Soul of Smoke

by Caitlyn McFarland

  Kai’s adrenaline kicked into overdrive. She shouldered past Rhys. “What did you do?” she snapped, shoving past him into the hall. She didn’t see Juli anywhere. The pinprick of guilt grew into sick worry.

  Ashem folded his arms over his chest, but the gesture looked like bravado to Kai. “She’s in the library. She won’t come out.”

  “Why should she?” Kai strode through the main cavern. A nauseating premonition prodding the edges of her thoughts, she pulled aside the curtain in the kitchen and ran to the library, calling out as she ran down the tunnel. “Juli, it’s me! What happened?”

  “I’m heartsworn. To Juliet. And she to me.” Ashem’s voice, quiet as it was, made Kai whirl to face him. He and Rhys both stood behind her, right outside the entry to the library.

  “No. Juli has nothing to do with this mess. She is going home!”

  “She thinks she’s hallucinating,” Ashem continued, his gaze distant. “She thinks I drugged her.”

  “How could this happen?” Kai’s heartbeat crashed in her ears. “I thought heartswearing to a human was rare. How could you and Rhys both heartswear to random girls you picked up in the woods?”

  Ashem didn’t respond, so Kai looked to Rhys. He rubbed his knuckles against his jaw. He looked upset, but not at her. “Are you related?”

  Kai blinked. “Distantly. We found out during a school project when we were kids. I told you about it.”

  “We’ve seen it run in families before.” Ashem’s voice was wooden. “Some human lines are almost guaranteed to heartswear if they come in contact with dragons. If I had known...”

  Kai waited for Ashem to say “I never would have brought her,” but he didn’t.

  Abruptly, Rhys shot off a question in rapid-fire Welsh. Ashem hesitated, then nodded. Without a word, Rhys turned on his heel and strode away. Ashem looked after him, then past Kai, into the library, then followed Rhys.

  Kai entered the library. Juli sat on their mattress, out of sight of the door.

  Kai sat beside her. “They’re gone.”

  Juli was shaking. Dragons would not fit into her world. She’d always had a black and white view of what was and was not possible.

  “I know he’s gone.” She scratched her left arm through her sleeve. “Or at least my brain is telling me I know he’s gone. I don’t believe it.”

  Kai entered and shut the door behind her. “What happened?”

  “I tried to slap him,” Juli put a pillow over her face, muffling her voice. She turned her head, and her words became clearer. “He caught my wrist. He must have slipped it to me then. Or else earlier. Maybe yesterday. Maybe it was slow-acting. Because today I swear...” Juli blinked, tears in the corners of her eyes.

  Kai clicked a carabiner. Open, closed, open, closed. “You saw a dragon?”

  Juli sat up. “Yes.” She narrowed her eyes. “Have they been giving you the same stuff? Kai...have you been seeing dragons?”

  Kai wanted to laugh or cry, she wasn’t sure which. Everything sucked, but this reaction was so extremely Juli. Kai rubbed her face. “Don’t change, okay? Just don’t ever change.”

  Juli frowned. “Whatever drug he has, it’s a strange one. I feel like he’s in my head and I’m in his.”

  “What do you mean?” Kai froze, remembering the violation of having Kavar in her mind. Recalling, suddenly, Ffion and Griffith’s uncanny awareness of each other. That couldn’t be part of heartswearing. Someone would have mentioned it. Ffion or Cadoc would have told her.

  “He keeps talking to me. I mean, I’m hallucinating he is.” Juli looked close to breaking. She took several shuddering breaths. In the silence that followed, Kai realized that Juli knew it was no hallucination. She just couldn’t deal with it any other way. “It’s like he’s part of me. I can feel what he’s feeling, catch glimpses of what he’s seeing.”

  “Are you okay?”

  Juli looked at Kai, her eyes blank. “What? I’m hallucinating he’s talking to me again.” She scratched her left arm, more insistently this time.

  “I’ve felt that before. Having one of them invade your head. It’s disgusting. Are you all right?”

  Juli frowned at her. “I don’t know if ‘disgusting’ is the right word. It feels fine. Right, even, although that’s impossible. It doesn’t matter. Clearly, it’s not real. In fact, I’m fairly sure I’m hallucinating this entire conversation.”

