"That’s good."
They chatted for a few more minutes and then said goodnight. As Kate hung up the phone she felt disappointed. Their conversation had been casual and friendly but empty. It dawned on her that their relationship relied a lot on actions to convey their feelings. Since she couldn’t, or wouldn’t, tell Jared she loved him, Kate had to show him in the things she did for him. Jared also spoke no words of love yet his actions showed he cared for her. When talking on the phone there was no way to convey those things. There was no softly spoken "I love you". Just…good-bye.
As she left the bedroom, Kate wondered how she was going to survive a week of polite conversation with Jared. She’d known she would miss him but Kate hadn’t realized the gaping hole in their relationship until just now. It was a hole that would always be there unless Jared came to love her. "I care for you" just didn’t carry the same weight as "I love you".
Kate checked on each of the kids to make sure they’d settled down for the night and then went downstairs. The quiet shouldn’t have affected her, after all, most their evenings were quiet, but it was different tonight. Jared’s presence was missing from the quietness.
Unable to stand it, Kate turned off all the lights and carefully set the alarm like Jared had taught her. She gazed down the lit driveway into the darkness where she knew a guard sat keeping watch over them. It should have made her feel safe, but Jared’s presence would have reassured her more than an unseen guard.
"Forgive me, Lord," Kate prayed softly as she climbed the stairs. "I know that you are here beside me and that I should fear no evil. I should be relying on you for my protection, not Jared. Please take these worries from me."
Not wanting to face the empty bedroom, Kate turned instead to go to the guest room. While her clothes and accessories were no longer in the room, her computer was and tonight she needed something to occupy her mind.
It was late by the time she shut down the computer and headed for bed. Kate had a restless night without Jared beside her and woke early. She pulled on her robe and went downstairs to make some coffee.
She wouldn’t be having her devotions with Jared this morning, Kate thought as she stood looking out at the dawn. Just one more hole his absence had left.
Kate poured herself a cup of coffee and went to sit down at the breakfast nook with her Bible. Wearily she opened it, not really in the mood to have her devotions. Her gaze fell on the page before her and even though it wasn’t the passage for her devotions, she began to read.
It was the story of Ruth and her marriage to Boaz. Kate felt her weariness slip away as she read. She’d read the story before but this time it held more meaning for her. Here was a young woman who had also married a man who didn’t love her, for the sake of her family. Like Jared, Boaz had treated Ruth kindly and with respect, but there was no mention of love between them. Yet the Lord blessed their marriage and gave them a son who became part of the lineage of Christ.
Jared’s absence had opened Kate’s eyes to a whole other side of their relationship. One she thought was lacking in many areas, but maybe that was just the way their marriage would be. If God could bless the marriage of Boaz and Ruth, could He not bless theirs too? Even if it wasn’t a marriage of love?
Kate picked up her mug and took a sip of coffee. Maybe it was time she stopped looking at all the things her marriage didn’t have, namely love, and focus on what it did have. Jared treated her with care and respect. They were growing closer physically and even spiritually since they’d started having devotions together. Was love that important? Would hearing those three little words make that big a difference?
Her mind told her that it wouldn’t, but Kate’s heart cried out to be allowed to love and be loved. Tears pricking at the backs of her eyes, Kate laid her head on her arms on the table. She poured out her heart to God asking for Jared’s love, but if not that, then the peace and strength to accept things the way they were.
After she finished praying Kate continued to sit with her head on her arms. She felt peace settle over her like a soft blanket and knew that she would be okay, that God was with her no matter what the state of her marriage. She had placed it in His hands and would let Him take care of it.
The ringing of the phone broke the early morning stillness, and Kate jerked upright. She stared at it for a second, her heart pounding. It was only six-thirty. Who would be calling?
Trembling, Kate crossed the room and picked up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"Kate?"
"Jared!" Kate’s hand tightened on the receiver. "What’s wrong?"
"Wrong? Nothing’s wrong. Why?"
