by Tia Siren
Sarah realized that she had to do work as well. Outside the sun was just cresting over the hills and beginning to shine off of the few clouds that were in the sky. Sarah breathed in deeply and appreciated how fresh the air was. Well they have good food and good air. Maybe this place has a few redeeming qualities.
“So Sarah, how are you acclimating so far?” Asked Ezekiel.
Sarah realized that she had not yet spoken to him. “Pretty well I suppose, it is very different than what I am used to.”
“That is what everyone from the outside says when they come here,” he said. His voice was cheerful and optimistic.
“Really,” Sarah was surprised. “Do people from the outside come here often. I mean I thought you guys were pretty isolated.
“Oh there is certainly a sense in which we are isolated,” explained Ezekiel. “But visitors do come here from time to time and they enjoy learning about us. We are used to it really.”
“But don’t you envy them when they tell you how great life is outside of here,” asked Sarah.
Ezekiel shook his head. “Haven’t you ever heard of rumspringa?”
“No, I never have.”
“Rumspringa is when the young Amish, usually between the ages of 14 and 16 are allowed to experience the outside world for themselves. They then have the choice of staying or coming back and being baptized into the church.”
“Really, and so don’t most just leave and never come back,” asked Sarah, sure that he would say yes.
“Not at all, almost everyone returns. In fact, rumspringa is mainly to show us how good we have it here. I think that in time you will learn to appreciate the world we have created here.”
“I doubt it.”
“And how could you be so sure,” asked Ezekiel as he stopped. Sarah stopped too.
“Because it is not as fun here, that is why,” she thought it was so obvious, especially to anyone that had experienced both living here and living in the real world. She didn’t understand what Ezekiel saw in this place. “There is no television here, there are no videogames, or music blaring in your room. You don’t have air conditioning or cars or anything that makes life worth living.”
“Oh and that is what you think makes life worth living?” Ezekiel shook his head slowly, frowning. “Sarah, I think that soon you will come to understand my perspective. But it is not something I can explain to you right now. It is something that you must experience.”
Sarah had no idea what he could be talking about. They began walking again.
“Just over here,” said Ezekiel. “We just need to pick these berries that you see. It is really as simple as that. With the two of us it will go much faster.”
At first they picked berries without talking. Sarah found the silence to be refreshing at first but then thought it was awkward. Who is so comfortable alone in silence?
She looked around to find Ezekiel. He was behind one of the bushes. he was humming to himself. She recognized the tune as one that her mother had sang to her when she was young. It was a hymn, it was “Amazing Grace.” He looked so content to be by himself and lost in his own thoughts. And his thoughts didn’t seem to torture him or consume him, but rather to uplift him. But what does he know. He has never experienced real tragedy in his life.
She was beginning to tire of picking the berries. Ezekiel came over.
“Are you ready for a short lunch break?” He asked
“I didn’t know that you people take breaks. I thought that you gained some kind of power from working so hard,” she said sarcastically.
Ezekiel laughed, “we take plenty of breaks. It is good for the body to rest after doing work. It is God’s way. You do know that he rested on the 7th day right?”
Sarah nodded, “but what does that have to do with anything?”
“He set a precedent,” explained Ezekiel. “He was telling us that rest is ok. And what’s more he was telling us that the 7th day is sacred. That is why one day a week we rest and just enjoy fellowship and our time worshipping the Lord. But that is enough of a Bible lesson. Eat up, take a breather.”
Sarah could not believe what she had gotten herself into. Ezekiel was a good enough looking guy, but he was a total square. Where is the fun in his lifestyle. he worked, and then he rested, and it was all scheduled out. There was no spontaneity. Oh well. Sarah did enjoy the lunch though, as she expected. It was corn bread with jam. She also ate some of the berries that they had picked. They were extremely good.
After lunch they picked berries for a few more hours. They didn’t do much talking, because Ezekiel seemed focused on what he was doing and content to hum in his head some crazy worship tune. “Alright, I think that is enough for today, let’s walk back and check on the cows,” he said.
Finally, thought Sarah. They started back, but to what? More work. Sarah was already dead tired and couldn’t imagine milking cows for hours. Don’t farmers have machines to do that? She then thought that the real reason for every invention was to increase laziness. She laughed to herself. Maybe it wasn’t true, but the thought was funny.
“Do you know how to milk a cow?” Asked Ezekiel.
Sarah gave him a look that she thought couldn’t be misinterpreted in any culture. “No Ezekiel, I don’t know how to milk a cow. I know how to buy milk at the supermarket though.”
Ezekiel smiled, taking no offense. “Okay, it is really simple…” He showed her the proper technique and they ended up finishing in no time at all.
“Okay that was quick, you are a really big help,” he said. “having an extra worker really makes a big difference. The next thing we are going to do is feed the chickens.”
“And I’m sure you have free range chickens,” said Sarah.
“Actually we do. I saw your chicken eggs that you eat on my rumspringa and even tasted some of them. Trust me, the ones we have here are much better. I could tell that you enjoyed them during breakfast this morning.”
“You know, for once I can’t disagree with you,” said Sarah. “Okay, show me how to feed these chickens.”
