If I Was Your Girl

by Ni-Ni Simone

  “It’s cool,” I said, feeling a sudden burst of chills run through my body.

  “Pretty Girl, look at you. You’re shivering. Where’s Noah?”

  I pointed down the hall. “He’s on the floor playing.”

  Harlem helped me to the bed and said, “Get in. Ya man got this.”

  I smiled at him. He was so cute but there was no way he could help. He was sure to simply be in my way.

  “You called out sick?” he asked.

  “No, I need the money. I have to try and go to work.”

  “Girl, please,” Harlem looked at me and frowned. “Anything you need, I got you.” He placed a hundred dollar bill on my nightstand. “You staying home today.” He looked at Noah. “Right?”

  Noah smiled and Harlem said, “My man.” He smiled back at the baby, then looked back at me. “You take anything?”

  “No.”

  “You need some Tylenol and maybe some soup. I’ma walk to the corner store and get you some. Where are his clothes?”

  “In the closet. Why?”

  “Because we’re going to the store to get you some medicine and soup.”

  “Oh no,” I said, clearing my throat, “he’s a real funny baby and he’s particular about who he goes out with. He’ll start crying.” By the time I finished giving my spiel Harlem had Noah dressed and was waving bye-bye. “Be careful, Harlem.”

  “I got you ma.”

  I’ll admit I was a little concerned about Harlem being with my baby. Not because I thought he would do something to him. But because I didn’t feel like he’s ever taken care of a baby and I didn’t want him experimenting with mine. After a few minutes, they returned with Tylenol, a can of chicken noodle soup, and juice.

  Harlem warmed the soup and gave me the Tylenol and the juice. Afterwards he sat on the floor and played with Noah. I couldn’t believe that I’d been this lucky. This was more than I could ever have dreamed, even if I was too sick to enjoy it.

  Harlem started to sniff. “Toi” He sniffed again. “You smell that?”

  Yeah, I smelled it, but heck, I was sick. I quickly shut my eyes and then when he wasn’t looking, I peeled one of them open. Harlem looked at Noah. “Oh no.” He bent down and sniffed Noah. “My man, you stink. Aw man, you playin’ me out, son.”

  Noah smiled.

  “Damn, man.” Harlem said, getting Noah’s Pampers, wipes, and powder.

  “Now how I’m ’spose to do this?” he looked at the Pamper as if he were studying Greek. “Ai’ight, this must be the front.” He lay Noah on the floor and went to take his Pamper off, then Harlem looked at the mess in Noah’s Pamper. “Wait a minute. I better not do that.” So he left the Pamper open. “Okay, how I’ma do this?” As he looked at Noah, Noah began to pee. “Yo son!” he jumped up. “Yo Toi, wake up! My man just pissed in my face.”

  I was laughing so hard that I practically fell out the bed. I got out of the bed and took the Pamper from him. “Give me my child.”

  “Yo Toi, he don’t know me like that.” Harlem looked down at his shirt. I gave him a baby wipe to clean up. “Look at my shirt.”

  “Just take it off,” I said.

  “You being fresh.”

  “Boy, please. You think I’ve never seen a man before?”

  “You ain’t never seen me before.”

  “Whatever,” I said as he eased his shirt over his head. All I could say was have mercy. Mountains and mountains of muscles were everywhere. Harlem caught me looking his body over and he locked into my gaze. We stared at each other for a moment and then he said, “Get back in the bed. I got it from here.”

  He and Noah played on the floor as I drifted off. When I awoke, toys were everywhere, the TV was playing and Harlem and Noah lay in the middle of the floor knocked out with Noah asleep on Harlem’s chest. Amazingly, I was feeling a lot better. “Harlem,” I whispered, while looking at the clock and seeing that it was midnight, “wake up.”

  Harlem’s eyes peeled open and he wiped the corner of his mouth. “Yo, I fell asleep. Pretty Girl, I gotta give you credit; homeboy is a lot of work.”

  “Really?”

  “He was cool, though,” Harlem said, laying next to me in the bed and placing Noah between us.

  “But this is my man.” He kissed me on my forehead. “I think I could probably do this.”