"It’s six-thirty in the morning here, four-thirty in LA. Why are you calling?"
"I couldn’t sleep. Guess my inner clock is still on Minnesota time. I figured you’d be up so decided to call. I didn’t wake you, did I?"
Kate slumped against the wall in relief. "No, I was just sitting here drinking my coffee."
"I miss your coffee. They don’t make it as good here." Jared told her. "Are you having your devotions?"
"Yes."
"Do you think we could have them over the phone together?" Jared asked.
Kate’s heart soared. "Yes, I’d like that."
Kate went back to sit in the nook, phone tucked between her cheek and shoulder, and pulled out the book they had been using. For the next half hour they had their devotions together in much the same way they would have if Jared had been home.
"That’s certainly a great start to my day here," Jared said when they finished. "I just hope I don’t fall asleep in the middle of the session. I didn’t sleep very well last night."
"I didn’t either," Kate confessed.
"The bed here felt kind of empty. How about yours?"
"Very empty," Kate replied softly.
"Only six more days and I’ll be home."
"We’ll be at the airport to meet you. I’ll even cook a big dinner in honor of your homecoming."
Jared laughed. "How about I treat you all so you don’t have to go to all that trouble?"
"I don’t mind, but it might be nice to not have to eat my own cooking."
They shared a laugh together then said good-bye. Kate hung up the phone with none of the disappointment she’d experienced the night before. This conversation had been anything but empty.
"Thank you, Lord," Kate whispered as she gathered up her Bible and placed it out of the way on the counter.
Kate worked hard at keeping busy over the next week. Darlene came over a couple of times to teach her how to bake. Now that she’d mastered a few meals, she was eager to move on to baking. Wouldn’t Jared be surprised when she had a nice big plate of chocolate chip cookies waiting for him when he returned?
By the time Sunday rolled around, they were all eager to head for the airport to pick Jared up. Kate once again braved the traffic of the Twin Cities to get to the airport, thankful for the guard on her tail. At least if she got into trouble she wouldn’t have to deal with it on her own.
The flight arrival screen showed that Jared’s plane was delayed so they wandered around the airport looking in the gift shops trying to kill time. When they finally heard the announcement for his plane’s arrival, they hurried to the arrival area to wait.
He was among the first off and the kids let out shrieks of welcome as they flung themselves at him. Kate hung back, Dani’s little hand in hers. She wanted to fling herself into his arms too, but for now she was content just to look at him.
Jared greeted each of the kids with a hug and kiss and then stood, his gaze finding Kate’s. His piercing blue eyes sent a shiver down her spine as he walked towards her.
Chapter Eight
Jared looked at Kate and felt a rare sense of homecoming sweep through him. She and the kids represented everything he’d hoped for in his life once he left the company. He was a fortunate man.
He strode towards her and after giving Dani a quick hug and kiss, pulled Kate into his arms. Her eyes sparkle
d as he lowered his head for a kiss. Jared was glad to be home.
The days of his trip had flown by but the evenings and nights had been long. Jared had missed Kate’s quiet presence at his side. It was a very unusual feeling for him.
"Welcome home," Kate murmured against his lips.
"Thanks." Jared lifted his head and loosened his embrace. "I’m glad to be back. I missed you. And the kids too, of course."
"I...we missed you too." Kate dropped her gaze and a faint blush spread across her cheeks. Jared realized he’d missed that blush.
The kids crowded around wanting to know if he’d brought them anything. As they made their way to the baggage claim area Jared assured them he had treats for all of them.
They didn’t get home until almost eight o’clock. It had taken a while to collect the baggage and they had stopped for dinner. Once home the kids had wanted their gifts and Jared obliged. But when bedtime rolled around they protested loudly. Finally they settled down and quietness filled the house.
Jared waited until Kate went downstairs before retrieving a box from his suitcase. Her gift. He found her in the kitchen emptying out the dishwasher.
