The Cosmic Ray Heresy

by Frank Smith

  "With Olivia?"

  "She was with my mother."

  "Accidentally?"

  "Oh, I don't know. Maybe she had mentioned something about going there. It would have been ridiculous for two people who knew one another not to sit together. Watching a movie is so much better when you have someone to share it with, right?"

  "Frank, you know how I feel. You don't need to justify anything with me."

  "I know. So, we began to occasionally go to movies together. My mother baby sat for us. Afterwards we would stop for coffee and talk or play games."

  "Play games? A little footsie?"

  "Board games. There's a small coffee shop near the Art Museum in Fairmount that has lots of board games. I taught her how to play chess. At least I think I did, but sometimes I wonder. Occasionally she beats me when I'm not trying to lose. Her favorite game though is Clue."

  Martha got up from her chair and sat on the edge of my desk and folded her arms. "This is getting interesting. What else?"

  "Sometimes we would take a walk along the East River Drive down by Boat House Row and watch the boats on the river or just sit. She reads me things she is working on. She's writing a play for her master's thesis- a murder mystery. Fascinating story. Most of the time we had Olivia and her son Joey with us: the park, playgrounds, the Please Touch Museum, the dinosaurs at the Academy of Natural Sciences- that sort of thing."

  "So you two are dating."

  "I don't know if I'd call it that."

  "Well, when you go to the movies do you go in the same car, sit next to her, buy her popcorn?"

  "I like butter she doesn't."

  "You're dating. Are you in love with this 'friend'?"

  "Desperately."

  "Now we're getting somewhere. Here's something that fascinates me. The priest who is the weekend assistant at St. Elizabeth's is regularly visiting their sixth grade teacher and taking her out. No one notices this?"

  "Some of the kids did. There were a few eighth grade girls that would talk to Vicki about 'girl stuff'-boyfriends, sex, 'my parents are ruining my life' -stuff like that. She had a big-sister relationship with them. One day we were walking down the hall and a group of these girls giggled and tripped their way past us. 'Hi Mrs. Meyers. Hi Father Donnelly'. Vicki said not to pay any attention to them. She said they thought I had a thing for her."

  "And they're right," Martha said.

  "Past tense. I blew it."

  "What happened?"

  "Last Sunday we went into center city to see a new French film. When I took her home she asked me up to her apartment to get some DVDs she promised me. My mother had the kids for the afternoon."

  "Oh, Oh."

  "Let me finish. She went into the kitchen to make tea. A little later she came back with the tea on a tray. She was wearing flip flops and a robe that looked like a kimono and said, 'This is the only way to serve tea.' That was a line from one of the scenes in the movie we just saw in which the French actress, wearing a kimono, proceeded to pour tea for her boyfriend and herself, add sugar, milk- very formal, like a Japanese tea ceremony. Vicki started to act out this scene."

  "Very dramatic. She takes her movies seriously."

  "Yes. In the film the actress eventually sheds the kimono and she's naked. It was a prelude to a sex scene."

  "Wow. And you're, what, running for the door or waiting for her to drop the robe? The spirit or the flesh? A classic conflict."

  "I'm afraid the flesh was definitely winning that battle."

  "Don't apologize to me for being human. Save that for the confessional. So, what happened?"

  "She dropped the robe and?" I paused.

  "And what? Don't keep me in suspense."

  "And she saw my look of disappointment. She still was wearing her Bermuda shorts and sweater."

  "Then what happened?"

  "I don't know. She got mad when she realized I thought she was trying to seduce me. I was embarrassed. I said the wrong things. Asked what I was supposed to think with her wearing a kimono after the movie we just saw."

  "You blamed the misunderstanding on her."

  "Yes. Then she said something like, 'I was serving tea, Frank-not me. It's not my fault you expected Victoria's Secret rather than J. Crew.' Before things got even worse I headed for the door. She flung two DVDs at me and said, 'Make sure you slow-mo through the love scenes. You might learn something- and don't bother to return them."

  "Cripes, no wonder she was mad at you. She plays out a fun way to serve tea and you assume she is trying to get you into bed. Did you call her and apologize?"

  "I thought it best to leave it that way. I wasn't prepared to make a choice."

  "Between Vicki and the priesthood?"