  For the first time in my life I felt like Heaven was smiling. I thought about telling Harlem that I loved him, but then a part of me still wasn’t sure where this was going, so I changed my mind…though there was nothing I could do about my heart.

  15

  “So,” my mother said as we sat at the kitchen table planning the guest list for Cousin Shake’s birthday dinner. “Have you two thought about what college you’re going to apply to?”

  “I want to go to Spelman,” Seven said, as if her mind was already made up. “And with my grades and honors status, I should be able to apply for a scholarship.”

  “And you?” my mother turned to me.

  “Maybe I’ll do some hair or something. I don’t know.”

  “Is that what you want to do?” my mother asked. “I thought you wanted to be a teacher?”

  “I do.”

  “Well, you have to go to a four-year college for that.”

  “Ma,” I tilted my head to the side, “how I’ma go to college and I can barely get a babysitter to go to the corner store?”

  “You’re exaggerating.”

  “I’m so serious.”

  “Some colleges have daycares right on campus, Toi, and Spelman is one of them.”

  “Ma, we live in Jersey.”

  “Well…I was thinking…Cousin Shake, your daddy, and I were all talking, and I was seriously considering putting in transfer papers to the Atlanta office. Your father even said he would come and help us move.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure,” Seven said snidely. “That’s his specialty, moving.”

  “You know he’s not with his girlfriend anymore.”

  “Sounds personal,” Seven snapped. I could tell by her tone that she was still hurt by our parents splitting up, especially since my father left my mother for another woman and had a baby with her.

  “Seven,” my mother looked at her, “you need to stop that. Your father loves you. Yes, he was wrong, but he’s really trying and you need to give him a chance.”

  “After what he did to you?”

  “Even after what he did to me. So, maybe you girls ought to apply to Spelman, as well as some other colleges. I know that’s where you want to go, but never put all your eggs in one basket.”

  I twisted my lips. “Okay.”

  “You know I’ll apply. Matter of fact, my application is already filled out.” Seven smiled.

  “Alright,” my mother tapped her pen against Cousin Shake’s guest list. “We need to invite Cousin Shake’s new girlfriend, Ms. Minnie.”

  “Ms. Minnie! Ma, do we have to?”

  “Toi!” my mother snapped.

  “Oh…my…God!”

  16

  It was awkward at first, dating and having a baby, but then eventually we worked the kinks out. Like, how do you ask your boyfriend to hold your baby so you can go to the bathroom? Well, I discovered you just ask him. And how do you tell your boyfriend that you have to place the car seat in his back seat when his car is his prize possession and you know the bottom of the car seat will leave a mark? Well, you have to do what you have to do.

  And since I liked Harlem, I wanted to see how we could work this out. My mother was sort of wishy washy. Yeah, she thought Harlem was a cool dude, and she respected the way he took us all out, but some things she wasn’t really crazy about. For some reason I felt like if he broke my heart, it would hurt her more than it would me.

  “Harlem,” I said as we sat at Applebee’s, “have you ever broken a girl’s heart?”

  He looked at me funny. “Why?”

  “Because…I’m just wondering like, where is all this going to go?”

  “Just flow
with it Toi.”

  “How?”

  “Harlem, wassup,” a male voice cut me short. I looked over and there were three cats giving Harlem a pound.

  “What’s good, ma?” One of them spoke to me, while the others nodded their heads.

  I smiled.

  “This is Toi,” Harlem said.

  “Yo, this you, Harlem?” another asked, while pointing to me and then to Noah. “You somebody’s daddy?”

  “Man, please. Look at me. You know I ain’t nobody’s daddy. You know me better than that.”

  What did he just say? I looked at my son, who was now sucking on the end of his toy. He smiled at me. I wanted to punch Harlem straight in his gut, and if I could stop my hands from shaking, I would do it. Instantly, I had an attitude. In the midst of Harlem talking to his friends, the waitress brought our food.

  “Ai’ight, man,” one of them said. “Check you tomorrow.”

  “Cool.”

  As they walked away, Harlem said, “Those my dudes from school.”

  “That’s nice,” I snapped, while raking my fork across my salad.

  “You alright?”

  “It doesn’t even matter.” I rolled my eyes as my cell phone rang. “Hello?” I answered.