  Kai felt sick. None of them had told her that heartswearing meant being in the other person’s head. They knew what Kavar had done to her, and now Rhys wanted to do that, too? Kai hugged herself. Every time she got closer to Rhys, something came up that made her want to run screaming in the opposite direction.

  Then again, that was probably why the dragons had kept that little tidbit to themselves. “Juli...what if it’s not a hallucination?”

  “Of course it is,” Juli snapped. Then she whispered, “It has to be. There are no such things as dragons. They are a cult, and I am drugged.”

  Kai sighed. She moved and sat at the very edge of the bed, waiting.

  “Do you see dragons?” Juli’s voice wavered on the edge of tears.

  “Not at the moment.”

  Juli glared at her. “Seriously, Kai. I can’t...just tell me I’ve been drugged.”

  Kai smiled weakly at her friend. “I’ve been seeing dragons since a few hours after you went for help, and they didn’t have a chance to slip me anything then.”

  “Well...poo on a stick.”

  Juli’s completely inadequate fake swearing tipped Kai over the edge, and she laughed. Once she started, she couldn’t stop. Loud, obnoxious guffaws made her stomach ache and her eyes tear. Juli glared indignantly for a few seconds, and then she started to laugh, too. They fell back on the bed, laughing until their cheeks hurt and Juli started snorting. That set them off again, but eventually the laughter petered off into silence.

  After a long time, Juli spoke. “If I’m not drugged, I must be dreaming.”

  Kai shook her head. “Or we’re sharing a cell in a mental institution. I’d rather have dragons.”

  Juli scratched her left arm hard.

  “Did a spider bite you or something?” Kai grabbed Juli’s hand and shoved back her sleeve. They both gasped.

  “What is that?” Juli demanded.

  A pattern of spirals and whorls trailed up the back of Juli’s hand, starting at her knuckles, climbing gracefully up her wrist and forearm. It was made of scales, like the dragons’. Unlike the dragons’, these were translucent and colorless unless the light hit them at the right angle. Where it did, the pattern shone like an opalescent rainbow. It went higher than they could push her sleeve, so Juli pulled down the neck of her shirt. The scales coiled over her shoulder, trailing down a couple inches onto her chest and back before ending gracefully at the base of her neck.

  It took Kai a long moment to find her voice. “You’ve got an indicium.”

  Juli touched the scales with one finger. She closed her eyes, released the neck of her shirt, and pulled down her sleeve, clutching the end tightly. “What is it?”

  Kai clicked her carabiner. “The dragons have them. I guess when humans are heartsworn, we get one, too.” They were silent for another moment. Kai was first to speak. “Juli...what’s it like?”

  “It itches.”

  Kai sighed. “No, Jules. Being heartsworn.”

  Juli closed her eyes. “It’s like addiction. I have this irresistible urge to be with him. It’s not physical or emotional, just a need. Like he’s a huge cup of coffee and I’ve gone a month without caffeine.” She sat up abruptly. “This is asinine!”

  Kai lay on the bed, digesting Juli’s words. “Rhys is heartsworn to me.”

  Juli made a disgusted noise. “No wonder he wouldn’t let me near you when he brought you in. If this is ho
w he feels...” She trailed off. “Why aren’t you with him? This feeling...it’s uncomfortable.”

  Kai clicked her carabiner absently. “I’m not heartsworn to him. He hasn’t kissed me.”

  Juli got up and paced. After three turns around the small room, she restlessly tidied a few crooked books. When that was done, she came over to the bed and folded her arms. Kai sighed and rolled off. In less than a minute, the messy bed had been made, its covers impeccably straight, its pillows precisely arranged. Kai sat back down and Juli began to pace again.

  “Would you like me to throw those books off the shelf so you can rage clean them again?”

  Juli glared at her. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “What’s bothering you, Juli? The existence of dragons or the existence of Ashem?”

  “Both. And the fact that it’s you, too.” Juli’s anger seemed to dissipate. She sighed and sank down on the bed next to Kai. “Mostly him. I...want...ugh!” She flopped back onto the pillows.

  “Juli...what if you talked to him?”

  “Don’t be stupid.”

