind a pink water gun.

  “Girl, you can’t beat me on this.” Harlem took position behind a black water gun.

  “I can show you better than I can tell you.” We didn’t even pay attention to the other people playing because we just knew we were going to win. That is, until a little kid started screaming because his balloon popped while mine and Harlem’s was still rising. Oh, I wanted to cop this little dude in the face.

  “Yo,” Harlem laughed, “did you see that dude? He was like a super kid.”

  “Uhmm hmm, and this is the second time you lost. I’ma start looking at you sideways.”

  “Shut up.” He laughed as we moved on to the next game and I’m not sure what happened but suddenly Harlem started killing it. I was like “damn look at my man.” As a matter of fact, he even went back to the basketball and water balloon game and redeemed himself. I had so many stuffed animals that it was crazy. It was official; this was the best date I’d ever had in my life.