The Tea Series

by Sheila Horgan

  “Not all that long ago I would have bet my life that nothing like that had ever happened to an O’Flynn. Now I find out it happened to my own mother and sister. I wonder what else I don’t know about.”

  Teagan smiled. “You know that I used to suck all the salt of your precious sunflower seeds, right?”

  “Yes, hard to hide that fact.”

  “Did you know that Leslie down the street used to do it with me? When you were later eating those puppies, you were…”

  “Don’t. I get it. Yuck.”

  My mother laughed. “Did you know that when the two of you ran away that time — ”

  “You mean when you packed our bags and told us if we could find anyone who loved us more than you loved us, we should go ahead and move in?”

  “Yes.”

  “We spent the night at Marci’s house, but then her mother decided we couldn’t stay there because you would miss us so much that you couldn’t live without us. Made sense to us.”

  “Yes, well, she and I had a standing agreement about the whole running away thing. Remember when Todd stayed with us for that week? He’d run away from home because his mother wouldn’t let him go to baseball camp. It took me a lot longer to convince him to go home than it took her to convince the two of you.”

  “We were easy.”

  Teagan laughed. “We just had better self-esteem. Made perfect sense to us that you couldn’t possibly live without us.”

  “Still true, love.”

  “Thanks.”

  I took a deep breath. “So, now that we all know all that we all know, where does that leave us?”

  “I have told your father the lot of it. I see no reason to share that with another living soul. I’ve come to peace with it over the years. And you, love. How shall it be?”

  “Until Teagan was so rude, I thought I’d just suck it up. I’ve got a great life. I’m not ruined. All that has happened to me is how I got to be who I am. The weird part is, even after all these years, Bernie didn’t see all of this as inappropriate. She actually wanted me to remember it. Like it was a good thing.”

  “That or she was trying to make up for it.”

  “I don’t think so. All those little gifts. All those reminders. Either she was insane, or I’m missing something.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I admit I don’t remember everything about everything. It kind of comes back to me in bits and pieces, but even those bits and pieces are really inappropriate. I think I have remembered everything, and then another piece comes to me. Then I put that piece with the others, and something else comes. I think for now, I’m just going to let it be and see what happens.”

  “Bad plan.”

  “Tell me, Teagan, why is that a bad plan?”

  “Because I can’t stand not having the details.”

  “Yes, I should always live my life for your convenience.”

  “True, but I was also thinking that if you just allow all of this to hit you when it decides to hit you, what happens if it hits when you don’t want to be hit?”

  “I never want to be hit.”

  “You know what I mean. What happens if everything is great, you are in the middle of the best part of the best day of your life, and wham?”

  “That would suck.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But how am I supposed to force it? You can’t force your memory to remember something you aren’t remembering.”

  “Sure you can. You can go to that counselor you were seeing.”

  “You were seeing a counselor, love?”

  I wanted to smack Teagan. Hard. Maybe kick her over a fence or two.

  “Yes. Just a couple of times. The whole thing with Barry kind of caught up with me.”

  “Surely there is nothing to be ashamed of, love. I am very proud that you were willing to take positive steps to care for yourself. That is a wise thing to do under any circumstance.”

  I wanted to shake my mother like a snow globe. Was the woman I know and love in there somewhere?

  The older I get, the more different she is.

  Unreal.

  I took a sip of tea. Cold. Yuck!

  I thought about it for just a second. My family lives with a bit of denial. We are good at avoidance. I’m not sure how to phrase it. I’ll address all my problems with Bernie just as soon as everybody else has all their issues at rest.

  I know. It’s stupid. I’m working on it.

  We got back to my apartment before A.J. arrived with dinner, and decided to have a quick cup of tea.

  “Cara, I understand that you wanted to tone everything down for Mom’s benefit. She’s been through enough trauma, having to live through her abuse again just to tell Dad and us about it, but you don’t have to keep it all inside.”

  “In other words, the Teagan gene has kicked in, and you are about to explode because I haven’t given you all the details.”

  “That too.”

  “I’m not sure what I want to do yet. Part of me wants to get it all out. Part of me just wants to tell the counselor. I’ve already told A.J. Part of me wants to get rid of the trunk and everything in it. Part of me wants to keep it and see if I want to open all the stuff twenty years down the road. I just don’t know yet.”

  “You can leave the trunk with me. I’ll open all the stuff just to make sure there isn’t anything creepy or disturbing, then I’ll wrap it all back up and store it for you until you’re ready to open it yourself.”

  “That is so generous of you, Teagan.”

  “That’s the kind of sister I am. That’s why I’m your favorite. Oh, I need to call Sinead.”

  “Why?”

  “She was going to go over to Mom and Dad’s house and talk to them about the baby. Howard is going with her. He’s a brave boy. Today is probably not a good day for them to go over there.”

  “I don’t think it’s a problem.”

  “Mom doesn’t need another trauma. Or even a surprise.”

  “I don’t think it is a problem, dip.”

  “She knows?”