Ezekiel showed here how to spread the feed on the ground and how much to use. “It is really not much harder than that.”
“Okay now what,” asked Sarah.
“Look at you Sarah, anxious to get started on the next chore. I knew that you would come along.” Ezekiel was Amish but he still had a sense of humor. “Actually, that is it for right now. We finished early and were able to accomplish more than we needed. We can just go back now and see if mama needs any help inside the kitchen.”
“Why do you call her ‘mama,’” asked Sarah.
“Well we have a few different ways of saying things here. For the most part we talk the way that you do, and especially when you are around. We don’t want to confuse you. But, for example, we call God, Gott, sometimes. You will get used to it Sarah.” Everything he said was with a smile.
The walk back to the house was not too far, but Sarah’s feet were beginning to hurt. She didn’t understand how they could do so much every single day without breaking down. Where were the lazy Saturday morning cartoons, or the sleeping in on a snow day or just blowing off a school assignment because you can. Sarah thought that Ezekiel must take pride in everything that he does. What a loser, she thought to herself. But that was a term for someone back home that wasn’t popular. Ezekiel was handsome and well liked and industrious and nice. Sarah was beginning to realize that the world she was living in was really completely different than anything she had ever experienced before.
“So Sarah. I heard that you had a tragedy in the family, and that is why you have come here to live with us. I don’t mean to pry, but I wanted to let you know that I am here for you if you ever need to talk about it,” said Ezekiel as they were walking back.
Sarah realized that it would be nice to talk to someone other than her dad about it. “You know, I am going to be staying here for a long time probably. We will have many times to talk about it I am sure. And I do appreciate that, Ezekie
l.” Sarah fought within herself not to confide all of her thoughts to him right there. “But all that I want to tell you right now is that I had a wonderful mother once. The best, most loving mother in the whole world. A lot like yours, I think. And now she is gone.” Sarah stopped in her tracks as she was full sadness, she looked into the distance. Even saying as little as she had made a profound impact on her.
Ezekiel just put his arm around her. Sarah expected some lecture on the Bible about how suffering is good for us. But she got none of that. All she got was comfort. She felt that he actually cared for her in the midst of her pain. That was more than she could say about most. Well even if this place stinks, at least there are people that seem genuine.
They got back and helped Rebekah with the chores in the kitchen. They had fruit to preserve and butter to churn. They worked on some pies and other desserts. Her father and Isaiah returned before sun down and they helped finish up the last of the chores. The men then left the kitchen and Sarah followed. “Stay here and help me make dinner,” said Rebekah. Sarah stopped.
“Okay, but everyone else left.” Sarah was puzzled. It was not that she didn’t want to help but she was curious why it had to be her.
“In this house everyone has their roles.” Explained Rebekah. “Trust me, it is better this way. You don’t want to eat anything Isaiah makes.” Sarah laughed.
“But I don’t know much about cooking,” said Sarah.
“I will teach,” assured Rebekah. “The most important thing to remember is to have fun with any of the work that you do. Work is for our benefit. God could of had us just lay in the fields all day, but He knew that work is better. It gives us a sense of accomplishment. That is a joy that once you discover it, it is simply the best there is. Especially when you make something really delicious that makes the men cry for joy. I don’t mean that metaphorically mind you. After a hard day of work Isaiah appreciates my food more than you can imagine. Now that makes a wife happy,” explained Rebekah.
Sarah nodded in understanding. As much as she thought everything was backwards and outdated here, there was something to it. It was that charm that she felt earlier. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she felt it again. Sarah helped with what she could and tried to learn as much as possible. It didn’t take too long, as Rebekah was a very fast cook.
“Tonight, with the help of my new assistant, I have prepared us pork and corn on the cob,” said Rebekah as she presented the food to the boys.
“Will you say the pray for us tonight,” asked Isaiah.
“Of course, papa.” Ezekiel looked grateful for the honor. “Heavenly father, again we come before you tonight in awe of your loving kindness and faithfulness towards us. It has been such a blessing have more help with our chores today. You always give so much more abundantly than we could ever ask for. In your name we pray, Amen.”
Everyone said ‘Amen,’ even Sarah this time. The food was as good as Sarah had come to expect. But good in it’s own unique way, that made it stand out from anything else she had ever had. The house was warm from the fire that had been prepared and felt particularly good because it created a delightful contrast to the cold outside. Sarah realized that she was beginning to appreciate certain aspects of her new life. She killed the thoughts as soon as they crept in, however. She didn’t want to be seen enjoying herself.
After supper they went to their separate rooms. “Did you enjoy yourself today,” asked her father.
Sarah didn’t want to sound too upbeat about anything. After all, she did work all day in the sun and barely had any chance to do anything fun. But, for some reason, she hadn’t hated it as much as she thought that she might. “It was okay, dad, or should I say Jacob,” she said jokingly. It was the first joke she had made with her father in a long time. “How was your day working on the barn with Isaiah?”
