The Tea Series

by Sheila Horgan

I had to run that whole thing through my head about twelve times and still wasn’t sure I understood her. Maybe Teagan is right about the whole smoking herself stupid thing. I tried to stay with something neutral. “That sounds a little iffy. How on top of things are they if they don’t even keep track of who is available?”

  “They wanted some distance between them and the people doing the work, so my guess is they reached pretty far out of their usual comfort zone. Anyway, long story short, they are really rich and trying to get dirt on each other, and they want me to provide that dirt, which my husband, ex-husband, no, late husband, he would have loved that. But I’m not that into it, and my current husband is going to be really angry.”

  “Conflict? Does he do work for them too?”

  “What? Oh, no. They aren’t from around here. I just kind of promised him I’d mind my own business. After the whole thing with Teagan, when she almost left the company, he said I’d done enough.”

  “Maybe he’s right.”

  “I know, but when I first started I thought I was doing a good thing. Helping out a family and all that. The dynamics of a family can be pretty complicated, and the way they made it sound, they were just trying to protect their future.”

  “Honey, I can see where you’d be interested. It even sounds kind of noble.”

  “Yeah, well, it isn’t near as noble as they made it sound. The asshats are trying to take advantage of their matriarch.”

  Alarm bells went off in my head. “Interesting. Do you know the family?”

  “I don’t know them. Never even heard of them before. The lady owns a big house, you know, over there where all the big shots live. I guess lots of people have horses and stuff, but her house is so big it takes up the same size lot, and there are no animals there.”

  My heart raced. That sure sounded like Adeline. “Wow. That sounds interesting. What kind of information is the family looking for? Did you get anything?”

  “Not really. I snooped around. Found her house. Damn near killed myself getting past the guard. Truth is, I walked for miles, and I’m pretty sure they saw me, but if you take a look at me, the last thing you are going to think is criminal. Probably more like crazy lady who is lost. They didn’t bother me. I got a look at the place. It’s beautiful, if you like that kind of thing. Too much house for one person. Too much house for ten people. So maybe the old lady is crazy, but you know what? I’m a live and let live person, and if she is crazy and wants to live in that big old house, whose business is it but hers?”

  “That’s true. Maybe the family thinks they are protecting her.”

  “I thought about that, but I don’t buy it. If you wanted to protect your mom and dad, would you hire a private detective? And one that is distanced from you? I got a creepy feeling about this one.”

  “Maybe you should tell somebody.”

  “Like who?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe you should call the police. Or talk to the older lady. She’d probably welcome the information.”

  “No, I can’t do that. That would be unethical.”

  My first thought was, How ethical is it to spy on old ladies? but I kept that thought to myself. I really wanted to find out more and figure out if by some strange cosmic wrinkle, Honey was spying on my employer.

  Just then, Teagan, the queen of bad timing, walked in and informed Honey that she was expected at home.

  “We were just in the middle of a conversation, Teagan.”

  Teagan’s look would have been hilarious had the situation been different.

  “Yeah, well, that’s great, but Mr. Fisher said that if Honey isn’t home in twenty-seven minutes — that allows for traffic problems — he’s calling out the troops. Those were his words. I’m just delivering them.”

  “I should go. It was nice talking to you, Cara. Thanks for listening.”

  “If there’s anything I can do to help, you let me know. I’ll be happy to join you on a surveillance mission or whatever.”

  “Thanks. Teagan, you can let him know I’m on my way.” The resentment in Honey’s eyes would have burned a lesser person, but Teagan seemed immune to all things Honey.

  When Honey was out of earshot, I hissed, “Don’t you ever listen? I was trying to talk to Honey.”

  “What could you possibly have to say to Honey that is more important than her going home to her royally pissed-off husband? And for the record, I thought I was saving you from Honey. Who wants to sit and talk to her?”

  “She wasn’t out doing life coaching today; she was out snooping around for a private detective client of her late husband’s, and I swear to you, Teagan, by her description, she was snooping around on Adeline.”

  “That is so far past ridiculous that it doesn’t even warrant comment. Why would Honey be snooping around on Adeline?”

  “I can’t tell you all the details. Adeline is having some issues with two of her kids. They are pretty much out to destroy her. Remember we finally figured out that it was her family who had broken into my apartment?”

  “We figured out? Don’t you mean that Roland figured it out and called you? What did you have to do with figuring it out?”

  “Shut up. Anyway, if Honey is investigating Adeline, I need to know about it.”

  “If Honey is investigating Adeline, you’re in luck. Do you think that Adeline has anything to hide? Do you think if she did, Honey of all people would find it? Stop being so paranoid, Cara. Honey isn’t investigating Adeline.”

  “And you know this because…”

  “Things like that just don’t happen. Too much of a coincidence.”

  “Serendipity.”

  “What?”

  “I believe in serendipity. So do you. This could be a case of serendipity. The world is a much smaller place than you think it is, Teagan. If the universe was kind enough to hand me this information so that I can hand it to Adeline, then I’m not going to doubt it; I’m going to be grateful.”

