by Criss Copp
“Yeah, I imagine she’s one of those girls who’ll wait till she’s 17.” Jordan said.
“I imagine you’re right.” I suggested. Could we get off this topic now?
*
Summer was one of those girls after all, so... I was one of those guys too... by which time, Stephanie had moved on from me, and was ‘doing it’ with Cameron... and my first time was with a girl named Kim - who was just a random girl at Dylan’s 17th birthday party, who I took a momentary fancy to, after finding out Summer and Jordan had done the deed; information courtesy from Jordan... of course.
I had wanted to punch Jordan’s face in, before I realised I couldn’t! So I did the next best thing, and fucked some random chick! Just handed over my ‘virginity’ to a complete stranger! I didn’t want to get to know her... since any girl would’ve been okay!
I was between my junior and senior year, and I had been without a girlfriend for about 5 months, since I just couldn’t lie to myself anymore and continue to use girlfriends as preparation for Summer. It was far better to use random girls who knew that they were only getting a one night fling. So, the remainder of the holidays saw me whoring myself around at every possible party... one night stands were the order of the day!
After the break, our senior year continued in much the same way as previous years. Summer and I returned to a semblance of normalcy... I ignored the intimacy of her relationship, and continued to broker several short relationships with different girls; they always were concerned over my ‘odd’ relationship with Summer. None of them lasted very long.
Summer continued in an on-again, off-again situation with Jordan. This of course, was like manna from heaven for me, as it was living proof that both of us were maintaining unsustainable relationships.
Summer.
It was Winter break... and I’d just gotten off the phone from Jordan again. I’d broken up with him because he had started following me around outside of school, making sure I was safe. But I’d heard from Cameron, that he’d been threatening some of his team mates with violence, because they had been talking to me when they’d seen me out Christmas shopping. He hadn’t denied it... he had just said that they shouldn’t be treading on his territory.
I was scared for Blake, because maybe he was in danger from Jordan’s over-the-top possessiveness too.
Sitting on my bed... I was sorting through my music on my phone now, and changing personal ringtones for my friends. But I was actually thinking of Blake.
I had been giving him a green light to ‘extend’ our friendship for years... but he had never indicated that he wanted to.
Damn... I had been practically cheating on Jordan... doing everything in my power to get Blake to touch me. But Blake preferred fucking girl’s he could let go of easily. He was certainly not interested in me... no more than friends. That’s why I’d always end up back with Jordan... his persistence wore me down.
But I had to admit... once I left for college... I wasn’t taking the whole Jordan mess with me. I wanted a new start then.
I was in love with my best friend! I was fucking his friend, on and off, and I was making a mess of my final year of High School.
Why... why couldn’t Blake fall for me too?
I thought about the last time I had had sex with Jordan. It wasn’t the first time I had thought about Blake while we made out, but it was the first time I projected his image on the entire scene, as if it were him that I was being intimate with.
Jordan had collected me from my place, to take me over to his house for dinner with his family. We had made our way to his bedroom, since dinner was still forty minutes away.
When Jordan had closed the door, he pulled me into his arms to kiss me.
Hands on my face... at first they were Jordan’s. They became Blake’s the moment I closed my eyes.
The thought that I was kissing Blake and not Jordan fuelled my desire. I rarely instigated sex... but I wanted my fantasy to flourish.
“Fuck me!” I said breathlessly... I’d almost said Fuck me Blake... but I reined it in, and kept the Blake bit in my head.
Jordan growled... Blake growled!
He maneuvered me towards the bed until my legs bumped up against the mattress.
“Summer!” He said seductively, as he proceeded to undress me. I placed my finger on his lips and opened my eyes.
“Shhh! We have to be quiet.” I said, thinking about his parents, in addition to my fantasies.
Jordan smiled knowingly, as he peeled my clothes off and threw them on his floor.
Once I was naked, and standing in front of a naked Jordan, he pushed me gently back onto the bed and into the mattress.
“Can we try skin on skin?” Jordan asked, hovering over me.
“No way... it’s too risky!” I said in a panic. Jordan was always trying to convince me to let him use the withdrawal method.
He sighed, reached over to his dresser and grabbed a condom out of the top drawer.
After rolling the condom down over his ready penis, he looked at me with a smirk and lay back over my body again, as I spread my legs open and around his hips.
I was losing my vibe... my desire and fantasy had all but dried up. Reality was Jordan... Blake wasn’t here. It almost made me want to cry.
Jordan wasn’t inconsiderate; he just didn’t have my complete attention... I wasn’t in love with him.
Jordan felt my pussy to make sure I was ready for him. I wasn’t really that ready after all.
He produced some saliva and licked it onto his hand, before smearing the moisture over the lips of my pussy. The action kinda cooled me down a whole lot more.
Jordan held his penis at the entrance to my vagina and then eased himself into me with a groan.
He began to move inside of me. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the friction... attempting to mentally boost my desire. It was working... but only slightly. I thought of Blake again, and wondered what he would do... and just like that, by mentally picturing him again, my desire levels rose. My pussy became wet; I was thinking about his cock inside me, I began pushing back into Blake... I mean Jordan/Blake... with forceful thrusts that helped him to reach areas of my vagina Jordan hadn’t explored.
