Thick as Thieves

by Jillianne Hamilton

  Oh god. Haylee. Someone’s got Haylee. Someone who wants me dead for some reason found out where I live, broke in and has kidnapped Haylee. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

  I could hear music playing from inside—terrible dance music of some kind. I cracked the door open a little bit more, trying to stay quiet in case the kidnapper was still inside.

  As soon as I saw the people lying on the floor, I flung the door open.

  “What the fuck?”

  CHAPTER NINE

  A few people grumbled when I yelled but nobody moved, let alone woke up. At least fifteen people were curled up together on the floor—a few had sleeping bags, most did not. The kitchen was a disaster. The whole apartment smelled like pot. Clothes, cigarette butts and empty liquor bottles littered the floor.

  I stepped over snoozing intruders carefully while surveying the damage, like a homeowner looking at the rubble after a tornado has destroyed everything they own.

  My tornado was named Haylee.

  I turned off the stereo. As I reached the middle of the living room, I heard movement from the bedroom upstairs.

  “Oh shit,” someone in the bed said. “We gotta go.”

  “I see you! I see you up there!” I shouted up to them. “Can you please get the fuck out of my bed and out of my house?” I narrowed my eyes when I recognized the people getting out from between my sheets. “Dudes. Not cool.”

  It was the hipster neighbors, Wren and Arlo.

  A third person yawned and crawled out of my bed.

  “You had a threesome in my bed? You couldn’t possibly go back to your place and have a threesome in your own bed? You live next door.”

  They mumbled their apologies, grabbed their clothes off the floor and scampered out the door. Their threesome buddy, a naked, waifish hippie girl, walked drowsily to the bathroom. With the door still open, she proceeded to make violent vomiting sounds.

  “You are cleaning my bathroom before you leave today!” I shouted. “And washing my bedding too!”

  “Shut uuuuuuup,” groaned one of the male party guests from the pullout coach.

  I leaned over the couch, preparing to yell some more. My eyes grew wide when I saw two guys sleeping on either side of Haylee. My jaw dropped when I saw the nearby coffee table, which also had a person sleeping under it.

  “That had better be icing sugar on my coffee table.”

  “It’s cocaine,” one of the guys beside her mumbled before burying his face further into Haylee’s hair.

  “I KNOW IT’S COCAINE!” I grabbed the pillow from under his head and started bashing him with it. “Get out. Get out. Get out. Everyone just get out!”

  Haylee and the other guy she was snuggled up with got out of bed, both looking very uncomfortable. Haylee’s sleepover buddy’s clothes were rumpled and his hair was a mess, but I certainly recognized him—my decorator. I nodded at him awkwardly.

  “Good morning, Kai,” I said flatly. “Don’t be too upset or surprised if I fire you, ’kay?”

  Kai frowned. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

  “Why are you even at my house?”

  “I came by with color samples, and Haylee offered me a drink, and I ended up staying…”

  “Yeah. I can see that.” I looked at Haylee. “Was there an orgy on my sofa bed too?”

  “No,” she said, dark shadows under her eyes. “Just in your bed.”

  I shuddered and watched as the rest of Haylee’s friends shuffled out of the apartment. Haylee kissed Kai on the cheek as he left. Then she got back under the sheet on the sofa bed and closed her eyes.

  I glared down at her as she pulled the sheet up to her nose. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going back to sleep. I’m not feeling well.”

  “Before, when I said ‘no parties,’ what did you think I meant?”

  “Can we talk about this later?” she whispered, her eyes still closed.

  “No. We’re dealing with this right now. I mean, fuck! There are drugs on my coffee table.”

  “You should finish it off, might improve your mood.”

  I yanked the sheet off her. “Is that your coke, or is that someone else’s?”

  Haylee rolled over, turning away from me.

  The naked hippie reappeared, strolling downstairs. I watched her silently as she found her various articles of clothing scattered around the apartment.

