The Omega's Dearest Baby

by Louise Bourgeois

  “Who is this mystery woman?” Ella asked, giving into curiosity.

  Vincent said, “It’s a man, it’s Noah,” and Ella’s eyes widened.

  “You're fucking with me, right?”

  “We’ve just found out that Noah is intersex, not male, and he’s pregnant. I told you it was complicated.”

  Vincent counted the seconds of silence. Ten. Twenty.

  Ella took a deep breath in and said, “Shit! How the fuck are you planning on explaining this?”

  “We’re not. I want to take him to the ranch for a few months, until the baby is due, then we’ll say it was a surrogate baby. It means I’ll need Ben to live with you, at least during semester.”

  Ella slid down off the hood and wrapped her arms around Vincent in a hug. “Of course, no problem there. Ben’ll be ecstatic at having a brother or sister.”

  Vincent hugged Ella back and kissed her hair. “Thank you. Let’s go tell Ben now.”

  ***

  Ben sat down on his bed solidly. “What?”

  “My lover is having a baby,” Vincent repeated. “You’ll have a sibling in a few months.”

  “Wow, that’s amazing. A brother or sister? Do you know what it is?”

  Vincent shook his head. “No idea. It’ll be a surprise. Ben, I need you to just listen to me for a bit while I try and explain what's happened.”

  ***

  Ennis slid into the booth at the café opposite Noah. “What’s up mate? You said you needed to see me urgently.”

  Ennis lit a cigarette, and a random wave of nausea rushed through Noah, and he pushed his cup of tea to one side. “Yeah, shit’s been happening. I’m quitting.”

  Ennis said, “Smoking? You stopped smoking years ago, didn’t you?”

  Noah shook his head. “I’m leaving LA.”

  “Fuck, you can’t. You got work to do.”

  Noah shook his head. “I’ve got to get out, mate. My life’s really fucked up; I gotta go into rehab and get my shit together.”

  Ennis’s eyes were enormous and he ground his cigarette out without taking his eyes off Noah’s face. “Fuck. No wonder you look like shit. I had no idea you used, always thought you were squeaky clean.”

  Shrugging, Noah said, “You know how it is.” At least Ennis seemed to have believed him.

  “What about Kaycie? Is she supporting you, man?” Ennis asked.

  The nausea seemed worse, and Noah thought he was sweating now. “She found out I was fucking around on her and dumped me. It’s over.”

  Ennis rested his hand over Noah’s where Noah was tearing tiny pieces off a coaster. “I can see you’re strung out, man, just take it easy. Is there anything I can do?”

  Noah pulled his hand out from under Ennis’s and pushed both of his hands under his armpits. “I need you to tell everyone. Except for Vincent. He knows, he kind of picked up the pieces when it all fell apart with Kaycie a few days ago.”

  “Sure. Have you got a good doctor? A good place to go to?” Ennis asked worriedly.

  Noah nodded, and slid out of the booth. “I gotta go, I can’t do this.”

  Ennis stood up too, frowning at Noah. “Take it easy, mate, and stay in touch if you can. Let me know when you get out, or if you need me to do anything.”

  Noah nodded once, and made himself walk away, out of the café and into the fresh air. He took a deep breath of the fresh air and felt the queasiness ease a little. He didn’t know whether to be pleased that Ennis had believed him, or disappointed that Ennis was willing to believe he had a substance problem.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The pounding on the front door didn’t stop, and Vincent gave up trying to ignore it. He looked out of the den windows at the gravel drive out the front of the ranch house and saw an anonymous white car parked there, the sort that car rental companies prefer.

  There was a noise behind him and Noah appeared from the bedroom he was using, sweatpants sliding down around his hips. His T-shirt, borrowed from Vincent, was rumpled from being slept in. “Who is it?” he asked quietly.

  Vincent shrugged. “A persistent bastard, whoever they are. I’d better answer it.”

  Noah nodded, and stepped back out of sight into the bedroom.

  Cedric Bright was lifting his fist to pound on the door again when Vincent swung it open a little and peered out.

  “Knew you’d answer eventually,” he said. “What the fuck is going on?”

  Vincent shook his head a little. “This isn’t a good time, Cedric.”