"So things went okay here while I was gone?" Jared asked as he leaned against the counter, the gift box hidden behind him.
Kate straightened and nodded. "Nothing exciting. We’ve had our faithful guard on duty at all times."
"I’m glad to hear that. My greatest concern was that the killer would target you and the kids while I was gone. I’m very glad to be home."
"Did your seminar go okay?" Kate resumed putting away the dishes.
"I think so. It’s kind of hard to tell. Sometimes with these executives they assume that they know better, or that what happens to someone else will never happen to them. It’s the worst thing they can do. I presented all the information so it’s up to them to make use of it."
"And if they have any common sense, they will," Kate added.
"Yes, hopefully they will." As silence fell, Jared shifted from one foot to the other, suddenly unsure of the gift he’d brought Kate. At the time it had seemed like a good idea but now he wasn’t sure. There was an awkwardness between them. It was almost like they were starting all over again. The gift he’d bought seemed much too intimate for the way things were.
But, Jared reasoned with himself, perhaps it would help to ease that awkwardness. Hoping that was the case, Jared pulled the box from behind his back.
"I didn’t just bring gifts for the kids."
Kate swung around from the cupboard. He saw surprise, then a sparkling of excitement in her gray eyes. She put down the cloth she’d been holding and moved to take the box he held out.
Jared turned to lean a hip against the counter as Kate put the box down and began to undo the bow. He saw her fingers tremble slightly as she slowly undid the wrapping around the box.
When the logo on the box came into view, her hands stilled. She glanced up at him, her eyes wide but sparkling. Jared quirked an eyebrow at her but said nothing.
The blush was already starting to sweep across her cheeks even before she parted the soft tissue paper to reveal what lay beneath it. Her fingers stroked the soft burgundy material.
"Do you like it?" Jared asked. "I know that men and women’s tastes in lingerie differ, but I thought you might like this."
Kate slipped her fingers through the straps of the gown and lifted it from the box. As silk and chiffon fell into place she smiled. "It’s beautiful, Jared. I love it."
"I’m glad you like it. I hoped you would."
"I think I’ll go...try it on," Kate said, another blush rising in her cheeks.
Jared nodded. "Yes, that’s probably a good idea. I’ll just lock up down here and then come and make sure I got the right size."
Their gazes locked and held for a brief moment before Kate left the kitchen. Relief swept through Jared and he slumped against the counter. She liked it. That was the most important thing, that she liked it.
Relief was soon replaced by another emotion. One that had Jared whistling as he quickly checked the alarms and the locks, eager to join Kate. He was looking forward to holding her in his arms again. He had missed her more than he had thought possible.
*****
They were up early again the next morning and quickly fell back into their schedule. Always able to adapt, Jared was nevertheless glad for the predictability of their routine. It was a quality he appreciated in Kate. He had to admit to himself that Jen hadn’t been all that great with schedules. The harder she tried to stick to a schedule, the more out of whack things had become. He knew it had caused a lot of upsets during their first year of marriage, but finally Steve had accepted that his wife was best left to her own form of scheduling which was rarely the same from day to day.
Jared spent the next week dealing with everything that had gone unattended during his absence. It meant late nights at the office and working even after he got home. By Friday he was exhausted and glad for the break the weekend promised. He got away from the office early Friday afternoon and headed for home.
The house was quiet when he arrived but he soon spotted Kate and the kids out in the back yard. Suddenly revitalized, Jared sprinted up the stairs to change out of his suit into something more comfortable before joining his family outside.
Kate was on her hands and knees weeding the garden, her back to the house. The kids spotted him as soon as he stepped out the door. Jared lifted a finger to his lips to keep them silent and then, with a gleam in his eye, he headed for Kate.
Moving silently he came to stand behind her trying to figure out how best to surprise his wife. Finally Jared gave her a little tap on her softly rounded derriere. "How’s it going, wife?"
