by Hayden Hunt
Which of course, it wasn’t. I wouldn’t make business decisions based on my romantic endeavors, anyway.
I was sipping a coffee in my office on Saturday morning when I heard the familiar ding that told me someone was outside the front door of the studio and was attempting to ring their way in.
Normally, the studio was open during the day and my secretary let me know if someone was here for me. But not on the weekends. We didn't do much business on the weekends, although the studio was always open to whoever needed it.
I headed out to the front door where Caleb was waiting for me, bright-eyed and smiling… If not a little nervous.
“Hey there, Caleb,” I said in a sincere but professional voice. “Go ahead and follow me, we’re going to head straight to the studio.”
“Oh, okay,” he said, but I could tell that made him anxious.
Poor thing. Most people were anxious when they came in to give a demo. But on top of the usual nervousness, he had to deal with the fact that our last encounter was pretty awkward.
I didn’t mind, naturally. I actually thought it was adorable when he accused me of trying to ask him out on a date. But I was sure he didn’t see it that way.
I led the way to the studio and held the door open for him to walk in. “Come on in, have a seat.”
He did, his fingers fidgeting around the CD he was holding as he sat down.
“So, this is my demo…” He handed it to me anxiously as he took his seat. “I wasn’t sure what I should bring so I have a USB thumb drive too, if that’s easier.”
“This should be fine, thanks,” I said as I grabbed it from him.
I stared down at the CD, trying to will myself to keep this meeting as professional and scheduled as possible. But for some reason, just looking at Caleb, a rush of emotions came over me.
I took his CD, grabbed the nearest trash bin, and dropped it in.
His jaw dropped.
“I’m sorry, did I do something wrong, I—”
“Oh, no, no!” I said quickly. My point wasn’t to make him more nervous. “Not at all. But I’m not going to listen to this.”
“Oh, okay… Um, why?”
“Because I hear these all the time. I hear a lot of polished, pop-rock songs from people who’ve spent way too long trying to produce something they think a record exec wants to hear. But the truth is, I don’t want to hear whatever you polished and perfected at home. I want to hear you, singing here live, performing your heart out. I want to see you as the real musician you are.”
“So you want me to just… play a song?” he asked hesitantly.
“Not just a song,” I told him. “I want you to play me your most emotional song. The song that’s dearest to your heart. I know you have one, every musician does. And I want you to sing it to me like you feel it.” I nodded toward the studio room. “Just go in there, pick up a guitar, and sing into the microphone.”
He took in a deep breath. “So just… play?”
“Just play,” I insisted.
He nodded and walked over to the rack of guitars on the wall, picking out a Taylor 310ce before stepping into the studio room and taking his seat.
I sat down at the mixing board and pressed record, just in case I wanted a copy of this for later.
“Take your time,” I told him over the speaker, because I could see he was trying to psych himself up to play.
He nodded, took in a deep breath, and began playing.
There’s someone there hiding away
Take your hands off your face
There’s no more running today
Stuck in a world out of place
From just the first verse, chills ran down my back. He sang so beautifully, the emotion ran through me. But it was nothing compared to the way he put his heart into the chorus.
To jump in a wall
Never find the other side
The other side
By this point, my jaw had dropped.
The city that sank in the sky
The town that floats by the sea
You wanted it all for yourself
But you’re not who planted the seed
To jump in a wall
Never find the other side
The other side
He repeated the chorus once more before he drew in a deep breath and stopped.
I was actually worried he was going to be too nervous to actually do what I wanted. Not many people could pour their heart out into a song on command like that. I just wanted to see what his best effort was.
But his best effort absolutely blew me out of the water. He sang more intensely than I imagined he could. He was an artist, through and through. That was immediately evident.
“Absolutely amazing!” I said to him over the speaker. “Come on back out.”
I could see him fidget again as he hung the guitar back up and sat down in the chair in front of me.
“That was absolutely amazing,” I told him. “The singing, the guitar playing, and your lyrics were stunning. Where did this song come from for you?”
It was a personal question. It was something I wouldn't normally ask in a meeting like this. But then again, I wouldn’t toss out the demo of someone who had come in and ask them to pour their heart out, either. Professionalism had gone out the window.
Not in the sense that I was flirting in any way—I wasn’t. But I supposed this was still a slight abuse of power. I wanted to learn more about him—he was intriguing to me—and this was my way to do it. Even if I wasn’t planning to pursue the relationship any further.
“You know, I really don’t know. That sounds like a cop-out answer, but it’s the truth. One night I was online and I was reading about what they call ‘free association writing.’ Where you’re supposed to just put the pen to paper and force yourself to not stop writing, and this came out. Honestly, I don’t even quite understand it myself. All I know is that it really makes me feel something… Intensely.”
“It shows,” I told him.
This was a mistake. I should have kept things routine in this meeting. Learning more about him wasn’t helping me. I only felt more intensely interested in him.