  Wow. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen another woman’s hoohah. I’m glad Ruby’s “I’m drunk so I’m going to disrobe” phase was short-lived. Hippie Girl, surprisingly, looked to be more of a waxing fan than Ruby.

  “My shift starts in half an hour,” the naked hippie said in the softest voice I’ve ever heard. She pulled her skirt up, apparently fine with going commando. “I have to go.”

  I was too exhausted from the flight and from yelling to protest.

  “Fine.” I just shrugged and sighed. “I don’t care. Just get the hell out of my house.”

  I closed the door behind her.

  Haylee obviously wasn’t moving for a while, so I started the cleanup process without her. This was not the first time this had happened. Any time Mom and Joe were away for the weekend, Haylee would throw a rager, and I would end up being the one to clean up her messes.

  Those parties were more beer-focused and didn’t leave trails of coke on my coffee table, though.

  I stripped off all my bedding and dumped it in the washing machines in the basement. I gathered all the bottles and swept up what I could. I opened the windows to try airing out the smell. Despite all this, Haylee kept on snoring.

  While I waited for my laundry, I lay on my bare bed and closed my eyes … only to be woken up by my phone ringing.

  “Hey girl. You back in Amurr’kah?” It was Ruby, doing her best George W. Bush impression.

  “Yes, dear. Got home to find, like, twenty people in my apartment. Three people were in my bed. And there’s cocaine on my coffee table.”

  “Are you sure it’s coke?”

  “Fairly certain, yeah,” I said.

  “You can’t be too careful. You should probably go smell it.”

  “Ya know, Ruby, this is the second time you’ve tried to trick me into doing cocaine.”

  “It was worth a shot,” she said, giggling.

  “What?”

  “I’m just picturing you walking in and seeing a threesome in your bed. Ohmygod. I wish I’d seen the look on your face.”

  I rubbed my tired eyes. “Two of the people were my neighbors from next door.”

  “Nooooo. That is hilarious,” she said, her giggles turning into loud, obnoxious laughter.

  “I hate you so much right now.”

  “Nah, you love me. You love me so much that you’re dying to come hang out with me tonight and have some dinner at a fancy restaurant. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

  “Sure.” I hesitated. “Wait, am I your rebound?”

  “No. Why?”

  “I assume you’ve broken up with the cop by now.”

  Ruby didn’t say anything.

  I sat up. “You broke up with her, right?”

  “Her name is Grace. Honey, I really like her. It’s been a long time since I’ve liked someone this much. She’s just … amazing,” she said, her words speeding up. “You need to get to know her. That’s why I want the three of us to have dinner tonight and maybe have some cocktails. It’ll be so fun.”

  I made a quiet whiney sound. “Fine.”

  “Yay!” Ruby squealed. “I’ll text you the deets later. Anyway, how was your trip? Did you and the hot Scot bang yet?”

  “Bang? What, are you in a frat now?” I shook my head. “No, we didn’t bang.”

  She sighed loudly. “Oh, excuse me. Make loooove?”

  I frowned. “We didn’t do that either.”

  “Well, did you at least make out?”

  “No,” I said. “It was a business trip.”

  “Cut the shit. I know you want to jump his bones. It’s all over that pretty, freckle
d face of yours when you mention him. You said he’s into you, so what’s the problem?”

  I winced, thinking of the last text Rhys had sent me: I have a girlfriend.

  If he had a girlfriend that whole time, why was he being so touchy feely? Why was he being so … so … so very Rhys about everything?

  “We decided to keep things professional,” I lied. “We’re fine. We’re friends. It’s cool.”

  I could practically feel Ruby’s disappointment through the phone.

  “Well, whatever. I still think you should get on Tinder and meet someone totally hot and then—”

  “Oh, darn. Someone is at the door. Bye, Ruby!”

  That girl is way too interested in my sex life.

  Movement in the kitchen caught my attention. Haylee, wearing underwear and a guy’s plaid shirt, poured herself some cereal and went back to the messy sofa bed.

  “Good morning, starshine,” I said from the stairs. “Can you please get rid of your drugs now? I can’t have that in my house.”