Her father smiled slightly. “You know, it was more than okay. I don’t remember the last time I had worked with my hands for so many hours. It was hard work, but it felt good to accomplish something. Isaiah talked to me a lot about God too. It was really inspiring. It is good for us that we are here, Sarah. I know you don’t believe that yet, but I think that everything happens for a reason. Isaiah explained that to me.”
“So you are saying that mother died for a reason. That her death was all a part of God’s good plan?” Sarah was again angry with her father. Why did he have to say that. Couldn’t he just accept that he was a loser and wallow in the misery of his own failure?
“I am not saying that Sarah. What I am saying is that God can work out for good anything that happens, including your mother’s death. We need to trust God,” said her father. He was surprised at what he was saying.
“Trust God? Since when do you trust God? I don’t remember the last time I have ever seen you read the Bible or pray,” said Sarah. She was very angry again.
Jacob tried to think of a way to fix the situation. “Well why don’t we pray right now, together. I know that I haven’t been the best father, but why can’t we change things now?”
“We can’t change things, because mother can’t change things. She is gone.” Sarah got into bed and pulled the covers over her. She didn’t want to talk any more.
“That is a part of life, Sarah. I know you don’t want to accept it, and you want to blame me for it. But life is not as easy as you want it to be. I don’t know why, but God has a plan. We just have to trust him.” Jacob trailed off as he was now in bed and clearly exhausted from the long day. Neither of them were used to the long Amish work days yet.
Trust God? How could I trust a God that let my mother die? Sarah pondered these questions as she lay in bed. She wondered why Ezekiel seemed so happy all of the time. She wondered why his whole family was happy. It must be a facade. Soon she would see their true nature. But part of her suspected that they may actually truly be happy. And that thought scared her more than anything.
*****
The next day Sarah awoke to much the same routine. Her father was already gone and breakfast was already ready. It tasted amazing as was expected. But after breakfast they did something different. The whole family, everyone including herz, gathered into the corner of the main living room and sang hymns. Sarah had not sung since she was a little girl and tried just to blend in by mouthing the words. Isaiah and Ezekiel took turns leading in front, but for the most part everyone just sang as a group, without instruments. It was uplifting and as much as Sarah hated to admit, she felt ready to take on the chores of the day. What is it about this place?
“That was wonderful and such a delight to my soul,” said Isaiah. “The plan today is similar to yesterday. The berries should be finished up in just a few more hours, and Ezekiel and Sarah can work on that together again. I can’t thank you guys enough for the work you did yesterday. Jacob and I will continue to work on the barn. Now let’s get going and serve the Lord with joyful hearts today.”
As they departed, Sarah admitted to herself that she was buying into the way of life here a little bit. But she was still nagged by the seeming paradox of God. How is it that He could seem so wonderful and caring when they sang songs and talked to Him in prayer, but then the next minute he is allowing her mother to die, or for suffering in general. Sarah knew that she was still a long way off from having any kind of healing faith in God. If she was powerful enough to stop her mother from dying, she knew should would have. So why didn’t God? She remembered that her father had talked at length about God with Isaiah and came away with a different perspective. She wondered if Ezekiel had any enlightening thoughts.
“Ezekiel, can I ask you a few questions,” she said as they were talking to the berry field.
“Of course,” he responded. She knew that he would be delighted to help her in any way that he could.
“How do you still have faith in God when you see the horrible things that happen in this world. I mean he allowed my mother to die. And I’m sure that you know plenty of people that have died. It just seems like thin
gs happen at random. Or even that God is evil and enjoys tormenting people. I just don’t see his lovingkindness like we sing and talk about. I look around and I see pain.” Sarah realized that she confessed secrets about how she felt to Ezekiel that she had not shared with anyone else. How was it that he had gained enough of her confidence in one day to warrant this?
“You ask difficult questions,” said Ezekiel. He stopped walking and thought deeply. “But I cannot give you all of the answers that you seek, but I can help you find the way. Tell me Sarah, do you know the Gospel?”
Sarah nodded. She had heard it preached when she was younger, but she was a bit hazy on the details.
“Well think of it this way. God, being aware of our sufferings here on earth sent his own Son to suffer with us and die with the worst of criminals. That is what the gospels say. So you see, whatever reason God has for allowing suffering in this world, it can’t be that He simply doesn’t care. You can believe what you want about our God, but you can’t say he is indifferent to us.”
As much as Sarah wanted to think that what Ezekiel just said was garbage and sentimental nonsense, she couldn’t deny that it resonated with her. God is not just sitting on his throne in the heavens and watching gleefully as we suffer. He has partaken in the suffering. The stories from when she was a kid came flooding back to her The manger, the wise men, the angels, and many more. She remembered her mother telling her those beautiful stories when she was barely able to comprehend them. But somehow they stuck deep in her mind.
“Does that make sense Sarah…”
“Oh...yes…actually it does.” She was caught off guard as she had been lost in deep thought. “Actually it makes perfect sense, and in a way makes sense of everything. But it is still hard. You are saying that you just rely on faith. Because you never gave me an answer, you just said there must be a good reason.”
“Yes, Sarah, faith. And that is hard to explain. But tomorrow I am going to try and show you.” He said. “It will be fun, trust me.”