Kate shrieked and turned quickly. Unfortunately, she lost her balance and landed in the dirt. She scowled up at him. "Jared, what are you doing home already?"
"Thought I’d come home and spend a little time with my family."
"I’m going to get you a bell if it’s the last thing I do." Kate glanced around at the kids who were all laughing, even Dani sported a wide grin. "Thanks very much, guys."
Jared held out his hand and helped Kate to her feet. He didn’t release her right away but pulled her close for a kiss. He lost himself for a moment in the kiss, Kate’s hands caressing his arms. It wasn’t until the kiss ended and they moved apart that he looked down and saw that she hadn’t been caressing him but smearing dirt all over his arms.
Kate watched him, her eyes dancing with laughter. "Guess we’re even now."
Jared cocked his head to one side. "I’m not so sure about that." He made a grab for her but Kate was fast and darted out of his reach. His chase of her led to a game of tag with the kids.
The kids outran the adults and finally Jared collapsed back on the grass, eyes closed, the sun warming his face. This was the life, he told himself. Warm sun, children’s laughter and a woman he cared for by his side. Everything else in the world seemed to fade into insignificance next to his family.
In that instant, Jared knew that he would willingly give his life for any one of them. Even Kate. Especially Kate. The virtual stranger he’d married had somehow become very important to him. Jared realized he depended on her more than he’d ever depended on another person. Was it love?
Jared opened his eyes and stared at the clouds lazily floating across the blue sky. What was love, anyway? He had always based his definition of love on the relationship he’d seen between Jen and Steve. His parents hadn’t shown any love for each other in their marriage so he had no basis from that part of his life. He thought of Drake and Maylene and realized they were different from Jen and Steve and yet seemed as deeply committed and in love.
He knew he’d never have the kind of relationship with Kate that Jen and Steve had had but maybe that was because he and Kate were completely different from Jen and Steve. Therefore, their love would also be different.
Did Kate love him? Jared wondered. She’d never said, never even
hinted, that she felt anything for him. Oh, he didn’t doubt she cared for him. Just as he cared for her.
A shadow fell across his face. "A penny for your thoughts?"
Jared turned his head and saw Kate sitting on the grass beside him. The bright sunshine brought out rich auburn highlights in her hair and suddenly it didn’t look so ordinary.
"You couldn’t afford my thoughts," Jared remarked with a grin. "People pay big bucks for my thoughts."
"Yes, but I thought you’d give me a discount, me being your wife and all." Kate leaned back on her hands and lifted her face to the sun. "You could always tell me and I’ll decide how much they’re worth."
"I don’t think so." Jared plucked a blade of grass and tossed it at her. He wasn’t sure he was ready to share what had been going through his mind just yet. "What’s for dinner?"
"Hadn’t thought that far ahead yet," Kate replied lazily. "We were so busy enjoying the nice day."
"Then let’s go get takeout from somewhere and go for a picnic." The kids had come close and began to shriek with excitement at Jared’s suggestion. He grinned at Kate. "Well, I guess that decision is made."
For all the niceness of Friday, Saturday dawned rainy and gloomy. The perfect day for snuggling under blankets and staying in bed ‘til noon. Jared turned over and reached for Kate. When he came up empty he propped himself up on an elbow. Usually they slept in a little later on the weekends, so it surprised him that Kate was up already. He glanced at the clock. It was only six o’clock.
Jared lay back on his pillow figuring Kate would be coming back to bed. He dozed for a few more minutes but soon determined that she must have gotten up for the day. Knowing he would get no more sleep, Jared swung his feet over the edge of the bed and stood. He stretched the kinks out of his body then pulled on a t-shirt and shorts.
The kids were still sleeping so he made his way downstairs. There was a faint aroma of coffee in the air and like a well-trained pet, Jared headed for the source.
He spotted Kate sitting sideways on the bench of the breakfast nook, her arms wrapped around her knees. She held a cup of coffee in one hand and appeared fascinated by the rain that streaked down the window.
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