by Karin Baine
In fact, he seemed to have found the best treatment for her particular case by continuing to pick up the debris around them and ignoring the latest addition to the elephant herd now parading around the room.
‘No wonder Mum was so frantic about getting this place tidied up before you set foot inside. I guess they just locked up the house once the ambulance left.’ Nate in cleaning mode was as efficient as his mother and Violet decided to follow his lead. Time and distance hadn’t made this any more feasible.
They worked quietly together, sifting her father’s correspondence into manageable piles. The quicker they got this sorted, the easier it would make it for Nate to leave. She knew him well enough to know he’d see this out until the end, when he’d fulfilled his obligation to her and his parents.
‘Violet?’ After some time he drew her attention to a stack of letters headed with bold red lettering.
‘Mmm?’
‘These are all bills. Most of them final demands.’
‘Let me see.’ She snatched a few from his grasp and confirmed it. All correspondence, most of it threatening action against him, was leading to the conclusion her father was in dire financial trouble.
She collapsed into the chair with such force she almost toppled it over again. This was too much for her to handle on top of everything else today. Somehow she was going to have to fix this. She just had no idea how.
‘You had no clue this was going on?’ Nate spoke softly, as if he was afraid of spooking her even more.
The façade her father had presented to the world all these years had duped many into thinking their fortune was never ending. She’d known differently.
‘The place has been leaking money for years but I didn’t know things were this bad.’ Her father’s spending and refusal to admit they were in trouble had been the source of many an argument in the house before her mother died. The worry and uncertainty about the future had certainly contributed to her mother’s fragile state of mind but he hadn’t taken any responsibility then and he wasn’t likely to do so now.
‘What? There’s no magical pot of gold hidden under the floorboards?’ Nate pretended to be surprised the place didn’t run by reputation and superiority complexes alone.
‘Unfortunately not.’ She lifted the stack of bills and slammed them back down on the table. This wasn’t his problem. Hell, it wasn’t even hers.
Whatever happened to her father, Violet knew she was going to have to be the one to sort this out. She should have known better than to come back. It had been inevitable that she’d get sucked back into her father’s delusions of grandeur and the repercussions of stark reality. Perhaps she should have done as she was told at seventeen and agreed to marry Lord Montgomery’s son. At least she might’ve been in a position now to help financially, possibly with her mother still around too.
This new discovery threatened to undo all the progress she’d made in her new life. Nothing had changed in her absence, she’d simply avoided dealing with it. She was back to being that frightened girl, lonely and overwhelmed by the burden her father had put upon her.
She wanted to confront him, scream and cry, and walk away for ever. Now she could do none of those things. She was stuck here. Again.
‘I’ll worry about these tomorrow, as soon as I know he’s made it through the night. Then I might go up there and kill him myself.’
Nate arched an eyebrow at her with a smirk. ‘Now, I know you don’t mean that. I told you, there’s help available. It’s a shame you Dempseys are too damn stubborn for your own good. You don’t have to do this on your own.’
Deep down she knew he was talking about his parents or some other official source of financial advice but it gave her more comfort to imagine he was still in her corner. ‘You’re the only person who was ever there for me, you know.’
Reuniting with Nate was the only light in this darkness and she wanted to run towards the safety she knew was there. For a little while she didn’t want to think about tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. He could help her forget, take her to that happy place away from all of this mess. What was one more mistake when her life was crumbling around her? All she had to do was convince him, and herself, this wasn’t the big deal it had been when they were teenagers.
Suddenly she was tired of being strong, of bearing the weight of Strachmore on her shoulders alone.
‘Stay with me tonight, Nate.’
Nate’s body reacted to the invitation before his brain kicked in and listed all the reasons this was a bad idea. He ignored all parts of him straining to make the decision for him, knowing Violet would regret this in the morning, as he would. For altogether different reasons. This was his chance to exorcise that painful rejection for good, but he knew her well enough to understand what this was really about. Her way of dealing with difficult matters had always been to divert her attention elsewhere, put off tackling the hard stuff for as long as possible. Violet was the Queen of Procrastination and he’d always been the Fool, keeping her entertained and distracting her from the hardships within the castle walls.
Not any more. He’d made certain he was King of his own castle since those days.
‘I think it would be better if I went home.’
She’d let him know he wasn’t good enough for her before and he wasn’t going to be the consolation prize now.
She stood up so she was close enough to invade his personal space and trailed a fingertip down the front of his shirt. ‘Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about this, about us—’
She didn’t need to say any more. He was already picturing them together in bed, giving into that chemistry he’d never been able to forget.
He took a deep breath to purify his thoughts and make sense of hers. She’d taken an emotional battering today and he’d never take advantage of her when she was so vulnerable. Lord knew he wanted her and it was an ego boost to know it was reciprocated this time but it didn’t change circumstances. Friend or lover? He reminded himself he couldn’t be both and remain sane. He’d breached the professional boundary long ago and only friendship had remained before he’d ended up in no-man’s land—a minefield he had to tiptoe through, full of the sort of explosive situations he’d happily avoided since he was nineteen.
