by Lisa Swallow
“I’ve missed you,” murmured Keir, gripping her hips to him, hands sliding toward her backside.
This time she didn’t care what he said, this time he could say anything. As long as he was hers. As long as he took her further away from the nightmare she was living.
Ava’s mind raced, craving to touch him everywhere. She dragged her fingers across the curves of his muscled shoulders and he tensed, she heard his breath catching in his throat. She wanted to tear his shirt off, consume him. She moved her hands and splayed them over his washboard stomach. Keir’s hands encircled her waist, fingertips on the small of her back. She groaned, moving her fingers to his belt.
Keir wrenched his head from her and held Ava at arms length.
“Why do you do that?” she breathed. “I don’t understand.”
The expression on Keir’s face puzzled her. Behind the desire in his eyes, something else. In his face. Lost? She put her hand to his face. “Keir?”
He stroked her cheek, the look disappearing. “It’s a safety thing.”
“Safety?”
Keir rubbed his temples. “Please don’t be upset with me for what I’m about to say.”
Ava stiffened. “What?”
“I can’t do this. I can’t do… sex with you. It’s too dangerous.”
“Dangerous? What? Do you explode or something?” Ava’s breath left, the heat from his body abandoning her.
He laughed. “No. I’d be vulnerable - off guard.”
“Vulnerable? From me? Don’t you trust me? What do you think I’m going to do? Kill you half way through having sex with you? For fuck’s sake, Keir…” She tried to push him away from the door. Embarrassed heat replaced the burn of her desire for him.
“No, no, it’s not you. I was warned once before. I ignored the warning.” He put a hand on the door to stop her. “It almost happened.”
Jealousy flooded Ava. “Another soul-hunter?”
Ava couldn’t help the stinging pain caused by his words, jealousy an emotional connection she shouldn’t feel. But the thought turned her stomach, he’d given himself so readily to someone else and never her. Not that she deserved him now.
“Demon.” Keir fixed his gaze on something behind her.
“You had sex with a demon?” Ava sucked her lips together, tempted to laugh at him. “Keir…”
“I didn’t know she was a demon, I thought she was a soul-hunter.”
“And she tried to take your soul? And now you think every woman you have sex with will try?”
Keir closed his eyes. “It’s not just that, this whole you disappearing and coming back then pushing me away and now this - it’s confusing.”
“It’s Dahlia, isn’t it? She’s turned you against me.”
He tried to stroke her face and she pulled away. “She’s trying but I won’t listen,” he leaned in to kiss her. “I love you, Ava but…”
Ava slammed her hands over her ears and shook her head. No. Not this. Keir’s mouth turned down and he reached out for her. As he held her to him, his heart pounded against Ava’s cheek and she buried her face into him, body shuddering through sobs.
“Sorry.” He pulled her back from him, studying her face. “I shouldn’t have said…”
Her heart strained against her chest, breath trapped. He couldn’t do this to her. Turn her into a monster plotting to kill the man who loved her. She may as well be the demon.
Ava clawed at his arms, throwing them off her. “Leave me alone.”
Keir raked his hand through his hair, “Ava…”
“Fucking leave me alone!” she screamed.
He didn’t move. Ava swore under her breath and stumbled out of the room.
Keir remained in the open doorway, brain pounding with confusion and despair.
*
Ava rushed across the campus, mind racing, not knowing where to go. She crossed to the quieter area, toward the playing fields. The world spun around her as she stumbled to the nearest bench, leaning over, head between her knees gasping. Please don’t follow me, she chanted under breath. The icy wind blew through the branches in the tree above her, no leaves to shelter her against the winter grey. She continued staring at her boots, focusing on their ordinariness.
Nausea and fear tumbled through her body.
“Ava?”
She looked up, Jack was standing near her, wrapped up against the cold, hands in the pocket of his long coat. Jack’s blond hair straggled across his face, half-covering his dull eyes and drawn face. She imagined her own - red and puffy from crying.