  Haylee scoffed. “Fine.” She pulled a small baggy from her purse, and using the edge of her hand, swept the remaining coke into the bag.

  To save for later.

  “I meant throw it out,” I said. “What the hell are you even doing? Pot is one thing, but cocaine? I don’t even know what to say.”

  She didn’t look at me as she tucked the bag into her purse and went back to her cereal. Her mass of wavy blond hair somehow still looked good, despite just waking up. Meanwhile, my hair looks spiky and chaotic when I get out of bed.

  “You need to clean this place up. I asked you not to have a party and you did anyway. What is going on with you?” I stared at her. “Talk to me! Say something.”

  She glared up at me. “I have a headache.”

  “Take a Tylenol and grow the fuck up, Haylee. You’re not a kid anymore.”

  “Chill. I already booked maid service for this afternoon. It’s fine.”

  Say what?

  “Are you paying for that?”

  She chewed her cereal loudly. “Nope. You are.”

  “I’m not paying for maid service. I can’t afford that.”

  Haylee stopped and looked straight up at me. “Yes, you can. You’re rich, bitch.”

  Uh-oh.

  “What are you talking about? I’m a P.A. How would I—”

  “Wren told me how much this place sold for. Turns out the realtor is a friend of hers. She mentioned you paid in cash.”

  I opened my mouth to speak. Nothing came out.

  Realtors are the worst. Never again.

  “I thought she was crazy. But I found the listing online,” she continued. “That and the last-minute trip to Paris during your—” She put up air quotes, almost spilling her cereal. “—‘vacation’ … Well, I started thinking about it. How is my big sister making so much money? And then it hit me.”

  Oh fuck. No. No, no, no.

  Haylee smiled. “You’re a thief. Just like Dad.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Don’t panic.

  “You’re crazy,” I said. “You do too many drugs, and it’s messing with your head. Does Mom know about your little coke habit?”

  Haylee lay back on the sofa bed, setting her empty cereal bowl beside her. “She doesn’t know, and you’re not gonna tell her. Or else I’ll tell her that her favorite daughter is a criminal, just like Daddy.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Mom doesn’t have a favorite.” She totally does, and it’s me. “I’m a well-paid personal assistant,” I added. “I’m good at saving money. I got a much better deal on this place than list price.”

  Appearing confident, Haylee dug around in her purse, found her glass pipe and filled the empty bowl with weed.

  “Please don’t smoke that in the house. It stinks in here already.”

  She ignored me, lit the bowl, inhaled deeply and smiled as she blew the smoke out of the corner of her mouth. “Fuck you.”

  “What?”

  “Fuck you,” Haylee repeated, the smile disappearing from her face. “When Mom found out what Dad was and how he paid bills and how he fed his family, it broke her. Don’t you remember? ’Cause I do. I remember how she cried and lost her friends when they found out about Dad and everything else she went through.” Haylee took another puff and shook her head. “I guess you don’t remember. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be doing the exact same thing.”

  “Fine,” I said, desperately searching my brain for excuses. “Dad helped me pay for this place. I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but that’s the truth.”

  Haylee considered this. “Yeah. No. I thought you might say that. That’s why I called Dad yesterday. He thinks you’re still living in Manhattan. He had no idea you moved to Brooklyn. No idea.” She narrowed her eyes. “If you’re going to drag Dad into your web of lies, you two might want to get your story straight. I wonder what Dad will say when he finds out one of his daughters followed in his footsteps. You must have learned from his mistakes, since you’ve never been to prison.”

  I stared at her. “You have lost your mind.”

  “Just stop. You’re a terrible liar.” Haylee left her pipe on the coffee table and stretched. “I’m going to go take a shower. The cleaning service should be here soon.”

  While she showered, I folded the sofa bed back into couch mode, sat on the middle cushion and stared into space as my fears ripped through my mind, creating hallways of chaos.

  Haylee knows. What am I going to do?

