Buchanan Bandits

by Marcus Emerson

  I thought about it for a second and remembered the boys’ locker room. ‘Well, the bandit tried to frame me for stealing everyone’s gum on Tuesday. He filled my gym locker to the brim with stolen gum.’

  Another puzzle piece attached itself to the group.

  James nodded, staring at the stars. ‘And that’s when you decided to team up with Wyatt?’

  I shook my head. ‘No,’ I said, trying to remember. I stared into the pink and blue clusters of galaxies overheard. It was beautiful. ‘There was a red ninja wristband sitting on the bench behind me when I slammed my locker shut!’

  CLICK.

  ‘Right,’ James said. ‘And you know how secretive and protective Wyatt is when it comes to his red ninja clan, don’t you? There’s no way anyone in the red ninja clan would leave a wristband like that lying around. Red ninjas are experts at covering their tracks, right?’

  CLICK.

  ‘Wyatt wanted me to find it,’ I whispered, surprised that I hadn’t seen the clue before. ‘So I would remember that he wanted to team up. He needed me to get scared about the stolen gum in my locker so that when I saw the wristband, I’d want his help!’

  James smiled, shooting a thumbs up at me.

  ‘But the second bag of gum …’ I said, realising the truth as I said it. ‘That happened after I told Wyatt that I was done searching for the bandit! He must’ve … he did it to scare me again, didn’t he?’

  ‘Perhaps. But to scare you into doing what?’ James asked. ‘The first time he used fear to team up with you. The second time, he used fear to …’

  A few more pieces slid in place on the floor, but there were nearly a dozen left sitting out in the open.

  ‘To bust Jake,’ I said. ‘Wyatt kept on telling me that Jake was behind the theft, but why would he want to bust Jake?’

  I watched the floor, hoping that another piece would move, but it didn’t.

  ‘That’s the bajillion dollar question, isn’t it?’ James asked, chomping off one of the corners from the pink eraser.

  It was one of those moments when you know you’re dreaming and something weird happens, but at the same time you’re like, of course that happened. It makes perfect sense that James Buchanan would take a bite out of one of Sebastian’s erasers. And of course his breath would now smell like watermelon.

  The remaining puzzle pieces trembled, like there was a brontosaurus stomping around outside.

  I stared at the half-eaten eraser in the president’s hand, and I remembered that the alien in the hallway also took a bite. My head started hurting as I tried to make sense of exactly what I was seeing.

  James threw the rest of the eraser into his mouth, chewing it annoyingly.

  ‘The erasers…’ I whispered.

  A puzzle piece slid into place.

  CLICK.

  The president blew a bubble until it popped.

  ‘… are gum,’ I said finally.

  Fireworks erupted again in the galaxy above.

  On the tiles below us, the puzzle pieces started moving, taking their correct place.

  CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.

  My vision blurred as I stared at nothing, speaking quickly. ‘The erasers are Sebastian’s product, right? The school is selling them through the Pit! Kids are going nuts over them, but not because they’re collectable erasers!’

  CLICK.

  ‘But because they’re gum!’ I exclaimed. ‘They’re not scented! They’re flavoured!’

  CLICK.

  ‘Gum isn’t allowed in school, but Sebastian found a way to sell it without the school knowing!’

  CLICK.

  ‘But what about Jake?’ I asked.

  The final puzzle piece connected, and I knew the answer.

  ‘Sebastian is in cahoots with the red ninjas,’ I said. ‘It’s brilliant! Sebastian gets the red ninjas to steal everyone’s gum so that nobody has any, and then he sells it through the school so that his gum is the only choice they have! The staff were so fooled that even they were handing out free gum that they thought were erasers! This is what Sebastian has been working on for the past couple of months!’

  I stared at the puzzle on the floor. The image that it created was a kitten howling at the moon. ‘Um,’ I said, confused. ‘What’s the deal with the howling kitten?’

  James shrugged his shoulders. ‘I dunno,’ he mumbled. ‘It’s your subconscious.’

  ‘You should know,’ I said, ‘since you’re part of my subconscious and all.’