In no time, I had rolled Jordan/Blake over and was astride him... and fucking him for all I was worth... fucking Blake in my head!
“I’m gonna come.” Jordan lamented into my fantasy.
“Hold on... I’m not there yet!” I said. Thrusting harder, trying to achieve my release.
“I can’t... you’re too fucking good!” Jordan frantically breathed, before his body jerked, he became rigid and a cry, stifled by a pillow reached my ears.
Fuck! Even in my fantasies I couldn’t get Blake to fall for me... to come with me... I began to cry!
Jordan thought it was because the sex was so good... but I was so frustrated, I had to take it out on myself later with my fingers.
I had broken up with Jordan two days later... he had been persistently calling me since. I wondered how long it would be before the pattern of going back to him would be fulfilled... or if this time I could walk away forever.
Blake.
Julie, Summer and I had had a large joint 18th birthday party on 15th May. It was two days before Julie’s and my birthday and four days after Summer’s. Debbie and Max, alongside my parents, hired out a hall, had a band, and everything was fully catered for. The best present for me though, was that Summer had broken up with Jordan during the week. It appeared to be permanent. She maintained his behavior was bordering on unacceptable... he seemed the same as usual to me, but it was all good news in any case.
At prom night, despite the split still being maintained, Jordan still took Summer (it had been arranged ages before). But she wasn’t speaking to him that much, since they were still apart... and since I went stag, she ended up dancing most of the night with Julie and I.
We were all off to college very soon. Julie was heading for Newark, New Jersey, to attend Berkley
College; and there do a Bachelor of Science in Fashion Marketing and Management.
Because Summer and I had always discussed going to college together, and local colleges didn’t cater for her, despite some of the best fine arts and graphic design courses available to me right here, we were planning on doing the next best thing.
Summer and I were attending Centenary College in Hackettstown, New Jersey together... I had convinced her for eighteen months that Centenary had everything I wanted; despite it being in the middle of nowhere. At least as far as my experience was concerned.
She was enrolling for a Bachelor of Arts, with an English major and a Creative Writing minor... and I was availing myself of their Bachelor of Fine Arts in Art and Design. We would be moving into our own apartment, and having to find a third flat mate ourselves, to assist with the rent, in six weeks.
Today was July 16th... tonight, we were back at celebrating Dylan’s birthday... a full circle... he was turning eighteen.
I had just completed the final touches to my hair in the bathroom and was heading back to my bedroom, when I heard through Julie’s closed door (I may have been listening), Summer talking to Julie...
“Yes, marriage... can you believe Jordan proposed to me last night?”
I choked... I froze...
And then the tinkling of the smashed pieces of my heart could be heard for miles (they were that loud in my head anyway), as they skidded across the floor of the hallway in all directions. In six weeks we were supposed to be moving in together, I had made so many plans... hitched my star to her wagon... Fuck! What did this mean?
My breathing had stopped, and when I remembered to breathe again, it rattled through my rib cage and caught in my throat on its way back out. I wanted to move my body... I had to move, away from the door, but I couldn’t. My body was in such shock, my feet wouldn’t work.
“I didn’t know you were meeting up with him again...You okay?” I heard Julie voice.
“Yeah...” Summer said, unaffected. “I mean it hurt, you know, to see him like that, but... well.” She sighed, “It was very romantic... it was... sweet.” Summer explained.
“Helen... well, she talks about us living together now that school’s finished and I can get away from here... God, she makes me feel so special.” Julie enthused.
What? Helen Daniels? Julie’s friend who was a year older than us... the one already in college? AT BERKLEY!!! What... The... Fuck! I burst through the door.
They stood there... like deer in the headlights. Julie was about to put her second earring in.
“Were you listening at the door?” Julie asked me... already knowing the answer.
I was shaking... I shouldn’t have burst in... I couldn’t hurt Summer... I couldn’t lose her either! Had I already lost her...? But oh, I was so angry! I narrowed in on the only thing that could keep this moment in some semblance of perspective.
Julie was wearing her standard style; a vintage dress in an indigo blue color that matched her eyes. Her pumps were the same color, and gave her another two inches in height. Her hair had remained in her short pixie style all these years. I had never picked her for a lesbian, but then, she had never told me, or trusted me with that information.
She had trusted Summer with it, but Summer hadn’t given me a heads up either... Right now, despite reason telling me otherwise, I couldn’t entertain that Summer had no right to offer that information to me, that it wasn’t hers to give... and I doubted very much that Summer would know what complications this information had either.
But I was even angrier with Summer than Julie at this moment, despite having no right to be, and God Damn... if I wasn’t going to hang her out to dry right now too!
Summer was in a banded fabric cream mini dress, with matching heels; her figure was lean but beautiful, like a Victoria’s Secret model... her hair was out and slightly messy; her makeup, courtesy of Julie, highlighted her face flawlessly, and I had to suck in a breath because I was so taken by her. Fortunately, my sudden intake of breath didn’t detract from my initial ‘burst through the door’ antics.