‘We’re both adults, single, with no illusions this would be anything more than sex. I need the distraction.’ It was confirmation of exactly where he stood with her and that wasn’t any place of importance. She might as well have been hiring an escort for the evening for all the emotional significance she afforded him.
Normally that kind of detachment wasn’t a problem. In fact he welcomed it. It stopped things becoming too messy. However Violet wasn’t a faceless one-night stand. Uncomplicated sex should never involve the woman whose rejection had made you so cynical about relationships in the first place.
‘Unfortunately, sharing a bed is not the modern-day equivalent of hanging out in the boathouse pretending real life isn’t happening around us.’ His heavy dose of honesty transformed Violet’s coquettish eye-fluttering into a wide-eyed, open-mouthed, I’ve-just-been-slapped-in-the-face expression.
He was pretty sure he’d worn that same look once before and he took no satisfaction in being the one to cause it this time.
‘You’re right. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.’
He could see the shame clouding her eyes already. That wasn’t what he wanted either.
‘There’s nothing I’d enjoy more than taking you to bed right now, but I think it would be a mistake. For both of us. Get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.’ He knew she didn’t want to be alone, but he didn’t intend falling into that old pattern of being at her beck and call again. He’d invested too much in that before and paid the consequences.
‘You always were the sensible one.’ She gave him a wobbly smile and Nate knew he had to
get out of here before the tears really did fall. When she finally did give into the real emotions she was trying to hide from, he knew he’d never be able to leave her.
‘And you always were the impulsive one.’ He’d lost count of the number of times he’d had to talk her out of doing something stupid—like running away or sabotaging her father’s dinner parties with laxatives. It was probably the reason she hadn’t confided in him about moving to London. She hadn’t wanted to be talked out of it.
This proposition was most likely a cry for help rather than an unyielding need to have him in her bed, but it didn’t make it any easier to resist.
‘Goodnight, Violet.’
He wondered if she’d ever regretted walking away as much as he did now.
CHAPTER THREE
THE TROUBLE WITH the countryside was the quiet. There was no traffic noise to drown out Violet’s thoughts and nowhere to go to escape her shame. She’d spent most of the night replaying the moment she’d made a complete fool of herself with Nate. Lord knew what he thought of her throwing herself at him like some nympho desperate for a quick lay. She shuddered, the cringe factor at an all-time high as she recalled the look of disgust on his face as he rejected her advances. All he’d done was show her some kindness, more than she deserved, and she’d implied she was only interested in his body. Nothing could be further from the truth. Well, okay, his body had been on her mind since she’d first seen him suited and booted but she’d needed him for so much more than that. She’d tried to use sex to get him to stay when she was really yearning for his company.
After one bombshell too many, her common sense had been blown to pieces. There was no other logical explanation for her behaviour last night. These past years of being so strong, so independent had skewed her idea of friendship until she’d seen it as a weakness. Until yesterday, when Nate had reminded her how good it was to have someone in your corner fighting your battles with you. In her messed-up head, sleeping with Nate had seemed like the only way to recapture that fantasy world they’d had when they were young but he’d called her on it. She had no right to expect anything from him when she’d been the one to burst that bubble in the first place. What had been the point of walking away then if she was simply going to drag him back into all Strachmore’s problems now?
In the cold light of day Nate’s refusal to stay had probably been the most sensible option but her ego was still a little bruised. Clearly he’d done what she’d ultimately wanted for him at the time and moved on from her. She should be happy about it. Not wondering what, apart from her badly executed proposition, had turned him off her. That one kiss had been so full of love and passion for her she hated to think she’d killed it stone dead with her actions, even though she’d acted in what she’d thought was in both of their interests.
At least not sleeping with Nate meant minimal embarrassment when she would inevitably run into him again. The good news this morning was that her father had made it through the night and was as well as could be expected for a man determined to be in control of his own destiny at any cost.
Now that the sun was up she was keen to get to the hospital and see him but her thoughts were as muddled as ever when it came to her father. Last night she’d been afraid for him, and herself, as far as his health and finances were concerned. Yet there was also that lingering resentment that he’d brought her back here, unintentionally or not. These rose-covered walls and four-poster bed might be the stuff of little girls’ dreams but to her this had always been a prison, a place that had robbed her of her freedom. Even as an adult she was still trapped here.
She tossed off the covers and climbed out of bed, her bare feet sinking into the thick wool carpet reminding her she wasn’t in Kansas any more. The wooden floors throughout her flat served a dual purpose—minimum cleaning and a stand against her old-fashioned upbringing.