  “Too fucking right it’s not a good time. What is wrong with you?” Cedric demanded. “Why the fuck are you up here? Don’t you know Noah’s in rehab?”

  Vincent held the door firmly when Cedric reached out to push it open. “Noah needs to sort himself out.”

  “You’re a fucking asshole for abandoning him when he needs you, Vincent. Don’t you care enough about him to want to help him?” Cedric demanded, pushing more firmly on the door. “Now, let me the fuck in. I’ve travelled from London to sort this out, and someone had better have some answers.”

  Behind Vincent a voice said, “Let him in.”

  Cedric pushed the door open as soon as Vincent dropped his arm from the door, and pushed past Vincent to wrap his arms around Noah in a huge embrace. “Christ, Noah. I’m so glad to see you.” Cedric pushed Noah back a little and studied him for a moment. “I thought you’d look a wreck, but you look good…” He rubbed a thumb over Noah’s cheek and frowned a little. “You look different... somehow. You putting on weight at last?”

  Noah smiled at Cedric. “Come and sit down, Cedric, and I’ll tell you what’s been going on.”

  ***

  Cedric leant against the counter in the kitchen, glass of wine in his hand, while Vincent scraped the plates. “How much did Ella tell you?” Vincent asked.

  “No details, just that you were hiding on the ranch, and that Noah was really going to be alright. I could tell there was more, and that she felt she couldn’t tell me, so I figured I’d come up here and find out what the fuck you were up to,” Cedric said.

  Vincent nodded. He tried really hard not to think about Cedric and Ella being together, and never asked either of them any questions, because he hated to think what collaboration between his ex-wife and his friend would mean. He just knew that they had taken one look at each other, said ‘yes!’ and had had some sort of loose relationship ever since. Kind of like him and Noah he suspected.

  “I stuck your bags in the end room. Noah’s opens off the den, and I’m in the front bedroom if you need anything,” Vincent explained.

  Cedric frowned. “You don’t share a bed with him?”

  Vincent pushed the dishwasher door shut. “No.”

  “I’ve known about you two from the start,” Cedric said. “So you’re not going to offend my sensibilities.”

  “You knew? How?” Vincent asked.

  Cedric grinned quickly, a flash of sunshine. “Fuck. It was kind of obvious that you screwed like rabbits.”

  Vincent blushed faintly. “Thanks. I promise nothing like that will happen. Noah’s completely impotent now.”

  Cedric crossed his arms. “So, you don’t share a bed at all? And you don’t have sex? Don’t you want to?”

  Vincent winced a little. “It’s not how we are. We’ve trashed hotel rooms in the past, but making love is just not how we are. Can we change the subject now?”

  “No,” Cedric said, crossing his arms. “I’ve got three kids and during each pregnancy the mom has wanted lots of affection and cuddling and gentle sex. Seemed really important for them. Bet Ella was the same.”

  “I am so not discussing my sex life with Ella with you,” Vincent said firmly. “Not now, not ever.”

  Cedric crinkled his eyes at Vincent. “Alright. But, you’re not giving Noah what he needs. No matter how guy-ish your previous relationship was, I’ll bet you anything he’s feeling pretty needy now. Think about it from his point of view. He finds out he’s not actually male, and that he’s
pregnant. He loses his career and his girlfriend. He has to pretend to be a junkie. He sleeps alone, and he can’t fuck. It figures he’s got to be lonely.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Noah propped himself up sleepily and called out, “Come in.”

  “You too sleepy to talk?” Vincent asked, his head appearing around the door.

  Noah shook his head, and Vincent pushed the door shut behind himself and sat down on the bed. “What’s up?” Noah asked.

  “I just got my ass kicked by Cedric.”

  Noah put the book he was reading down on the bedside table. “I never realized how much tension there is between you and Cedric. I’m sure you weren’t like that before.”

  Vincent shook his head. “Cedric and Ella hooked up about two years ago, nothing serious as far as I know, but it's created strain between Cedric and me.”

  “So, why did Cedric want to have a go at you?” Noah asked, sitting up and resting his chin on his knees.

  “He thought I wasn’t looking after you adequately. I think he’s right.”

