I guess that’s all I can hope for: that whatever happened can be fixed. I can’t lose Donna. She’s the love of my life, and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to be with her. Trying to make partner at such a young age is stressful, but we can make it work. I need to make more of an effort in showing her how much she means to me. I’m trying to be successful so we have a better future, but I can’t let her think my job is more important than her. She is my number one, no matter what. Money isn’t everything, even though I sometimes think it is. Losing her, even if it’s only been a few hours, is showing me how much Donna really means to me.
“Thanks for letting me know she’s there. I understand you need time with her, but I’ll fly down there in the morning. I’d be on a flight now if I could get one. Please don’t tell her I’m coming. I don’t want her to run away again. I need to talk to her. I’ve been dealing with some issues at work, and I’d planned to talk to her about them tonight because I need her help and support. I probably should have already asked her for it.”
She has to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.
“Brian, I can’t guarantee I won’t tell her. She’s my best friend. Now, if you did something to hurt her, I’ll tell her and help her get away from you. If I don’t think she needs to know, then I’ll keep it from her. It’s so unlike her to be this upset. I’ve only seen her this way a few times, and usually, it was her parents causing it. Please be safe until I see you tomorrow. I’ll have Frank pick you up if you want to call us and tell us when you get a flight.”
“No, I’ll get there on my own, but thanks for offering. Please take care of Donna for me.”
“I will, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Wait. Can I talk to Frank for a minute?”
“Yes,” Shawna says. “Frank, Brian wants to talk to you.”
“Hey, Brian.”
“Hey, Frank. I need some advice. I’m an idiot and have been putting off talking to Donna about all the shit happening in the office. I have a feeling that’s why she ran. I’ve been finding more stuff. The condoms, the bras and underwear. The other day, I saw Janice hastily stuff some files into her drawer then lock it when I came out of my office suddenly. When I asked about them, she said they were nothing. She’s hiding something, but I don’t know what. What should I do?
I’ve already put the cameras up and I’m going to see if I can find anything on them tonight.”
“I’ll first say all of this sucks and is messed up. You need to talk to Donna about everything like I told you to do weeks ago, man. I know you had your reasons, but you’re going to lose her if you don’t talk to her soon. If I were you, I’d try to see what’s in the files or tell Bill about them.”
“I don’t want to involve my father-in-law into my family problems unless I need to. He doesn’t need to worry about this stuff. Otherwise, I would have told him already about the cameras. As it is, no one but me knows about them.” I have a feeling my dad has something to do with those files I keep seeing Janice lock up.
“That’s up to you, man, but don’t get in over your head.”
“I won’t. Thanks for talking to me, man. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.”
Once I get to the office, I do what I’ve been dreading and cue the video up to see if the cameras caught anything. I had these video cameras installed because weird things have been happening. Not only have I been finding random things in my office, but I’ve been seeing files not labeled correctly and then disappearing. I never thought I’d really be using the cameras, but now, I need to know what scared Donna off. Watching the playback, I see that, at around eleven forty-five, Janice walks over to my desk and starts stripping. I’m guessing someone else is in there, but I can’t be positive because I can’t see the door. After she’s completely naked, she sits on my desk and leans back on her elbows. Her feet are on the desk and her knees spread as wide as possible.
A few seconds later, someone else walks up to her. I can’t see his face, but from the way he swaggers, I’m guessing my worst nightmare is about to come true. Once I see who it is, I turn the video off. I can’t watch any more of this. But I have the proof to bust my dad if needed.
After watching the video, I can’t focus on anything else. All I can think about is my brown-haired, brown-eyed beauty, wondering if she came up to my office when all of that was happening. Would she have come into the office? Did she come in and think it was me?
I hope she’ll let me explain what's been going on in the office. I have a feeling she thinks it was me this morning. I can’t even imagine the pain she must be feeling if she thinks it was me with Janice. It’s probably worse because Donna has never really liked Janice, and Janice lets her know all the time that she’s interested in being more than just my secretary. God, what a mess of a day it’s been. I can only pray that I can fix things with Donna.
