Always Summer

by Criss Copp

  All week I had desired him... desperately. Now I was just so full of nerves, I wanted to vomit! It was obvious he wasn’t afflicted in the same way.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, looking at me puzzled.

  I swallowed... “Nerves!” I said, suddenly reduced to single syllable words.

  He smiled, and stepped forward, pulling me back in to hold me tightly to him.

  My nerves were at war with my stomach, and in that moment, whilst I attempted to analyze things, my brain kicked into gear and managed to unfortunately remember that I had something to tell him... something that we needed to air before our relationship continued past this very point. I groaned. So he loosened his hold and held me out.

  “Summer?” he asked nervously. “Not having regrets are you?” he squeaked. His face was all concern... his hands were shaking, and his breathe was ragged, as though he could cry; but I knew it was fear that was shutting him down.

  Finally my voice and brain connected...

  “No!” I assured him, looking him directly in the eyes and placing my hands on his chest... his face relaxed. “Look, I really am nervous about all this... this is big! It’s not like we’re walking down the halls at high school holding hands and pashing in-between classes.” I reasoned. “We are living together! We’re sharing a bed tonight... and all this has completely bypassed the whole boyfriend and girlfriend stage and headed straight into de facto status.” I explained.

  Blake looked concerned, perhaps a little hurt. “Do you want to stick to individual bedrooms?” he asked meekly.

  “No... I... Look.” I said, breathing a moment to collect my thoughts. “We just need to get some dialogue out of the road before I can feel more comfortable. We haven’t talked about the Jordan thing... I want to get that out of the way.” I said uncomfortably.

  He was uncomfortable about this too.

  “Okay.” He replied, pulling my hands off his chest by holding onto my wrists.

  “Just so as there aren’t any secrets or anything... so you know everything, and we can move forward.” I explained. I noted that I had begun to perspire. I felt very worried about what this information would do to him, but I was more scared of what would happen if he found out from a means other than me. If I got this out, perhaps things could soon return to normal, and my nerves would slowly dissipate.

  “First, I need a shower.” I said.

  “Okay... here’s what we’ll do.” Blake said, maintaining a distance between us, but dropping my wrists and holding the top of my arms, like a protective parent. “You have a shower, I’ll finalize our wireless setup for our internet; and then I’ll have a shower, and meet you at the dining table for our discussion.” He looked at me with a questioning gaze. “Yeah?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” I answered him, nodding bleakly.

  The shower was glorious. I used our ensuite shower. There was of course a full bath and shower bathroom down the hallway, but I wanted to use our ensuite for my first shower. The raspberry and mango body wash I used smelt sweet and enticing, and the vanilla bean shampoo and conditioner made me think of home baked goods.

  Stepping out of the shower smelling appealing, I already felt better about the nerves of living with Blake... funny how a shower could make your troubles seem smaller. However, my fear over the Jordan issue was still very real.

  I had thrown my other clothes in the hamper, and now I put on my lilac blue, lacy bra and panties set I had bought while staying with my sister. We had spent quite a lot of time buying new lingerie. Sally had a thing about never having enough pretty lingerie; I wasn’t complaining... it meant she knew where all the bargains were.

  Blake’s parents were paying for the vast majority of our rental; and all his college expenses were provided for by a college fund his parents had put money in for him over the years; even so, he had still needed to secure a financial scholarship for academic merit, which would provide him with sufficient money for other living expenses. I on the other hand had to rely on a scholarship that paid for my tuition and texts only, whilst Debbie and Max had demanded they pay for the remaining component of the rent. We were due to get a boarder in and sublet the third room to help us pay for our electricity and other bills. We were responsible for setting this up ourselves.

  I had originally designed to get a part-time job, to provide me with cash to survive and eat... however, my agency had already confirmed a decent contract with me and noted my schedules; and they were very determined to work alongside me, in order to give me work placements that wouldn’t interfere with my studies. I had to admit that the agency was rather amazing like that... So, I would see my first payment in about a month.