  “You’re going to get locked up. In a padded room.”

  “Now you sound like Mom.”

  “Doesn’t it concern you, even a little bit, that me having you locked into a mental health facility is reminiscent of something you have heard from your own mother?”

  “Don’t do this. I need to find out, and you’re going to help me.”

  “Why would I help you?”

  “Why did I help Jessie? How do you think your weekend would have turned out without any cooperation from me? From the family? You know that we’re family, and even if you don’t like it, you’re my sister, and you have to help me because that’s the first rule of being a good sister, so you have to help me.”

  “Or what?”

  “Or I go all Cara on your butt, and you don’t want that.”

  “No, nobody wants that.”

  “Then help me!”

  “Fine.” Teagan rolled her eyes. “I hate you, you know.”

  “I know. Want to come over for dinner tonight?”

  “Sure. Can I bring Jessie?”

  “You know that he and A.J. aren’t gonna have any interest in what I have to say.”

  “They can go play basketball after dinner.”

  “That works. I’ll talk to A.J., you talk to Jessie, and we’ll plan a medium-late dinner, and they can play basketball while we cook and talk.”

  “Cara, you just want witnesses so that I don’t accidently on purpose kill you.”

  “Exactly.”

  EIGHT

  “DO YOU HAVE any secrets?”

  A.J. looked startled. “Cara, that’s a really crappy way to start a conversation.”

  “I know. My mom used to say things like that. When one of us would do something she would tell us to go into our room and contemplate our sins. We’d come out and confess to something, she’d tell us that she’d get us for that one later, and tell us to think harder. We’d confess everything we’d ever done and usually by the end started making things up.”

  “Why would you want to do the same thing to m
e?”

  “I didn’t want examples. I just wanted a yes or no.”

  “So if I say no, you’re going to think I’m a liar, and if I say yes, you’re going to want to know what my secrets are. This isn’t a conversation that is going to end well, Cara.”

  “You’re right. I know everyone has secrets, and I’m really not trying to make you confess yours. Let me start over.”

  “Good.”

  “I’m just wondering what it would be like to have someone in your family, someone who you assumed cared about you, if a person like that hired a private detective to try to find something to use against you, how sad would that be?”

  “I’m assuming we aren’t talking about you and your family, because you aren’t the type to have secrets and your family wouldn’t hire someone to find them if you did.”

  “True.”

  “We aren’t talking about me, because even though I might have family members who would do something that cold — my parents — there’s nothing for them to find, and they know that, so they wouldn’t bother. Besides, all they would have to do is ask.”

  It was all I could do not to ask him what Suzi had been talking about when she said that I needed to talk to him — but that felt too much like a setup, and it honestly wasn’t my original intent, so I let the opportunity pass. I took a few minutes and described my earlier conversation with Honey.

  “Do you really think Honey is tracking Adeline? That seems a little too coincidental to me.”

  “That’s what Teagan said.”

  “Sometimes you just have to let life play itself out, Cara. You can’t control it even if it is about Adeline.”

  “I know. I’m not trying to control it, but if you knew something like that about someone you cared about, and that someone was also your boss, wouldn’t you tell them?”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No. Why make someone worry over something that is, at best, a guess?”

  “Good point. But Adeline has more resources than normal people. If she’s worried, all she has to do is call Roland and get it checked out. Then if it turns into nothing, no big deal, but if it is something, then I did good.”

  “You can’t walk through your life paranoid.”

  “I never was. Not until all the stuff that happened in the last few months. Now I don’t really think I’m paranoid. I think the real world has punched me in the gut, and I’m paying attention so it doesn’t punch me again.”

  “I can see that.”

  Teagan called and said that she and Jessie wouldn’t be over. There’s something going on there, but I haven’t been able to figure out what it is.

  There was a knock on the door.

  The rest of the evening was spent with Suzi and the baby.

  I love Suzi.

  I do.

  But I’m not sure that having her move in across the hall was my best move ever. I need some time with just A.J. and me, and I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. But it was my bright idea to move her in across the hall, so it isn’t like I can complain.

  It was about nine o’clock, Evelyn was asleep in the Moses basket, and Suzi had gone across the hall to take a quick shower when my phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Cara, it’s Honey. You still want to help?”

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  “If I go out by myself, my husband is going to know something is up, and it’s gonna start a battle royale. If he thinks I’m going out with you, then maybe, if you don’t rat me out to your sister, I can do my surveillance and get this over with and be done with it and back to a normal life.”

  “Who are you watching?”

  “That old lady I told you about.”

  “I’m in. What do you want me to do?”

  “Where do you live?”

  “Not far from Teagan.”

  “That won’t work. I gotta be on the whole other side of town. Can you meet me closer?”

  “I can meet you anywhere you want to.”

  “Good. Okay. How about we meet at Bender and Blotspath?”

  “When?”

  “As soon as you can get there. Wear something dark. We’re gonna be snooping. Leave your ID in the car. Just bring your car keys. And you might want to wear a hat. Your hair is pretty recognizable.”