  Noah furrowed his forehead. “You do? But, you are looking after me; letting me stay here, cooking for me.”

  “Are you lonely? Here at night?” Vincent asked, and he reached out a hand to stroke Noah’s mop of curls.

  “I think, at the moment, the best I can hope for is contentment,” Noah said, smiling slowly at Vincent. “I just need to rest, to get used to what’s happening, to get over breaking up with Kaycie.”

  “Do you miss her?” Vincent asked, pulling gently on one of Noah’s curls.

  Noah nodded against his knees. “I do, yeah, I miss how she used to be. But, she was really rough on me when she found out, just driving off like that. It’s hard to believe she'd do that, but I guess she felt betrayed by what I’d done.”

  “I only met her a few times, but she seemed a very hearts and flowers romantic, not someone who was going to understand…”

  “Understand what, Vincent? Understand that we just used to fuck each other blind every now and then? That no matter how much I thought I cared for her, I didn’t want to stop doing what we did?" He paused, his thumb rubbing across his bottom lip.

  "No," he sighed finally, "she was quite right to feel betrayed. She had reasonable expectations of monogamy, and I was just a heartless bastard that liked what you and I did to each other too much to stop because of her, and didn’t think he'd ever get caught."

  “I don’t think either of us could have ever expected these sorts of consequences from our actions, Noah.” Vincent threaded his fingers into Noah’s curls and leant forward and pressed his lips against Noah’s briefly.

  “Are you going somewhere?” Noah asked when Vincent pulled back.

  Vincent shook his head, looking puzzled. “No. Why do you ask?”

  “Because you only ever kiss me goodbye,” Noah replied softly.

  He kissed Noah, long and slow and sweet, and Noah unfolded, clambering into his arms on the bed, kissing him back. His skin was soft and warm everywhere that Vincent slid his hands, and he murmured against Noah’s lips, “This time I think it’s ‘hello’.”

  Noah pulled away from Vincent, suddenly embarrassed, when he went to push Noah’s T-shirt up. “I can’t. Nothing works at all.”

  “Can I just touch you?” Vincent asked, then he smiled suddenly. “Will you let me?”

  Noah laughed out loud and fell back. “I listened to you before and look at the mess it’s made of my life.”

  Vincent stretched out beside Noah. “I haven’t seen you laugh for a long time.”

  Noah shrugged. “Doesn’t seem much to laugh about at the moment. My back aches, and I’m hormonal. I alternate between missing Kaycie, feeling horribly responsible for hurting her, and being relieved it’s over. I’m bored, and tired, and I always need to piss.”

  Running fingers lightly down Noah’s arm, Vincent shook his head. “I meant much longer than that. Years even. Not like you used to.”

  “Everything's been hard work for a long time. I think that’s why I kept seeing you, even though there was Kaycie; because I never had to work at being with you. I didn’t have to listen to your problems, or tell you how I felt. Hell, we barely talked. Kaycie was always on about plans and commitments, and it was such a relief to just fuck you.” He paused, then said, “Aahh, I just stuffed it, didn’t I? You wanted to talk, right? Plans and stuff?”

  Vincent shook his head. “Not if you don’t want to. But I had hoped we could find some kind of middle ground between silence and the sort of sex that leads to friction burns. Companionship, perhaps, since we’re going to be spending the next few months together.”

  Noah rolled onto his side towards Vincent and slid his arm around Vincent’s chest. “I said ‘yes’ before, I can say ‘yes’ again.”

  Vincent pulled Noah close in his arms and moved so his face was pressed against Noah’s neck and breathed deeply. “You smell different, like bread or something.”

  Noah pushed his hand under Vincent’s shirt. “You don’t. You smell a bit like soap and grass. Smells good. You’re hoping to get laid, right?” Noah asked.

  “Actually, I wasn’t expecting to. I do want to see if I can make you feel good, though. That’s all.”

  “Touch me then,” Noah said.

  Vincent’s fingers were rough on his skin, coarse from working outside and from riding, and Noah sighed when Vincent slid them across his ribs.

  He flinched a little and said, “Gentle,” when Vincent touched a nipple for the first time. “They’re sore now, you have to be gentle.”

