by Criss Copp
I took a deep breath, and told her my story:
When Julie and I were 5 years old, our Dad was in business with another Solicitor, a woman named Anthea Farley. He handled the personal litigation cases, while she handled the company litigation cases. They were partners for several years, under the banner of a larger firm... and she was our godmother. She was apparently, a very good lawyer, a great partner too. But she had a dark side... a very dark side...
She was sexually attracted to Julie and me.
For a period of three months she manipulated every situation she had at her disposal to subject us to her sexual deviancy... I didn’t want to go into details... I couldn’t really, but it was really horrible! She had this control over us for such a long time, and we both thought she loved us. We thought what was happening was alright, that it was normal.
Anthea was caught in the end... when I attempted to love my own mother the same way Anthea expected from me.
Julie’s expectation that I would be gay was her misguided idea that Anthea ruined women for me... and her attempts to deny her own sexuality was anchored in her disgust of the same.
I continued to have anger issues... I dealt with them through painting. Since becoming a teenager, I had sometimes felt the need to get verbally abusive to people I care about... but although there isn’t and shouldn’t be an excuse for my outbursts, it is what it is, and I am always trying to stop it.
By the time I had finished telling Summer my murky past, she had crawled further out from under the covers... she was holding my hand, with her head on my chest and her body was molded to mine through the covers.
“I’m sorry I’m such an asshole sometimes.” I said, my voice breaking a little.
I wanted to tell her now how much I loved her, how I wanted to be with her, but my throat had decided to close over.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Summer said... she sounded like she was in shock. She lifted her face to look at me. I smiled down at her, and a couple of tears escaped me and began to roll down my face. I didn’t know how to tell her that these tears weren’t for my past, but for my behavior over the last week.
Summer.
His face looked so tortured. I wanted him to heal... I wanted to stop the tears, and for him to feel secure that his secret was safe, and that I didn’t think less of him.
“Debbie and Max aren’t my aunt and uncle.” I said, trying out those words before launching into my own experience that would allow him to understand that I could understand him.
He raised his eyebrows, questioning. He wiped his face with his hand, and then he returned his gaze to me.
He looked so handsome... his face had thinned out over the years, and his prettiness had altered to handsomeness. He now had a piercing in his right eyebrow, above the outer corner of his eye. One of a number piercings he had collected this last year.
His left ear had three piercings; a tragus, rook and snug piercing. And his right ear had two piercings, an orbital and another snug piercing. He had stayed with silver jewelry, and he didn’t change or remove them ever. They were crazy good... in fact, they were fucking cool!
His body felt strong next to mine... he was cut for sure, I’d seen it. He had turned into such a gorgeous guy... I felt plain next to him, but I loved him... and although I couldn’t tell him that today, I would like to think that after a little time beyond the Jordan thing I would be able to. For now, I just wanted him to know he was still special to me. I continued with my explanations...
“Up until I turned eighteen... they were actually my foster parents.” I explained.
His face changed, dawning on what I was saying. I came from a bad background, and I had secrets too.
He bit his lip and forced a rumbling breath out.
“I guess we both have secrets.” He said quietly.
I placed my head back on his chest and told him about Marjorie... about being hungry and cold, about being abused by a string of men, and I told him about the rape of my sister, the attempted rape of me, and the resulting death of the perpetrator. I didn’t cry, but I held his hand so tight, I believe he lost all circulation.
We stayed there for about an hour after that, silent... just him smoothing the hair back from my forehead; and with me playing with his fingers that were interlaced with my own... until Debbie came in through the ensuite, to see that we were alright. She brought with her some bottles of water and a bottle of Tylenol... she checked on us, gave me and Blake a kiss on the head each, and retreated back the way she had entered, closing the doors as she did.
Blake.
I was overwhelmed.
She understood me, because she’d experienced real pain and shit too. When we’d met all those years ago, we were already damaged... and we had gravitated to each other, because we needed to. We’d known without having to know!
If this girl wasn’t meant for me, then I knew no-one else was. Right now, I just wanted to stop her pain. Had she felt really close to Jordan for those two years? Despite a twinge of jealousy and a deep desire to knock Jordan out, I needed to stay focused on Summer.
Debbie came in and gave us some bottles of water before leaving us again. It was getting dark outside. I took the opportunity to break away from Summer and turned to the water. I grabbed a couple of capsules and twisted the lid off of one of the bottles, handing the water and medicine to her.
“So you and Jordan are definitely over for good?” I asked, cringing at my lack of timing. But they’d been on and off before.
She nodded.
“At least you did it to his face.” I said, smiling weakly; referring to the incident months ago, as well as today.
Summer winced, but smiled, before explaining. She had confirmed the split multiple times throughout the last two months; the latest rejection was through her doorway. He had come over to see her and she asked him to stay at the doorway, while she sat on her bed and told him things were final. He left, she slammed the door after he had, and that was where things had stayed all day.
I went to the lamps and turned on a couple of them, to give us some light. I also stretched, and went into the ensuite to use the toilet and wash my face.
I locked the ensuite door on Sally’s room side, and returned to Summer with a washcloth.