He was intriguing in a way nobody ever had been before. I didn't mean to say I’d never been interested in a man before, I had. And I’d had several long relationships before.
But none of the men I’d dated before had the mystique that Caleb did. He was someone I didn’t quite understand. Which, of course, meant that I wanted to, badly.
“Caleb, I genuinely believe you’re very talented. How long have you lived in LA?”
“I moved out here as soon as I could, when I turned eighteen.”
“Wow, so you’ve known you had this passion for music for a long time, then?”
“Absolutely. I’ve known since I was a kid that this was what I wanted to do.” He laughed. “Of course, back then I had a lot more confidence that I’d make it as a musician.”
“And you don’t now?” I asked.
“Well, I haven’t for a long time. All it takes is moving out to LA to realize you really aren’t much more talented than Joe Shmoe who’s also trying to make it big. This city is full of unfound talent and sadly, many of them never get found. I was starting to believe I would be in the forever unfound group.”
“But you didn’t quit,” I pointed out.
“No, I didn’t. Although honestly, I didn’t consider it. I have thought about quitting. Maybe going back to school, cultivating my social life, doing something that isn’t music. But I just can’t will myself to do anything else. Every year that I fail, I just throw myself further into my work.”
“Cultivate your social life?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “How would quitting help you do that?”
“Well, I don’t really have any time for friends or relationships. All my time is spent making music.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. Y
ou're just so young. I expected that you were still going out, meeting people, living life to the fullest and all that.”
He laughed. “No, I've never really been that person. And honestly, I don’t feel all that young at this point.”
“How old are you again?” I asked.
“Twenty-five.”
I laughed. “Oh, God, don’t tell me that doesn't feel young, please. It makes my thirty-five years sound a lot worse.”
He chuckled. “Okay, it’s still young. But you know how it is in the music industry. A lot of people get started very young, so it’s daunting.”
“I understand.” I nodded. “It is rough to get a late start. But hey, better late start than no start, right?”
“Right,” he agreed. “As long as I can get that late start.”
“You can,” I told him.
He paused, staring at me seriously. “…What?”
“You are getting your late start. I want to sign you.”
“What?!” he gasped. “Are you serious?! You want to sign me?”
“Absolutely! You are a fantastic musician and an intriguing human being.” The latter was unnecessary to mention, but it fell right out of my mouth. “I think you’d be a great addition to our record label.”
“Seriously, that’s so amazing, I… Wow! I just can't believe it! Uh, what comes next?”
“Well, I’ll have to have some contracts drawn up. Then I’ll set you up with a producer. You’re going to have a lot of creative freedom here, though. If your songs are always as good as the one you just showed me, I trust you’re going to make a beautiful album.”
“Holy shit… I mean, sorry! Excuse my language but… Fuck.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Seriously, though, this is a dream come true for me. I just can’t tell you I… Is this even real life?!”
“It is, I assure you.”
“I really wasn’t sure if this day would ever come and now that it’s here… It just feels so good. I haven’t felt this happy in… Well, maybe ever.”
“I’m glad I could help with that,” I said, trying not to sound too personally invested. But I totally did.
He paused for a second, the smile fading from his face.
“What is it?” I asked.
“This is a weird question, I know… but this isn’t just because I saved Mary, right?”
“No, absolutely not. I’m being honest with you. I think you’re genuinely talented.” Although I could be biased because I also thought he was genuinely likeable.
“Okay… Good.” He sighed.
“Why? Would you turn down the opportunity if it was?” I teased.
“No… Well, I don’t know. I just want to really feel like I got here because of… Well, because of me. Because of my own talent.”
“And you have. Trust me,” I assured him.
He smiled softly. “How is Mary, by the way?”
“She’s doing good. She’s been discharged from the hospital, and she’s back at home. She’s bounced back quickly. I think she even said she wants to stop by the restaurant to see you next weekend.”
“Did she really?” He seemed a little taken aback and gave an awkward smile. “Does she usually talk about me?”
“Well, she has since the hospital. That’s for sure. Apparently she really likes you.”
He tugged at the bottom of his shirt sleeves. “Uh, has she been really pushing you to, like… date me?” he asked.
“Oh yes,” I said. “Very much so. But, don’t worry, Grandma Mary doesn’t determine my romantic partnerships,” I assured him.
“I just hope she hasn’t made it awkward for you,” he said. “She’s, uh, a little pushy.”
“Tell me about it. But no, nothing Grandma Mary could do would make me feel awkward anymore. She basically helped raise me, so I’m quite used to her. Besides, you’re the straight one here! If anything, I hope you haven’t had to feel awkward.”
“Oh, no, it hasn’t been. If anything, I just feel bad about disappointing her. She’s so eager about setting us up!”
“Don’t feel bad! She thinks she knows what’s best, but she doesn’t take a lot into consideration. Like, uh, the fact that you don’t like men.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, that’s kind of a big thing, isn’t it?”