  I didn’t want to give her money to keep her quiet, because she’d just spend it on vast quantities of drugs. Plus, paying her off wasn’t a guarantee. She could still go to Mom. I wondered if Haylee would consider going to the cops. Probably not. But Mom might—”for my own good,” of course. It would be her way of proving that I should have stuck with college instead of dropping out like a loser.

  A guy from the cleaning service arrived a few minutes later. I went for a run to get out of his way, and to get away from Haylee.

  I blasted music into my earbuds as I ran. I was exhausted, but I ran for quite a while. The early afternoon sun beat down. Sweat trickled down my back, my face and the back of my neck. I reached the park and gulped water at the fountain.

  A guy and his daughter were waiting behind me as I slurped.

  “You wanna hurry up, princess?” the man said behind me. “My kid’s thirsty.”

  Don’t overreact just because you’re in panic mode. Don’t even pay attention to him.

  I finished my drink and moved aside. Before I put my earbuds back in, I heard him say something else.

  “It’s about damn time. Hope there’s some water left.”

  As the man lifted his kid up to drink at the fountain, I looked directly at the man.

  “There’s a tan line where you used to wear a wedding ring, making me believe you’re recently divorced.” I frowned and lowered my voice. “Is it because you’re a dick?”

  The man’s eyes went wide, and his daughter continued to gulp from the fountain. I put my earbuds back in and continued running. I was not in the mood for this crap.

  * * *

  Even though I didn’t feel like going out that night, I took a shower, had a quick nap and got ready for a fancy dinner with Ruby and the cop—er, Grace, I mean.

  At least the shower was clean, thanks to Tom the cleaner. I decided I’d probably hire that service again … once Haylee was out of my apartment.

  Haylee disappeared while I was in the shower. Frankly, I didn’t care where she went at this point. If she wanted to ruin her life with drugs while ruining mine by telling everyone about my job, that was up to her. Haylee was never one for being persuaded into doing the right thing.

  Ruby: Wear that white cocktail dress thing. You look so cute in that.

  Molly: Yes, dear.

  Ruby: And maybe that little black dress jacket. And the red heels.

  Molly: You know I can’t walk in heels very well.

  Ruby: Do your best. See you soon!!!!! />
  Over the past few years, Ruby had made it her goal to use me as a real life Barbie doll, albeit with short hair and smaller boobs. I usually just wear jeans and a T-shirt unless she requests otherwise.

  Ruby got us a reservation at this swank restaurant in Tribeca. Since Haylee wasn’t around, I called for a car service to come pick me up and take me there. I watched the glittery lights of the city sparkle as we headed into Manhattan via the Brooklyn Bridge. Bits of orange evening sky peeked out between skyscrapers.

  The driver let me out at the restaurant. I gave Ruby’s name to the maître d’ and was shown to my seat.

  Before I could sit, Ruby hugged me.

  “Your legs look amazing in that!” she exclaimed as she let go of me.

  “Uh, your legs look good … as well,” I said, sitting across from Ruby.

  Grace smiled and gave an awkward little wave. “Good to see you.”

  I suddenly remembered she was a cop and felt the hair on my arms prickle.

  She is The Enemy. Well, Haylee is mostly at the moment. But Grace is at least like, runner-up to being The Enemy.

  Ruby started telling us about something that had happened at work. Something about a client spilling coffee on important papers or something. She laughed and then suddenly stopped mid-sentence.

  “Oh. Hi, Eddie,” Ruby said, smiling as wide as possible. “What a coincidence seeing you here.”

  Eddie, a handsome fellow in a black suit with a silver tie, raised an eyebrow at her. “You told me to meet you here. That was the plan, right?”

  Ruby frowned. “Yes, Eddie. I was trying to be subtle.”

  Eddie pulled out the empty chair beside me and sat.

  He smiled at me. “Hi. I’m Eddie, Grace’s partner. You must be Meagan. I’ve heard all about you.”

  I moved my eyes from Eddie to Ruby. “A surprise blind date, huh?”

  First I’m going to kill Haylee, and then I’m going to kill Ruby.