She wandered down the halls trying to find the beauty in her opulent surroundings and failing. The shiny, gilded trinkets and ornate antiquities were exquisite but at what cost? She would’ve taken a childhood in a one-bedroom council flat if it had meant she could’ve had her mother back. Not so her father. Even when his wife had begged him to downsize to stem their outgoings, he’d refused to part with the family silver or make any concessions to give her peace of mind. If anything, he’d become more extravagant, throwing lavish parties to prevent the rumour mill churning with stories about the depleted family coffers. Her mother had been expected to be compliant in the façade, playing the glamorous, gracious hostess while quashing her anxiety with a cocktail of drugs.
Violet slid her hand over the smooth mahogany bannister leading down the staircase. It took her to a happier period when the house was her playground and this was her slide taking her from one floor to another. With few friends outside her preparatory school, she’d had to make her own entertainment when she’d been waiting for Nate to finish working in the grounds with his father. At least with him she’d never had to pretend to be something she wasn’t. She shouldn’t have tried to do that last night by making out she was some sort of good-time girl.
Perhaps he’d seen right through her façade the way he’d always been able to and realised she’d simply been acting out of fear. That thought was preferable to the one where he didn’t find her attractive any more and enough to spur her on to get dressed and face the day ahead.
* * *
So many elements of what happened last night had been playing on Nate’s mind. The most persistent one being Violet’s indecent proposal and why he’d turned her down. He doubted she felt any more for him now than she had back then and surmised she’d been trying to use him as a sticking plaster over the wound coming back here had reopened. He knew he’d ultimately made the right decision. Going down that path again would only have led to that same dead end it had taken him years to navigate his way out of.
In hindsight her flight to London rather than take the next step with him had probably been for the best. Nothing had changed since then. Except they were no longer best friends and self-preservation was a higher priority for him now.
The discovery of the Earl’s debts had added to his disturbed sleep; he was worried not only for Violet but for his family too. Regardless of his own thoughts on Strachmore, or the people who resided there, his parents were very much a part of it. Any financial problems would affect them too when it was their livelihood, and their affiliation was the only thing keeping a roof over their heads. The cottage was the only perk of the job as far as he could see and one that would certainly vanish along with the Dempseys. Strachmore’s problems were also his now. He couldn’t stand by and watch his parents lose their home simply because he and Violet had unresolved issues. They were all going to have to work together to find a solution. The future was going to have to be more important than the past.
He’d made Samuel Dempsey his first port of call on the ward rounds this morning to follow his progress. All had been quiet since the last dramatic intervention to restart his heart so Nate hoped this was the start of his recovery. There was no associated arrhythmia, with the heart beating too quickly, too slowly, or irregularly, which could sometimes occur after a heart attack. It would take a while to assess the full damage done to the heart and how much tissue would be able to recover but, for now, he was stable.
That was more than could be said for another one of his elderly patients, who’d suffered severe heart failure and had undergone stenting of his coronary arteries yesterday. The balloon catheter supposed to inflate/ deflate timed by the patient’s heartbeat and support the circulation hadn’t been beneficial in this case. After examining him, Nate had had to concede that a large part of the heart muscle had died and nothing more could be done. A younger patient might have been a candidate for further surgery but it had been decided at the morning multi-disciplinary meeting not to pursue any further investigation. Already weak, the patient wouldn’t have survived a
nother round of intrusive surgery. It wasn’t the outcome he wanted for any of his patients, no matter what their age or circumstance. He absorbed every loss as though it were personal, his failing. If anything happened to the Earl he’d never forgive himself for letting Violet or his parents down.
After seeing in-patients, outpatients and performing a pacemaker insertion, he’d come full circle back to CCU. Deep down he’d known Violet would be here.
* * *
‘Hey, Dad.’ Violet was glad to see he was a bit more with it and his pallor was a lot less grey today. She’d been sitting around for hours waiting for all the tests and scans to be completed before she got to see him. Making her own way to the hospital this morning had seemed like a better plan than car-sharing with the man who didn’t want to sleep with her but it also meant no string-pulling visitor privileges.
‘Violet? What are you doing here?’ His eyes were flickering open and shut as though he wasn’t sure whether or not to believe what he was seeing. It was no wonder when she’d spent so long out of the country, and his life.
‘The doctors have told you what happened, right?’ She didn’t want the responsibility of breaking the news to him; he wasn’t invincible. He’d probably call her a liar if she tried.
‘A heart attack.’ He nodded and closed his eyes again. She couldn’t tell if he was tired, zoned out on drugs or annoyed she was here. Probably all three. She was the last person he’d want to see him weak and out of control.
‘I wanted to make sure you were all right.’ It was weird saying that when she’d barely let him enter her thoughts until recently. He’d been out of sight, out of mind, to enable her to move forward. Until one phone call had forced her to acknowledge he was still part of her life whether she liked it or not.
She stood by the bed, arms folded and doing her best to sound strong, as if admitting she’d been scared for him would somehow give him power back over her.