  Stepping out of the ensuite, with my faded azure blue, light summer dress covering my lacy intimates, I walked out into the living area.

  “I’m out of the shower.” I said with a raised voice.

  “Okay.” Blake said... coming out from the kitchen... he quickly pecked me on my cheek, before making his way swiftly into our room. I sat on our couch, looking around my new home.

  Blake.

  When Summer gave me that whole spiel about needing to talk... I’ll be honest; my panic levels began to rise. I had no idea what she was going to say, and how hurt or murderous toward Jordan I was going to become. I just had to keep reminding myself that she had moved in with me... that she hadn’t backed out of our relationship at any point this week. That she said that she still wanted to be with me, and that her eyes hadn’t lied when she’d said these things. Whatever she had to say needed to be said... I needed to deal with it, and then we could start this relationship, from this point - the right way!

  I completely got why she was nervous... I was too, but for me, my nervousness was akin to Christmas morning; not quite knowing what you were unwrapping, but knowing the people around you knew you so well, and loved you so much, that you were going to love the gift.

  I got into the shower and could smell the traces of Summer. I decided to stick to my own ‘Molton Brown’ body wash, especially since the spicy scent was something Summer not only liked, but one I could tolerate having to smell all the time too.

  Since we were unlikely to go out to dinner, having decided over lunch to shop for groceries this afternoon; and Summer had changed into a little dress, I decided to wear my well worn raven colored, G-Star loose fitted shorts and a simple round neck, white fitted t-shirt. I was a boxer guy, so you could just see the waist band of my ‘Calvin Klein’s’ before I’d pulled down my t-shirt.

  I looked in the mirror and wondered whether I should shave. I thought about Summer, and decided if things went well tonight, I’d kick myself if I hadn’t. So I ran the hot water, pulled out my razor and shaving cream from amongst the collection of toiletry necessities, which remained stored behind the vanity mirror, and then set about shaving my face.

  I thought about the last time Summer and I had collided intimately. When I got to touch her... she was so smooth... silky. I knew she frequented a day spa in Northport; it was a girl’s day out with her foster mother Debbie and more often than not Julie. I also knew that she had been to one in New York with her sister, before she left. She was bragging about the incredible massage she’d had. I wondered what would be around here; however, considering her imminent modeling work; she’d need to keep on top of all that grooming... lucky for me!

  Splashing some aftershave over my mug... I ignored the quick and slight sting of it. I gave myself a once over in the mirror, before leaving the ensuite. I had already cleaned up after myself, as had Summer before me, so I made my way out of our bedroom and sat down at the dining table, where Summer now sat chewing on her thumbnail.

  I smiled at her and slouched back in the chair opposite her, attempting to appear relaxed. Her body language though screamed nervousness. It was putting me on edge.

  I took a deep breath, “Okay... let’s get this done. Tomorrow we have Orientation, and we really need to hit the ground running.” I said.

  Summer looked up t
hrough her eyelashes at me... I was now nervous as all hell. My anger was on standby, and I had to remind myself that I had to be careful with it... Summer was not my parents, or my sister for that matter. There were some things she didn’t really know about me, regardless of my hints at them; even if she’d seen me angry before... really, she’d seen nothing.

  “Where do you want me to start?” she asked.

  Okay, so I had to admit that I’d originally told her we would need to talk about this, so maybe I should get this off my chest too.

  “Why did you go and see him?” I asked curiously.

  “I wanted to know why he hit you.” She replied.

  I gave her a quizzical look, “You know why he hit me... he hit me because he found out about us.” I reasoned.

  “I mean, why he had to use violence when he found out about us, rather than just talking to you about it.” She explained.

  She was looking at the floor... her feet were up on the chair and she was hugging her knees. It was a defensive position, and it unnerved me; however, so far, this wasn’t too bad.

