by Hayden Hunt
I reached out for his hand and gave a firm shake. “I’ll be in touch with you, Caleb.”
“Great, looking forward to it,” he said as he grabbed his bag and headed out the studio door.
“Drive safe!” I waved to him as he walked out.
“Will do.”
As soon as he was out of the room, I sank into my chair. Before this meeting, I had a mere crush on him. But now, I felt genuinely affected by him. I didn’t think I’d ever been this interested in another person.
He was just so unique, such a beautiful musician, with a gorgeous soul. And obviously an attractive body to boot. I liked him, I really did. I just could never act on it. Which meant I needed to force myself to stay away so I was never tempted to.
Still, I felt a weight on my chest now that he was gone. Knowing that this would be the last time I saw him for a long time, and that I was never going to get to explore a relationship with him… It caused almost an ache deep in my stomach.
I was craving him. And not just physically, attractive as he may be. But what I wanted more than physical interaction was mental interaction.
I wanted to learn more about him, I wanted to have more open discussions about our lives. I wanted to get to know him in any way that I could. I’d be satisfied to even have a piece of him.
I was about to walk out of the room when I saw it… The CD I had ditched into the empty wastebasket. Without hesitation, I picked it up and took it back into my office.
At least, through these songs, I could hold onto him a little longer.
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Touched Down
21
Liam
“There she is!” Jeff pointed eagerly to a woman on the other side of the bar.
“That’s her?” I said in a skeptical tone.
“Why do you say it like that?” He snapped back. “Yes, that’s her. And she’s fucking gorgeous. She may be the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in person.”
I shrug. “Yeah, I guess she's okay.”
“Come on, man, please tell me you’re not going to blow this one off too.”
“I’m not. I’ll give her a chance.” I started fidgeting, pushing my cup back and forth on the bar top.
Jeff had spent way too much time in the past few years trying to set me up with girls he knew. He’d gotten a little obsessed about it, if you asked me.
“You’ve got to be less picky, man. I don’t think there’s a woman on Earth that lives up to your standards.” He told me.
And, frankly, there’s not. Not that I had met yet, anyway.
I don’t really know how to explain it without sounding corny, but I’ve always had this fantasy in my head. That I’d meet the right girl, I’d know instantly that she was the one for me, and I’d love everything about her.
But that’s just not how it’s been. Maybe my expectations are too high, but I just can’t bring myself to lower them.
I have in the past. I’ve dated and slept with plenty of girls. Mostly at the insistence of my friends who told me I needed to give them a chance.
But the reality is that I just didn’t feel a spark with any of them. I admit, I’d grown a little cynical over the years. I was definitely a little quick to judge this girl from across the bar, who was actually very gorgeous. It’s hard not to be bitter, though, when dating has yielded such poor results.
“She sees us.” Jeff says. “She’s coming over, be nice.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m always nice.”
He looked me down seriously. “No, you are not.”
I gave him an irritated look but cleared it up once the girl had reached our seats.
“Jeff, hi!” She said, in a high pitched voice that already annoyed me. “So great to see you.” She gave him a quick hug.
“Great to see you too. Shannon, this is Liam.” He turned to me. “Liam, Shannon.”
I extended my hand. “Hi, nice to meet you.” I smiled politely at her.
“So great to meet you too!” She said excitedly as she took a seat next to me. “I have to say, you’re even more handsome than Jeff described you.”
It wasn’t an empty compliment, I could tell she was genuinely surprised by my good looks. I hate to sound cocky, but most people are. I’ve just got one of those faces that is very angular and masculine. And, of course, because of my line of work my body is in tip-top shape too.
“So are you.” I told her.
Which wasn’t an empty compliment, either. Now that I see her up close, I realize she really is one of the most stunning women I’d ever seen.
But, still, I didn’t feel much chemistry between us.
Me, her, and Jeff talked for about an hour as we drank. She had some girly little pink drink while Jeff and I drank IPA’s.
It was honestly really boring. Despite Jeff trying to keep the conversation alive, it was all small talk which I loathed. I learned she worked as an accountant, had grown up in the city, and a lot of other details I tried to tune out while I drank.
Jeff could see my boredom growing and I watched him eye me from across the bartop in a way that said ‘don’t you dare.’
But I did dare, because I didn’t want to sit here any longer.
“Oh, look at the time.” I glanced at my phone. “I’ve really got to go. I’ve got an early practice tomorrow.”
She looked immediately disappointed. “Oh, really?”
“Yeah, sorry, but it’s been lovely meeting you.” If I wanted to be nice, I would have asked for her number, but frankly I didn’t want to put up the act. It was only going to make her sit around and wait for my call, anyway. Better for her to know now that this just isn’t going to go anywhere.
I nodded to Jeff as I waltzed toward the door. But as I got to the parking lot, I heard Jeff call out after me.
“Hey!” He yelled, clearly angry.