  “What do you think?”

  “Does she know about Maeve?”

  “It wouldn’t surprise me.”

  “If she knows about them, she probably knows about me. Why do we even bother, dingleberry?”

  “Because we’re O’Flynns.”

  I’d taken a long, warm shower, put on lots of smelly good stuff and one of my favorite nightgowns. It has black, really sheer fabric with ecru appliqués up the left side from the floor to the neckline, with fluttery short sleeves. It has a deep V-neckline and a deeper V-back, and I love it.

  A.J. and I were sitting on the couch. We’d had a really good dinner. Takeout from the barbeque place. The fries were still hot. I love that.

  Suzi had come over for dessert. It’s time to start keeping a closer eye on her. She’s getting pretty round. She’s having some problems with swelling in her legs and feet, and she isn’t taking good enough care of herself.

  I offered to do some of the studio stuff so that she wouldn’t have to, but she jumped all over me and said no.

  Cranky woman.

  I would probably be cranky too.

  Suzi seems to be crankiest with A.J. That makes sense since they work together all the time and he is her brother and the only family she sees all the time.

  A.J. just lets it roll off of him, which is really good news, because when we start a family I fully intend for him to be the perfect supporting-husband type.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “How did it go with your Mom? We’ve had someone around all the time since you were over there. First Teagan, then my sister.”

  “I’m sorry. That was wrong. I should have told them to go.”

  “No, it was fine. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

  “My mom kind of made my head explode. The reason she lost it when I lost it is because when she was little, she was abused, and Bernie is the one who saved her fr
om the whole thing, so she just assumed that any and all of her kids would be safe with Bernie.”

  “I can understand why that would make your head explode.”

  “Actually, what made my head explode was that she said of all her children I am the most like her.”

  “And this surprised you? I thought that was a well-recognized fact.”

  “What?”

  “One of the first things Suzi said to me when I told her that you and I were together was that I’d better be sure I liked your mother, because you were just like her now and would be even more like her when you got older.”

  “Are you kidding me right now?”

  “No. I like your mother. It’s a good thing.” He smiled warmly.

  “I never considered myself to be anything like my mother. Not even a little.”

  “Wow. Talk about being self-unaware. I can’t believe this has never come up in conversation with Teagan.”

  “Oh, it has, but we use it more as a threat. No woman wants to turn out just like her mother, even if her mother is the best person she has ever met.”

  “And your mom is the best person you’ve ever met?”

  “That would be difficult. A race between my mom and my dad.”

  “Which means you understand why I believe you are the best person I’ve ever met.”

  “No, you don’t. You think I’m the best fit for you, but that doesn’t make me the best person. I could list off ten — ”

  “Listen to me, Cara. You are the best person I’ve ever met. The nicest person I’ve ever met. I admire you. A lot.”

  You shouldn’t go straight to the ugly cry when you have on a beautiful sheer nightgown and your plans for the evening were not something that would be highlighted in a G-rated movie.

  Didn’t matter.

  Started out as a beautiful one-tear moment and spread like wildfire.

  Then there was the laughing.

  Mostly because I was embarrassed.

  Then there was the good stuff.

  FOUR

  “LOVE, I’M SORRY to call so early, but would it be possible for you to come over at some point today?”

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “I’d like to talk to you.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “I believe it to be, but I would like more details about the things we did not talk about when you were here with your sister.”

  “Mom, are you sure? It can wait.”

  “I believe you have waited more than long enough, love. If you are unable to come today, I understand, but it would lighten my heart to get this out in the open and not have this burden weighing on your shoulders.”

  “Can I bring Teagan?”

  “You do not need a protector, child.”

  “Oh, I know, it’s just that Teagan is going to make me tell her everything anyway, and if I can tell you both at once, then I don’t have to repeat the whole thing again.”

  “Again?”

  “I already told A.J. everything.”

  “As it should be.”

  “Really? You aren’t mad?”

  “I am your past, love. He is your future.”

  “You aren’t just my past, Mom. You are my past, my present, and my future.”

  “That is lovely to say, but I understand the relationship you have with A.J. Perhaps better than you do yourself. I was able to watch him as he sat and held your hand at the hospital and slept on our very own floor just for the comfort of hearing you breathe. He loves you, Cara. With everything he has. It is a pleasure to see.”

  I couldn’t talk.

  “I am so blessed that my children have found the partners that they were meant to have. It makes me very happy, child.”

  “Us too, Mom.”

  “I will see you later, then?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’ll find out when Teagan can be there, and I’ll let you know.”

  “No need. I will be home the length of the day. No notice required.”

  “Do you need anything?”

  “Not a thing.”

  And she was gone.

  I texted Teagan.

  Me: Busy?

  Teagan: Always.

  Me: Too bad.

  Teagan: Why?

  Me: Command performance. Today. To talk about the trunk.

  Teagan: When?

  Me: Whenever.

  Teagan: You start without me — I will kill you in your sleep.

  Me: Call me when you are on your way.