  "Yes. I want both and I can't have that. Now I miss her. She made me a better person just being around her. I'm the priest but she is more Christ-like the way she deals with people, and her students, with such kindness and understanding. My spiritual side is more intellectual. I have to stop and think my way through human scale problems. I would theorize about solutions to the problems of the homeless while Vicki would stop and talk to every bag lady we passed and hand them money. I felt more?complete when I was with her."

  "And you should be with her. I wish you had handled that situation a little better."

  "How? I wish I had. I feel terrible about it."

  "You know those DVDs that include alternate endings and scenes? Okay, imagine you played the scene this way. When you found out you were an idiot, suppose you went over and hugged her and told her how sorry you were to cause her pain, sat her on the couch, dried her eyes with your handkerchief, let her blow her nose, told her how much you loved her, can she ever forgive you? Ya-da, ya-da, ya-da. How's that sound, Frank?"

  "Fine, but I'm not the one who acted out the scene that led to my mistake."

  "Forget about that. It was your fault, not hers. For the finale, the next day you send her flowers and a card that says, 'Please forgive me'. Can you agree that might have been a better alternative?"

  "It probably would have-if I had thought of it at the time. Yes, I wish I had done something like that."

  "You still can. Send her the flowers."

  "Is that your professional advice, Martha?"

  "That's my advice as a woman. My professional advice would cost you a hundred-fifty an hour."

  I skipped the professional advice and sent the flowers.

  CHAPTER 51-BACK TO REALITY

  I drifted in and out of sleep.

  Flowers-the smell of cut flowers at a funeral-trying to comfort a family in their sorrow-saying the rosary at a wake-Connie's wake-why wasn't God with her that day?-Vicki-Olivia-threats from a killer-who?-clues -Colonel Mustard-in the library-with a knife-Michael Eddy?-in a storeroom-with a candle?-cosmic rays-divine?- no demonic -ladies and gentlemen?

  "Ladies and gentlemen. Please secure your seat belts. The captain expects things to get a bit bumpy."

  Vicki raised her head from my shoulder. "Are we there?"

  "Not yet." I checked my watch. "Two more hours to kill."

  "How long did I sleep?"

  "About an hour. You better not sleep any more or you won't be able to sleep tonight."

  "How about you? Did you get any sleep?"

  "I dozed a little."

  Vicki fished her iPad out of her small backpack. "I've got a chess program loaded on this. How 'bout I beat you at a game?"

  "I have another idea. Let's play detective. Open up a blank document and make a list of what I tell you."

  Five minutes later we had a list of everything Angela Rossi and I had on Michael Eddy and what we discovered at St. Gabriel's.

  "Okay," Vicki said "now what?"

  "Now we put your precocious Priscilla character to work. What does she think of our hypothesis tying all of this together? I'm not sure Angela and I have it quite right."

  "This sounds like fun, Frank. State your hypothesis as simply as you can."

  "All right, try
this. Michael Eddy is 'pen pal'. He has been sending me and others threatening emails. He murdered at least one priest cited in the 2005 Grand Jury Report and possibly another. Also, he attempted to kidnap Olivia and was the shooter at St. Elizabeth's, and, he probably fed information to the CDF to try to harm me. Knowing that the police are looking for him he has fled."

  "Let me get this down," she said. "Now, what is it that bothers you?"

  "First of all, placing Michael Eddy at St. Gabriel's the morning of the murder," I said.

  "You have a gray SUV leaving the parking lot about the time of the crime and Eddy drives a gray Escape," she said. "What about that?"

  "We only have Monsignor Smith's word on that."

  "You think he might be lying? But why? Don't forget, you also have Eddy's fingerprints on the plastic sleeve the candle came in."

  "But Soroka was buying church supplies from Eddy," I said. "That doesn't necessarily place him in the storeroom that morning."

  "True. Priscilla just thought of something else," Vicki said. "The name 'Michael Eddy' first pops up at Good Shepherd. You said Tom Lacey discovered that Soroka and Cinelli were stationed there in the sixties. An altar boy, a John Toner, who was molested said that another boy was also molested and his name was 'Mickey or something like that'. Were those Tom's exact words?"

  "Yes, I think so."

  "Do you know if Tom was accurately quoting this guy Toner?"

  "That I don't know."

