After hopping out of bed, I race over to my bag, grab the first pair of pants and shirt I see, and throw them on. Hopefully, they match. I can’t believe I acted so casual with him on the phone. I made it seem like I wasn’t even pissed off at him. Alcohol doesn’t have the angry affect with me. It makes me lovey-dovey. He has no idea what a shit storm he’s walking in on today. He’s probably been wondering why I left. He probably thought it had to do with our moms, but then, last night, I basically called him a lying asshole. How could I have let myself talk to him without even yelling at him? He deserved my anger last night, and then I agreed to him flying down here to freaking drive me home. How stupid can I be? I’m turning into one of those women who lets their man walk all over them.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I have to talk with Shawna and let her know I made a colossal mistake and I need to get away. I’m not ready to face Brian yet.
“Hey, guys,” I say, walking into the kitchen and holding my throbbing head. I plop down next to Shawna at the breakfast bar. It’s so bright in here; those floor-to-ceiling windows sure do let a lot of light in.
“Good morning, sleepy head. How do you feel?” Frank walks over from the stove and sets water and sets an ibuprofen in front of me.
“Thank you! If you weren’t Shawna’s man, I’d kiss you for giving me these,” I blurt, grateful I didn’t even have to ask for them.
“You’re welcome,” Frank says as his face turns pink and he backs away from me.
“I feel like shit. I ended up calling Brian last night. He’s going to be here sometime this morning, but I don’t know when.” I don’t even get another word out before the doorbell rings. I glare at Shawna and Frank. “Let me guess. You already knew he was coming, and you weren’t even going to wake me to let me know.” I don’t know why I’m upset she didn’t wake me, but I feel she should have.
“Hey, you’re the one who invited him, not me, so don’t go getting all bitchy on me.”
See, this is why I love Shawna. And why we’ve become such good friends. We aren’t afraid to call each other on our shit, and neither one of us lets the other one get away with acting like a total bitch for no reason.
“Fine. But you can answer the door since I don’t want to see him. If I had been the least bit sober last night, I would’ve given him an earful about what a piece of shit he is instead of telling him to come on down. Though I don’t think I told him to come. If memory serves me correctly, I told him I didn’t want him to come. Why’d you let me get drunk and leave me unsupervised with a phone?”
“Tell it like it really is,” Brian says behind me.
Slowly turning around, I see Brian and Frank standing in the kitchen doorway. Shit. When did Frank go answer the door? I really am out of it this morning.
“Well, hello there, Brian. I’m going to go get myself together, as I wasn’t expecting you quite so early. Well, at all, actually, but my stupid-ass drunk mouth brought you here.”
Wow, that came out sounding colder than I’d meant it to, but he needs to know I’m not happy with him.
“Good morning, beautiful. My guess is you feel like shit. You’re always short with me when you’re hungover. Go take a nice hot shower, and I’ll be here when you get out. We’ve got all day.”
I don’t respond to his snide comment about me being short with him. I turn and stomp away, calling out, “I do feel like shit, and it isn’t for the reason you think. I’d take this hangover any day of the week over having my heart ripped out and fed through a shredder like you did with it.”
After saying that, I rush into the bathroom and lock myself in. The last thing I need is Brian or Shawna coming in. I need time to think and get ready for what will hopefully be an eye-opening weekend.
The combination of the hot shower and the ibuprofen helped my hangover, but neither could help with my broken heart. Now that I can finally function, I join my friends and Brian in the kitchen.
“Look who finally decided to join us,” Shawna jokes.
Oh, I hate when they draw attention to me, but at least no one’s thinking about the tension between me and Brian.
“Oh, take a flying leap,” I say, knowing that will piss her off because friend-fighting with her takes my mind off Brian.
“Oh, you did not just tell me to go F off. Those are fighting words,” she says back to me.