I sighed. “Sorry, she just doesn’t seem like anything special to me.” I told him, already knowing what he was going to say.
“Are you kidding? She’s absolutely perfect! Fucking sexy, has her own career, independent… She should be the exact kind of girl you’re looking for!”
“If you like her so much, why don’t you go after her? She’s your friend.”
“Uh, a girl like that would never go for me! You have such an advantage, dude. Not only are you good-looking, you’re a fucking football player who nets a few mill a year. You’re a catch, you’re the kind of guy that perfect tens go for. And you just waste it.”
“Whatever.” I shrugged.
“You made me look like an idiot in there, you know! She did me a favor coming out here and then you just walk off like she’s nothing. It’s fucking rude.”
“You want me to fake attraction to her instead?” I ask.
“Maybe just try to be less of a douche bag.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the insult. But this only infuriated Jeff more.
“You know what?” He snapped. “I’m done.”
“You’re done? With what?”
“With you! With this fucking friendship.”
I furrowed my brow. “Are you kidding, man? All because I didn’t like that fucking chick?”
“No. It’s not about that. It’s about how you act to me, to everyone! Maybe your career has gone to your head or something, but you’re just fucking cold these days. I can't hang with this. Sorry.”
He opened his mouth slightly as if he had more to say, but then he just shut it and walked back into the bar.
I got into my truck and slammed the door behind me. I’ll admit, this caught me off guard. Me and Jeff had been friends since our freshman year in college, he was the closest friend I had.
But maybe it shouldn't surprise me. He’s not the only one to drop me in the last few years. It seemed I had a knack for pushing people away these days.
&nbs
p; Am I cold? I wondered on the drive home.
Yeah, maybe I am. If I’m honest, I could see how I come off that way. But that’s really not how I intended to be, not at all. It’s just that I’d been so frustrated with my life in the last few years that I just felt… bitter.
But about what? Really, from the outside looking in, my life looked perfect. I should be happy. I have money, a career that I loved, a gorgeous house, I could have anything I wanted. And not just things that can be bought, either. I could have any girl I wanted, too.
And maybe that was the problem. That despite all of this, I was alone. Which I guess is my fault for being too picky. The thing is, though, I don’t want to just settle.
I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone. I want to be genuinely happy with someone who I’m excited to come home to everyday. I want to love someone.
Really, truly love someone in a way that I never have. I want a love that people write stories about. I want the kind of love you see in movies.
Maybe that’s unrealistic, but that's what will make me happy. Loving someone for the first time in my life in a way that isn’t just simply platonic.
But it didn’t seem like that was in the cards for me. No matter how much money or fame I have, it won’t bring me happiness if I only get to enjoy it alone.
Ha, enjoy it! That’s the problem, right? I don’t enjoy it. I can’t even find the joy anymore in playing football.
So while it’s not surprising that my best friend can’t stand to be around my bitter, depressed ass anymore… It’s still really disappointing. Slowly but surely, things seemed to sink lower and lower for me.
22
Alex
I buttoned up my shirt as I got ready to leave the house. I decided I was going to do a spontaneous beach day today. Because, why not? That’s the kind of thing you can do when you pay way too much to live in LA, right?
Really, I just needed to get out of the house. I had been cooped up here all week and I was ready to do something.
I had asked a few friends if they wanted to hang out with me today, but they all declined. They usually did.
Not that my friends didn’t like me, they did. We all got along fantastically. That wasn’t the problem.
The problem was that they were all growing up without me.
I’m 25 this year and I know I should be doing the same thing, and I’m trying. I mean, I work an office job so I’m not a total man child, but I still can’t help feeling I’m not in the same place as them emotionally.
They all seem to have found themselves. They’re in long-term relationships, thinking of settling down, game nights are their idea of fun now. Not club nights or spontaneous drinking days at the beach.
Nope, they had projects around the house to do on the weekends or extra assignment for work or they just wanted to stay in and watch television with their significant other.
I didn’t blame them. Honestly, I envied them for how comfortable they seemed in their adulthood. I even envied them for settling down while I… Well, let’s just say I hadn’t really had the opportunity with any of my past boyfriends to settle down. I had a knack for dating assholes.
But even besides my romantic life being a disaster, I just didn’t feel very well put together. It’s hard to explain, but I just don’t feel like I’ve found myself. I wasn’t comfortable with where I was at in life, but I didn’t know where I wanted to be.
But fuck that line of thinking because today I’m getting wasted at the beach.
I called a cab because, you know, I’m responsible. I’m still mostly an adult. I won't drink and drive.
I didn’t really like to swim or even tan in public, it felt too much like showing off to me. But I did love this bar that was right along the beach.
It had this big open space so you could be in the outdoors, staring out at the ocean while you drank. And it wasn’t exclusively a gay bar or anything, but I had met a lot of cute guys there so that was an added benefit.
Of course, I’m not saying I’m only going out to find some guy to hook up with. But, if it happens, then… Who knows.