  "When Detective Rossi searched the records for a possible 'Mickey' she came up with Michael Eddy," Vicki said.

  "Right."

  "What about the 'something-like-that' part? Mickey, Ricky, Dicky? Michael, Ricardo, Enrico, Richard?"

  "Good point," I said. "I hadn't thought of that. Eddy's name would have come up anyhow though when his prints were found on the candle sleeve."

  "True, but as you pointed out, if the candle was purchased from Harrisburg Supply his prints should have been on it."

  "Your Priscilla is pretty sharp."

  "Your case against Eddy is purely circumstantial."

  That was soon to change.

  CHAPTER 52-A JOB FOR JOE

  After my first class on Tuesday I stopped in to see Joe.

  "Thanks for covering for me yesterday, Joe. I owe you one."

  "No problem. I left the tests on your desk."

  "How did the lab go in the afternoon?"

  "No errant cosmic rays but one of the power supplies for the discharge tubes in the spectrometer experiment is shot. I replaced it and ordered a new one. I put the students' lab reports on the counter in the back of the lab. How was the Eternal City?"

  "Great. We had a meeting with Cardinal Tossi on Saturday and were free the rest of the weekend. We did all the touristy things: the Vatican, Sistine Chapel, St. Peter's, the Spanish Steps, the works. I showed Vicki the hotel we stayed in when I was a kid and my father was stationed in Europe."

  "So, your meeting went well? I take it they didn't drum you out of the priesthood."

  "The meeting went very well. So well, I'm going to need your help again."

  "Anything."

  "How are you at making toasts? I need a best man."

  "Fantastic!" Joe said leaping up from his desk and high-fiving me.

  "Congratulations! You do mean that they will let you remain a priest, right?"

  "Right."

  "Unbelievable? A special exemption from the Pope himself?"

  "I don't need it. Cardinal Tossi chose to interpret my original exemption as covering my remarriage. He only asked that there be as little publicity as possible about the wedding. The media could blow it all out of proportion. It does not represent an historic change in Church policy. The big news was years ago when I was ordained while I was married. This is just an extension of my exception, not a new thing."

  "C'mon Frank, you know that this is something new and revolutionary."

  "That's the way they want to play it, Joe, and that's fine with us. Vicki and I don't want to be freaks; just a normal family. We've been given that chance."

  "What made him change his mind, Frank, a little 'quid pro quo'?'

  "Something for something? I guess you could characterize it that way. The Cardinal got what he wanted and I got his approval of our marriage, but from my perspective I'm more inclined to characterize our agreement as 'nihil pro quo'; nothing for something."

  "You're being very mysterious, Frank."

  "Just temporarily, Joe."

  "Well, wait till I tell Marge about this. She said it would never happen."

  "I was beginning to give up hope myself."

  "When are you thinking?"

  "We don't have a date yet. Soon. Probably between Thanksgiving and Christmas, before they have a chance to change their minds. Vicki is making plans already. Her mother is coming up from Atlanta to help her."

  "Let me know if there's anything Marge and I can do."

  "I will, Joe, and thanks again."

  Back in my office I grabbed a brown paper bag from my fridge before heading to Munchkin House. It contained a cheese sandwich-fat free- a pear, a small bottle of Poland Spring water, and a pack of tiny cupcakes.

  Olivia's friend, Jason, was drawing on his paper placemat. He shoved the placemat toward me along with the half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich resting on its corner.

  "That's a nice elephant, Jason."

  Olivia, sitting next to me, peered over my arm.

  "Dadeee, can't you tell a dinosaur from an elephant?"

  I looked again. I guess it could be a dinosaur. "Jason, who's right, me or Olivia?"

  "It's a T-Rex," he said, both palms up as if it couldn't be more obvious. "See his fat tail and his little arms, and big teeth? Elephants have skinny tails and long noses and no teeth."

  "Yes they do have teeth. Their tusks are like teeth that went all crazy," Olivia said.

  "Well they can't eat you like a T-Rex," Jason said.

  "They can step on you and squash you, right Daddy?"

  "They sure can."

  "And stick you with their tusks" Jason said. "I saw some elephants in the zoo-and a baby dinosaur-are you gonna eat your apple?"