  “Toi, this is Quamir.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Yo, I wanna see you.”

  “Lose yourself.” And I hung up.

  Harlem tilted his head. “Who was that? A dude?” For a moment I thought he was jealous.

  I sighed. “Yeah, it was.”

  “Oh, so you talking to other cats?”

  “It was his daddy or did you forget he had one?”

  Harlem sat silent for a moment. “Yo, listen, my fault. I didn’t mean a thing by what I said a minute ago.”

  “Yes, you did. So don’t apologize for something you meant to say.”

  “But Toi,” Harlem said, “give me credit for something. You know I’m trying and you know this is all new to me.”

  “Don’t worry, Harlem, because I see it’s about to get old real quick.”

  “Toi—”

  “Look, I’m just ready to go home.”

  We ate the rest of our meal in silence and then got in the car and left. I could tell that Harlem felt some type of way, and so did I. But I’d denied my son long enough, and I wasn’t going to do it again.

  We stopped in front of my house and he helped me out of the car. Usually, I would’ve kissed him goodnight, but tonight I didn’t. Instead, I went in to the house, where my mother was sitting reading a book. “Where’s Harlem?”

  He waved from the door. “Hi, Mrs. McKnight.”

  “How you doing baby? Listen, I would like to invite you and your family over here for Cousin Shake’s surprise birthday party. Toi’s dad will be here and I think it’ll be a lot of fun.”

  “Cool, I’ll bring my mother.”

  “Great, I’d love to meet her.”

  “Okay, we’ll be here.” He smiled. “Ai’ight, Toi. I’m leaving.”

  “Yeah, you do that.” And I proceeded to undress Noah.

  “That was rude,” my mother said after Harlem left.

  “You don’t even know what he said…telling me that—”

  “Wait a minute. Who are you talking to?”

  Instantly, I brought it down. “My fault.”

  “It was gon’ have to be somebody’s fault, ’cause in a minute I would be explaining to the judge why all your teeth were missing.”

  She always had to go overboard.

  “So what’s the problem?” she asked.

  “Let me tell you what Harlem said to me…” and I told her what happened at the restaurant.

  “Well, I’m a little surprised because I really like Harlem, but what you have to understand is that not every guy is meant to be around your child.

  I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm and he apologized, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well then, give him another chance and if it happens again, then you may want to rethink the relationship.”

  “Yeah ma,” I said with a drag, “I guess you’re right.”

  “Of course I am. That’s why I leave my boo outside.”

  I smiled. “What boo? Ma, you got a boo?”

  “What? You ain’t know?” She rose from her seat. “Y’all better stop sleeping on your mama.”

  “Ma!” I yelled behind her.

  “Hollah!”

  17

  “Surprise!” Everyone yelled as Cousin Shake walked into the house, looking like he was really surprised. We all knew he’d been sneaking around and bribed Man-Man for the date of the party. Instantly, Cousin Shake started doing a bunch of jailhouse poses for the camera.

  “Good thing I’m always sharp,” he said, spinning around, breaking into another pose. “Or y’all mighta caught me off guard.”

  I shook my head—just when I thought his clothes couldn’t get any worse, he took it there. He wore a two-piece Hawaiian short set with palm trees that lit up and flashed like a cheap motel sign. “I can’t believe that y’all did all this for me. I feel, I feel, good.” And he proceeded to do the DC slide while rapping, “A hip-hop-a hipida-hipida-hip hop you don’t stop…a rockin’.”

  Oh…kaaaay.

  “Do it Roscoe Shaka-deen Green!” Ms. Minnie screamed while holding her arms out and shaking like she was having a seizure. “You so sharp, you ’bout to stab me, leave me on the ground bleeding, and the next thing I know all my arteries gon’ be carved out, and I’m laying there shaking. Baby, you so sharp I know yo whole outfit is ’bout to straight crip on a fool!”

  “Mama,” Percy tried to whisper, “you embarrassing me in front of my in-laws.”

  In-laws? Oh hell no.

  “Ma,” I said, tight-lipped, “told you we shouldn’t have invited them.”

  “Be quiet. Cousin Shake said he really likes Ms. Minnie.”