Climbing up to her on her bed, I lifted her face and applied the cool material to her eyes, dabbing at them.
“So, he proposed?” I asked softly... yes, I was going there... now!
“Yes,” she croaked.
“Just the once?” I asked her, my breathing picking up.
“Three times this week.” She said, a slight smile passing over her lips, as I wiped over her brow.
I smiled and shook my head... I kept reminding myself that she’d refused him.
“No wonder he was distressed then.” I said, but I wasn’t trying to stick up for him or suggest she should return to him; it was just true. He’d found and tasted heaven, and now hell wanted its payback.
She whimpered. I stopped wiping her face and began wiping her hair back from her brow with the cloth.
“I’m sorry... I’m sure you did the right thing.” I said.
I leant down and kissed her forehead. She was shaking. I threw the washcloth over the other side of the bed to the floor, and I held her to me, lying my body back down alongside her. The covers remained between us.
I kissed her forehead again. She was crying again.
“I’m sorry... I’m really sorry... I’m such an asshole.” I said, kissing her temple.
“I told you I’m an asshole. Please Summer, stop crying... it’s okay.” I said, kissing her eyes.
And then I felt her shift... her hands came up to the front of my shirt and rested on my chest. She leant her face forward and kissed me lightly on the neck, just behind my ear. The butterflies that had until that moment lay captive in the cage I so often put them, escaped... and dive bombed my heart. Who knew butterflies could be so dangerous and savage.
She didn
’t stop; she leant her face up and began kissing along my jaw line. Oh. My. God! I was going to explode... or die first from lack of oxygen! I had stopped breathing.
Grabbing control of myself, I reasoned for one second that I shouldn’t take advantage of the situation, before I dismissed the thought completely.
I noticed my hands, which had somehow miraculously wound their way into her hair, behind her head; that they were shaking. I tilted her face toward me, and I leant down and kissed the corner of her mouth. She let me, breathing in short and sharp before releasing a ragged breath.
I’d already registered that my heart rate was through the roof... I’d also noted that I hadn’t felt this way with any other girl – period; and I knew I’d never feel like this with anyone else.
I wanted to be all soft and sweet right then, but I didn’t feel all cute and cuddly, I felt like I was on fire... I wanted to devour her... but I reined it in as much as possible.
I slightly levered across so that my lips were hovering over hers. Our eyes met, but there wasn’t a smirk... there was pain... and a connection through understanding. Normally right about now, I’d have closed my eyes, but I kept them on hers, taking her image in... noting that she was real, I wasn’t pretending with someone else.
Then I began to kiss her lips, slightly sucking and releasing them, playing softly with them between my tongue and top lip. My hands had moved forward onto her face, cradling her jaw; my fingers remained in her hair behind the delicate shells of her ears and my thumbs traced lightly over her cheeks. My left shoulder was uncomfortable with the position, but it was just going to have to suffer.
I was so turned on; I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold on to my hunger for her by merely kissing her.
She closed her eyes, she touched my tongue with her own, and my body erupted in inextinguishable desire.
Summer.
He was washing my face when he confirmed my worst fear... he’d heard my admission to Julie regarding the proposal. I felt deflated... but I answered his questions, and tried to return some semblance of familiar banter, but I was heartbroken... I cried, because I didn’t feel the same as Jordan did!
He kissed me on the forehead. I stopped breathing, but I still somehow managed to cry.
He kissed me on my temple... my breathing returned... shallow.
He kissed me on my eyes... oh, God, he was setting me on fire. Jordan never set me on fire. Why was I thinking of him right now?
I leant in and kissed him on his throat. I couldn’t help it. His cologne was incredible, and mixed with the smell of him... delicious! So good...! I kissed along his jaw line. I could detect a change in his breathing, in fact I thought perhaps for a moment he had stopped.
I continued...
He shifted, so that his hands in my hair pulled my face to his, and he kissed the corner of my mouth. My quick intake of breath raggedly left me moments later; by then he had progressed to overwhelm my mouth... and I watched him, as he watched me, and my chest was filled to bursting with a longing that would surely kill me.
I closed my eyes, and on his next suckle of my bottom lip, I brazenly engaged him with my tongue. He groaned, and he forced my tongue aside, lifting it up and around in an erotic dance as he mashed his mouth to mine and forcefully kissed me senseless.
I was aware my hands had circled to his back and I had again shifted or he had shifted me, so that he lay on top of me, supporting his weight on his elbows; and despite the covers remaining between us, I had moved my legs to either side of his body, so he could fit snugly between them.
Blake.
She was consuming me... I was being devoured. I was drowning in her... I wanted to gain control.
I needed to move us, so I shifted across her, and assisted her in opening her legs under those covers with my knee, before claiming the space created and hovering over the top of her. She moaned, she reached around my back, and she crept her hands up and under the back of my shirt, touching the muscles I had worked so hard to get... for her. She stopped at my shoulder blades and pulled me into her.
I relaxed my pelvis against hers, my penis was so tight against my pants, I felt like it was being strangled. I could feel her mound, rubbing up against my cock... and God; I wanted what was below me so bad.