  James grinned a sinister grin. ‘Are you sure that I am though?’

  The stars began spinning overheard, shining brighter. Each drop of light grew larger until they were blobs, too bright to look at.

  I tried to cover my eyes with my hands, feeling them burn under my eyelids, but by the time I reached my face, the light was gone and I found myself staring at Faith’s face. Is that what they mean when they say someone was a sight for sore eyes?

  ‘Was it werewolves?’ Faith asked, flashing her phone in my eyes. ‘Were the werewolves chasing you again?’

  I sat forward groggily, realising I was back in the cafeteria. My friends were huddled around me.

  Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the bright blue eraser Faith had given me. Without thinking twice, I took a bite out of it.

  My friends all freaked at the same time.

  ‘Sick!’ Faith said, gagging.

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Zoe asked, covering her mouth.

  Naomi raised her eyebrows and nodded, impressed.

  Gavin chuckled. ‘Nice.’

  ‘Blue raspberry,’ I said, smiling with bright blue teeth. ‘This isn’t an eraser. It’s a chunk of blue raspberry bubblegum.’

  ‘Are you serious?’ Zoe asked, lowering her voice. ‘These erasers are gum?’

  Gavin’s jaw nearly hit the floor. ‘Those things are everywhere!’

  Naomi looked over her shoulder at the students in the cafeteria. ‘Which is exactly what Sebastian wants, isn’t it?’

  I stood up, smiling at Naomi. She got it. She immediately understood what was going on. She was a good ninja, and I was glad to have her on my side. ‘The howling kitten puzzle comes together for you too.’

  ‘What?’ Naomi asked, looking at me like I was crazy.

  ‘Nothing!’ I shouted, embarrassed.

  As my bad luck would have it, my loud voice got the whole cafeteria to look at me, including President Sebastian.

  ‘There he is!’ I said, stepping forward, but stopped when I saw Jake and his wolf pack standing directly next to the president. ‘Whoops.’

  Sebastian snapped his fingers and the wolf pack followed orders, dashing across the cafeteria towards me.

  All I could think about was that my friends were standing around me and I’d never forgive myself if any of them got hurt. So I started sprinting across the lunchroom.

  Jake and the wolf pack were tearing their way towards me. The crowd of students and mentors was thick enough that they couldn’t get to me quickly.

  My nap must have lasted longer than I thought because most of the career mentors had already arrived and were setting up their display tables. I slid across the table where Gavin and Brayden’s mentors were setting up.

  As I landed on the other side, I snatched a bundle of rope with a carabiner from Gavin’s rock-climber mentor.

  ‘Hey!’ he shouted.

  ‘I’ll bring it right back!’ I said. ‘Promise!’

  Bursting through the cafeteria doors, I slowed down to look behind me. Jake was closing in, running at a full sprint. The principal’s office was barely five metres away. If I had time to think about it, I totally would’ve run in there, but instead I decided that using the zombies in the library was somehow the smarter decision. Don’t judge me.

  Swinging the rope over my shoulder, I jogged to the doors of the library, weaving my way around the students hanging around outside the doors. Lunch wasn’t over yet, so inside the library, smarties were still zombified.

&nb
sp; Pushing the handle down, I slipped into the monster-infested room.

  Inside the library, it was cold and silent, like creepy horror movie silent. As I tiptoed across the carpet, I heard the faint sound of buttons clicking away along with the low buzzing sound of vibrating phones.

  I hid behind a short bookshelf and snuck out to the centre of the room. On top of the bookshelf at the very end was a cluster of colourful balloons floating silently. Someone must’ve got them for a birthday or something.

  On the other side of the shelf sat the zombies I was so afraid of. I could hear their heavy breathing as they stared at their phones, updating statuses or watching unbelievably cute kitten videos.

  At the very centre of the room were two staircases that joined halfway up to the second floor. It was much darker up there, and all I could see were the shadows of students, slouching at their tables, frantically typing messages.

  The door to the library burst open. Most of the zombies didn’t notice, but I heard a few grunt out of curiosity.