  “No, listen. There are three options.” Kai ticked them off on her fingers. “A: we can sit here stewing in this tiny room. B: we can plan an escape from captors who can fly and have some supernatural way of tracking us, or C...we can stop fighting against the unknown long enough to know it. It might be all right.”

  She swallowed. If she heartswore to Rhys, would it be all right?

  Juli put a pillow over her face again. “I don’t want to talk to my hallucination.”

  Kai’s patience cracked. She yanked the pillow away. Juli was heartsworn. It meant she didn’t have to resist anymore. She could just give in to the whole idea. For some reason, the fact that she hadn’t was annoying. “Knock it off. This is happening.”

  Juli sat up, glaring. “Everything had its place. The world had rules. Now it doesn’t. I need time to get my head around that and you are going to give it to me.”

  Kai rolled her eyes. “The world still has rules, we’ve just been playing with an incomplete set.”

  Juli nodded slowly. “I think I will talk to him. Tomorrow.” She stalked over to one of the shelves and grabbed a book. With an air of determined denial, she sat at the table and began to read.

  Kai watched her for a moment. She stuck her hands in her hoodie pockets, surprised when they brushed against something hard. She pulled it out. A gold pendant set with a single yellow citrine winked at her from her palm. It was Rhys’s necklace, its chain dangling, broken, from her hand. Kai frowned and stuck it in her pocket. She’d give it to him next time she saw him.

  Kai fell back onto the bed. Their escape had failed. Juli was heartsworn. They were more stuck than ever. Kai had no idea what they were going to do next.

  * * *

  “You’re wearing a hole in the floor,” Ashem observed wryly from the doorway of the sleeping room, his arms folded across his chest. The others had gone to the kitchen. Griffith claimed it was to get a start on dinner. In reality, none of them wanted to be present for this.

  Rhys turned away from Ashem and paced in the other direction.

  “I’m not leaving.”

  Rhys clenched and unclenched his fists as he walked. On his next lap around the room, Ashem gave a one-shouldered shrug and leaned against the wall.

  “Go. Away,” Rhys growled.

  “I did what I had to regarding Juliet and Cadoc. You know that.”

  “You should be crawling after her on your hands and knees begging for forgiveness, not in here justifying yourself to me. And we should be out there rescuing Cadoc!” Rhys rubbed his chest. The infernal burning would not stop. It wasn’t anywhere near as bad as it had been this morning, but after a few hours of near-normalcy, it was maddening. “My heartswearing was going to cause enough problems, and now you, the sundering head of intelligence, my vee Commander, and a Councilmember.”

  Ashem sighed. “I’m aware of the implications of my actions, and my mistakes. Are you aware of the implications of yours?”

  Rhys’s anger flared, and so did the fire in the hearth behind him. “I’m not stupid, Ashem.”

  Ashem raised an eyebrow at him. “You need to be able to take the rest of the mantle from Owain by force, or he will take it from you. If you don’t end the war, others will be captured and tortured. What’s happening to Cadoc could happen to Ffion, or, Ancients forbid, Deryn. You are being selfish, Majesty.”

  “I’m giving her a choice, Commander.”

  “Then we don’t need Seren here to predict the future. Kai will choose to go back to her old life, unheartsworn. Then you die, either because Owain murders you or you can’t stand the pain. Owain controls the mantle, and he sends us, all of us, out to commit genocide. Kai dies. Thousands will, hundreds of thousands, even, that first night. Now you’re dead and she’s dead. Humans retaliate and we’re all dead. How noble of you, King Rhys ap Ayen ap Thân. How selfless.” Ashem’s voice dripped with contempt. “Your father raised you better than that.”

  “My father died because he forced my mother into heartswearing. And then she left, and he was so weakened that his own nephew killed him” Heat built inside Rhys until his hands burst into flame. “I will not make that mistake.”

  Ashem shook his head. “Kai is not like Mair.”

  Rhys shook his hands once, and the fire disappeared. “It doesn’t matter. Owain is going to murder me sooner or later. Perhaps I shouldn’t heartswear to her at all.”