I can’t help but wish we were curled up against each other in our bed right now. Instead, I’m at the office, hoping I can fix this mess of a situation. What I wouldn’t give to be at Shawna’s so I could make that fantasy come true. Tomorrow, I’ll have my love in my arms. Hopefully, if she doesn’t hate me for hiding all the stuff going on in the office. I’ll fall asleep with her curled around me, and I’ll wake up to her big doe eyes looking back at me.
It’s time to quit stalling and tell Shawna what happened. She’ll be shocked because she really likes Brian and we both thought he’d never do this. Although I grew up with both of them, they didn’t meet until college. I only saw Shawna when I went to Wisconsin to visit my grandparents for the summer, so we did a lot of communicating by letters, and every couple of months on special days, we’d call each other. The two of them got to know each other in college, and he’d always set her up with his friends. That’s how she met Frank.
He and Brian had some classes together in law school, but they didn’t hang out otherwise. They recently got in touch through a support group set up for alumni to get advice from their peers. Brian and Frank instantly became good friends even though they lived a state away. When Brian found out Frank lived near Shawna, he decided to play matchmaker again. Apparently, it’s working out for them. Even though it’s only been four months, they seem happy. Not only are they living together, but they’re engaged, and I couldn’t be happier.
“Shawna, thanks for the drinks and being here for me! I really need this!” I yell as I walk into the kitchen. “Oh shit, I forgot you were here, Frank.” I feel stupid for blabbing away like normal.
Frank speaks first. “Don’t worry, Donna. I understand you’re having a difficult night. As long as you’re a fun drunk, we’re good,” he says, winking.
I think we’ll get along well. Hopefully, he’ll make Shawna a happy woman for a very long time. She deserves to be happy and find a man who wants her for her and not what she can give him.
“Hey, Donna. Here’s your drink and a shot. Hurry and chug it. Frank will make us another while we talk.”
I down my shot and then Shawna’s before she even finishes her sentence. I proceed to guzzle my margarita, not even waiting for Shawna to sit down at the bar. Then I start talking.
“So, Marianne and Jolene were being pushy about the wedding as usual, but today, they hit a nerve. You know I want flame lilies and bleeding hearts as my flowers, and I want ruby and silver as my colors, but they disagree. They say flame lilies and bleeding hearts aren’t a typical flower and I won’t be able to get them. They say I need something people will actually recognize.” God, even talking about it makes my heart beat speed up and my face get warm. “Since it’s a summer wedding, why not purple and blue, make it a more colorful day? They bitched.” Red is colorful. “I was about to pull out my hair, so I told my mom I had a lunch date with Brian then left to surprise him. Normally, I’d call first, but I was so flustered that I didn’t even think about it. When I showed up, Janice wasn’t at her desk, which I found very odd because she always watches Brian’s office like a hawk to make sure no o
ne gets in. And you know how she’s constantly trying to keep me away.” I stop to take a breath.
“Why is Janice not being at her desk a problem?” Frank asks, frowning, his nose scrunched up and his eyebrows knitted together.
“Hold on. I’m getting there.” I sit for a couple of moments, taking deep breaths, and then I chug the rest of my drink.
A little more liquid courage will help—and hopefully hold the tears at bay.
“Since Janice wasn’t around, I figured I’d surprise him. I needed the quiet and figured it wouldn’t hurt to be waiting in his office when he got back. As I approached the door, I should’ve recognized the sounds, but my mind wasn’t processing anything. Instead, I was lost in thought about how I could get ‘The Moms’ to leave me alone, I pushed the door open and all I could see was Brian fucking Janice with his face buried in her breasts. Then Janice started moaning. Before I could say anything, she said, ‘Harder, Brian. Right there. Don’t stop.’ Then she looked directly at me and smirked. It’s like she knew I was going to be there. Why else would she look up at that moment? I wanted to scream and yell at them, but I couldn’t, so I ran as fast as I could out of the building. I didn’t want anyone to see me break down and warn Brian I’d been there. And you know the rest because I called you right after that.”