To my surprise, the bar was actually pretty empty today. I guess this shouldn’t surprise me on a Wednesday afternoon. Even the guys who usually showed up here on weekends were evidently responsible enough to have a day job.
There was one guy and one girl seated toward the end of the bar, but I think they were together. Well, there goes my prospects.
I decided to skip straight to the drinking.
I sipped a beer while I stared out at the beach for a while, but that got old kind of quick. I was getting bored fast when I heard the couple on the other side of the bar talking.
I’m known to people watch so, I’m embarrassed to say, I honed into their conversation immediately. And I wasn’t disappointed.
From what I could gather, they actually weren’t a couple. It seemed like the girl was trying to flirt with him, but he showed pretty much no interest. He gave her simple one-word answers and she failed to get the hint.
Or maybe she did get the hint, but she was just really, really insistent anyway. Either way, it was super interesting.
“You’re really funny.” She let out a dramatic giggle.
He said nothing.
“Hey, do you want to play some pool?” She gestured over to the table to her left.
“Nope.” He said dully.
“Oh, I see, you’re not really good at pool, huh?”
“I’m fine.” He said shortly.
“Or are you chicken? Scared to get beat by a girl, huh?” She said in a flirty tone.
“Nope.” He shrugged, not even trying to defend himself.
“Well, maybe you want to buy me a drink instead?”
“I don’t.” He said flatly.
This is where things start to get really interesting, because she obviously had a clear cut sign of rejection but she chose to ignore it. Naturally, this seemed to infuriate him more and more.
“I’ll buy my own then.” She smiled before asking the bartender for two more drinks for the both of them. “And I’ll buy yours too. I mean, it’s 2016, right? We’re all equal here.”
“I really don’t need you to buy my drinks.” He turned to the bartender. “Just put it on my tab.”
“Oh, it’s no problem at all!” She insists, rubbing her hand gently on his arm which he jerked away.
I don’t know how she was missing his signs of frustration because it was very obvious to me that this guy was about to burst. I was seriously afraid for her right now. And afraid for him. That he might make a scene and get kicked off the boardwalk.
I don’t know why, maybe it was the two beers starting to make me braver, But I decided to jump in.
“Honey! There you are!” I put my arm around his shoulder. Thankfully, they were both so engrossed in their awkward conversation that neither of them had even noticed me sitting on the other side of the bar. “Thanks for saving me a seat.”
He looked at me confused, but since his back was facing her when he stared at me, she didn’t notice.
“Uhm, who are you?”
“His boyfriend, of course.” I smiled sweetly.
“Boyfriend?!” She asked in shock. “You’re uh… You’re gay?”
He glanced at me once more with shifty eyes then turned back to her.
“Yep.” He said, deciding to take the easy out.
I was glad, this could’ve gone one of two ways. Either he was going to use me as an excuse to ditch this girl like he wanted to all along, or he was going to be pissed at me for insulting his masculinity and possibly wanted to fight me.
“Oh… I’m sorry.” She said, taken aback. “Why are the good ones always gay, right?” She laughed awkwardly before sauntering off.
“You’re welcome.” I nodded to him as the bartender handed me another drink.
“What was that, exactly?” He asked
“Uh, me saving you from Miss can’t-take-a-hint, of co
urse.”
He nodded. From the way he looked at me I could tell he was analyzing my motive.
“Are you actually gay?” He asked.
“Yes, are you?” I answered.
“What?!” He asked, shocked. “No, do I look gay?”
“Do I?” I asked back, one eyebrow raised.
“Uh, not really. You look normal.”
“What a crazy concept! That us gay guys might actually be normal dudes.” I gave a cheeky smile.
He laughed. “I’m sorry, that came off horribly. I don’t want you to think I’m homophobic or anything, I was just taken aback. It was the first time anyone ever insinuated I was gay before.” He extended a hand. “I’m Liam.”
“Alex.” I shook his hand back. “And don’t worry, I didn’t come here to hit on you. I don’t generally chase straight men. The tension between you two was just getting to be too much.”
“Yeah, it was.” He agreed. “Thanks for that.”
“No problem. Seriously, what was that girls' issue?”
He laughed. “I don't know! I’ve never had such a hard time shaking a girl off in my entire life. She was clinging to me like glue.”
“How’d the conversation even come up?” I asked, curious about what happened before I arrived.
“Honestly, I have no clue. But it wasn’t initiated by me, I’ll promise you that much. She just sat down next to me and started talking. I barely even glanced her way in acknowledgement!”
I shook my head. “You can’t teach social awareness.”
“Apparently not.” He agreed.
There was a lull in the conversation that made things a little awkward.
“Well, I’ll go ahead and excuse myself then.” I said. I didn’t want to be like the girl, not knowing when I was overstaying my welcome. “Enjoy your drink.”
But as I stood up, he stopped me.
“Wait, are you waiting for some friends or something?”
“No, why?” I asked.
“You have nothing to do?”