Always Summer

by Criss Copp

  “Obviously.” Henry replied bleakly, before getting up to go to the kitchen and gather up another beer.

  *

  Christmas morning was to be spent with Max and Debbie, as was the previous evening, but from 10am, my parents would have us all to themselves, alongside Julie and Helen. It was going to be the first time my parents had contact with Helen as anything more than Julie’s friend.

  Since Thanksgiving, they’d been working out their feelings about their daughter’s outburst. They were doing well... and it probably helped that Summer was pregnant, which eliminated their whole lament of Julie choosing a lifestyle which may make her not want to have a family, though that wasn’t a deal set in concrete... she may find the right girl and settle down. Perhaps Helen was the right girl!

  Christmas morning at Max’s and Debbie’s though was a riot! Phoebe and Elspeth gave both of us joint gifts of baby items and expensive gift vouchers for baby furniture and supplies, from several up market baby boutique stores throughout the Manhattan area. The amount that they’d spent was completely outrageous! It was suffice to say that we wouldn’t need to buy anything ourselves, and I hoped that my parents had not also purchased anything, because the thunder had been completely stolen right out from under them.

  Summer and I had limited each other to spend no more than $100 on each other. I purchased for her three CDs that she had been desperately wanting, alongside a vibrating handheld massager for her back as she got heavier with our babies (which generated a lot of inappropriate banter) and a tub of body butter, which she had been eyeing off in a catalogue.

  Summer had bought me a set of high quality brushes and an electric razor. Then she leant into me and whispered.

  “Your other present is not for their eyes.” She suggestively said.

  I grinned stupidly.

  “Come with me.” She requested.

  “Okay.” I whispered back conspiratorially.

  When we rose, Max asked us to wait.

  “There’s another present for you Summer.” He said urgently.

  “I’ll be right back... I just have to show something to Blake.” She said. Grabbing my hand and tugging me toward the door.

  Max’s eyebrows rose, Debbie’s face broke into a smirk, as did Phoebe and Elspeth’s; but Henry grimaced and Sally sat rigid.

  “Get your minds out of the gutter!” Summer laughed, before yanking my arm and pulling me in the direction of the stairs.

  As we ascended the stairs, I leant into Summer to grumble,

  “My mind was completely in the gutter... now it’s just disappointed.”

  She chuckled, “Come on lover boy.” She said, pulling me into her old room, where we had been sleeping.

  She went to our bags in the corner and pulled a little gift bag out, handing it to me.

  “For me?” I joked in a silly childlike voice.

  “Yes!” she laughed.

  I looked inside the top of the bag... It looked like leather, whatever it was. I must’ve looked confused, because she told me to pull them out. My confusion fled when I pulled out leather handcuffs, connected by a chain... rather, I started getting a hard on... Fuck!

  “Jesus woman... you’ve undone me! Can we use them now?” I asked enthusiastically.

  “No!” she laughed. “Later we can, tonight in your bed!” she enthused.

  “I’m going to fucking explode between now and then you realize.” I lamented. I was so turned on right at that moment.

  “Rein it in... we’re needed downstairs!” she argued.

  If it wasn’t for the fact that I knew what present awaited her, I would’ve made everyone wait while I devoured every inch of her, while she lay cuffed to her bed.

  I growled, and attempted to think of gross things to temper my arousal.

  *

  Summer slumped back down in the seat we had vacated only moments before. I sat beside her legs on the floor once more, making sure to keep my own legs curled up as far as I could while I continued to struggle with my thoughts.

  “Okay,” Max began, grabbing all of our attention. “The last presents are for Summer and Sally.” He said, pulling out two tubes with ribbon tied around the middle. He gave the red ribboned tube to Sally and the green ribboned tube to Summer.

  Sally and Summer, seated next to each other, looked at each other and opened the tubes simultaneously.

  Pulling out the papers held within, Sally gasped and placed her slender hand across her mouth. Summer squealed,

  “Oh. My. God... Oh my God!” she scanned the papers, her hands clenched and scrunching the edges of the paper.

  Sally’s hands were shaking, the paper in her hands vibrating.

  Summer launched up out of her seat and screamed. Pelting across the small space between herself and Max and Debbie, who sat opposite on a love seat under the window; in order to throw herself into their arms.

  “You really want me?” she cried.

  “Yes!” Max croaked. “You’re both my girls.”

  Debbie couldn’t talk, she just nodded and cried, holding Summer fiercely.

  Sally walked tentatively over to the three of them and threw herself over the back of Summer for a group hug.

  I teared up... as did everyone else, even the stoic Henry.

  After several minutes of hugging and crying, Summer stood up and ran out of the room, coming back just as I was making my way out to be sure she was alright. She was carrying two pens.

  “Sal... here.” She said, handing a pen to her sister.

  She whirled around and slammed the papers in her hands down on the coffee table. She furiously scrubbed tears from her eyes, as I knelt beside her and placed my arm around her shoulders.

  “I’m so... happy, Blake!” She blurted out around her sobs.

  I squeezed her tight as she smoothed the papers she’d crumpled in her hands.