“It’s late. Are you okay?” he asked, not approaching her.
“All good.” She smiled weakly and got up to leave. “Or should I worry about being stalked by a vampire in the night?”
He ignored her comment with a disparaging look. “No, but as we’re both here, can I talk to you?”
“Talk to me? Why me?” Her body jumped to alert.
“Because you’re an outsider like me,” he said, sitting next to her.
“If this is you about to lay into me for letting you live, please don’t. I have enough going on.” She shifted away from him slightly.
“I thought you said you were okay?”
“So, how are you, Jack? How’s things with Dahlia?” He wasn’t going to pry into her life.
Jack picked at the splintered wood on the bench. “Yeah.”
“Yeah?”
“She’s different than she was.”
Ava laughed. “So are you!”
Jack frowned at her. “Because I’m a demon she thinks I’m going to kill Keir.”
Ava snorted. “Dahlia thinks everyone’s going to kill Keir. It’s her thing. Don’t take it personally.”
“He has a lot of enemies. More enemies than friends. And I don’t think she wholly trusts me after my year away.”
A curious way to describe living in a nest of vampires. “Did you know Keir well before…”
“Before I became a vampire? No. I’d never seen him before that night. He just appeared when it was happening.” He paused. “Now she’s obsessed with him.”
“With him or with killing demons?”
Jack fixed his eyes on hers. “With him. I’m a demon and I’m still alive.”
“That’s different, she wouldn’t kill you. Keir said you were soul-tied.”
“And can you imagine how hard it is to be soul-tied to someone I want to hurt?” he whispered.
“Why do you want to hurt her?”
“Because I’m a vampire and she’s human.” His voice was indignant, he looked at her as if she was mad.
“Okay, Jack, sorry but you asked to talk.”
His brow puckered, as he looked at the ground. “She’s looking for a cure. A cure for demonism.” He looked back up, eyes wide and intense. “Death’s the only cure for demonism. You should’ve killed me, then I could’ve ended this torture.”
“I wouldn’t have done it.”
Jack leaned forward, shaking his shaggy blond hair. “I’m still killing people, she doesn’t know. I’m a monster.”
“Humans? Does it have to be human blood?”
“Yes. And they have to die, I need their human essence.” His washed out eyes hardened. “But I’m not feeding enough. That’s why I look so rough. I want to see what happens, if it will kill me.”
“Will it?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I hope so.” He scratched his cheek. “The only vampires I saw die were the ones killed by other demons. Unfortunately they missed me.”
“Dahlia gave up so much for you, Jack, you shouldn’t talk like this.”
He closed his eyes. “Don’t tell her what I said. But I can’t talk to people about this. Not Keir or her. But I have to talk about these things. I’m going mad.”
She reached out, and touched his bare hand, his fingers cooler than they should be, even in the winter weather. “I’m so sorry, Jack.”
Jack jerked his hand away and jumped to his feet. “Fuck! Ava!”
“What?”
“You’re still a soul-hunter! You’re lying to them.” A look of confused horror crept across Jack’s face.
“No, I’m not.” Ava perspired, and an uncomfortable tingle crawled down her back.
“You are - I felt you. All demons know if they touch one.”
The drained look on Jack’s already pale face showed there was no point in denying. She got to her feet. “You can’t tell them.”
“Why are you lying?” His mouth twisted at the edges. “You really have come back to kill Keir, haven’t you?”
Ava looked away, to the trees, the frozen ground and the grey skies.
“Kill me,” he hissed.
Her head snapped back to him. “What?”
“Kill me or I’ll tell them.”
“I can’t.”
“You’re a soul-hunter.”
“I won’t then.”
“Fine.” He turned to walk away.
“Jack! Wait - you’re not going to tell them now are you?”
“I’ll give you until tomorrow. Meet me tomorrow afternoon, at two. Here. If you’re not here I’m going straight to Dahlia.”