“Actually, I didn’t say the F-word. Though you know I love to say it as often as possible in different ways because you hate when I say fuck, fuck, fuck. Coming up with different ways keeps you on your toes.” I laugh now that I’ve made her just as embarrassed.
“Donna, stop picking on poor Shawna,” Brian chides.
“But she knows I don’t like having attention focused on me ever, and that’s what she did,” I say, sounding like a child.
“You two are worse than kids. Why don’t we all play nicely,” Frank suggests.
He hasn’t seen Shawna and me together before, so our friend-fighting is a first for him. He better get used to it, though, because I plan on being around a lot more. I don’t like being away from her for as long as I have been.
“Fine, I’ll behave.” I stick my tongue out at Shawna, eliciting a laugh from both Brian and Frank.
“Oh, grow up, Donna,” Shawna says, smirking. “So, what are the plans for today?”
I look over at Brian because I’m not sure what his plans are. We need to talk, but is Shawna’s house the right place for this conversation? Should we leave? Or can I spend the day with Shawna while he goes off with Frank and then meet up with him later? I’m not sure waiting a couple of hours is going to hurt anything, but I don’t know if I can be around him that long without saying something.
“Shawna, could you excuse us for a moment? I want to talk to Donna. Alone.” Brian leads me out of the kitchen and pulls me down the hallway. As soon as he has me in the bedroom, he closes the door and pins me to it.
He kisses me as though it’s the last time he’ll be able to, and I want to stop him, but it feels so right. I’ve missed him. Finally, I push him away. I can tell it bothers him that I stopped the kiss, but I’m hurt by what I saw yesterday.
“I can’t do this with you right now. I can’t even stand the sight of you. I should go bleach out my mouth. Even looking at you makes me question everything.”
“What are you talking about? I haven’t done anything wrong. I left you yesterday morning like I do every morning. I didn’t even talk to you all day. How could I have done something wrong?”
“Oh, so, you’re going to play dumb? That’s so typical of you. And any man, for that matter.”
“I’m not playing dumb! What did I supposedly do?” Brian screams at me.
The playing-dumb comment was a low blow because his dad used to say that to him all the time, but I’m so mad and hurt that I can’t help yelling back at him. “Don’t you fucking patronize me, you asshole!” I really need to calm down.
Turning away so I don’t have to look at him will hopefully help a little. Saying these hurtful things is what I wanted to avoid because I’ll only end up regretting them, but it’s hard to not keep spewing all this shit at him.
Turning back around, I can see the pain on his face. How can he act like he’s hurting? He’s the one who fucked another woman.
“We really should talk,” I say. “I need answers before we act like everything’s okay. I realize that isn’t what you want to hear right now, but it’s the way it needs to be. You can’t come here and stake your claim on me. Right now, I’m not yours. You lost the right to call me yours when you fucked that slut of a secretary you have!”
Oh shit. Did I really scream at him? That was not the way I was planning on bringing that up.
“Why the hell would you say I fucked Janice? I haven’t touched any woman but you and you know that.”
He’s pissed now. Well, good, because I’m fucking livid.
“Did you know I was at your office yesterday afternoon? I’m guessing you did
because I remember you asking me a couple of times last night. I’m sure Fred told you he saw me going up to your office, and he probably even noticed me storming out. Why would I be running out after coming up to your office to see you? Hmmmm. . .do you think it could be because you couldn’t keep your fucking dick in your pants?”
I’m so pissed that I can’t even see straight. A wet spot on my cheek is the only thing letting me know I’m crying. I didn’t want to do this here, but I’m glad I got all of that off my chest.
He starts pacing around the room. Is he going to defend himself, or is he going to come clean and tell me he’s madly in love with Janice and he’s going to leave me for her?
“I don’t know if I should leave and let you believe the shit you just spewed at me or if I should set you straight. I don’t believe, after all these years, you’d think so little of me.”