  She signed in every space that had a little sticky ‘signature required’ post it positioned for her attention. Then she threw down the pen, grabbed my face in her hands and kissed me deeply. After a minute or two of trying to devour me (not that I was complaining), she jumped back up and dashed back over to Max and Debbie... handing them the paperwork and declaring to everyone how much she loved them all. Sally followed suit.

  Before we left for my parents place, Summer had asked permission to call Max and Debbie Mom and Dad, which of course established another round of tears and kisses. Summer was over the moon... I was grinning like the Cheshire Cat... 2011 was the best year ever!

  *

  Actually, 2011 ended on a low... Henry, the asshole, hadn’t woken up to himself; rather, he ran as fast as he could two days before the New Year... and the circumstances had me wanting to find him and punch some sense into him.

  Chapter 19

  Sally.

  It was her day... she was no longer mine... I was no longer the centre of her universe! And despite being 15 weeks pregnant with twins, she was still so small that if you didn’t know her, you’d think she wasn’t pregnant at all... though her breasts were huge! She was still more beautiful than ever.

  Her silk and chiffon ‘Champaign’ dress was exquisite. She chose Champaign as the color due to her inability to drink a glass of it... it seemed fitting.

  The dress was sleeveless, with a heart shaped bodice of silk, and a gathered silk waist. The skirt extended only to her knees, and below the waist, the dress had chiffon gauze softly falling over the silk skirt in an ethereal combination; her bodice was supported by chiffon shoulder straps that extended to fan across her breasts, finishing just below them.

  Her hair was left out in a soft messy curl and she had blond highlights; tiny flowers and diamantes were strategically assorted throughout.

  Her makeup was minimal and perfect.

  She wore simple little ballet-style slippers, ribbons lacing up her ankles.

  In her hands, rather than carrying flowers, she carried a posy of colorful fake butterflies. It looked awesome... she looked awesome! The little
fairy I had conjured up all those years ago was real... she was stunning!

  I carried nothing... just wearing a simple black cocktail dress... as did Julie.

  Blake wore a dark grey three piece suit, white shirt and Champaign accents.

  When he saw her walking towards him... his face looked enchanted... she was full of magic, and she was giving her magic to him now.

  Adding to the magical atmosphere were the tea lights, candles and fairy lights.

  The wedding was quiet and beautiful... I wanted it to be mine!

  *

  I had been feeling depressed for some time now... January was half over. Henry left me just before New Years; after the extensive happiness of Christmas, he plunged my bubble of light into the depths of gloom, where it promptly burst. It was nearing three weeks since I was unceremoniously dumped for another woman.

  The numbness hadn’t gone.

  I was walking by rote...

  Talking by rote...

  Working by rote...

  Nothing had taste, nothing gave me satisfaction, I couldn’t really care... he was gone... four years... he knew everything there was to know about me, and I wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted someone else.

  Summer visits weekly, but it doesn’t mean anything anymore... she is his now... she is his heart now... mine is broken!

  *

  Breathe in, breathe out... repeat!

  Breathe in, breathe out... repeat!

  Tediousness... I lay in the darkness... and I breathe.

  *

  Another day, another shift... nobody notices the Morphine going missing... it is meant to be discarded, we don’t keep it once we take what we need, but I pretend, write it up as discarded and pocket it.

  I used to steal... I was good at it... apparently I still am.

  *

  Considering my weight, I worked out my lethal dosage, and added some... Sleep will come... soon.

  Breathe in, breathe out... repeat!

  No! Make it stop... no repeat... please! I’m damaged... unwanted.

  *

  I write a letter to Summer, telling her I love her, that I’m sorry to cause her pain, and that I want her to go on to greater things!

  It’s kind of a lie... I don’t care... it’s just the right thing to say... my last responsibility. I ask her to love me enough to understand.

  I work... I offer to countersign every restricted medication I can... they’ll know in the end... by then it won’t matter anyway.

  *

  300mg... Should be plenty...

  I draw it up.

  It’s the 23rd January today... Henry’s birthday!

  I turn off all the heat in the condo.

  I lay on our bed... on my side of it of course.

  I inject it in my foot, so I have time to lie down and drift off. I take off the tourniquet...

  So I lay there.

  Breathe in, breathe out... repeat.

  Breathe in, breathe out... repeat.

  Breathe in, breathe out... repeat.

  Breathe in... breathe out... repeat.

  Drowsy...

  Breathe in... breathe out... repeat.

  Sleepy...

  Breathe in...

  Breathe out...

  Repeat...

  No more...

  Chapter 20

  Blake.

  She stares, empty and silent… I had held her for hours while she vomited, screamed and cried, in that order. Her glassy eyes simply stare now, as she lies on the floor where she first found out, next to a wet patch on the floor, where she had emptied the contents of her stomach; since which I had cleaned it up.

  She stares… at the candle I have lit on the windowsill.

  I feel gutted… the churning that first appeared when she took the phone call drained with her every purge; every scream; …every tear! Now my insides feel as hollow as her eyes. I move about in complete silence… trying to make things easier for her. But my soul is rent as well.