  Teagan: You okay?

  Me: Mostly.

  I spent the next two hours pretending to get some work done for Adeline. Mostly I just puttered around on the Internet, looking for information on charities, good ideas for fundraisers that we might borrow, found some great deals for stuff they need at the dance studio that Adeline is pretty much funding these days.

  I even stuck my nose in where it didn’t belong and found a wonderful welcome-home gift for Adeline’s daughter. I really just made a note of it, but I think Adeline will love the idea.

  I went shopping and spent too much money. I even bought a little, tiny chest freezer that will live in my laundry room. Anyone who doesn’t have very long arms will not be doing laundry at my house. The only way I can position it kind of blocks access to the washer unless you turn weird and reach to the left. But now I can prepare food on my own schedule instead of when Teagan needs me to. That’s not true. I just want more room, and my stupid little apartment fridge doesn’t allow for that.

  I guess I have fantasies that people are going to start dropping by for food again, like they used to.

  I fit the freezer in my car, a small miracle. It only fit because the guy at the store said it didn’t matter if I stood it on its head as long as I let it stand for a day before I plugged it in. I shoved it in half-sideways and prayed that the edge of the box wouldn’t leave a permanent dent in back of my seat.

  I dropped it off at home. The maintenance guy just happened to be driving through the complex on his golf cart and helped me carry it in. The freezer is really not heavy, but it is awkward. What do you expect for a hundred and fifty bucks?

  I went back out to the grocery store and bought just enough food that my fridge is so full that not even more air will fit in it.

  I then fell into old habits. Comforting, but I’m still not sure why.

  I changed into yoga pants and a top and started to clean. Not to straighten, like I’ve been doing pretty much since I got home from my mom’s house after Barry beat me up, but really clean. My kind of clean. The kind of cleaning where you pull the silicone caulking out from around the toilet and steam clean the whole area and then recaulk. The kind of cleaning where you take the whole stove apart and clean all the bits and pieces.

  I was cleaning the plastic light-switch covers, actually had them soaking in the kitchen sink, when Mom called and changed our trunk date for tomorrow. Mrs. Ladner down the street fell again. I’m really beginning to worry for her. I’ll have to set aside some of the food I cook and bring it over to my parents’ house so they can make sure she gets it.

  I rinsed the plastic switch plates and put them back up, disinfected my sink, and went about pulling meat out of the fridge.

  I grabbed a huge roast and started cutting. Stew meat. Swiss steak meat I’d beat the hell out of in a few. Steaks. Little cubes that I’ll do kind of like teppan-grill style. And some strips for beef strips, which is basically fast-cooking stew without the gravy, same seasonings and everything.

  I almost cut my finger off when A.J. came in the door. I wasn’t expecting him for a couple more hours. I called from the kitchen. “Hi, I’m cooking. I can do something special for dinner.”

  He called back, “Okay, I’m gonna take a shower.”

  Something wasn’t right.

  Scratch that. Something was really wrong.

  I put down my knife, rinsed my hands really quickly, and headed for the bathroom.

  A.J. had his shirt off. He had both hands of the counter, a
nd he was leaning toward the mirror.

  I looked to see what he was seeing and almost had a heart attack.

  He was bleeding.

  He had a black eye. A bad one.

  He was checking to make sure all his teeth were there.

  “Oh my God, are you okay?”

  “I’m okay. Looks worse than it is. I just need a shower.”

  “Dear God, I hope it looks worse than it is, ‘cause it looks really bad. What happened?”

  “I got in a fight.” He gave me a sheepish grin. “You should see the other guy.”

  “Ice before shower. Come lay down on the couch.”

  “The paramedics gave me ice. I don’t know why I started bleeding again. I’m really okay.”

  “Sit on the couch.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  I ran for the kitchen. I don’t have ice. I threw it away when I had no room in the freezer, and the new stupid freezer is room temperature.

  I grabbed all my frozen veggies. Good thing I keep some for guests. I always buy frozen because I don’t eat veggies and I want a bit of a selection. I buy fresh for A.J., but I still keep some of the others in the house.

  A.J. had placed a towel on the couch so that he didn’t leak on it.

  For some reason that broke my heart.

  I handed him the peas. Put the carrots behind his neck. Got a couple of washcloths and got them wet so that he could dab a little at his mouth.

  “What happened? Can you talk?”

  “I’m fine, Cara. Really.”

  “Okay, what happened?”

  “I was walking into the studio. I had that shoot today. The one with the kids.”

  “How did that go?”

  “Really well. Anyway, I was walking into the studio, second load of crap out of my car. I’d already brought in the cameras and everything. I’m walking into the studio, and there was this old guy.”

  “An old guy did this to you?” I smiled.

  A.J. wasn’t in the mood to be cheered up yet. “Cara, he must be about a hundred years old. Walking all bent over with a walker. But dignified, you know? He was wearing a suit and a hat. Like he was walking down the street in the fifties. Just a really nice old guy walking down the street.”