  Olivia answered by taking a big bite. Jason eyed my pear. Between chews Olivia said "You didn't see?a dinosaur. They're dead."

  "OK, then it was a dragon, a little baby dragon."

  Olivia gave me her how-can-he-be-so-stupid look.

  "It was a lizard, Jason. They look like dragons."

  Olivia stood up and brushed crumbs from her smock. "I saw some real dragons on TV. Kokomonga dragons"

  "Kamoda dragons, " I said. "They're big lizards."

  "Yep, really big and they slobber and have really bad breath," Olivia said.

  Jason leaned forward and whispered. "Just like Mrs. B-yucky!"

  That triggered a round of giggles and a bout of hiccups from Jason. We sang the cleanup song and hit the Trash Monster. I said hello to Officer Ramirez on the porch as I left. If the police find Michael Eddy we might not need him.

  Things were looking up. My life was returning to some semblance of normality.

  CHAPTER 53-A BULLET IN HIS HEAD

  When I returned to my office there was a voice mail from Angela, "Call me ASAP".

  I called."What's new?"

  "Lots. First of all Michael Eddy and his Ford Escape were found in a parking lot at Philadelphia International. He had a bullet hole in his head."

  "My God, what happened?"

  "Looks like he tried to kill himself. He's still hanging on in a coma down at Jefferson. Lost a lot of blood. Shot though the left temple with his service revolver. The bullet exited above his left eye and shattered the E-ZPass transponder on the windshield before it fell to the dashboard. He was lying across the center console and partially on the passenger seat and the floor. Keys in the ignition. Doors unlocked. Gun in his left hand. Rosary beads in his right. He was discovered early Sunday morning when a woman pulled into the space next to him
. His laptop had the emails he sent you and others. Dozens of them."

  "I thought those emails were sent from public terminals."

  "Oh they were. He sent copies to himself. Also, it contained the pictures he stole from hacking in to your computer. No doubt about it, he's your pen pal."

  "I'm both relieved and saddened. He must have been a tortured soul. Too bad you didn't get to him before this. Has he been charged?"

  "He's not going anywhere soon even if he survives. We certainly have him for the thefts of your pictures and for terroristic threats. A murder charge would be a little shaky. The DA wants more evidence."

  "I see. Any suicide note, confession, or anything like that?"

  "No suicide note. I'd say it's highly likely he did Soroka. I'm not sure if he played a role in Cinelli's death. We don't even know if he was the mysterious visitor that day. We may never know if he dies. In the meantime you can rest a little easier."

  "Yes it's good to have some closure. I was beginning to doubt that Eddy was our guy. Keep me posted on his condition, will you?"

  "Sure thing."

  "Hey, do you know if Eddy is left-handed or right-handed?" I asked.

  "Good question, Frank. I'll check."

  CHAPTER 54-WEDDING PLANS

  Vicki and her mother were looking for a dress for the wedding. That seemed simple enough. I suggested they pick a color and go to a store and buy one.

  "Frank, you don't understand how complicated this is. If I were looking for a bridal gown we'd go right to a bridal shop. If I was looking for a nice dress, the kind I'd wear to someone else's wedding we'd go to Macy's. It's this in-between area that's tough. More like a bridal party dress but not quite. In a shop in Conshohocken they kept showing me dresses that would be perfect if I was going to the senior prom. It's brutal."

  "Are you enjoying yourself, Vicki?"

  "Immensely."

  The "in-between" area was by the request of Cardinal Tossi and Archbishop Reilly. The wedding should be small but not private, modest not ostentatious, an extension of a rare, but existing, Church policy, not something new. We settled on a noon nuptial Mass at St. Elizabeth's on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Vicki and I would both be off from that Wednesday until the following Monday. We would save the honeymoon until Christmas vacation. The wedding party would be just Joe as my best man and Vicki's sister Marie as her maid of honor. Olivia would be the flower girl and Joey the ring bearer. By his request Archbishop Reilly would officiate and celebrate the Mass. Our pastor, Monsignor Carey, and Tom Lacey would concelebrate. This would send a message that the marriage was fully sanctioned by the Church. The parishioners would be invited and there would be an informal reception following the wedding in the parish hall. Ladies from the parish would take care of it. The eighth grade girls in the parish school had their suspicions confirmed and something to tweet about.