  “And what did he say, when you asked him?” I asked.

  “I didn’t get to ask him.” She answered.

  I could feel my eyebrows scrunch up and my eyes squint... “So what did you ask?”

  “I... he asked me questions instead.” She explained, mumbling slightly.

  This wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped... but it wasn’t in the toilet yet... so, soldiering on I asked, “What questions?”

  She let out a big sigh, and then took a deep breath; then another... and another.

  Her avoidance was unacceptable... she had called this discussion to air the stupidity of the Jordan shit, and now she wasn’t talking.

  “Summer, what did Jordan ask you... what did you two talk about?” I repeated myself. I was travelling beyond nervous now... her hesitation was scaring me... and I was quickly descending into anger; it was imminent.

  She took another breathe.

  “He asked me why I hurt him. Then he asked me why I got with you. Then he asked me if you and I were fucking before I broke up with him.” She said, taking yet another deep breath, before she continued, “He asked me to return to him... he pleaded.” She said dropping her head back to her knees.

  I breathed deeply; this wasn’t far from what I’d expected. But Summer’s behavior was indicating there was more. A sinking feeling preceded my next question.

  “Did he touch you?” I asked hesitantly... I didn’t really want to know this, but I knew that if he had, I really needed to know.

  Summer didn’t say anything... just sat there, head bent down, tears now dropping from her chin... the sinking feeling had now become a sinkhole in my stomach, sucking down everything that had previously been there.

  “Summer? How did he touch you?” I demanded... I growled! It wasn’t a question of if he touched her now... it was evident by her composure that he had. I wanted to know the circumstances, so when I drove back to Northport that night and killed him; I knew how to formulate my argument to the cops afterward.

  “Summer?” I now shouted.

  She looked up at me, surprised at my vehemence.

  “He kissed me.” She replied, quietly.

  “What do you mean he kissed you? And how did you react?” I hissed. I wanted to know that she told him to fuck off; I wanted to know that she kicked him in the balls... I didn’t want to find out she’d kissed him back... oh no! That would be a nuclear meltdown!

  “He took my face in his hands... and before I realised, he was kissing me.” She cried.

  “What did you do?” I shouted, slamming my hand on the table. “Tell me your reaction! Did you kiss him too?” I blasted.

  Her tears were still there, but her face showed some semblance of indignation. “I didn’t do anything!” she said.

  “Did you hit him? Did you tell him to get lost? You didn’t do anything?” I continued to shout as I stood, menacingly. My fists were clenched. If I had something to hit like a punching bag, right now, I would punch it till my knuckles were raw! I needed my car keys… NOW!

  “No!” She shouted back, slamming her feet to the floor and rising from her chair.

  “So you kissed him, too!” I hollered.

  “No!” she hollered right back at me, but tears were still coursing down her face.

  I couldn’t temper the anger... I didn’t know how to right now... I couldn’t run into the back yard and bash at trees, or rip out shrubs, I couldn’t go to the gym and burn it off, and I didn’t even know where one was yet anyway. I couldn’t break furniture or punch a hole in the wall, and despite my anger... there was absolutely no way I would ever hit Summer! I was being devoured by my rage!

  “Aargh!” I vented loudly. Every muscle in my body was tensing with anger, my blood was swamped with adrenaline. I was bent over in my rage.

  “I didn’t do anything wrong!” Summer shouted. “I didn’t know he was going to kiss me! I was shocked by everything! By what he did to you, and by what he was saying to me.” She reasoned aggressively, and despite my unwillingness to touch her, push her or hurt her in any way, she displayed no such hesitancy. She just came right up and started pushing me in the chest. I’d never seen her do this... ever!

  “You should’ve told him off... you should’ve knocked him out!” I heatedly argued... stepping back when she unbalanced me with her push. I threw my arms wide to emphasize my point.

  “I didn’t know what to do! I froze!” she said vehemently... pushing me again. I was heading back toward the living room.