Her moans sounded desperate. I was moaning right alongside her... my mouth was bruised from kissing her so hard... my tongue wanted to be elsewhere... on her breasts... on her stomach... on her clit. I wanted to make her come... I wanted to hear her scream in passion... I wanted to make her unravel, like she was unraveling me.
I began kissing her down her neck, occasionally licking her all the way back up to her ear and sucking on her lobe. I moved down to the prominence of her left clavicle, licking and kissing across it.
Summer’s breath was short and labored... she moaned constantly, it was soft and quiet, and it turned me on ever impossibly more. She was wearing a spaghetti strapped camisole; she had most likely not left bed today at all. I pushed my finger under the strap and slid it down over her left shoulder and followed it with kisses... returning to do the same with the other side; when a loud knock on her door startled us.
“Guys,” Julie hissed. “Jordan’s on his way up here. Let me in! Quick!” she stressed.
I looked at Summer... saw her wild eyes and I groaned loudly, before jumping off the bed and racing to let Julie in. Julie took one look at me, and noticed the obvious; so she squinted her eyes shut and motioned for me to attend to myself in the ensuite. She closed the door behind her swiftly and ran over to the bed, jumping on it and getting in. She made herself comfortable, and just as I was closing the door she stated,
“He’s been calling all day, and I’ve ignored it... and Blake left his phone at home, so he obviously didn’t answer Jordan’s calls either; and then he texted me 15 minutes ago saying it’s not over between you two, and that he planned on getting you back... so I raced over here to protect you both. I got inside the door just as he was pulling up.” She said.
This hard on wasn’t going down in a hurry, but under the circumstances, I wasn’t going to be able to beat it out either... My sister, a lesbian... was in bed with the girl I wanted to be with more than breathe (and one she’d had an extensive crush on in years past), and that same girl’s ex-boyfriend was about to burst in... and, he was a friend of mine... this was so fucked up!
I heard Julie’s lament, not long before I heard Jordan’s footsteps race up the stairs.
“I’m afraid Jordan’s not a person who likes to lose sweetie.” She said.
Shit... Julie was right. This could go on for weeks, till we moved away for college.
Chapter 7
Summer.
Blake was in the ensuite... Julie was in the bed with me, and a red faced and emotional Jordan, all muscle and athlete, was standing in my room, breathing as though he’d only just finished a game.
My body felt truly sick... My foreplay with Blake had turned my hormones into enemies of my body, which now shivered and felt bereft of his touch. My brain couldn’t seem to comprehend what on earth Jordan was doing here, and Julie was behaving all protective of me... which in light of my recent knowledge made me feel awkward... I should be protecting her!
I groaned... I held my stomach... I was going to throw up. Ignoring both Julie and Jordan, I ran to the ensuite and banged on the door for Blake to let me in.
“Blake...” I cried... “Blake, let me in... I can’t hold on anymore!” I pleaded.
Blake wrenched the door from my hands, at the same time that Jordan reached me, and tried to grab me.
“Please Jordan... let me go... I’m going to be sick!” I appealed.
“I can’t... I want to help you!” Jordan said, attempting to hold me up just as Blake reached a hand out to my left arm and went to pull me through the door.
“Jordan...” Blake said, “I’ve got this.”
Jordan wouldn’t leave it, “but she’s my girl!” he growled. Grabbing the same arm Bl
ake had a hold of.
I doubled over and started to make gagging noises.
“Jordan... please! Blake can handle this.” Julie pleaded from the bed.
Blake pulled me through as Jordan was about to protest. He slammed the door, and locked it. Jordan began to bang on the other side, growling to let him in.
“Jordan!” Blake shouted. “She’s sick man... for the love of Christ... stop making it worse and calm the fuck down before we come back out.” He seethed.
I was already over the toilet, spewing up the water I’d consumed earlier. Blake held my hair back from my face, and I noticed he was breathing hard... really hard.
Blake.
What had I done in my previous life to have had this impossible combination of bad luck?
I couldn’t do this... not with the way it needed to be handled... the way it should be handled! I wanted to go out there and knock Jordan out; I wanted to make love to Summer, despite her spewing over the toilet bowl; and I wanted to strangle myself for waiting to tell her that I was in love with her. Maybe if I had’ve told her before Jordan, things would’ve been better. All of which was not the way this moment needed to be handled.
Thank God for Debbie MacFarlane... she was a messenger from heaven, sent to calm down the proverbial teenage drama... I could hear her on the other side of the ensuite door, scolding Jordan, and requesting he calm down. It was going to buy me time.
Summer was already standing, shakily... I put the lid down on the toilet and flushed it... then I moved Summer over to the vanity, and washed her face, while she washed her hands in the sink and then gargled. After this, when she turned to me and folded herself into my chest, I grabbed her up and carried her into Sal’s room.
It was a little difficult to open the ensuite door, and then maneuver through it, because the ensuite wasn’t very large; but I managed. I placed her on Sal’s bed, ran to the bedroom door to lock it, and returned to the side of the bed; where I knelt down to look her directly in the eyes.