  Jake stepped into the library. Only two members of his pack trailed behind him, sniffing at the air, hunting for their dinner. They knew people called them a wolf pack and thought it was funny to actually act like real wolves.

  Scooting to the end of the bookshelf, I turned the corner. I had been in the presence of the library zombies before, but it wasn’t a sight I’d ever get used to.

  Kids sat at massive tables, staring into their phones, breathing out of wide-open mouths.

  With faces glowing, they were hypnotised by whatever was on their five-inch touch screens, but still half-aware of the real world around them in case they needed to share their funny video with anyone who seemed remotely interested.

  That was how their disease spread. That was how you got infected. Zombies infected by viral videos. Viral. Do you get it yet?

  ‘Split up,’ I heard Jake whisper.

  His two wolves snorted their response.

  I slowly pressed my back against the end of the short bookshelf, keeping as quiet as possible. Any sudden movements, and I’d be zombie food. I shook my head, feeling dumb because I thought the library was a good escape plan.

  One of the zombies peeked over the top of his phone.

  I froze, watching his eyes scan the top of the bookshelf. ‘Please don’t see me,’ I mouthed. ‘Please don’t see me.’

  The boy’s phone blinked at him, vibrating in his hand. ‘Rrrrrrrg?’ he groaned. ‘Cute kiiiiitty.’

  I exhaled, thankful to still be alive. Leaning to my right, I glanced down the aisle to see how far Jake and his wolf pack were from me, but they weren’t there. I turned my head to look down the other aisle.

  ‘Rarhg!’ a zombie growled, right in front of my face. It was the same zombie that had been looking for me only seconds ago. He pointed his phone at me, and murmured, ‘Check out this video of a baby panda sneezing! You’ll die from cuteness!’

  I tried rolling to my side, but the zombie grabbed my shirt and started whining. ‘C’mon, man,’ he hissed. ‘Pandaaaaaas.’

  With all my strength, I freed myself from the zombie’s grasp, but soon realised he wasn’t alone. Hobbling to my feet, I saw that the other library zombies were stumbling out of their seats, pointing their phones at me.

  ‘Not good,’ I said.

  Jumping onto the short bookshelf, I sidestepped back down the aisle, careful not to lose my balance. And then I saw Jake and his wolf pack at the foot of the staircase. They turned when they heard all the noise too.

  ‘There!’ Jake shouted.

  The two members of his wolf pack started sprinting through the room, dodging the zombified kids.

  The crowd was much thicker where I was standing. Zombie hands reached toward me like long tree branches. I kept my vision straight ahead so I wouldn’t accidentally catch a glimpse of some viral video.

  And then I stopped, feeling a light bulb switch on in my head. Use your surroundings!

  I pulled myself on top of the short bookshelf and grabbed the small bundle of balloons. If TV and movies have taught me anything, it was that someone could hang onto the strings of helium-filled balloons and float away to safety!

  Snatching the strings that were attached to the brightly coloured balloons, I held them at my side. ‘This has been a blast, but it’s time for me to catch some air!’

  Everyone in the room paused for a moment, staring at the balloons in my hands.

  Pressing my lips together, I shook the balloons in my grip. ‘Anytime now.’

  The zombies looked at one another, confused. A few of them had even started recording me with their phones.

  I cleared my throat, pretty embarrassed. ‘So that’s not something that actually happens,’ I said, releasing the balloons.

  As everyone watched the helium-filled balls float to the ceiling, I jumped down from the bookshelf and had another idea. I might not have been able to use the balloons as my surroundings, but I could use the zombies to my advantage.

  Pointing at the two members of the wolf pack, I shouted, ‘Those guys haven’t seen that sneezing panda video! Oh my god, can you believe it?’

  All the zombies turned at once.

  ‘Dude, you gotta see it! It’s the funniest thing ever!’

  ‘After you watch that, you gotta see this other video that’s even funnier!’

  ‘Yeah, man, those pandas are silly animals, but you ain’t seen nothin’ till you see the one with the kitty playing a keyboard!’

  I expected the wolf pack to stop chasing after me, but they didn’t even slow down.