God, that was so hard to say out loud. I don’t want to cry again, but I can feel the tears streaming down my face. I don’t want to be an emotional wreck all day.
“Oh, Donna. What the fuck? How could he do this to you? He knows your history. I’ll help you castrate him.” She takes a deep breath then quietly asks, “Are you sure it was Brian?”
“I want to be mad you’d even ask me that, but it’s the same thing I would’ve asked if I hadn’t seen it for myself. Don’t you think I would have known if it wasn’t Brian? I should’ve said something so he would have turned around, but I can’t go back and change anything, and I can’t quit hearing those sounds. They’re plaguing me.” I reach for Shawna’s drink and chug her margarita.
Alcohol isn’t the answer, but sometimes, you need to forget, if only for a few hours.
Frank leans forward in his chair. “Donna, you may not want my advice, but I really think you should talk to Brian about this. I know him, and I can’t see him cheating on you. He told me a while back there were some weird things going on in the office, and he was going to talk to you about them. Tonight, he mentioned he hasn’t had a chance to talk to you yet. Give him a chance to explain himself.”
“I’m not sure why he felt he couldn’t talk to me but he could to you,” I mumble under my breath, hurt because Brian would tell Frank and not me. I’m sure my feelings are unjustified, but I can’t help but feel this way. “I do plan on talking to him, just not tonight. I can’t with my emotions all over the place. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. How can he deny that it was him? I saw him.”
A part of me wishes he were here to talk to now. I need to know why he’d cheat on me.
“You didn’t really see him though. You only saw the guy’s butt and legs. It could have been anyone,” Frank says. “I’m not trying to say you’re wrong. I only want you to see it possibly wasn’t him. If you didn’t see his face or anything on his body that tells you it was him, then how do you know for sure?”
“I don’t and I won’t. I’m hoping to keep an open mind when I talk to him, but without knowing for sure, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to believe him. And that breaks my heart.”
I know not to drink on an empty stomach, but I wasn’t thinking about that when I started drinking, and now, my head is starting to spin and my stomach is gurgling. I’m going call it a day. Yesterday was a long, stressful day and, with everything that’s happened, my body’s exhausted. Surely I can get all of my answers when I wake up in a few hours and call Brian.
“Thank you both for letting me crash here. You guys have been a lot of help, and I really appreciate it. I’m going to go pass out now, and pray that, when I wake, it the day brings some clarity and no hangover.”
“Goodnight,” they say in unison.
Once in bed, I can’t sleep. All I can think about is Brian. I don’t want to believe he’d cheat on me, but I saw him. Or did I? I really want to speak with him, but I’m drunk. If I call him now, then he’ll know he’s busted. But I want to see his face when I tell him because then I’ll know whether or not he’s lying. He’s never been the best liar.
Shawna told me I could use her phone to call Brian if I wanted to, and before I can stop myself, I am dialing him. I want to hang up, but I can’t.
“Hello,” Brian says.
Hearing his voice brings tears to my eyes.
“Hello? Donna, is that you?”
I want to answer him because this is the man I’ve come to know as my protector and the love of my life.
“Please, baby, answer me. I need to know you’re all right.”
But hearing his voice also causes me to question everything he’s ever said to me. Shit, I have to answer. I’m the one who called him.
“Yes, I’m here,” I say, but I’m not sure if I can trust him or myself.
Double shit—I should have followed through with my plan of going to sleep and waiting a few hours to call him. Stupid girl. “
Thank God. Are you okay? Where are you? Wait. To be honest, I already know you’re at Shawna’s because I called her. I was worried about you.”
Even though he’d called several times, he still wanted to check up on me and make sure I was safe for himself.