“What would you like me to believe? That I was seeing things? That I was imagining a man pumping furiously into a woman who was moaning and yelling, ‘Harder, Brian. Right there. Don’t stop’? Tell me what you’d think and do if you came to my work and heard and saw something similar?” I know he’d believe I was cheating on him.
“First, I’d beat the living shit out of the guy. Then I’d walk out and never look back again. It would be the hardest fucking thing ever, but I wouldn’t be able to stay with a cheater.”
He takes a deep breath as if he’s really picturing this happening. “Second, why didn’t you scream at them and give them a piece of your mind? If you would have, you’d have known it wasn’t me. I wasn’t even in the damn building. I had no idea who the guy was until the wee hours of the morning, but I’m fairly positive it was Janice being a conniving bitch.”
He pauses again, his eyes all watery. “This is something you should have already known, but I’m an idiot. I’ve been having issues with her but haven’t said anything to you yet because I know you hate her and I didn’t want you to worry any more than you already do. I’ve had some suspicions she’s been trying to set me up to look like a cheater for a few weeks now, but I see not telling you was the wrong thing to do.”
You think? “Why not tell me to begin with? Withholding information makes you look guilty.”
“I didn’t want to stress you out more. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate with the wedding and all the crap ‘The Moms’ put you through. I was waiting to get some concrete evidence before I told you, hoping to prevent anything like this from happening.”
“I’m at a loss for words. I’m angry, I’m hurt, and I don’t know the right thing to believe or do, and I’m not sure we can accomplish anything right now. I need some time to absorb and process everything. I’ve always believed you’d never cheat on me, but what I saw and heard makes me question everything even though you say it wasn’t you. I want to hear more about Janice setting you up, but not right now. Plus, wouldn’t I notice if it wasn’t you?”
“I’m sorry you’re conflicted. I want so badly to tell you to believe me, but you need to come to that conclusion on your own. I can only hope, once you’ve had time to think and process everything, you’ll want to sit down and talk with me. I understand that it would be devastating to see and hear something like that. As I said to you, I would have beat the guy. Please take all the time you need to figure it out, but please come home with me. Don’t leave me yet. I simply can’t live my life without you.”
“I really need some time alone. I came here to be with Shawna. I need time away from you so I can think clearly. Having you around is going to cloud my judgment. I’m not saying you have to go home, but I need today to be with Shawna. Maybe you and Frank can hang out and do something.”
“I can work with that. I can’t leave here without you, so I’m happy you didn’t ask that of me.”
Heading to the door, I look back and say, “Thank you for coming for me even though I can’t give you the welcome you were looking for.” Then I, leave him alone.
Walking into the kitchen Shawna and Frank drop their jaws when they see I’m alone. I have a feeling they thought I was going to be coming out with Brian in tow and all would be forgotten and forgiven. I can’t do that without making sure I’m doing the right thing. I don’t want to be one of those women who believes their guy isn’t a cheater when he really is.
“Shawna, I know you thought I’d forgive Brian and all would be well, but I can’t be around him right now. I need time to think and process everything he told me. I’m sure you guys heard some of our conversation. I’d like to steal you away and have a girls’ day. Maybe Frank can hang with Brian?” Looking over at Frank, I hope he’ll be on board with this idea. “I told Brian I needed today. Maybe, by tonight, I’ll be ready to talk with him more.”
“Donna, you know I’ll do whatever you need. Let’s go have a girls’ day and leave the men to do whatever they do.”
I’m so happy she’s on board with this. I want to relax and think about what the right thing is in this situation. I don’t want to make the mistake of a lifetime and regret it later. There is too much riding on the decision.
Then Brian walks into the kitchen.
“Bye, Brian. I’ll see you later this evening.” I wish I could tell him I’m sorry that I’m hurting him by taking time, but I don’t think I should be sorry.
“Bye. Have a great day. I love you. I always have and always will,” he says.