“What did you hear?” Julie asked, her shock slowly turning to anger.
I lifted a shaking hand into a quivering stop signal.
“Helen?” I asked, or perhaps I squeaked, because it didn’t sound very loud.
Julie’s face was burning... Summer’s mouth had dropped open; shock was still registered on her face.
Pointing my shaking finger at Summer, I continued, “You couldn’t tell me? How long have you known this?” I forcefully spat.
“Um...” she quietly murmured, “Since Starbucks?” she said timidly.
Fuck that... since Starbucks? Since Julie gave me all that bullshit about being gay? I was now very angry.
“It wasn’t her secret to tell, asshole!” Julie screamed.
“You fucking give me hell for 6 months... then drag out your tantrums for another 2 months; and for at least those last 2 months, Summer could’ve given me piece of mind about the whole God damn experience?... Whose fault is it Jewels?” I shouted back.
Summer was shifting nervously on her feet; she was biting her lip, her eyes were downcast.
“Don’t you dare,” Julie seethed. “I couldn’t tell anyone else... I had a crush on her and I thought she needed to know, so she could choose whether she still wanted to hang with me or not... other than that, Helen is the only one that knows.” Julie shouted.
“That’s because you’ve been trading pussy with her.” I seethed; I was being an absolute bastard.
Julie’s whole body exploded. Her arms flung out, her face started shouting and spitting... but I couldn’t hear her. All I could comprehend was Summer, quietly moving to the other side of the bed, dropping into the chair in the corner and quietly zoning out. She then dropped her face in her hands. I couldn’t tell what else happened, because by then Julie had clocked me in the face and was shoving me out the door.
Summer.
If he heard about Julie, he’d probably heard about Jordan... he knew about the proposal... It felt like my stomach had decided to depart from my body, the same time my heart dropped through the resultant hole left behind.
Chapter 6
Blake.
Kelly was a good distraction... both times. However, she was a bit domineering for my liking. She was older by two years, and I think she felt she had something to teach me. But her condescending tone about my youth, kind of put this experience into perspective, as just another one night stand.
Summer didn’t attend the party in the end... Julie told me she was sick. I should’ve gone to see her, but I was too busy getting ‘busy’, because I thought she was marrying Jordan.
Apart from Julie informing me rudely about Summer’s no show, she otherwise did a perfectly determined performance of ignoring me... giving the term ‘Ice Queen’ a whole new image.
Jordan appeared briefly towards the end... I didn’t get to talk to him, but he appeared devastated. It was obvious I’d been wrong and it made me feel like shit... because all of a sudden, Kelly hadn’t been necessary. It made me feel like a cheating bastard...
*
“Summer, please open your door.” I asked, knocking loudly on the door.
Debbie stood behind me.
“You know, she’s not been herself all week, and today... she’s been a mess.” Debbie explained, chewing her fingernail.
No, I didn’t really know, because I’ve been feeling guilty about behaving like a dick; and haven’t been around to check on her!
Turning to her, I whispered, “Can I go through Sal’s old room?”
“She’s locked the ensuite door.” Debbie replied.
I looked at Debbie; did she truly have no idea? Was I about to break some secret code of teenagers everywhere by divulging my knowledge of ensuite bathroom doors?
“Can I have a butter knife please?” I asked.
Butter knife in hand, I snicked the ensuite door open on Sally’s side, turned to give the knife back
to Debbie, and implored her to leave us alone, so I could attend to Summer on my own. She acquiesced, so I walked through to Summer’s bedroom, closing both ensuite doors behind me.
She was lying in her bed. The radio played on her laptop. She looked up at me before ducking under her covers.
I hadn’t talked to her all week... and I was sick of waiting for her to contact me. Debbie’s phone call twenty minutes ago put things entirely into perspective... I was a tool!
“Go away Blake.” Her muffled voice sounded through the covers.
“No... I came to apologize.” I told her, making my way to her bed and climbing on top to lie beside her.
“I don’t care.” She said.
“You do care... you love me... long, long time!” I replied.
“I’m upset; I can’t do this right now.” Summer pleaded.
“Look, I’ll talk, you listen.” I said. “Jordan texted me... he said you broke his heart this morning.”
“He came over, and I told him it was really over... I broke up with him months ago!” She confirmed croakily.
“You’re not listening... you’re talking!” I stated, a smile playing on my lips. She remained under her covers, quiet!
“Now, I need to tell you something,” I began, “I’m a hot-headed dumbass!” I said.
“Huh!” Summer grunted in agreement.
“But I need to tell you some stuff that will explain a bit better about me being a dumbass, so you can understand why I’m a dumbass.” I said.
This was going to be hard.
This wasn’t just my secret... this was also Julie’s secret. I had argued with Julie for years that we needed to tell Summer our secret... and until the phone call from Debbie, demanding I get my ass over to Summer and fix whatever was wrong, she had refused. Even then, she only agreed with me, when I confessed my feelings for Summer.
Summer’s face poked out from under the covers, as she lifted them from her head. She rolled onto her side so she faced me. Her face was wet with tears, and her eyes were swollen and red. Yet despite this, she still looked beautiful.