  “Stop being melodramatic. If you’re dead, so am I, then at least Kai and Juliet have each other.” Ashem’s dry amusement faded. “Last night, after I gave you the sleeping draught, I contacted Eryri. Apparently Seren foresaw some trouble, though they couldn’t say what. She sent the Invisible out to meet Evan and Morwenna. They’ll be here tomorrow, Rhys.”

  His words struck Rhys in the gut like a hammer. Tomorrow. It hadn’t been a week, yet. He’d thought they’d have a few more days. He swallowed. “Seren must have seen that we’d need them to rescue Cadoc.” That, at least, was a relief. With the Invisible, a vee of dragons who specialized in difficult or secret missions for the king and Council, they stood a chance.

  If Cadoc still lived.

  Ashem nodded, troubled. “If Cadoc is alive, we’ll get him out.” He stood and walked toward the main cavern, pausing in the doorway. “Kai has until this time tomorrow to choose, Rhys, but she will be heartsworn when we leave this mountain.” He left.

  Rhys slumped in front of the fireplace and ran a hand through his hair. Everything was a mess. Perhaps he should have kissed Kai the first night. If he had, Cadoc wouldn’t have, and Rhys never would have lost his mind and chased him off. Ancients, keep him safe.

  And Kai. There was so little time, and he hurt. Would she hate him any less if he waited until tomorrow?

  “Rhys.”

  He looked up. Deryn stood at the door. She’d been eavesdropping again.

  She stepped into the room. Her long, auburn hair was pulled back tightly, emphasizing the sharp features of her face. “Ashem is right. Please don’t put yourself through this any longer. It’s stupid and useless, and Kai has a right to know the consequences of her choice. The true consequences.”

  Rhys shook his head.

  Deryn’s face turned to stone. “I’m going to tell her. About the pain. About you being king. All of it.”

  “No,” Rhys snapped. Ancients, was it so hard to understand? He wanted a mate who chose him for himself. Not for his power. Not because she felt guilty that he was in pain. Not because he forced her.

  Deryn’s face was cold. “I’m finished watching you suffer Rhys. I could have lost you this morning. Do it by morning, or I will.”

  Before he could respond, Deryn strode from the room. Rhys stayed where he was, staring into the flames.

 
Chapter Twenty-Three

  Every Second

  Kai and Juli slept in the library that night. The next morning, Kai watched as Juli went to go talk to Ashem with the air of a cat going to lay a trap for a dog. Kai waited for her to come back, and then waited more, reading the copy of The Hobbit she’d borrowed an eternity ago. After two hours, she’d had enough of waiting. She needed to talk to Ffion.

  Kai rolled off the bed and headed into the hall. In the tunnel between the library and the kitchen, she ran into Deryn. Deryn’s arms were folded, hands gripping her elbows so hard the knuckles were white. Her lips were also white, pressed into a tight, thin line.

  “Uh...hey. Is something wrong?” Kai glanced up and down the hall, hoping to see someone else. No such luck.

  “Did he talk to you?”

  Kai frowned. “He who?”

  “You have to stop what you’re doing to Rhys.”

  Kai snorted. “I’m not doing anything to Rhys. I think that’s his problem.”

  Deryn shoved her against the wall, and Kai yelped, more in shock than pain. She squirmed, but Deryn had pinned her in place. “Your little midnight run nearly killed him! He could’ve been captured going after you! Cadoc was captured. Did you know that? He might be dead!” She let go.

  Kai staggered. Her stomach became a lead weight. “What do you mean Cadoc was captured?”

  Deryn shoved Kai again, but this time Kai was ready for it and didn’t hit the wall. “When Cadoc flew off, Owain caught him.” Her voice broke. “He’s dead, Kai. And if he isn’t dead, he probably wishes he was.”

  Kai gaped at Deryn, her mouth working soundlessly. She couldn’t breathe. “What—what are we going to do?”

  Deryn’s breath caught, and she blinked rapidly. “Nothing. We’re doing nothing. There aren’t enough of us. Ashem can’t put Rhys or me at risk.”

  Kai felt like she was falling. “Why?”

  Deryn laughed humorlessly, dashing tears from her eyes. “You are dense, aren’t you? First of all, Rhys is in no condition to fight. Every second the heartswearing is incomplete, he’s in agony. Real, physical pain. How have you not noticed?”