  “I’m on my way in five minutes.”

  “Thanks, Cara. Teagan is right about you.”

  “I won’t ask what that means. See you in a few.”

  I gave a quick explanation to A.J.

  That’s a lie.

  I told him I was meeting Honey, but I didn’t tell him why.

  My mother and her damn sins of omission versus commission. Am I ever going to outgrow that?

  I hope not.

  I changed into black yoga pants, a black t-shirt, and black tennis shoes. I put a black baseball cap on, which looked ridiculous but would hopefully keep Honey happy, and headed for the door.

  The look on A.J.’s face said he knew I was doing more than I’d described, but he didn’t ask why, which made me wonder what he’d been doing that he didn’t want to tell me about, but then I argued with myself that that is what humans do to each other, and I refuse to play that game.

  I have a friend who always accused her husband of having an affair. It was because she’d met this really cute guy and really wanted to have an affair of her own and she was all twisted up and looking for a justification. Finally, the husband caught on and told her he wasn’t playing the game. One of the smarter people I know, actually. They weathered the storm and are happily married, but only because he was smart enough not to fall into the trap. Her too, I guess.

  When I got to my car, I called Teagan. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  She interrupted. “Then why did you call?”

  “No, listen. I can’t talk. I just want you to know that you owe me one and that if I get myself thrown in jail, it is on you to bail me out.”

  “What are you doing? Don’t do anything stupid, dingle — ”

  “I’m not. I’m just sayin’.”

  “Great. You’re stressed. That stupid ‘I’m just sayin’ thing you always do. Just stay home with the door locked, Cara.”

  “No, I need to do this. I gotta go.”

  “I swear to God, Cara, just tell me what you’re up to.”

  “I can’t. Plausible deniability and all that.”

  “Great. Don’t get hurt. Call me when you’re done. If I don’t hear from you, when should I hear from you?”

  “If you don’t hear from me in an hour and a half, worry. If you don’t hear from me in two hours, panic. If you don’t hear from me in two and a half hours, pray for the repose of my soul.”

  “Not funny.”

  “Not meant to be.” I hung up, started the car, and tried to remember exactly where Bender intersected Blockworthy, which is the name of the street that I’m pretty sure Honey meant. I only figured I knew that because I’d been down the street before — when I was running errands for Adeline. That thought got my heart to racing.

  So it turned out to be a good news, bad news kind of thing.

  I found Honey sitting at the corner of Bender and Bouchard. Not even close to where I expected her to be. We parked in the lot of a sales office. Our cars wouldn’t get towed for a while if we left them there instead of on the street. That’s good. We hiked forever to the house she wanted to check out. It wasn’t Adeline’s. That’s good. We stood there like idiots, I’m sure we are on at least twenty security cameras, and I think it is little more than a miracle some guys with guns didn’t come to ask questions, but we left mostly okay.

  The bad news. I stepped on a fire ant hill. Honey is all bitten up. I’m kind of bitten up. I’m allergic to fire ants, so I suffer the usual sting and itch but about ten times worse than a normal person. We didn’t get the information Honey was after. She was going back tomorrow, and I couldn’t talk her out of it.

  Oh, the other good news is that
I got back to Teagan before she called out the troops, which would include my mother, who would not be impressed that I was snooping around in other people’s business — most especially an elderly couple who seemed to me to be the height of all things good. Adding to that, I have enough fire ant bites on my right foot, my toes are swollen up like little sausages, and I’ve chosen to do the stupid thing and treat it myself instead of the smart thing and going to the emergency room. But after the whole Barry thing, I hate hospitals, and I never really liked them in the first place.

  I still don’t know how they got so far down into my shoe — the ants — before I noticed and started jumping around. Once the first gazillion of them started biting, I took my shoe off and started picking them off me. Couldn’t I be attacked by a normal pile of ants? No. I get attacked by fire ants. You can’t just brush those puppies off. You have to pick them off one by one, and while you’re doing that, all their friends are munching on you. By the time I got those little critters off my poor foot, I really couldn’t get my shoe back on. It puffed up immediately.

  I wasn’t throwing up or having problems breathing yet, so I decided to treat myself instead of a trip to the emergency room.

  I stopped at the drug store on the way home. Got some antihistamine and an ice wrap. Talked to the guy behind the counter who suggested that I go home and soak my foot in ammonia and water. He said he didn’t learn that one in school; his mother taught him. My mother always said a paste of baking soda and vinegar.

  Since I couldn’t drive with an ice pack on my foot, by the time I got home I could hardly walk. A.J. took one look at me, scooped me up, and said, “Ants?”

  “Yep.”

  “I’m not even gonna ask. I’ll get ice.” He carried me into the bathroom, sat me on the side of the tub and turned on straight cold water.

  When there were a couple of inches in the bottom of the tub, I stood up, peeled my pants off — not sure how they got wet — and stuck my foot in the water. I was just contemplating how I was going to keep A.J. from noticing that a bunch of those stupid little critters munched their way halfway up my leg, when he walked back into the bathroom.

  “There are bites on your leg.”