  I growled at her, as though I didn’t believe her... but for some reason, I did believe her... but I was hell angry and demanding justice.

  “My inaction spoke loudly to him!” she continued, still angry but not quite as volatile. “He knew I didn’t want him! So he cut me off forever... told me we were nothing... that I was nothing!” she screamed at me.

  “As it should be! As it is!” I shouted back. I had meant to convey that there should be nothing between them; obviously she took it to mean she meant nothing. She pulled her hand back and slapped me hard across the face.

  She then went to push me aggressively again. But I caught her wrists. She struggled against my grip. My face stung, especially given that I’d just shaved. I was also worried that she might use her legs next and knee me in the nuts... so I clarified my statement.

  “You shouldn’t have a relationship with him... at all! That’s what I’m saying Summer... that’s what I mean!” I seethed.

  She didn’t introduce her knees or begin kicking me, but she was mega pissed!

  Good! So was I!

  Summer.

  I knew Blake had every right to get upset with me... hell; I was upset with me after Julie had talked to me about the whole fiasco. But I couldn’t seem to control the volatility that began to consume me when he started mounting in anger.

  I just seemed to feed off the fumes rolling off of him. I had seen him angry before, I had seen him shouting at Julie before, but he’d never been angry like this at me; close, but not this bad.

  I could even tell this was not the limit of his anger. He was shaking as he attempted to put a rein on his temper. I on the other hand didn’t normally have a temper... I just suffered from intense passion around him. So his mounting anger was stoking my own.

  Then he made reference to me being nothing and I saw red... bam!

  However, when he explained it away, it made sense... too bad I’d already gone there... I just didn’t want to stop now... the flame was hot... I was burning! I needed to release it!

  Blake.

  She wouldn’t calm down, and neither could I. Our breathing was rapid yet deep... intense heat radiated off of both of us. Her chest rose and fell in great gasping waves. Her eyes were burning.

  She struggled, her arms twisting, trying to set herself free from my grip.

  “Let go of me!” she growled.

  I looked at her menacingly... I was gritting m
y teeth. She was mine... my girlfriend, my soul; my salvation... my God Damned everything! MINE! Primitive... caveman... possessive! I wanted her, she was supposed to be mine, and I needed her to know that... I needed to know that! This fire had to be spent somewhere... It was sure providing me with enough passion to consume several teenagers!

  I wrenched her around to my left and backed her up to the wall that was a few feet away. I didn’t actually mean to slam her into it, but she did smack against it. It jolted her but wouldn’t have hurt her by the look on her face... if anything, it fired her up more.

  “Let go of me!” she demanded through her teeth.

  I didn’t, I just held her there staring at her, pushing her into the wall with my body; her hands were on either side of her shoulders, held in place by my hands on her wrists. I had parted her feet and pushed in between them with my own, as I had rushed forward to pin her to the wall, so she was stuck, and couldn’t bring her leg up. My thighs were pressing against her thighs. My hips pinned her upper hips and her lower abdomen. My chest pressed strongly up against her breasts. My God Damn dick was so aroused; it was being strangled in its clothing prison.

  My head was back slightly so I could glare down at her... she glared right back, so I rushed in to cover her mouth with my own.

  Summer.

  Blake was strong... very strong. I was in no position to break free. This fire wasn’t abating, it was building, and now I was pressed up to the wall, with Blake going all territorial on me. I was confused right now. This shit happened in heaps of the books I’d read at Sally’s place... but I was certain that it never happened in real life!

  It was a huge turn on... but I didn’t want him to know that... I was angry with him. And then I noticed the blaringly obvious... shit... of course! He was fucking aroused! I could feel his erection clearly pushing up against my lower abdomen, immediately above my mound.

  I was glaring up at him, and he was glaring down at me. His jaw was tense... I should’ve been afraid, but all I could think at that moment was, bring it on!

  He read my mind... his mouth smashed into mine.