  I jumped off the bookshelf. When I hit the floor, I took the rope off my shoulder, keeping one eye on the zombies and one eye on the wolf pack.

  Weaving the rope around one of the solid table legs, I looped it back around and connected the carabiner to the other side. I ran through the crowd of kids until I made it to the front desk, where surprisingly, a woman was sitting and reading a newspaper like nothing was out of the ordinary. She even looked bored!

  ‘You got a book you want to check out?’ she asked with a nasally voice, chewing her gum loudly. Funny how teachers are allowed to chew gum.

  ‘Uh,’ I said. ‘No, not today.’

  She waved her hand at me without looking up from her newspaper. ‘Then scram, kid. Can’t you see I’m a little busy?’

  ‘Sorry, ma’am,’ I said politely as I turned around.

  The two members of the wolf pack were getting closer so I had to act fast. Pulling the rope tight, I looped it around one of the desk legs that the librarian was sitting at, and then I ran back into the crowd of zombies, yelling, ‘Check out this video I found of a manatee wearing a ninja mask! What were you thinking, manatee? That mask doesn’t even fit you!’

  My plan was that the zombies would chase after me and trip on the rope, creating a wall of fallen kids between me and the wolf pack. Then I would simply walk out of the library untouched.

  The zombies began mumbling loudly as they turned toward me, desperate to see a manatee in a ninja outfit, which actually made me snort when I thought about it. Could you imagine that? A big ol’ manatee decked out in ninja gear, sliding across the ice?

  I shook the distraction out of my head, realising the wolf pack was too close for comfort. I sprinted towards the front doors of the library again, doing my best to keep the zombies at a safe distance, but I had underestimated their desire to see a ninja manatee and they were gaining on me.

  ‘Let me see that manatee,’ growled a zombie as she shot her hand out toward me. ‘Ninja manateeeeeeee!’

  I spun around to keep her from grabbing my shirt, but her fingers scratched my face.

  ‘Gah!’ I said. ‘You guys are serious about your viral videos!’

  I staggered backwards, about to fall over, but thankfully I was at the front of the library where I had pulled the climbing rope across the ground.

  From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the rope coming up. I tried stepping over it but it caught the b
ack of my foot. I was the first kid to trip my own trap.

  I hit the carpet hard, feeling it burn my elbows, and then I felt the weight of a hundred kids on me as they tripped on the rope. The floor shook like an earthquake as more kids joined the pile.

  I gritted my teeth, expecting to be covered by the zombie tidal wave, but actually found myself sliding further away from where I had tripped. Since I was right at the front of the wave, I was getting pushed out.

  Finally, I came to a stop at the entrance of the library. I stood up, brushed myself off, and looked at the hoard of kids lying on the floor. The members of the wolf pack were lying in the middle of the mess, groaning in confusion.

  ‘What. The. Heck,’ the librarian said sternly from her desk. I’m pretty sure I could see a vein throbbing in her neck. ‘What the heck?’ she repeated, holding both hands over her hair like she was keeping herself from pulling it out.

  It was when her eye twitched that I decided to slip out the door quietly.

  Out in the hallway, the other students were going about their afternoon without a clue of the mini zombie apocalypse that had taken place in the library.

  Principal Davis’s office was across the lobby, but before I could start moving, the door to the library swung open and Jake burst out.

  ‘You’ve been nothing but trouble!’ Jake shouted, trying to tackle me.

  I tripped across the short hallway just outside the lobby as kids stopped what they were doing to watch. I’m sure they were hoping for a fight, but I wasn’t going to give them a show.

  Jake leapt onto my back as he tried to get me to fall over, but I kept my balance. I’m sure that to everyone else, it looked like I was carrying him on my back.

  The cafeteria doors were right in front of me, which was the direction I was trying to fall in, but instead, I ended up losing my footing next to the doors that led to the costume department behind the stage.

  With a painful thump, I fell into the backstage entrance. Jake tumbled over on top of me while I rolled across the dark room. I heard the wooden door click shut behind me.

  My stomach sank, knowing that I was now alone in a room with Jake. I was dead meat. I was so dead they were gonna have to have a funeral for my ghost.