“I’m doing better now. I’m going to have a hangover from hell in the morning. Or, well, in a few hours when I wake up.” I lose my train of thought. This is why I shouldn’t drunk call. “Oh, I’m planning to drive home later today so we can talk.”
“What? You’re going to drive home by yourself? I really don’t think you should. Will you be sober enough to drive? Can Shawna and Frank come with you? I would really love to see them. Then they can fly home. We can buy their plane tickets. With the stress of the wedding and all the driving yesterday into the wee hours of the morning, you’ll be too tired to do it all by yourself, and I would hate for anything bad to happen to you.”
See, this is why I fell for this man. He’s always looking out for me. He wants me to be happy. He always says, “If you’re happy, then I’m happy.” Up until yesterday at his office, I believed him.
“I’ll ask them in a few hours when they get up. They’ve been talking about coming up for a visit so I could meet Frank and you could see them. I don’t know why you didn’t set them up when you were in law school. They seem to be amazing together.”
“Well, if they can’t come with you, I’ll fly out and we can take the weekend to drive home. I actually like that idea better. There are some things we need to talk about, and it’ll give us alone time. What do you think about me coming out to drive home with you?”
God, that sounds wonderful. Man up and tell him how you really feel. “You know what? No, I don’t want you to come out here. The whole purpose for me coming out here was to get away from you and figure out how to deal with my broken heart. Not let you back in instantly.” Oh shit. Did I say that out loud?
“Why did you need to get away from me? I haven’t seen you since I kissed you goodbye yesterday morning,” Brian says.
“I don’t want to go into that right now. What I want to do is go to bed and pray that I don’t wake up hungover.”
“Donna, I need to know why you ran. Did you come to the office yesterday?”
“Brian, I can’t talk about this right now. I have my reasons. Please don’t force me to talk now.” I’m being a brat by not answering him, but I don’t want to talk about it yet.
“Fine, but I’m not thrilled you won’t even tell me if you showed up at my office yesterday.”
Deep breath. “We really need to talk about what happened yesterday, but it’ll be on my terms, not yours. You’re the asshole who couldn’t be honest with me. Frank t
old me you’ve been meaning to talk to me about something, but apparently, I’m not worthy enough to know what it is yet.” Why did I have to go and say that? Drunk. No filter. “Plus, I need some time to relax and hang with Shawna. If you’re with me, I won’t be relaxing or spending much time with her. I won’t have any time to process where I see myself going from here.”
“Please, let me come drive home with you. You can still hang out with Shawna. You can ignore me all you want while we’re at her house, but once we start the drive home, you’ll be all mine.”
I can’t really argue with him. I don’t want to make that drive home alone, and I really do need to get some questions answered. “I can’t stop you from doing what you want to do. I’m not agreeing with you, but I know you’ll come whether I want you to or not.”
“Thank you, baby, for letting me come get you. And yes, we need to talk about yesterday and what happened, but I have a feeling its part of the reason I need to talk to you. I don’t want to do this over the phone though. I want you to be able to look in my eyes when I answer your questions. I want you to have no doubt I’m telling the truth. So please sleep well, and I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Goodnight, Brian. See you soon. I love you.”
Shit. Why’d I say that? Oh well, I do love him—even if he did cheat. You can’t stop loving someone overnight.
“Good night, my beauty. Sweet dreams. Love you.”
I hang the phone up, climb into bed, and pass out.
God, why did I let myself drink so much last night without eating? It feels as if there’s a jackhammer going off in my head. The sunlight shining through the windows is killing my eyes.
Why does the bed have to face the window? And why are the curtains wide open?
I know not to get drunk, and I didn’t even get the escape I needed because I broke down and called Brian last night. I remember pieces of the conversation.
“Oh shit,” I cry when I realize he’ll be here today.
Knowing him, he was on the first flight out. I’m thinking no later than ten, which is only thirty minutes from now. I need to hurry up and get dressed so I can warn Shawna and Frank that he’s coming.
First Love (Complicated Love Book 1) Page 3