He walked up to her. She expected to see anger in his dead eyes but saw curiosity. “If you came back to take Keir’s soul, why does he still have it?”
Chapter 21
Ava looked at herself in the mirror, coating her eyes and mouth with make-up, until beyond recognition even to herself. Unsure whether Jack would change his mind, she had to get to Keir first. The soul crystal sat on the desk, sparkling in the morning sun, reminding her at every moment what would happen. She placed the gem in her jacket, opened her wardrobe and rummaged around in the pile of clothes at the bottom for her weapon. Hands shaking, she hurriedly stuffed the dagger into her jacket too.
Her hangover didn’t help the heaviness in her head as she walked to Keir’s room. She’d spent the night awake, playing the scenario over in her head. Where she’d kill him. How. If she’d die. She hoped so. Events would play out as they were meant to be. She just needed to set them in motion.
Keir opened the door to his room, a small frown of concern across his brow.
“Didn’t expect to see you,” he said evenly.
He lifted his arm to lean on the doorframe and his T-shirt rode up a little. Ava fixed her eyes on the revealed dark line of hair disappearing into his jeans. She closed her eyes.
“Why not? We said we’d catch a movie today?”
Half-expecting to see Dahlia with him, lying in wait, Ava peered around the door. Only Keir was there.
“You going to war?” He dropped his arm and touched her face.
She swallowed and turned her face away. “No, why?”
“War paint. I haven’t seen you wear so much make-up for a while. Are you trying to hide from me?” He poked her in the ribs as she stiffened. “Just teasing!”
Keir stepped back into the room and she followed him, closing the door.
“Maybe we should go for a walk somewhere, enjoy the weather?” he suggested. Keir’s room caught the morning sun and the winter sunshine filled his room, the clear blue skies unusual for an English winter.
Ava perched on his bed. “Yesterday, when you said you…”
“It doesn’t matter,” he interrupted, “I could see it upset you. I won’t be so intense again.”
Ava breathed in, beginning her rehearsed lines. “No, I’m worried.”
“What about?”
“That you’ll leave me. What you do is obviously significant and I get the feeling important people are involved - people who can influence you.” Ava stared at her hands, folded in her lap.
“No, Ava, they can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do. We work together, not for someone. That’s what is good - nobody forces anyone to do anything they don’t want.” He sat next to her, chewing the inside of his mouth as he took her hand.
“But someone must be in charge? There’s always somebody.”
“Why do you want to know about this so much?”
“Because I’m involved now. And if I’m going to get involved with you…more then I need to know what I’m part of.” The rehearsed lines fell easily from her mouth.
“They’re just others like me. They probably have a whole list of them up there, Darius and who he works for.” Keir stopped and rubbed his face, sounding tired. “If they’re looking for a central hub? Person? Place? They won’t find one. You’ll have nothing to tell them.”
Ava’s head snapped up, eyes widening. “Tell them?”
“Yes, Ava.” His voice lowered to a whisper.
The room became ten degrees cooler, more distant as her mind scrambled to catch up to what he was implying. He knew.
“Jack?” she asked.
Keir’s eyes dulled with sadness, no sign of the anger she expected. “Last night. The reason I stopped, Ava. I felt your tracker. It’s still there.”
Ava’s body slumped in defeat. All her plans undone by her drunken needs.
“I never really believed you were banished. It made no sense - they’d have killed you for what you did.”
Ava carefully moved away from him, her muscles tense, ready to fight him. Keir didn’t move, a muscle in his strong jaw twitching.
“Is any of it true?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Any of what you’ve told me in the last three weeks. Like the part about you being threatened with the Hell realms - is that part true?”
Ava blinked away the memory. “Yes.”
Keir sucked air through gritted teeth. “Okay. Did you come here to kill me today?”