  These feelings of desperate pain begin to parallel my emotions when I was five… after Anthea… and now suddenly I remember everything she’d made me do.

  I remember the sound of her voice…

  I remember her promises…

  I remember her intimate touch…

  I remember her taste… and I want to remove her once again from my body; from the hold she had, the hold that I had removed and yet in this grief, have allowed to resurface.

  I charge down the hall, to my ‘studio’, I slam the door… I yell! And I yell! And I yell!

  I tear off my shirt, and topless I begin to gather my paints and a canvas.

  I paint…

  I paint out my pain…

  I paint for hours!

  I don’t wait for the picture to dry… it is not art… it is pain! I have purged it, and now I need to get rid of it. This pain does not belong in my life… it does not belong here with Summer and I… It does not belong!

  I grab the pain and storm out of the room. The candle is at its end… Summer remains, empty on the floor… I briefly attend to her to be sure she is still breathing… she looks dead!

  She breathes, she has a pulse, but her hollow eyes remain on the fading candle; never blinking, like a fragile china dolls’ eyes… all glass and no substance.

  I grab the lighter I used for the candle; I hasten through the front door of our apartment… down the stairs, out into the snow and away from the buildings.

  I light up my intense and searing pain and drop it to the ground. I watch it burn… the oils ignite with ease.

  I watch it burn!

  Somewhere in my mind it registers that I am cold… yet still I watch it all burn… burn away.

  I am satisfied only when ashes remain… it all burned away fast… I think.

  I return to the apartment… light another candle, grab a blanket and two pillows off our bed and lie next to Summer on the floor.

  She doesn’t move…

  I hold her regardless.

  Summer.

  The funeral was on Friday, 27th January. We’d found her on the Wednesday; she hadn’t been to work... I got the call after Mom went to see her after Sally’s work reported her as having missed another shift. I was going to stay with her this weekend. I have an ultrasound on Monday.

  I’m unable to comprehend this... this pain is unyielding... I’m dying... but my babies... I can’t give up... I can’t give up... and I can’t fix the hole in my gaping chest! Why did you think I didn’t need you?

  Blake.

  Motherfucker! What’s he doing here?

  I’m enraged... My wife had been sitting in complete and utter despair, and then confusion flittered across her face. I followed her gaze, and I saw Henry.

  I now see Max... he’s reacting. I see Debbie... try to pull him back. I see Max knock Debbie’s hand aside.

  He’s stalking directly toward him, and his face is murderous. This dark skinned man makes anger look utterly terrifying.

  I jump up and run across to join in... I want to decimate this cock sucker too!

  *

  Max absolutely cracked one across Henry’s jaw, before I even got there. Not bad! It knocked Henry to the floor.

  I managed to get Max to momentarily back off.

  Henry stood up... he was babbling about how sorry he was... how confused he’d been... how scared about forever he’d been... and how he’d planned on returning this week coming.

  I did a double take... Holding back a screaming, swearing and murderous Max, I still heard Henry quietly say he’d loved her, had broken up with his other chick and was planning on returning to Sally.

  One of Sally’s workmates, a big guy, was now holding Max back. He didn’t realize I had designs on this fucker too... He should’ve held me back instead.

  “Too fucking late cunt!” I shout, just before I knock him out and someone goes to Henry’s aid, shouting out for 911.

  *

  The cops are here now... Nobody’s talking, but someone is bound
to say something soon.

  Debbie has taken Summer to the bathroom.

  Max steps up to me...

  “It was me!” he growls.

  “What?” I’m sporting busted knuckles... but so is he.

  “It was me who knocked him out!” Max hisses, so only I can hear.

  “No fucking way man... I’ll take the blame... it’s my stupid fault!” I respond.

  Max isn’t playing around... he grabs the front of my shirt and wrenches me to him... all fury.

  “It... Was... Me!” he growls. “You need to look after my daughter and grandchildren. Do me a favor! Let me have this!” He looks in my eyes... he’s broken... “Please.” He croaks.

  “Okay.” I agree. He smoothes my shirt... smiles at me and pats my shoulder before he goes over to the cops and hands himself in.

  *

  The weekend was weird... we were staying with Debbie while Max was in the lock up for grievous bodily harm. My Dad’s a solicitor... he’s organized the best guy from his firm to represent Max, since Elspeth is all corporate and business law. But all weekend Max has been held, pending this charge... we’re not sure how they’re able to keep him, but apparently he wants to be there... he’s cooling down and needs distance.

  But what made things really weird was the women... amazingly, despite their initial reaction... Summer and Debbie were both beginning to cheer up.

  Summer told me that it was because Sally got justice... that Henry got what was coming to him. They keep replaying that moment in their conversations... applauding Max and I.

  Summer is warming up again, after the shittiest week on record. She turned to me on the Saturday night and asked me to make love to her... I did... it was healing.

  She did the same on the Sunday night, except she didn’t ask, she just began kissing me in bed, until I got turned on; and then, she proceeded to climb on my lap and fuck me, until I took control of the situation and things got more strenuous. I made her come... twice. Admittedly, I had to muffle her cries and mine by kissing her through them.

  After connecting on that deeper level... she cried.