***
Spending the day at the arcade with Shawna was a lot of fun. We got to act like kids. I haven’t played Galaga in so long. After I kept beating Shawna, she wanted to play some other games. Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Frogger, Centipede, and Tetris all got some of our attention. It was so refreshing to let go of everything and pretend to be a kid again. I don’t understand why kids always wish away being a kid to be an adult. It really isn’t any fun.
I had a great time with Shawna, but I didn’t have a lot of time to think over everything Brian had said. But that’s okay because I feel like I’m more relaxed and able to listen to what he has to say now. The great thing about today was there was no talking about Brian or anything that brought me to California. To make it fair, we didn’t talk about Frank, either.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when we got back to
Shawna’s, but I never could have imagined what greets us when we arrive. Frank is waiting outside to whisk Shawna away.
“Now, you behave tonight, Donna,” Frank says. “Don’t give my boy too hard of a time. Let him talk to you.”
“I will. You two really don’t need to leave your place to give us alone time. We can always get a hotel. I feel bad that you guys are leaving.”
“Don’t feel bad. We want you both to feel comfortable enough to talk things out. Please don’t feel like you’re putting us out. I have a special surprise for my lady here,” Frank says as he opens the car door for Shawna.
Walking up to the apartment has my nerves going crazy, and I have butterflies in my stomach. I don’t know what to expect from Brian. I want to believe he wasn’t the man in his office, but how can I when I saw him and heard the woman say his name? But did I really see him?
Do I walk into the condo, or do I knock? I’m guessing, because they left us to the place, that I can just open the door. As I’m pondering what to do, Brian.
“You going to stand out there all night, or you going to come in?”
Looking up, I see him standing in the doorway, holding the door open for me. “I was planning on coming in. I wasn’t sure if I should walk in or knock.”
“I’d say walk in, but now that I have the door open, I’ll invite you in. Come on in, beautiful.”
“What are you doing, Brian?”
“I wanted to have some peace and quiet to talk with you. I need to tell you about everything that’s been going on in the office and what we, as in you and me, should do about it. We need to do this as a couple and not me doing it solo like I was. That was stupid of me.”
This is going to be a long conversation, so I sit on the c
ouch. Brian can either follow or not.
“Brian, I’m going to come out with it. I know you told me it wasn’t you, but with seeing you and hearing Janice moaning and shouting, ‘Harder, Brian,’ what am I supposed to think? Janice has never liked me and is always blatantly eye-fucking you in front of me. You’re always working long hours. Again, Brian, what am I supposed to think?” My voice gets louder the more I say. I need to take a deep breath and calm down.
Shawna and Frank might get pissed if their neighbors call the cops or the condo manager on us because we’re too loud.
“First of all, I wasn’t in my office during lunch yesterday. Second, I have proof it wasn’t me. And last, you need to breathe and calm down, hun. I want you to listen to everything I’ve been needing to say, and then you can ask questions.”
“Don’t you dare sit there and tell me to calm the fuck down. I don’t need to be calm. I can do what I want. Until you prove it wasn’t you, I’m allowed to be angry. I have all the evidence I need to believe it was you. So please excuse me if I’m having trouble not being pissed at you.”
“Sorry. I wasn’t trying to tell you what to do. I didn’t want you to have a panic attack.”
I know he cares about me, so I listen to him tell me his dad’s been trying to get him to hook up with Janice because “it’s all right to have a side piece of ass.” That it’s a given for a man, and I wouldn’t leave him or say anything about it. His father believes I’m unable to be a wild, crazy minx in the bedroom, and all men need a mistress to fulfill their deepest desires. He then goes on to tell me he’s noticed random things in his office—used condoms, panties, even a bra. He briefly mentions that there is something else going on with some mysterious files, but I honestly can’t follow along at this point. I’m still pissed about the condoms, the panties, and the bra left in his office.
“What the fuck? Why didn’t you bring this up before? I can’t believe you’ve left me in the dark on all this. You do realize this makes you look guilty, telling me all of this now, after I caught you.”
First Love (Complicated Love Book 1) Page 4