  “Ma, he can’t see Ms. Minnie.”

  “Shut up.” She laughed. “She’s not that short. Now be nice.”

  Just then the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it.” I walked to the door feeling nervous and anxious at the same time. I knew it was Harlem and this was the first time he would be having dinner with my family. When I opened the door, there stood Harlem and his mother.

  “Hi.”

  “Toi?” she said. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

  Don’t ask me why, but I hugged her. After our embrace, I turned toward my family and introduced her to everyone. “This is Ms. Simms. She’s moving to Atlanta, too.”

  “Oh wow.” My mother shook her hand. “Nice to meet you. We may be moving to Atlanta as well.”

  “Really?” Ms. Simms responded. “Well, we’ll have to chat. Atlanta is wonderful!”

  As my mother and Ms. Simms began talking, the doorbell rang again. I opened it and there was my daddy, smiling with two suitcases in his hands. “All that’s for Cousin Shake?” I asked.

  “Your mother didn’t tell you?” he said.

  “Tell me what?”

  “I’m home again.”

  “Home? I thought she had a boo.”

  My mother walked over to the door and gave me half a grin. “Mind your business. Come in, Tre.” I just looked at them. And they call me crazy.

  I could tell that Seven had an attitude, but she tried to keep a smile on her face as she chatted with Josiah and his mother.

  “Toi, I need to tell you something,” Harlem said as everyone entered the dining room so we could eat dinner.

  “What is it?” I said.

  “My mother doesn’t know—”

  “Dinner is set,” my mother said, cutting us off. “Toi, I need you to grab the hot cider.”

  “I’ll be back,” I said to Harlem, holding my index finger up.

  “But Toi—”

  “One minute.”

  “You have a beautiful home, Grier.” I could over hear Ms. Simms complimenting my mother.

  “Thank you. I’ve been looking at some houses o
n the internet in Atlanta. I’m hoping to find something similar.”

  “You will love Atlanta. I need some girls to chat it up with.” She paused. “This food smells delicious.”

  “Thank you,” my mother said. “And Minnie made the Sock It To Me cake.”

  “’Cause she knows,” Cousin Shake said as if he were making an announcement, “that sockin’ it to me is my favorite. Bam…bam…bam…” he said, running in place.

  I’ma be sick.

  “I want a big ole slice of that,” Man-Man insisted.

  “I put my foot all up in that.” Ms. Minnie smiled, showing the gold caps in front of her mouth.

  “Mama.” Percy groaned.

  “Shut up, Lil’ Bootsy and sit up straight in that booster seat before you fall over the side.” She looked at my mother, Josiah’s mother, and Ms. Simms. “I don’t know about y’all, but chil’ren works me. That’s why I got one,” she held her index finger up, “and he gon’ mess around and I’ma flip his behind down the stairs, out the door, take him across the street, put him on the bus, and tell him don’t come back.”

  “Mama, why you got to say all that? Why you can’t tell a simple story?”

  “Better break yo’self, fool.”

  “Seven,” my father leaned over and said under his breath, “is that your boyfriend?” He pointed to Percy. “And his mama?”

  “Daddy, you got a better chance of him being with Man-Man.”

  “Alright now, Seven,” my father said sternly.

  Seven pointed to Josiah and his mother. “That’s my boo and his crew.”

  Cousin Shake cleared his throat and stood up. “Fo’ anybody eat, fo’ anybody eat, I feel a need for Jesus up in this piece. Er’body stand up.”

  “Regulate baby,” Ms. Minnie wiggled her neck. “Reg…u…late.”

  “What is she talking about?” I whispered to my mother.

  “I don’t know.”

  That’s when I realized that Cousin Shake was about to pray. Immediately, I looked at my mother. I couldn’t help it; it just slipped out. “Ma, you promised.”

  “Can we sit down for this?” Seven rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

  “We got a problem here?” Cousin Shake snapped. Nobody responded, so he continued. “Now er’body hold hands and bow they heads,” Cousin Shake said, and reluctantly we all did as he asked. “Hmmmmmm,” Cousin Shake started to moan. “We are gathered here today…hmmmm…in the sight of this holy matrimony of turkey, rice, and gravy—”