Ava fixed her eyes on a spot behind his head, a poster on the wall of a band she half recognized. Torn in places, the paper peeled at the corners. The wall was covered with photographs. His human life, a world away from hers. He sounded so matter of fact.
“You did. Okay. Do you have the crystal?”
She dug her hands into her pocket.
“In your jacket?”
Through her numb shock, she was aware of his warm hands pulling the orb from her grasp. Ava shivered as his hand brushed her waist, pulling out her dagger from her belt.
“I remember this, I almost used it on you once.” He examined the dagger. “I guess I should be asking myself why I didn’t.”
“You’re the one who’s got a weapon now,” Ava said, voice cracking, “you can use it. I’m better off dead.”
She shrank back as he leaned into her. “Did you not ask yourself what was really happening, Ava?”
“What do you mean?”
“When we met. The first time you had a chance to kill me - by the fountain and you didn’t. And I could’ve killed you with this, the night in the alley and I didn’t.”
The intense electric connection sparked in the tiny space between them, pushing her to remember. “I don’t know, we’re both weaker than we thought, I guess.”
Keir put his face close to hers, lips touching her cheek. “Really? You who’d killed so many demons, so desperate to be free. But here I am, still alive. And me - I’ve killed countless soul-hunters. But I couldn’t kill you.”
“The human you couldn’t,” she said hoarsely, denying the jolt of static running from his lips to her cheek.
Keir moved and set the dagger on his desk. “How do you feel about me, Ava? Do you see me as something to kill?”
In front of her was Keir, not a Nephilim, not a target. A person. Someone she loved. The tears threatening to fall blurred her vision.
Keir sat on the edge of the desk, his long legs stretching across the room. “Me, I see your soul, Ava. No, I don’t see your soul - I feel it. And so do you.”
“No. I don’t.”
“When I’m away from you I feel like a something is missing. The weeks you were away, it was as if someone had torn a piece from me, gone forever. So when you came back I wanted to believe you were the same girl. I lied to myself.”
Tears wet Ava’s cheeks but she restrai
ned the sobs welling in her chest. What was the point in more lies?
“All I wanted when I was away from you was to be with you again,” she said hoarsely, “And now all I have left is an empty feeling from knowing what I’m supposed to do. I can’t do it.”
Ava’s eyes widened in surprise as Keir knelt in front of her and held his soft palm against her face. His startling eyes searched hers, drawing her into him.
“We’re soul-tied, Ava.”
She closed her eyes. “No. That’s not true.”
“A soul-hunter and a Nephilim? Who didn’t kill each other? Who worked together?”
“No.”
“The intensity of how I feel about you. How you feel about me, if you dig beyond the fear. Don’t you see that?”
He held his palm hard against her cheek, willing her to listen to him. Ava trembled as she waited to see what he would do, his words delving into her hidden thoughts. “No.”
“Yes, you agreed to come back - but you’re delaying taking my soul. Why?”
Ava squeezed her hands together, digging her nails into her palm. “I wanted to wait as long as I could. Be with you.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know!” she cried, pulling her face away. “I wish I could turn things back to the beginning, never fall in love with you.” Ava clamped her hand over her mouth.
“Ava…”
She pushed his hovering hand away. “I can’t do this. I have to go.”
Dragging herself to her feet, she pulled on the door handle with trembling hands. She could go somewhere, leave campus. And wait for Darius.
“No, Ava.” Keir tried to reach out to her as she slammed the door in his face.
Her chest hurt as she tore down the dorm corridor, emotion rending her body. She crashed through the door and down the stairs, running into a girl coming home from the winter afternoon. Blindly, she weaved her way through the trees, low branches scratching at her jacket.
The lake.
Why had she run there? She paused: go around the lake and keep running or wait until Keir came for her? Whatever she decided, she couldn’t escape. Rapid footsteps crunched the semi-frozen ground behind, and she spun around. Keir ran towards her, and Ava backed up, stumbled over a rock and fell to the floor.