“Very.”
“I don’t know if I should ask this… Maybe I’m getting too personal, so excuse me if I am,” he began cautiously. “But what do you mean by she raised you?”
“Well, I mean it quite literally. Since I was fifteen, I’ve been in the care of Grandma Mary. My parents passed pretty suddenly and she took me in when they did.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” he said softly, looking like he regretted asking.
“Don’t be. It’s been two decades, and I’ve come to peace with their life and death. Not that I don’t miss them both. I do, of course, very much. But there’s no point in dwelling on it. Especially when I had Grandma Mary, who was an amazing mother figure to me. She helped me so much. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her.”
“Wow. I always knew she was a sweet lady, but I didn’t realize the extent of it. The heart attack must have been really hard on you.”
“It really was. I just… I can’t imagine my life without her. I know I should, since it’s going to happen one day. She’s old, and she can only live so long. But now, she’s all I really have. Like you, I’ve kind of lost my social life to my work. And obviously, I don’t have any other family, so losing her would be quite the blow. Plus, I always kind of imagined that when the time came when she had to leave me, I’d have a family of my own. Or, at the very least, a man that I loved deeply. And that love would help me through her death, painful as it may be.”
“Wow…” he whispered.
“I’m sorry, that was intense. Way too emotionally intense for a casual business interview.”
“No, I appreciate your honesty. I… People don’t really talk to each other like this, have you noticed that?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean, we make small talk. We talk about things that don’t matter. As a society, we don’t bring up the hard shit like this. We keep these kind of thoughts private and… It’s so exhausting, isn’t it? Constantly hiding your pain, your worries, your deepest fears? It’s just refreshing to be able to talk to someone who is this frank about their life.”
“I hadn’t thought about that,” I admitted. “And, if I’m being honest, I’m not usually this frank at all. I don’t know why I’m being so open with you right now. I guess you’re just easy to talk to.”
He gave a cold chuckle. “No, I’m not, though. Not at all. I’m a pretty closed off person and I’m constantly reminded of that. Even my own coworkers don’t talk very openly with me. It’s weird, sometimes they’ll be gossiping in the kitchen and as soon as I come in, the conversation turns more professional. I don’t know. I’m just not very approachable, I guess. The one person who does talk to me freely is Mary.”
“My grandma?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Really?”
“Yeah! I love talking to Mary. She’s so sweet and she genuinely seems to care about me. She may be one of my closest friends.”
“Seriously? Wow… I mean, I know you visited her in the hospital and that she liked you… but I assumed you were only coming to be nice. I figured, you know, she was another customer for you.”
“Not at all!” he said emphatically. “I absolutely love her. After she ended up passing out, I was so stressed. I know she’s not my grandma, and obviously, I’m not nearly as close to her as you are. But honestly, I couldn’t imagine her disappearing from my world.” He paused. “You really remind me of her, you know.”
“Really? How so?”
“Just, you know, with how open you are. Talking to you is a lot like talking to her. It just… feels good.”
I had the sudden urge to kiss him.
But I couldn’t. Not just because he was straight
and had no interest in me but because I’d be crossing a line.
I could definitely feel chemistry between us, though. I didn’t know if I was just imagining it or what… I didn’t think so, though. There was just something in the way he was looking at me. I knew he was straight, but it really seemed like he felt something too.
But what if I was wrong? I couldn’t kiss him now. He might kiss me back just for the record deal! I couldn’t allow myself to take advantage of him. I didn’t want that. Any connection between us, I wanted it to be real and genuine. And in the situation we were currently in, there was no way to be sure that it would be genuine.
“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry,” I said as I looked at my watch. “I have to go!”
“Oh.” He looked disappointed. “You have another meeting?”
“Yeah… Yeah, I do. In just a few minutes,” I lied.
“No problem,” he said, though it did look to be a problem.
“I’ll have our lawyers set up a meeting with you and then you’ll be assigned to a producer that will immediately start working with you on your first album.”
“So… You won’t be working with me, then?” he asked.
“No, afraid not, I don’t usually handle that kind of thing. I mostly take care of big picture things.”
“Right, that makes sense.” Again, he couldn’t hide his disappointment.
Was I right? Was he really interested in me?
I wasn’t lying when I said I handled the big picture stuff around here, but I was able to sit in on recordings and often did for some of our bigger stars. I had been a producer myself for many years before working my way up the chain, and my opinion was often asked for.
So I very easily could be present for Caleb’s recordings. Obviously he wanted me to be.
But I couldn’t be. Even if he was interested in me, it wouldn’t be right for either of us. Not just because I was his superior but because he was so young. I’d already decided I couldn’t date someone his age. I needed to find someone on my level.
And he probably wasn’t interested in me, anyway. It was just my infatuation imagining things. Maybe he wanted me in the recording studio with him because he was nervous. Just wanted to see a familiar face when he had his first meetings with a producer.