  And Vincent was, for the first time ever with Noah; his mouth was soft against Noah’s neck, fingers light across Noah’s belly, gliding over the hidden bump, sliding down his hip.

  “You’re different,” Vincent said against Noah’s ear. “Different shape, you respond differently when I touch you.”

  Noah was different. In the past, Vincent would have had him screaming by now, screaming and begging and demanding. A few touches were all it had ever taken to drive them both wild. Now; when Vincent slid his fingers between Noah’s thighs and into his groin, Noah said, “Please don’t. It makes me feel so inadequate.”

  Vincent kissed him quickly and said, “Don’t feel inadequate. Remember, it was me that got you pregnant. Just let me see if I can please you.”

  Noah closed his eyes and just let himself feel Vincent’s mouth on him. All of the feelings he associated with being turned on were absent. There was no fire, no hardness, no ache. But there were feelings. Warmth seemed to be spreading out from his groin and through his body slowly, and Vincent’s tongue flickered across the top of his cock, and Noah gasped, “Ohh,” at the sudden pleasure.

  Vincent did it again and again and Noah found himself straightening his legs and arching has back, chasing the feelings.

  Vincent’s hand stroked his thigh. “Don’t fight it, just let yourself relax and feel it.”

  Noah propped himself up on his elbows and peered down at where Vincent was kneeling between his legs. “But…” he tried to explain.

  “It doesn’t have to be anything, it doesn’t have to have a name,” Vincent said, and he smiled at Noah and waited for him to smile back.

  Noah did, and he lay back down and closed his eyes again. He let the feelings go, just let them flow, and the warmth built inside him, built and built and built, until it was rushing through him, making him moan and moan.

  Then he shattered.

  Vincent’s arms were holding him, his fingers stroking Noah’s cheek, and Noah opened his eyes slowly. His arms and legs were heavy and still, too heavy to move.

  “Wow.”

  Vincent nodded. “I don’t think you can claim that nothing works. Not when you respond like that. I don’t know if you could feel it, but you were hard too, towards the end. Not rock hard, but definitely not impotent.”

  Noah shook his head. “No, I couldn’t feel that.” He pressed the back of his hand against his cheek. “I feel all hot still.�
�� He reached down his hand and stroked his fingertips down Vincent’s cock, and Vincent sighed against his neck. "I’d really like to feel you close to me.”

  He rolled onto his side with his back to Vincent and pressed himself back so Vincent's cock slid up the crack of his ass.

  Vincent groaned softly and said, "You know I can't fuck you."

  Noah did know, Sandra had been very clear about that at his first appointment. 'No anal penetration of any sort,' she'd said. 'Not until the fistula is repaired.'

  "I know. But you can rub against me at least." He reached out for the bedside table and handed Vincent a tube of cream.

  “Vitamin E cream?” Vincent asked.

  Noah shrugged a little defensively. “I was kind of hoping not to get stretch marks if I used it.”

  The cream was cool against Noah's skin, cool and slippery, then Vincent was pressing firmly up against him. Noah slid a hand underneath himself and reached back with the other hand, pressing his buttocks together, increasing the feeling for Vincent.

  Vincent’s arm was draped across Noah’s chest, and his lips were pressed against Noah’s neck, and he grunted softly as he began to slide back and forth.

  Tingles ran through Noah and he found himself moaning quietly at the feelings, then Vincent’s hand gripped him tightly and he groaned against Noah’s curls, and Noah felt him coming.

  Noah rolled back onto his back, ignoring the cream and come spread across his back. "Stay," he said, gripping Vincent's wrist.

  "I wasn't planning on leaving."

  ***

  Cedric looked smug when Vincent found him in the kitchen the next morning, but said nothing as Vincent poured two cups of coffee from the percolator.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Noah was lying on his back on the couch in the den, and Cedric sat on the coffee table covered in magazines and newspapers.

  Resting his opened book on his chest, Noah grinned at Cedric. "So, you kicked Vincent's ass last night?"

  Cedric nodded. "I'm worried about you, being up here alone with Vincent. He's a self-absorbed bastard at the best of times and I'm worried he won't realize he's not looking after you well enough. There won't be anyone around to kick him into line next time."